Thank you sooo much! So, for clarity, when you say "longer chapters" do you want more content, or more description? Or a mix of both, or….
Another thing- as some of you know, I'm also a star wars writer. I can't help but feel Like I've been neglecting my star wars fans… I hope you guys understand if I slow down on this story so I can continue with star wars. Honestly, I've kinda lost motivation for star wars. You guys have spoiled me with being so nice….
Another question, am I doing a good job of balancing the Edward/Bella love moments and the Carlisle/Bella father/daughter moments? And what do you think of some Esme/Bella mother/Daughter and Alice/Bella sister moments? Do you want me to include Emmet, Jasper, and maybe even Rosalie? I know they didn't have as strong a connection with Bella, but if you want, I shall provide.
Anyhow. Next chapter(:
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Carlisle sighed, seemingly resigning himself to my continued silence. "I haven't looked at your arms, Bella, not because I don't think I need to see them- rather, I want you to show me that you trust me. I don't want to force it… I believe that would break trust. Bella, I need you to trust me."
Trust him… did I trust Carlisle? My initial- my automatic answer would be yes. But my automatic answer was a lie for many things. 'Are you okay?' Automatic answer: yes, of course! Honest: not at all. 'How has your day been?" Auto: great! How about you? Honest: horrible, as usual. So… did I really trust Carlisle? I wanted to. I wanted to a lot. But… some part of me- the same part that held anger and distrust towards Edward- holds anger and distrust towards all the Cullens… so I… mostly trusted him. I trusted Carlisle to take care of me, and love me like a daughter… I didn't trust him to stay that way forever, or stay with me for very long… Did I trust him enough to see my cuts? Again, my Automatic answer was a flat out no… but I wanted to consider it. So I did. Did I trust him to see my cuts? What reason did I have to not let him… fear of him leaving? Edward already saw my cuts. That wasn't my worry. If Edward truly wanted to leave, he'd be gone by now. If he truly wanted to stay, he'd insist Carlisle stay. Could I handle knowing Carlisle wanted to leave me because of my cuts? Probably not. Could I handle having Carlisle want to leave but not because Edward forced him to stay? Maybe, as long as Edward stayed. So back to my question… did I trust him enough to see my cuts?
…yes… yes I did. And if I didn't let him, he'd think I didn't trust him, and I'd hurt him and-
Another thought struck me. Was I prepared to have someone- a doctor, and my father- see something that I knew was as bad as my cuts? …I wasn't so sure.
I searched for my voice, speaking for the first time since Carlisle told me why I passed out. "I… trust you enough to see them," I started, slightly uncomfortable, "but… I'm worried about what your… medical opinion might be." Honesty. Something… foreign. It had been so long since I'd been transparent with my feelings… I… wasn't sure how I felt about it.
Carlisle smiled kindly. "I'm aware Edward already cleaned your cuts. I'm here to look as your father, not as a doctor… you don't need to worry about that." The amount of fatherly love I felt from him was overwhelming. It brought tears to my eyes, and any doubt I might've had was washed away. Of course I chose that moment to yawn. "You're tired, and need rest. I'll send Edward back in," his eyes had a hidden question behind his eyes and I nodded slightly, "and we can continue this at another time…" he was almost at the door before he whispered, "Thank you for trusting me, Bella."
Next thing I knew, I was laying next to literal ice. I jerked away, the cold surprising me. "Not so fast, Edward, you're cold." I winced, "I need to get used to it." Edward chuckled, but gave me some space.
For the first time in a long time, I slept peacefully.
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The following morning was rather uneventful… for me. Edward woke me up, and I went to school. The day went pretty normal, except for lunch and biology. At lunch, Edward and Alice made a point of forcing me to eat. That part was miserable. During Biology, I could hardly pay attention. Luckily, I'd made a point of never talking to anyone the past… months and if they noticed (there was no way my teachers couldn't've missed my distant stares and daydreams all day) they didn't say anything. I felt alive again, and I was starting to realize just how oblivious and numb cutting had made me. Everything was… amazing with Edward back.
Days passed much the same way. As to not make Charlie- under the threat of me moving out- have a heart attack, it had been decided that I would only visit the Cullens on the Weekends. Today was Friday, Edward had returned on Monday. It had been a long week.
Nighttime was worse. Even with Edward by my side, the nightmares were constant, and I refused to tell Edward of them. He had enough guilt to deal with for leaving. I had no reason to make him miserable-er. With Edward the need to cut decreased by the day. The pain was getting more and more tolerable, and having Edward there to hold me did wonders.
The only thing that wasn't getting better was my inability to sleep. Either 1) I couldn't sleep at all or 2) my sleep was constantly interrupted by nightmares. The only way Edward helped was by calming me after the nightmares, or waking me up before the bad parts of them. So here I am, up at 3am, still unable to fall asleep.
A cold hand brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face, "what are you thinking about?" That question always brightened my mood. Something about it- I think it was the fact that I was the only one Edward ever asked, and I knew he'd never asked anyone else- made me feel happy…
"I don't know… life, me, you, everything." He gave no response, simply continued running his cold fingers though my hair. It was peaceful. Quiet. And secretly, I was afraid to sleep. Because that meant the spell would be broken. Because that meant I'd go from peaceful to screaming.
(Bella's dream- italics won't work. (That part is very annoying… im thinking ill use * for start/end itialics.)
I was running. I didn't even know why- I just was. I tripped on something, maybe a tree root or stray branch, it was hard to care what, and didn't get back up. Waves of pain, ripped me apart from the inside, left me screaming on the inside and-*
"Bella! Bella, wake up, wake up, please." My eyes snapped open. I was looking at my angel. The pain didn't fade.
It… always faded.
Why. Didn't. It. Fade.
