Hello, everyone!
Just had this random thought, and I decided to throw it here.
Enjoy your latest hit of crack.
When Jaune had first learned that he would be able to use summoning magic, he had been over the moon.
He felt as if the gods were finally giving him a break.
What a foolish thought.
The second jaune flowed his mana into the rune that Jinn had created, he felt a crushing sense of dread.
He should have listened to his instincts.
White mana erupted from the rune, circling him in a spectacular fashion before taking the form of a humanoid.
As the white light faded, he got a better look at the person.
And yes, it was a person.
The woman appeared to be an antelope Faunus; she had yellow eyes and white hair that stretched down to her shoulders.
Jaune paused for a moment. Now that he had a good look at her, she kind of reminded him of Juniper.
He was dragged out of his thoughts by the woman who tackled him to the floor and began licking his face.
"Jaune-jaune!" the woman excitedly exclaimed. "It's been so long!"
"Do I know you?" he grumbled as he tried to escape the freakishly strong grip of the woman.
A pout crossed the woman's face. "I know you're hopeless with women, but this is ridiculous, Jaune."
Jaune's eyes twitched.
The woman affectionately rubbed her cheek against his. "It's me, Juniper!"
"WHAT?!" Jaune screamed at the top of his lungs. That simply wasn't possible! Even if she was Juniper, she would have been in Ever After thousands of years into the future.
Unless...
"Your gods have allowed me to come see you!" A warm smile crossed her face. "They even gave me this form to more easily interact with you!"
MOTHERFUCKER
Did the gods get off on tormenting him?!?
Salem's icy voice reached his ears. "How do you know this woman?"
Juniper pulled his head into her chest, before he could respond. "I'm Juniper," she whispered. She protectively stroked his hair. "Jaune is my mate."
WHAT?!
He never agreed to that!
"I see," Salem's voice was sharp enough to cut stone. "Is that true, Jaune?"
Jaune only barely managed to pull his head away from Juniper. "I have no idea what she's talking about!"
"You wound me, Darling." Juniper affectionately rubbed her cheek against his still-trapped head. "We traveled together for so long! Don't you know that Jackalopes mate for life?"
"I don't remember signing up for this!" he exclaimed hurriedly.
Juniper laughed, "That's because you didn't!" Her cheerful voice did not help.
"Salem!" he cried out hysterically. "I'll do whatever it takes! Just help me! Please!"
The woman in question refused to look at him.
Juniper's eyes darkened. "Are you cheating on me, Jaune?"
You could say many things about the man known as Jaune Arc, but when the time came for the man to stare death in the eyes, he was never stupid enough to blink.
"I would never," Jaune responded meekly.
"Has this woman been trying to seduce you?!" Juniper growled. "You're mine! No one can steal my mate!"
Jaune could feel years of his life being chipped away with every word she spoke.
In less than a second, Juniper gently released him and drop-kicked Salem into low orbit.
"DAMN!" Ozma exclaimed, fearfully backing away.
Juniper's eyes shifted to Jinn. Being the woman who would become the Spirit of Knowledge, she wisely chose to latch onto Ozma's arm. "I'm happily in a relationship!" she exclaimed. "As a matter of fact, why don't we leave these two alone, my love? I'm sure they have lots of catching up to do."
Ozma hastily nodded and allowed himself to be dragged away by the tall woman.
"Traitor!" Jaune screamed, only for Ozma to offer him a middle finger.
Prick.
His eyes shifted to Juniper, who was walking towards him like a serial killer. "That woman was right," he said. "We do have a lot of catching up to do." She began to remove her shirt.
"Please be gentle...?" Jaune tried in vain to save himself.
"No!" She cheerfully smiled and lunged at him.
It took three days, nineteen hours, thirty-seven minutes, and fourteen seconds for the screaming to stop.
His pelvis would never recover.
A comically large book slammed shut as a visibly aged Juniper removed her reading glasses and looked over her seventy-five children.
"That's how you were all convinced!"
The crowd of children all made noises of awe as they all began to look at their father, who was bound to a wheelchair.
"Arc fertility and rabbit libido are a forbidden combination," Jaune muttered quietly as his spirit passed on from the world.
Hope you enjoyed the latest hit of crack.
I doubt I'll do a follow-up on this one.
Until next time!
