yes, this chapter is a filler chapter, because I want twenty to be a important one so sorry yall :l this chapter is going to just go back to Edward's POV right before he showed up, and hopefully it'll be of some intrest. please dont be super upset, i just really had to make 20 the big egg drop. i mean- 19? really?

EDWARD POV

useless, really. I was really quite useless. I... I was lost without her. an empty shell of who I might've once been.

No one should bear witness to my great fall. No one. I left, not only Bella (her name sent a riple of agony through my dead heart) but my family too. If they saw me like this... I closed my eyes, fighting back nausea. I could barely keep blood down my throat these days. Actually, I just couldn't keep blood down my throat.

Sure enough, moments later, I was dry heaving what I'd just drank. Pitiful. I got up, making my way to the bathroom so I wouldn't have to clean blood off the floors. (A very mudane task. Either way, the owners wouldn't appreciate it.)

I groaned, leaning against the wall behind me. I was seriously questioning why i bothered to hunt. It was such a waste of time. Slowly, cautiously, I got up.

Nausea rose back in my throat when I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I was pale. Paler than vampires. At least vampires had blood, and they drank coursing through them. I had nothing. my skin was gray. my eyes were pitch black, no whites or anything. Nearly as black as my eyes were, the shadows beneath them. I turned away, trying not to dry heave again.

I grabbed the nearest pencil on my desk, trying to break it. Weak. I was so weak. I couldn't even snap the pencil. I dully wondered if vampires could die of starvation. Unresponsive to the world and all around me, I curled in on myself, hiding like a hurt animal.

Hurt. Yes, I was so very hurt

...

ALICE

With a sigh, I resolved myself to check Edward's future. It was always so... daro and depressing. I hurt to see, so I stopped looking. But I had a gut feeling that something very, very bad had happened. I just had to make sure he was alright.

The sight startled me. It was Edward, that much was clear, but he was frail and, in general, didn't look good at all. His skin was a light gray, and his eyes, oh gosh, his eyes were pitch black. Blacker than I'd ever seen a vampire's. Suddenly, he turned, dry heaving. I solemly wondered if it could get any worse.

It got worse when he started throwing up blood. It was very little, not even a full meal, but I sensed it was what little he'd managed to catch. He tenitivly walked out, or at least started to. He froze when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He walked into the other room, where he picked up a pencil. I didn't have more than a couple of seconds to wonder what in the world he was going before he obiously tried to break it.

And failed.

I saw it in his eyes. He seemed to retreat into his mind as he slowly colapsed to the ground, curling in on himself like a sick or hurt animal. He was, I mused, both in some ways.

Pulling myself out of the vision, I ran to Carlisle. "We have to go." I said urgently. "It's Edward."

Carlisle nodded but then paised, "Where do you think we'll find him?"

I resolved to check every house in every town we'd ever lived in... Except Forks. I checked the future to see us finding him in an apartment complex in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. "Pennsylvania." I said, "Pitts, in the apartment complex beside our old house."

Carlisle nodded and had the family packed a ready in a few hours. the fact that Rose didn't conplain about moving again - that Emmet didn't crack a joke and Jasper didn't even bother to try to lighten the mood - was testiment to how dire the situation was.

It was a race for my brother's life, in a way. I knew that if we didn't get there soon enough, my brother's mental state might decline to the point of no return.

...

EDWARD POV

Blood. someone was trying to make me drink blood. What kind of cruelty was this? My love (I ignored the waves of pain that surfaced, letting them hide me deeper into my mind) was... wasn't here. with me. there was no point. I truned my head away, sealing my lips. I didn't want to continue this way.

It had no purpose, really. whatever I drank would come back up later anyway. it would do no good.

"Come on, Edward, please. I can't lose both you and Bella." The voice was familiar, in a way. then recognition hit me

Bella.

Pain.

Waves of it, dragging me further under. I clenched my jaw shut and carefully removed myself until all I heard were waves. ocean waves. waves of pain. Waves of agony that ripped me apart. yet, it seemed more bareable now.

Things were coming into focus. I didn't want them to. I thrashed, trying to get rid of whatever was making reality real again.

...

I remained in a hazy half-between reality and my ocean state for longer than I cared to consider. The voice, along with others, hauted me, asking me to return to them. I didn't listen. Reutning meant reality. rrality meant the pain felt real. No, I was perfectly content in the half-real state I'd forced myself into.

The word Bella came to my attention, and I pushed myself out of my limbo before I realized what I was doing.

Carlisle was looking at me, clipboard in hand. He smiled - a true smile, not the fake doctor ones usually he gave. "Welcome back to the land of the living, Edward."

Thirsty. I was thirsty, like a newborn. "Why am I so -" No sound came out. I realized, with horror, that my jaw was broken. Ow. I reached up, carefully touching the bone.

Carlisle cringed. "Sorry, Emmet had to break it to get some blood in you. We used up all the blood in mutiple of our houses and still..." I understood. He planned to have me hunt.

I got up and tried to stand. Faster than I could keep track of (I tried not to panic. It was going to be fine... right?) Carlisle was at my side, eye level, looking at me. "Edward, you have to understand. You hadn't hunted in months. A simple hunt will not give you back your strength, and you will be hunting a lot over the next few days. you're still very weak." Oh, if Bella could -

The thought was violently cut off by waves of pain. I refused to let them pull me under.

Slowly, carefully, like a newborn deer, I found my way to my feet, to the door, to the woods. Somewhere in my mind, it registered that we were in our house in Forks. I shot Carlisle a look, a dirty one, jabing my finger towards the direction of Bella's house. Slowly, I shook my head, pointing towards the forest.

"You dont want to hunt?" I shook my head. After a couple more guesses, he got it. "We should go deeper into the woods so you won't smell Bella because she's a familiar sent." Close enough. I nodded.

We set off, going deep into the forest.


Blood in me, my jaw healed fast. My appitited had been... impressive. Carlisle chuckled, "I dont think you ate that much, even as a newborn." He commented lightly. I had recently discovered that my family had left to one of our other houses in oregon to give me and Carlisle privacy when Alice had seen me waking up. It was a smart move, having me be with Carlisle. He was arguably the one I was the closest with, in competition with Alice and Emmet. Carlisle found me, saved me, and pretty much raised me. It was a while before Esme came along. A while with just me and Carlisle.

I could feel the blood being sucked through me, fast enough that I ended up hunting again in the evening. and the next morning and evening, and the next one and the next. Finally, after four to five days, my body was fully fed. which turned my attention to - (I caught myself) Her.

"How long since we... left?" I questioned Carlisle one day. I could hear his joyful thoughts to have me talk. I hardly ever said anything.

"It's been about five months." Carlisle said cautiously. We had an unspoken agreement not to speak her name, even on the scarse occasions that I did talk.

I nodded slowly, "I'm going to go talk to her, if she'll let me... maybe tell the rest of the family it's okay to come back?" Carlisle nodded, and I left, running, to her house.

Upon reaching her window, I pulled out my phone and called her home phone. Downstairs, to get her away.

When away, I snuck a small note in.