Hello, I tried not to leave you hanging for too long- hope you didn't go insane or anything. (Though from experience I know it can feel like it.)
As far as the story goes, I have to keep reminding myself one thing at a time. I want to rush though all Bella's problems, but I keep on reminding myself I need to slow down. Anyhow, hope you're enjoying it.
If, one of these days, I just suddenly go silent, I probably just passed out cuz I hardly sleep enough, but that's enough about me! I've left you waiting for long enough!!
Predictions please!!
BELLA POV
He left me.
He… left. Left. Leaving. Gone.
My breaths were harsher- the world swimming though a white fog. I was wearing my jacket… I wrenched up my sleeve and made several more cuts, laying there on the ground of the forest. My numbness. I needed it. I cut while letting myself drift further and further away, and-
Cold hands, slightly shaking, pulled the blade gently out of my fingers, scooping me up and seating me on their lap on the forest ground. I didn't have to look up to know it was Edward. The smell of my blood…
"Bella…" he sounded so heartbroken. The knowledge that I was the cause made me want to make myself suffer. I tugged my sleeve over my wounds self-consciously. "No, no, Bella, those need to be treated."
Bad idea. 1) it was a house of vampires. 2) they'd see how bad it was. I shook my head, leaning into Edward more.
I felt Edward's cold fingers trace my cheeks. With a jolt, I realized tears were streaming down my cheeks. "Bella, I'm not asking."
"It's fine." I murmured.
He sighed. "Carlisle…" Straight to business then. "Said that you don't think I care…? Bella, is that true?" His voice held so much pain… pain I'd put upon myself later.
I sighed, "Just let me stay here with you. Everything doesn't hurt as much." Oops. I didn't mean to let that last part slip.
"Bella, please. You have no idea how much I regret leaving, you have to believe me when I say I'll never leave again- when I say I love you. I don't know how to prove this to you…" I shifted into a more comfortable pose.
"Can we go to my house?" I asked softly. The woods were far from comfortable and Edward's clothes were going to get dirty from the dirt. Edward hesitated, but agreed when I yawned. It had been a long day for me, but somehow, it was still morning.
A few minutes later, Edward was laying me down on my bed. But I didn't sleep. Or rather, I refused to let Edward hear me scream more in my sleep. Edward frowned and looked at me worriedly. "Bella, it's been a long day. You should sleep…" I shook my head stubbornly. My numbness was gone and… I didn't know. It bothered me. He sighed, "Well, if you won't sleep, then we should at least clean your arm." I shook my head again. Concern was evident in his eyes. I was sure if he could cry he would be. That though… hurt. This was all my fault. His pain was my fault. It was as if he actually could read my thoughts. "Hey, don't blame yourself, I shouldn't have left you."
The words slipped out before I could stop them. "You should've stayed away. I'm only hurting you I…" tears welled in my eyes but… I had to finish saying it. "I'm bad for you, remember?"
He gently wiped away the tears I didn't know I had. "Bella… where is your faith in me? Do you not trust me?"
I frowned, "Of course I trust you… why wouldn't I?"
He sighed. "Then how is it, that no matter what I say, you insist that I no longer love you? I told you hundreds of times that I loved you, how is it that one lie could possibly negate all of that? How could you have thrown away all of that for one lie? I expected you to insist that I had to love you… but you just accepted it like you never thought I did." Realization dawned on his face but he allowed me to answer anyway.
Only problem was that I didn't have an answer. Finally, I came up with one. One that is at the very least, mostly true. Or it was at the time. "I guess… it was because I knew I wasn't enough for you. I mean, Edward, do you even see yourself?" It was a dumb question. Of course he saw himself. He just didn't see himself as I did. "You're perfect in every way shape and form, Edward. How could I ever think someone as perfect as you could possibly love a ugly human like me?"
He frowned. "I'm not perfect." I tried to say he was but he shushed me. "I left you, that was a mistake. Someone who was perfect wouldn't've left you." I refused to believe that it was better for him to stay than to leave again. "And you're not ugly.. you're beautiful, Bella." I tried to argue against this only for him to shush me again. "Bella, I promise to do everything I can to make this up to you. Everything. Even if it takes me until the end of your life, I promise I will."
He squeezed me in his arms gently, and then became serious again. "Bella, can we please clean your arm now? It could get infected or worse."
I spoke past the lump in my throat. "...o-okay."
