Chapter 11: "Sorrow and hope"

"Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you."
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

"Kara, please be careful" she heard the same words again and again like a broken record, Jonn last words to her. She had felt this pain before, the same excruciating agony of a broken soul, and much like the first time, she wasn't able to stop this outcome either. Soon enough, her fist connected with the concrete wall and small cracks came to life drawing a map of sorts.

She was awakened from her stupor when she felt Alex careful touch on her shoulder, the feeling grounding her to the present.

"Kara, I'm here, I'm so, so sorry" – Alex hand never faltered, her warmth bringing little comfort to Kara's anguish.

"How did it happen?" – her voice came raspy with a dangerous tone.

"I don't have all the details, when Mike called me, he was still in shock, he was only able to tell me that Jonn had save him and that he was…"

"Dead…" – Kara followed in a whisper while she retracted her hand from the wall and took a deep breath. "I have to go to Stonehaven".

"I'll go with you; I have a team ready".

"No, Alex, wait" – Kara took her sister's hand stopping her in her tracks "Let me go first, if some members of the pack see a bunch of agents with guns, they will get defensive, besides I need you to take care of something for me…" – the blonde's voice came louder this time.

"Okey, you're right, but you have to promise me you'll call me once everything is set" – Kara nodded. "Good, now tell me, what do you need me to do?".

"I told Lena I would go back to her house after talking with you. She was kidnapped by a werewolf, when I found her, they had beaten her pretty bad, that's why I was calling you before. What happened to her it's my fault, they were looking for me…" – her fists were clenched at her sides, her skin turning white by the pressure.

Alex was pacing through the room by the time Kara stopped talking "What? Who were they? And why are they looking for you?" – Alex eyes went wide open "They know…".

"I'll explain everything later, but I need you to go check on Lena for me, make sure she's safe, please".

"Okey sure, I can do that, but Kara, you know this is Lena Luthor we are talking about, CEO of L-CORP, Lex's sister? I mean, I get the woman is easy to the eye, but are you sure you want to trust her?"

"Lena it's her own person and I trust her, that should be enough for you, and like I said, we don't have time for this. So, will you help me?" – her tone came out harsh, but the blonde couldn't help but feel annoyed when someone distrusted Lena, even if it came from Alex.

"Okey, okey, I'll help you. You should get going, the sooner I can send a team to Stoneheaven the better, we need to find out what happened"

"Yeah, I know…"

Coming back to Stoneheaven was exactly like she imagined it would be. As soon as the big mansion came to view, her stomach clenched and her heartbeat got wild. The memories of her first encounter with a werewolf and her painful transformation assaulted her. This was the main reason why she had avoided Jonn's invitation numerous times. Even when there were some good memories about this place, the pain she felt when she was there was so intense, that the balance was never inclined towards the good, and now that Jonn wasn't there to help her, it was even worse.

When the car came to a stop she waited inside for several minutes before getting out. Once she set her feet outside, her legs moved without her paying much attention and before she knew it, she was at the front door and Winn was tackling her.

The rest of the day was as if she was in a deep slumber, her mind was in auto pilot. Winn gave her the details about the attack while her eyes took in the massive stain of blood next to the entry. She forced herself to keep going, to keep her composure and coolness as long as necessary, she could fall apart later, not now, not when her pack needed her.

"Alex is coming with a DEO team" – she stated once every important member of their pack was set at the kitchen, only Mike was missing, who probably was trying to drown his sorrows with alcohol in some bar. "They can help us tracked these assholes".

Some of the newest members gave her an odd look but she paid them no mind and continued "Jonn was working with them. They were trying to find out who is behind the group called The Order, a group of werewolves' hunters, maybe you have heard about them. They were the ones responsible of the slaughter of some of our members last week".

"We need all the help we can get. Tell Alex we would be ready for them" – Brainy was the first to agree, and then the rest nodded.

"I'll call Alex"- Before she could leave the room, Brainy came near. She could feel something was bothering him by the way he clenched and unclenched his hands.

"Kara, can I, can I talk to you in private please?" – the rest of the members seemed off, except for Winn who was giving her a sad smile.

"Yeah, sure, come with me".

Once she was sure they were out of earshot she stopped and encourage her friend to speak. "It's okey, no one can hear us here, Jonn was the one who told me about this room, apparently the walls are lined with lead and some acoustic insulation, I don't know much, but I know is safe. What did you want to talk about?"

"Huh, awesome. Listen Kara, I need to warn you about something. I heard some of our members talking, now that Jonn is gone, we need a new Alpha. You know how this goes, the next Alpha should be the strongest of our pack, we all know that the strongest right now is you Kara".

"Wait, what are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying some of us think you are the next in line. I mean your stronger than any of us, faster, I don't think anyone can beat you Kara, something about you, about your blood has make you the perfect werewolf, if someone deserves to be Jonn's next in line is you".

She knew Brainy was right, but becoming the Alpha to their pack was something she wasn't ready to be. She had been a werewolf for less than a year, she still had a lot to learn. "Brainy, I… I can't, I'm no ready…"

"I know, but we are here for you, we'll help you if you decide to take the step. But I must warn you, I heard some of the members talking, some of them are not happy about a woman being their next Alpha, so be careful Kara, just, watch your back okey?".

"I always do, thanks for telling me this".

Alex arrived with her team a couple of hours later. They had tracked some tire tracks towards a building at the outskirts of the town. They searched the place, but was already empty by the time they arrived, so the only thing left to do in Stoneheaven was Jonn's funeral.

Werewolves were, without a doubt, some mysterious creatures. When they were killed in their wolf form, after their heart stopped beating, their form changed to human again, a way of self-preservation, Jonn had told her once. Every aspect of them being a mystical creature was gone as if never existed. No one would never know how much pain he went through during his transformation, how difficult it was for him to become the collected men he was, how heartbreaking and maddening it was for him to lose his mate, or how sweet and supportive he was when she was bitten. No one would never know, except for them. Jonn's voice kept resonating inside her mind, the voice she listened to so much for several months while she fought against the beast inside her. "You deserve to be happy Kara" he told her once, when she decided to breakup with Mike, "even if he's my son, I know your happiness would never come from him, but mark my words kiddo, there is someone special for you out there", his voice was so sweet, so understanding that all Kara could do was hug him while she felt a weight been lifted and tears run free down her cheeks.

"You know, Lena was crazy worried about you" – Alex interrupted her thoughts, they were driving back to National City, the night was dark and quiet with no cars at sight. To hear her soulmate's name was all it took for Kara to feel better. The knowledge of Lena being worried about her, brought warmth to her soul.

"Really?" – her voice was hopeful.

Alex watched her for a second before setting her eyes on the route again. "Yes really. Actually, when I told her you had an emergency, she kept repeating she knew something was wrong. She kept asking me to take her with you, I almost knock her ass out to calm her". Kara gave her a worried look "don't worry, I didn't, I just gave her a sedative". They were quiet for some time before Alex broke the silence once again. "When she was almost asleep, she said something else. She said she saw you when you were a kid and that I shouldn't had been so hard on you, that you were only trying to help me with Claire".

Kara knew this would happen sooner or later, Lena would get bit and pieces of her own life after their connection got stronger. Before she could say something, Alex was talking again. "At first, I didn't think anything by it, but then I remembered. I was in senior year when I dated Claire, when we broke up you went to talk to her and ask her not to leave me, but I was the one who had ended things, I was so mad with you for that".

They were quiet for some time, Alex waiting for Kara to say something, when Alex finally set her eyes on her, Kara sighed.

"Kara, I don't want to push you about this, if you aren't ready to tell me about why Lena had such information, then I'll wait until you are". Her sister was always so thoughtful, Kara knew she could trust Alex, and she had to tell her eventually, this was as good a time as any.

"I don't know how much Jonn…" she paused after the name and cleared her throat before she could continue "told you about werewolves, or how much you know because of your work at the DEO. But every werewolf has a human mate, a person with who we share a special and unique connection with, with whom you are destined to be with"

"Like soulmates? are you shitting me right now?"- Alex eyes were wide opened with a skeptical look on her face.

"Hey, language! I suppose Jonn didn't tell you everything huh? I promise, I'm not making this up. When we found our mate, if ever, there's this link between us, it gives us the ability to see each other's memories, to feel what the other is feeling. The stronger the bond, the stronger the link becomes".

"Shut up! This is… this is amazing, it's like a chemical thing? it's something written in your DNA or…" – she paused after she registered her sister's words "you said if ever, what happens if you don't find your mate?"

"You're not complete until you do, I mean, if a werewolf never meets their mate, then they'll never be happy, not completely at least…" – she was so glad she was able to find Lena, she was one of the lucky ones.

"What happens if you lose them?"

Kara grimaced at the thought of losing Lena. They weren't even together, but she was already so deep in, that just the thought made her fill sick to her stomach.

"We lose ourselves too, we go completely mad. The pain is so consuming that it swallows you into darkness like a black hole. There is… there was only one werewolf who was able to keep it together, sort of, after losing his mate".

"Was it…?"- Alex wasn't able to finish the sentence.

"Jonn, yeah".

The route was still very quiet, the only sound now coming from drops hitting the windshield.

"So, Lena, is she your mate?"

"Yeah, she is"

"Wow, I mean, I didn't even know you were into women, not only that, but you're telling me she's your soulmate?" – Kara chuckled. "But really, have you always liked women too or is it something to do with your werewolf DNA?"

"I always doubted about it. I knew since I was a kid, that I wasn't just into boys, but at the same time, I didn't think too much into it. I think the werewolf thing only gave me the push I needed to come to terms with it and have the guts to take a girl out".

"Wait until mom finds out, I'll have to pay her".

"What, why?"

"When you became friends with that girl, Imra I think her name was? Well, mom told me she was sure you were into her, and we may or may've not made a bet about you being queer?" – the red hair woman said with a mischievous smile.

"Oh my God! I swear to God, you two are unbelievable" – Kara face palmed herself. They fell silent for a bit after that, both watching the route.

"So… were you? Into Imra I mean".

"Alex!". They were both laughing loudly, the events of the day not forgotten but having Alex with her, made her feel less broken.

They arrived at National City around midnight, Alex was driving Kara home when she felt a sudden sense of anxiety, she knew the feeling came from Lena, she could feel their connection warning her about her mate's condition. Kara quickly asked her sister to turn her course and take her with the brunette and Alex did as she was told.

Once she was inside the building, she knocked the door softly, she could tell Lena was feeling jumpy and she didn't want to scare her. She heard noises coming from the other side of the door but the brunette didn't seem to be coming any closer and her heart rate was increasing.

"Lena? It's me, Kara, can you open the door please?" – her voice was soft but clear.

Just a few seconds later Lena opened de door, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Kara? What… what are you doing here? Are you okey?" – she sounded so worried, the blonde wanted to hug her forever, let her know that everything was going to be fine. Kara could sense the storm inside her mate, the fear she was feeling, but even so, all Lena did was asking if she was okey.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, sorry to bother you so late, I just… wanted to see if you were okey… Can I come in?"

"Oh, yeah, yes of course" – Lena opened the door wider and moved towards the side to let Kara inside.

Once inside, they stood face to face, albeit a little closer than strictly necessary, their gaze fixed and each one being mesmerized by each other's features. It was Lena who finally broke the enchantment.

"Do you want some coffee or tea?" – Lena asked already moving towards her kitchen.

"I don't want to bother you, I just needed to know you were okey…"

"Nonsense, actually, I was about to make some tea for me, I… I woke up like an hour ago and I wasn't able to go back to sleep so, coffee or tea?"

"Tea sounds nice, thank you" – they were quiet for a while, Lena worrying herself with making tea while Kara sat in one of the kitchen stools, her eyes wandered towards the rest of the apartment. She hadn't paid much attention when she came earlier but now, she could see that place was elegant, organized and so very much Lena, flawless and beautiful.

"Your home it's amazing" – the brunette turned around, setting a cup of tea on the kitchen's isle.

"Thank you, I wish I could say it feels like home, but the truth is, I don't spend enough time in here as I do in my office, but I do love the view and aesthetic of it though".

Kara smiled softly when she felt a pang of loneliness coming from Lena. This woman was so wonderful, she deserved to be loved, she had suffered enough already and Kara was ready to be the person who showed her what truly happiness looks like.

"Don't worry, eventually you'll have to take a break, and you'll be here enough time to feel it like home. Maybe I'll come more often, you'll have an excuse to leave your office then" – Kara said while Lena gave her a shy smile.

"I would love that" – this time her smile got bigger.

"Well, I should get going, let you have some rest" – she was getting up from the stool when she felt Lena's hand in hers. Kara looked at her, the brunette was avoiding her gaze. When she finally looked up, there was a pleading in her eyes.

"Please don't go. Actually, I was wondering if you'll want to stay? I know this is a little sudden and that we've known each other for less than two weeks but…"

"Hey" – Kara took Lena's hand in hers to assure her – "It's okey, I could have known you for an hour for all I matter, that doesn't change my answer, of course I'm staying".

"Thank you, Kara".

"Don't worry about it, but you should definitely get some sleep, you're still recovering from… from today. I'll take the couch" – since Lena opened the door, Kara assessed the damaged the Prime had done to her, to her surprise, her eye wasn't swollen anymore, she still had a nasty bruise but other than that she was mostly okey. She wondered if the quick healing also came from their bond, Jonn never told her something about that and the books she had read didn't mention it, not that she remembered at least, maybe she would ask Brainy in the morning.

They set the couch ready for Kara and said their goodnights but the blonde wasn't able to sleep, the events of the day finally settling in. Every time she dozed off, Jonn's voice woke her up, sometimes it was a phrase, an advice he had giving her, other times, it was a cry for help. She watched the time in her cellphone, almost 2 a.m. Without realizing it, her hearing was set on Lena's heartbeat, apparently, her sub conscious felt that was what she needed to calm herself down, but far from bringing calm, the rapid staccato brought her back to her full senses, she heard Lena mumbling and a desperate cry not long after. In a flash, she was inside Lena's room, the brunette was curling in the bed, her head leaning in both of her knees, little gasps coming from her lips. Kara settled at her side and run her hand through the side of the woman's face, finding some wetness on her cheek.

"You are okey, you are okey Lena, I'm here" – her voice was calm and soft, she didn't want to upset Lena more than she already was. She kept stroking Lena's hair, until her breathing was almost back to normal. "I'll bring you some water okey? I'll be right back". When she came back with a glass of water in hand, Lena was still circling her legs with both arms, her head still leaning on her knees.

"Hey, have some water, it'll make you feel better".

Lena finally lifted her head, there were still some tears coming down her face, but she seemed more calmed than before, she took a big gulp of water before speaking.

"Thanks Kara, sorry if I woke you. I'm not usually this mess" – Lena sounded so off, almost as if she was embarrassed and self-deprecated.

"You don't have to apologize, actually, I couldn't sleep, I'm a mess myself right now. You don't have to hide how you're feeling around me".

Lena took another gulp of water and laid the empty glass on the bedside table - "You are something else Kara Danvers, all of my life I've been ask to gather myself, to not show my feelings, to not be weak. And here you come, and ask me to be honest about it, and just like that, all my walls crumble like they were made of water. I don't know what is it about you, but whenever you're close, I fill more like myself than I do when I'm alone".

"Sometimes admitting one's fears and feelings doesn't mean to be weak, I say it's the opposite, it means your strong enough to acknowledge them. Can I… can I lay next to you?" - when Lena didn't answer she felt self-conscious about what she was asking, they barely know each other, even if she already knew a lot about Lena, they had met only two weeks ago. "Sorry, I didn't… it just, you were upset, and I thought It would help if… you know what, never mind, I'll go to the couch now…".

"Wait Kara, it's okey, I wanted to ask you the same thing, but I didn't have the guts to tell you. Come here" – Lena extended her hand to grab Kara's. The blonde quietly accepted and lay slowly beside the brunette. They were both face up, the room was completely quiet, their breathing synchronized. They shared this comfortable silence for some time, a silence pact signed between them, it was Kara, who finally broke their bubble this time.

"Do you want to tell me what were you dreaming about?" – Lena looked at her, her eyes soft and shining, the light coming from the windows reflecting on them, Kara was absolutely sure that Lena's eyes were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"Only if you also tell me what kept you up"

Kara looked at the ceiling – "Okey, you first".

"There was so much stuff that it's difficult to tell you something coherent, but first I was in a funeral, there was the picture of a man I've never seen before, there was a blonde woman standing next to the coffin, and I was looking at her, it was so painful, I felt like my heart was breaking" she took a deep breath "but, at the same time, I knew it wasn't me standing there, I don't know if that makes sense".

"This man, how did he look like?" – Kara asked, her voice slightly shaking.

"About mid-forties, maybe fifties, slightly curled black hair and a short beard, he seemed to be dress with some kind of uniform, military perhaps, I don't know, it's a little bit blurry right now" – Her father, Lena was talking about her father's funeral, Jeremiah's funeral. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Hey, are you okey? I'm sorry if I upset you, we can talk about something else"

"No, no" – she wiped the tear away with the back of her hand "It wasn't something you did, I just remember something, please continue…"

"After that, I was again inside the room, from… from before. But this time it was you tied to that chair. This man… he kept hitting you, I… I tried to stop him but I couldn't move, he kept hitting you, blow after blow, and I was just standing there, watching you get hurt, and I couldn't… I tried but… I'm so sorry" – Lena was sobbing softly, the memories of her nightmare upsetting her.

Kara turned to face her, she took one of her hands to caress Lena's soft cheek, her thumb wiped away silent tears. "It's okey Lena, I'm right here, it was just a bad dream, I'm okey thanks to you"

They were both facing each other, Kara could hear their heartbeats synchronizing once again. She craved this connection with Lena so much, that she could sense, not only herself but her inner wolf, completely immersed in what her mate was feeling.

"You were the one that tried to protect me from them, you even got hurt because of it, I'm sorry that you're having nightmares about this, I'm the one who should be sorry right know".

Kara laid her hand between the two of them on the mattress, her palm faced up, a silent invitation for Lena to take if she was willing. The brunette brought her hand down, their finger interlacing perfectly. The moment their skin came to contact, it was as if something inside Kara came to life, all of her pain was sooth, not forgotten, but it was as if a light had been turned on in a see of darkness. She knew Lena was feeling it too, the link between them told her so.

"I… I really don't understand what's happening right now, I've never felt this way before. I feel so connected with you right now…"

"I feel the same way with you Lena" – she watched Lena's features, her eyes dancing with wonder and love. "Remember earlier today, you wanted to talk about what happened. I told you I would explain everything once I came back?" – Lena nodded.

"I believe its time for me to explain why were you taken. Why were you having flashes about my life when Alex came today or why were you dreaming about my father's funeral…" – she waited for Lena to freak out, but the brunette kept her curious gaze fixed on her. "But to tell you this, I want you to come to the park with me" – Lena's look faltered "Do you trust me, Lena?"

"Always".

"Let's go then, I have something to show you…"

Hope you liked this chapter. I'm really sorry for the wait. So much it's happening right now, work, more work, covid, etc, I really found it difficult to find the time to sit down and write, but I'm working from home right now so I'm hoping to have more free time. As always, sorry if you find my writing a little confusing or if you find some spelling mistakes. Reviews are always welcome and keep me motivated. Love u all, take care and stay safe ;)