Hello, everyone!
There most likely won't be a chapter today.
I decided I shouldn't let my readers starve and I had a great idea.
Enjoy this glimpse into madness!
Salem and her new companion Jaune had managed to take a solid fifteen steps out of her tower before they were stopped by a knight in full armor, wielding a staff.
"I have come to liberate you from these vile wretch's hands!" A rather high-pitched voice called out.
Salem blinked a few times in confusion. How had this knight managed to find them so quickly? "Calm yourself, fair knight," she said. "I am not in danger."
The knight shifted their masked head towards her. "I do not speak of you, wench." The knight pointed towards Salem's newest pupil. "I am here for you."
Jaune looked at Salem as though she might have an answer before looking back to the knight. "Do you…uh, have a name, brave knight?" he asked awkwardly.
The ironclad knight brought their hands up to their helmet, before removing it to reveal a fair-skinned young woman with short brown hair and deep brown eyes. "My name is Ozma," she said. "Daughter of Pastoria and Lurline of the Emerald Knights." She bowed her head towards the tall blonde man. "I am here to offer you my hand in marriage."
"I am here to offer you my hand in marriage" the now revealed Ozma spoke.
WHAT?!
The gods must be laughing their translucent asses off at his expression.
How was Ozma now a woman?? How was she even here?
"I can see you're confused," she raised her head once more, "I was led here by a divine guidance!"
Jaune could feel his sanity screaming out for help.
A large smile crossed Ozma's face. "For the last two weeks, the gods have given me visions of you, my love." All happiness drained from the woman's face as her eyes shifted to Salem. "And visions of the foul woman who seeks to steal you from me."
Before Jaune even got the opportunity to respond, he had to cover his ears. "What did you just say?" Salem angrily screeched.
Jaune wisely chose to take several steps back.
"You heard me, skank!" the brown-haired woman growled. "The gods have shown me your true intentions."
"I have no intentions!" Salem screamed back. "At this moment, my only intention is to sew your mouth shut!"
Ozma averted her gaze back to him. "Did you hear that, my love?" she asked. "Why would you ever want to spend your days with such a brute?"
Jaune opened his mouth to speak, but was once again cut off by Salem. "Brute? I'll show you a brute!" She growled as her hands became coated in dark magic.
Ozma lowered herself into an agile stance and began to glow with light magic. "Bring it on, Homewrecker."
Jaune could feel himself losing years off his life as he listened to the two women argue. "Enough!" His voice boomed, Jaune had more than enough experience dealing with rowdy teammates to handle these two psychopaths-in-the-making.
The two women shifted their sharp gazes onto him. "Calm down, both of you." he ordered, as he moved to sit on the ground. "Ozma, was it? Why don't we all sit down and have a nice calm conversation?"
"Of course my dear, however I don't know if this she-beast is capable of intelligent thought." Ozma said while giving Salem an extremely fake smile.
Jaune could almost feel his hair turning grey. He sighed at Salem as she tried to jump at the brown-haired knight.
"Now," he said through gritted teeth after he finally managed to pull the two apart. Jaune was an absolute mess; his hair was frayed and his armor was covered in patches of dirt. "I'm giving you both an opportunity to calmly say your piece. Ozma, you go first."
The brown-haired woman smiled at him. "As I said, my love, the gods have guided me to you. I will not allow this she-beast to corrupt you."
Salem attempted to attack Ozma, only to be quickly stopped by a firm hit on the head from Crocea Mors's scabbard.
The blonde woman nursed the small bump on her head as she spoke. "This is your opportunity to speak, not fight," his voice was firm and uncompromising.
Salem looked at him annoyed for a moment before shifting her gaze to Ozma. "I think that this woman is the vile one," she said. "I have finally left my home for the first time in ten years and she decides to immediately harass me."
Ozma crossed her arms and spoke through gritted teeth, "So you admit to holding my future husband captive? You really are a vile beast."
Salem's eyes narrowed. "You call me a foul beast?" she asked, her voice dripping with venom. "Look at yourself." She gestured to Ozma's entire body. "Your form is not befitting of a lady. I, on the other hand, am a classical beauty."
Ozma snarled, "I see you are delusional as well." The brown-haired woman reached out to grab Jaune's hand. "Let us leave this wench, my dear," she said. "We have so much to do before our wedding."
Salem quickly grabbed his other hand "Don't listen to this barbarian Jaune! We have a world to explore!"
Ozma pulled his arm closer to her chest. "If it is the world you want I shall give it to you. We will travel the world leaving no stone unturned."
Salem snarled at her words, "Back off, bitch! I saw him first!"
Jaune felt a migraine wash over him.
Who did I piss off to end up in this situation?
That's all for today!
I hope you enjoyed this hit of crack.
I might do a sequel to this chapter in the future if people like it.
I'm going to go chug some Tylenol.
I'll see you all back in the main story!
