Hello, everyone!

I had this idea while writing Chapter 12, and I thought you'd all love another hit of crack.


Jaune felt incredibly smug.

He'd damn near conquered a village solely through the creation of coffee.

Absolutely nothing could have ruined his mood.

"Mister Arc!" The enraged voice of a very familiar woman screamed at him.

Uh Oh.

A wave of absolute dread washed over him as he turned to see Glynda Goodwitch literally tearing a hole in space-time with her bare hands.

Jaune wasted no time in reacting.

He ran for his fucking life.

"You think you can escape me?!" the enraged she-demon growled at him.

He could damn well try!

Jaune ran for five full days and five full nights before collapsing in a cave.

He only had a single minute of peace before his was met with the piercing green eyes of Beacon's Deputy Headmistress.

"Do you have any idea what you've done, young man?!" the angry woman scolded him.

"How did you even get here?" he screamed back. "I graduated! I'm free from your tyranny!"

"You've chosen your words poorly, Mister Arc." Glynda drew her weapon. "Do you understand the suffering you've put me through?"

Jaune winced at her tone. "The ends justify the means…?"

That was not the right thing to say.

"Fifteen years!" she screamed, "I've had to balance the Beacon's budget for fifteen years. Do you have any idea how much of our budget went to coffee?!"

Jaune's mouth suddenly felt dry. "Fifteen percent?"

"Seventy!" Glynda exclaimed, beginning to pace back and forth. "Because of Ozpin and Bartholomew's addiction, Beacon has been on the edge of defaulting on our debt for years!"

Jaune tried to inch closer to the cave's exit. "I'm not responsible for Doctor Oobleck."

The angry blonde woman growled at him, "You are responsible for Ozpin."

Shit, she had him there.

"Well, there's only one way for me to make this up to you," Jaune said, trailing off at the end of his sentence. "Pocket Sand, go!"

He threw a fistful of dirt at the woman's face, only to be slammed into the cave wall.

"Do you have any idea how many times Ozpin has tried that exact same move on me?" She held her riding crop in both hands, slightly bending it. "I am immune to such childish tricks."

It was in that moment Jaune knew there was no chance for survival.

"I'm going to enjoy this," an evil grin appeared on Glynda's face as the words escaped her lips.

Jaune's screams could be heard by every man, woman, and child on the planet.


That's all for this little shitpost.

I'm hoping to get a chapter in the main story out today as well, but only time will tell.

Until next time.