So, these chapters are a wee bit jumbled and sorta out of order, but I think yall can figure it out, and I think I did alright. next chapter is going to go into the past or something so I can make twenty a big important chapter so my OCD doesn't murder me in my sleep with nightmares of unorginized... (Ugh... *shudders*) Anyway, enjoy:)
BELLA POV
I could lie to myself. Say, "Things are getting better!" When they're not. Tell myself I'm happy when it's a lie. Think that Edward still loves me when he doesn't.
But I won't. Things seem to be getting worse. I'm absolutely miserable, and Edward is only kept here out of guilt.
I lie to others, though. When they ask, "How are you?" I say, "I'm fine, thank you." I lie.
I reached a point of balance. Not of peace, but with acceptance. This is how it will be. I deal with it and move on. I dont care much any anything anymore. I'm just going through steps. Wake up, eat whatever human food is there, school, eat whatever human food is there, school, eat whatever is there, sleep, repeat. It's a continuous cycle that never ends. The day I currently experience takes forever to pass. Every day seems to blur.
Nothing has meaning anymore. I'm a zombie, going through human movements. Square one.
Again.
Dispite any excuse I might've made, this was the real reason I can here to La Push.
Cliff-diving...
uh... again. Maybe I'm just stupid. This didnt work last time, why should it now?
I answered my own question. It will work because this time I'm not afraid to die. A simple truth amongst a life of lies.
Jacob is here, however. That's a problem. It's a problem because I'm relatively sure he'd stop me.
Jacob smiles fondly at me, "So what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" He asks, giving me one of the grins only Jacob can give.
I smile back, but I'm sure it falls flat. "I wanted to see you. I left quite abruptly last time, and I also wanted to apologize for it." It's... not a total lie. Just... rooted in decption.
Jacob smiles, "Wanna see what I've been working on?"
No, your garage isnt leading us any closer to the cliff-side. "Sure, sounds fun."
Jacob leads me back up to the house into the garage. My jaw drops.
Motorcycles. He's got motorcycles in his garage. Jacob chuckles nervously. "found these for sale a couple months back, and I've slowly been working of fixing them."
I just stare, too mind-blown to answer.
My next thought is certianly the best idea I've had yet. 'I could just kill myself so easy on one of those death cycles.'
I smile a true smile for the first time in months. My release from this cruel world just got that much closer.
EDWARD POV
'With you, she's constantly reminded of the pain you put her through.'
My hands clenched the steering wheel, trying to keep the car steady as my head spun. Eventually, I gave in, pulling over onto the side of the road, and leting the pain take me. My phone buzzed, but I ignored it.
'With you, she's constantly reminded of the pain you put her through.'
It couldn't be true... but it seemed trye enough. From Bella's experession to my gut feeling...
Some time later, my phone rang, someone was calling. Annoyed, I picked it up. "What." I snapped.
"Don't, 'what' me, Edward," It was Alice. I internally groaned. "It's Bella, she's deciding on the best way to kill herself." There was a pause. "Now it's crashing a motorcycle."
"I'll deal with it." I mumbled, wondering just how long I'd sat there.
JACOB POV
Ugh. the little leeches were bringing her. Wait... wasn't that one the one who lefter her in the woods? My anger flared. I forcefully pushed it aside, though. I didn't need to scare Bella, or freak her out that I wasn't entirely normal either. I heard a roumor that the leech that left her could read minds. Just another tale, one of the false ones, but it was possible. I hoped it was. I had... plans with that leech.
At that thought, the leech glared at me, "I can read your thoughts, Jacob." He growled, warning clear: Don't hurt Bella.
Bella looked... tired. I dully noted, trying to squash the excitement at seeing her again.
As if I'd ever hurt her. "You're the Leech that left her, right?" I pointed out. He stiffened, and gave a stiff nodd. "Alright." I have plans for you.
"If you dare return her in any way but the way she came, I'll thank you for the chance to rip your head off."
I smirked, "That's not something i can promise."
He went rigid. "What do you mean..." he growled out. Always so cautious.
I shrug. "She'll certianly be happier with me than she is with you. With you, she's constantly reminded of the pain you put her through." And you know it's true.
He looks like he's been slapped or maybe punched. It's hard to tell- so I know I've done a good job. With that, he leaves, and I open the car door for Bella.
The next time I speak to any Leeches is but a few hours later when my phone goes off. Much, much sooner than expected.
The message is short and brief. "Alice had a vision. Don't leave Bella alone. We're coming to get her."
Before I can say, "What the heck are you talking about, Leech." The line goes dead.
I sugh getting up. "The Leeches are going to come get you, Bella. Come on."
She looks mildly surprised... No, that's the wrong word. She looks panicked. "What do you mean? Why?!"
I shurgg. "All he said was, 'Alice had a vision.'" She goes dealthly pale.
"Hey," I say softly, "You alright?" She nodds, looking ever more vacant.
Together, we head back to the borderline.
I get my chance at revenge when the Bloodsucker that left her drives up. Im smirking, so he'll listen to my thoughts.
You should've left her - do you have any idea what you did?!
I snap, trying to think as loud as I can...If that's a thing.
I focus on the image that had haunted Sam for months - Bella when we found her in the woods. It was clear in my mind, and I could see the pained grimace Edward had.
"Jacob?! What are you doing! stop! Jacob- Stop!" I smiled at Edward, letting the image fade from my mind. You deserved that.
"I know, and I'm very sorry for it. I left her in sight of the house." You should never have left in the first place!
Edward really did look sorry, so I let it go. This once. Go. She's waiting. Edward nodded, mouthing. "Thank you." I nodded, turning towards the forest and phasing.
Today hadn't been a great day.
EDWARD POV
She had wanted to kill herself.
She had wanted to die.
'With you, she's constantly reminded of the pain you put her through.'
It was true... I was the problem.
Her voice broke me out of my thoughts. "What was that all about?" What was that all about. What was that all about?!?? was she crazy.
"I should be asking you that." I said softly. I vaguely remembered several people thinking that quiet with me meant dangerous. I wondered if she was thinking that. I didn't turn to face her. I kept my eyes locked onto the road, unlike how I normally drove.
"What was Jacob thinking to make you look like... that?" She ignored my commet.
I could give her a straight answer. The sooner we discuss why... why everything the better. "He was thinking of the time Sam found you in the woods." I metally recoiled from the image, trying to focus on the road.
I stole a glance at her expression- Bella seemed a mix of... shock and horror. I took a deep breath. "Bella..." I didnt even know what to say. "Please." I finally settled with, even though I wasnt even sure what I was asking for.
She looked down. "I... I'm sorry."
"Dont apologize to me, Bella. Just... Tell me what you're thinking."
And just like that, with a deep breath she began.
