Content Warning: child abuse/neglect and child death
Chapter 46: Playing God
"Your eyes are pitch black, Babe," she said gently. She had no real desire for him to leave—she was quite comfortable curled into his side, her head resting on his bare chest—but she knew he'd be uncomfortable at school tomorrow if he stayed in her bed for the rest of the night. "You need to hunt."
Jasper hummed but made no move to get up. He ran his fingers down her spine, chuckling when gooseflesh erupted on her skin at his touch. "How are you feeling?"
"I need to tell you?" she teased, craning her neck back to kiss his jaw. "Some empath you are." She squeaked when Jasper tickled her ribs.
"Was I gentle enough?" he asked, rephrasing his question. "I didn't hurt you, did you?"
Louisa took a mental inventory of her body. "I'm a little sore," she admitted. "But that's pretty normal, I think."
Jasper hummed again and shifted onto his side to face her. "I've never been with a human before," he explained. He draped his arm over her and dragged her closer, cradling her head with his other hand. "I was terrified I might break you."
"All intact," she replied. "Although maybe next time, warn me if I'm in danger of being crushed by my vampire boyfriend?"
"Vampire boyfriend? Who is he?" Jasper asked with mock outrage.
"I don't know if you know him." She grinned and stroked the crest of Jasper's hip. "He's super hot, though. Tall, blond, flawless skin. And he's got this cute little accent too—makes me melt when I hear it."
"Really?" he purred. He shifted to hover over her and began to place little kisses along her neck. "Tell me more."
She moaned softly at his ministrations and her hands tangled in his soft hair. "It's a bit taboo, though. He's much older than me, you see. He's also married."
Jasper froze and looked up at her in horror. "Are you seriously joking about Carlisle after I just ravished you?"
Louisa cackled at his expression, which turned to squeals when Jasper sucked on the side of her neck.
"Just for that, you can wear a turtle neck tomorrow," he grunted after he pulled away. "Keep our bed sacred, woman."
"No talking about other men post-coitus. Got it," she replied, too relaxed to care about the inevitable love bite she'd have in the morning.
Jasper opened his mouth to reply, only to freeze, his head tilting as he listened to something only his sensitive ears could hear. He sighed after a moment and sat up. "Your father and sister are on their way home," he explained when she protested his change in position. "Go take a shower, and I'll clean up here."
Her heart sank at the thought of leaving his side, but she understood the wisdom in his words. As relaxed as he was about her relationship with Jasper, Louisa had no desire to tell her father what had transpired whilst he was out of the house. "Will you be here when I finish?" She climbed out of bed and began to search for a pair of pyjamas to change into.
"For a little while," he agreed, catching her as she passed and kissing her forehead. "I do need to hunt, though. And I should probably spend some time with Esme and Carlisle. Edward's leaving has them devastated."
Louisa nodded sadly before heading toward the bathroom. When she returned from her shower, she found Jasper working on his calculus homework on their bed, the bedsheets freshly changed.
"You should eat something," he reminded her when she curled into his side.
Louisa shrugged and reached for her school bag, pulling out a battered copy of Hamlet that had been assigned for reading. "I will when you will."
Jasper wasn't pleased with her response, but he didn't push the matter. They sat in peaceful silence as they worked, only exchanging quiet greetings when Mr Collins poked his head in to check on them. When it was eventually time for him to leave, Jasper gave her a long, searing kiss that left her breathless and weak in the knees. He wasn't any happier about their parting than she was, but he conceded that he needed to hunt if he wanted to make it through the school day without committing a massacre.
The next few days were hectic as the start of the school term tended to be. She had to endure long lectures from her teachers about colleges (which she knew she wouldn't be attending in the autumn) and the importance of not contracting 'senior-itis', a condition characterised by apathy and burn-out that affected twelfth graders around the country. On top of mountains of homework for her normal lessons, Louisa also continued to attend sign language lessons in Port Angeles twice a week with the Cullens (Edward, who was still in Alaska, and Carlisle, who had to work, not included). And then, two weeks into September, she found that her already limited spare time was being siphoned off by another (albeit somewhat expected) source: the Mallory family had decided to employ Louisa as Kit's nanny and tutor. Louisa knew nothing about caring for or teaching a deaf child, and she spent the days leading up to their first meeting devouring every book, article, and Youtube video on the subject.
Esme turned out to be an invaluable resource in this subject. Apparently, the Cullen matriarch had been a teacher in her human life, and although she hadn't taught since her change, she still kept up with her teaching license. Even if Louisa hadn't needed Esme's expertise (which she very much did and appreciated), she wouldn't have declined her help. With Edward gone, Esme was in desperate need of a distraction from the ache of missing a child.
"I've never worked with deaf students," she admitted one afternoon as they arranged a lesson plan suitable for a fifth-grader who hadn't been to school in four years. "This will be a wonderful new experience."
Like her adopted children, Esme had also enrolled in their ASL class and had taken to picking them up after school. In her silver mini-van (complete with automatic doors), Esme was the perfect picture of a suburban soccer mum. Rosalie had flat out refused to be seen riding in the van and stubbornly drove herself and Emmett in her shiny red convertible. Alice and Jasper indulged her, however, and managed to guilt Louisa into riding in the back of the van with them.
While they had only attended a few classes, Louisa found the ASL course incredibly fun. She suspected this was mostly due to getting to spend time with the Cullen family, which wasn't something she generally did. Sure, Rosalie and Jasper were practically attached to her hip, but it was rare that she spent an extended period around the rest of the family—especially Esme, who couldn't join them at the lunch table (for obvious reasons).
Despite her hectic schedule and the inevitable loss of sleep, Louisa couldn't force herself to regret any of her decisions. Especially when she finally had her first meeting with Kit.
Esme and Rosalie had practically begged her to bring Kit over to the Cullen house, but Louisa had put her foot down each time it was suggested. Considering the eleven-year-old rarely left her house, Louisa didn't think it was a good idea. After all, Kit barely knew how to interact with humans, let alone vampires. That was why Louisa chose to spend the afternoon at the Mallorys' house the first few times she met with Kit—the familiar environment would no doubt be more comfortable, should she get overwhelmed. Comfortable for Kit, at least.
Walking into the Mallory house felt…off. There was no other way to describe it. Dottie had attributed the negative energy solely to Kit, but Louisa thought it could be applied to the house too. Within minutes of walking through the Mallorys' cheery red-painted front door, Louisa felt agitated and restless. It was as if the house had absorbed its occupants' fear and was slowly releasing it in a thick, poisonous fog.
A year ago, she would have thought she had gone crazy for thinking such a thing. But after spending time in the supernatural world, she figured that what she was feeling was a by-product of her psychometry. She idly wondered how the house came to be in such a state. Was it always this sad, or had it been after Kit got sick? Still, Louisa refrained from running her fingers along the walls to check.
"It used to be my parents' room," Lauren explained as she led Louisa up the stair and down a dark hallway. They stopped at a closed door at the opposite end of the hall. "But they switched with Katherine after she got sick."
It was deadbolted from the outside, Louisa realised with mounting horror.
"You lock her in her bedroom?" Louisa asked, unable to keep the disgust out of her voice.
Something dark flashed in Lauren's eyes, but it was gone before Louisa got the chance to interpret it. "It's the master suite," she explained, as if it somehow excused the blatant child abuse. "She's got access to a washroom, and it's the biggest room in the house. We let her out when we're home." She said this casually, as if leaving a literal child home alone for eight hours a day was a completely normal thing to do. "Besides, it's not like she can have the run of the place—not if we want the house still standing. Containing her is the best thing for all of us."
If Louisa's heart hadn't shattered at those words, it certainly had by the time Lauren unlocked Kit's bedroom, and Louisa got her first look inside. The walls were painted white and were littered with holes and dark scuff marks. The windows were bare of curtains, exposing the metal mesh screen that was permanently bolted over the glass. The floor had probably once been covered in carpet like the rest of the house, but it had been ripped up at some point, leaving only the scuffed subfloor. And then there was the furniture—or lack thereof. Other than an unmade double bed, the white sheets rumpled at the foot; a wooden chair with one leg noticeably shorter than the rest; and a desk that had seen better days, the room was completely empty. Louisa had seen prison cells more comfortable than Kit's room.
"She's in the bathroom right now," Lauren explained, relief evident in her voice. She nodded towards the closed door on their left.
"She doesn't have any toys or books?" Louisa asked, hoping she had somehow missed them in her first glance around the room.
"She kept destroying things," Lauren explained. "That or she'd throw them at us. She can turn even a pencil into a weapon."
"Well," Louisa said, taking a fortifying breath and stepping further into the room. "It's a good thing I brought crayons instead."
The concern in her voice was real, which surprised Louisa. Lauren seemed genuinely afraid to leave her alone with her little sister.
"It will be fine," she said with an easy smile that bellied her tumultuous emotions. "They don't call me Louisa 'Danger' Collins for nothing!"
Lauren clearly didn't believe her. She gave Louisa a hesitant nod. "I'll be downstairs if you need me. Just scream." And with that, she spun on her heel and practically flew back down the stairs.
Louisa stared at where Lauren had disappeared for a moment before slowly turning her attention back to the depressingly barren child's room. She was surprised to find Kit was watching her from behind the open bathroom door, her head poked around the corner, a guarded look in her dark eyes. They watched each other for several seconds before Louisa smiled and waved. After what felt like an eternity, Kit waved back.
Emboldened, Louisa reached into her rucksack and pulled out a whiteboard and a marker. Do you remember me? She wrote before showing it to Kit.
Kit's eyes flicked between the message and Louisa's face before slowly nodding. Louisa, she fingerspelled.
Something warm settled in Louisa's chest, chasing away some of the iciness that had begun to collect there from the moment she had entered the Mallorys' house. Her grin widened, and she crept farther into the room before sitting cross-legged on the floor.
Do you want to read with me? She wrote before pulling out several picture books and showing them to Kit.
Kit scowled. Louisa could have sworn that the temperature dropped several degrees. Kit stalked forward, snatched Louisa's board out of her hands, and quickly wrote a new message.
Those are for babies. I know how to read.
Louisa forced herself to remain calm and nodded. Motioning for the board, Louisa wrote: We're going to use them to learn sign language.
It was something her ASL professor had suggested. Kit was already at a distinct advantage because she knew how to read, making pairing signs with words she already knew the meaning of that much easier.
Kit looked dubious about this claim, but she plopped down beside Louisa nevertheless and pulled The Cat in the Hat towards her. She humoured Louisa by letting her read to her, her expression closed off and aloof as Louisa slowly signed her way through the book.
Are you the Cat in the Hat? Am I Sally? Kit wrote after Louisa finished.
Louisa hadn't picked up on the parallels between the book and Kit's life, but she had to admit that they were eerily similar. It certainly hadn't been her intention. Perhaps starting out with The Cat in the Hat hadn't been such a good idea, after all.
Still, she gave Kit a charming little smile and wrote: That depends. Do you want to have fun?
No Stone Left Unturned
The afternoon with Kit passed uneventfully. After seeing where Kit stood with basic arithmetic, the two spent the rest of their time together colouring with art supplies Louisa had brought and getting to know each other. Louisa filed away the pieces of information she was able to drag out of Kit and tried to differentiate between the Kit she saw and the semi-psychopathic Kit seen by the rest of the Mallorys.
It had only taken an hour for Louisa to figure out how bright Kit was. Bright and bored. The poor thing lacked any sort of mental stimulation when she was locked in her barren room all day, so it was no real surprise that she had turned to destruction. For instance, after returning from the toilet, she had found Kit peeling flakes of paint off the walls simply because she hadn't been entertained for the few minutes it had taken for Louisa to pee. It was disturbing, but Louisa didn't think it was malicious in nature. In fact, Louisa got the impression that Kit didn't even realise she was doing it—destroying things was almost a compulsion for her.
Louisa added correcting that behaviour to the already very long list of things she needed to work on with the kid.
At six o'clock, Mrs Mallory returned from work, partially relieved and partially surprised to find Louisa still there. "She didn't hurt you, did she?" Mrs Mallory asked as she shoved a handful of ten-dollar bills at Louisa.
"She was a perfect angel," Louisa replied. "We had fun."
Mrs Mallory looked dubious. "Will we see you tomorrow?" she asked hesitantly. Clearly, she was expecting to hear a resounding 'No!' and nearly sagged with relief when Louisa proved her wrong.
"As long as Kit needs me," Louisa promised, seeing herself out the front door.
A car she had never seen before was sitting on the curb when she exited the house, Jasper leaning against the passenger side door. He caught her up in a hug when she got close enough, sending her calming vibes as he kissed her temple. Louisa let out a shaky breath and sagged against him.
"Alice said it's going to rain," he explained before she could ask what he was doing there. He opened the door for her and helped her into the passenger seat. "I know you had planned on walking home, but I didn't want you to get wet."
Louisa closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the headrest. She let out a heavy sigh. "You're the best."
Jasper stroked her cheek before closing her door and circling around the car to the driver's side. He didn't say anything while he started the car and began to drive back towards the Collins' house, but he reached across the centre console to place a hand on her thigh. Louisa sighed again and rested her head against Jasper's shoulder.
"They keep her locked up, Jazz," she whispered. "They lock her in her room like she's some sort of animal."
The only indication that Jasper had heard her was the tightening of his hand on her thigh.
"Did Alice know about this?"
"She hasn't said," he replied. "But I'd be surprised if she didn't know anything."
Unease swirled in her gut at his words. If Alice had known about this, why hadn't she done anything? "We can't let her stay there."
"I agree," he explained quietly. "We'll figure this out. Alice said she'll meet us at your house."
Louisa frowned. "Why not yours?"
"She's pretty insistent that Rosalie doesn't find out about this."
Louisa couldn't be sure, but she was pretty sure it had to do with the soft spot Rosalie had for children. If Rose knew that Kit was being abused, she'd raze the Mallorys' house. At the very least.
They didn't speak for the rest of the drive back to Louisa's house. After parking on the street, Jasper hurried around the car to open her door and help her out. He took a moment to kiss their conjoined hands before leading her into the house. They waved at Dottie as they passed through the kitchen, who was working on her algebra homework at the table.
"I've put dinner in the oven, but Daddy is stuck in traffic," she explained, pulling an earbud out of her ear. "Are you staying for dinner, Jasper?" When Jasper shook his head and politely declined, she flashed him an amused grin. "I'm shocked."
They left Dottie to her homework and ascended the stairs. Louisa knew Alice would be waiting for them in her bedroom, but she was still surprised to see Alice rummaging through her closet, nonetheless.
"I need to take you shopping," Alice said without turning to look at them.
"My clothes are perfectly fine, thank you very much," Louisa replied, dropping her bags at her desk. "You picked them out."
"None of them fit you anymore," Alice said, turning at last to scrutinise Louisa. "You need to stop losing weight."
Louisa rolled her eyes. "I believe we have more important things to discuss than my weight."
Alice looked like she wanted to argue, but she nodded and moved to sit on the window bench. "I'm sorry I couldn't warn you," she said, confirming Louisa's suspicions.
"You knew this whole time." It wasn't a question but a statement of fact.
"I knew since last week," Alice admitted. She pursed her lips, clearly bracing herself for the onslaught of Louisa's anger.
Louisa bit her tongue and took a steadying breath. "How could you not say anything?"
"I couldn't," she said. "Your reaction needed to be genuine. If it looked like you were expecting to see the locks or like you were faking your reaction…Lauren would've been suspicious. The Mallorys would have panicked that their secret wasn't a secret. They would have left town within a month."
"Not just to me. You could have called the police—an anonymous tip or something!" Anger began to bubble in her chest. She tried to force it down. She didn't need Dottie to overhear and come investigate the noise.
Alice had the audacity to laugh. It was an ugly, hollow sound that made Louisa's skin crawl, and she had to resist the urge to hide behind Jasper.
"How on earth was I supposed to call the police with information?" Alice asked. "Do you realise how many people actually know about Kit? She's one of Fork's best-kept secrets."
"She was born here," Louisa pointed out, her voice beginning to rise despite her best efforts. When Jasper placed a calming hand on her shoulder, she accepted his comfort and leaned into his side. "She went to school here."
"Most people assumed she died during the meningitis outbreak a few years ago," Alice explained. "She wouldn't have been the only one."
That brought Louisa up short. "They think she's dead?" When Alice confirmed this with a nod, Louisa scowled. "The Mallorys would rather let everyone think that their kid is dead than—" She broke off, her rage taking over rational thought. She probably punched her fist through a wall had Jasper not forced her to calm down. Still, her voice shook with emotion as she said, "What the fuck is wrong with them?"
Getting kidnapped and nearly murdered by Jason Lambe had been less traumatising than losing Laurie. And here Lauren was, pretending that Kit was dead. Or worse, like she had never existed. How the hell could Lauren live with herself? How could she be okay with locking Kit away and treating her like a rabid animal?
Dottie had been right when she said that there was something rotten in the Mallorys' house, but Louisa was quickly finding that it wasn't Kit.
"You saw Lauren's reaction," Alice said. "You saw how afraid she was."
"Kit is just a little girl," Louisa snapped. She knew her anger was misplaced, but Alice was an easier target than Lauren and her parents. "A horribly neglected and abused little girl. How could you not report this?"
"How could I have? If I had, it would have exposed that I had supernatural knowledge. It would have opened us up to all sorts of questions," Alice said. She closed her eyes and massaged her temples. "The Volturi would haven't gotten involved—punished us for drawing attention. We have to keep the secret."
"At the expense of a child?"
"Welcome to the family, Louisa," Alice snapped. "From now until the end of your existence, you will be doing everything in your power to protect our secrets."
"Alice, that's enough," Jasper replied, speaking at last. He sent a wave of calm through the room, but Alice managed to shake it off.
She gave him a nasty glare. "No, she needs to know this. Besides, she's just as affected as we are." She turned back to Louisa, an eyebrow arched. "Your gift? Supernatural. If you're not more careful, you're going to attract unwanted attention. My gift? I let one thing slip, and the family attracts unwanted attention. I'm not doing this because I enjoy it. I'm doing it to keep us all alive."
"There has to be some sort of middle ground," Jasper said. "Louisa is right. We can't do nothing."
"I've been in the house," Louisa agreed. "I could make a tip to CPS and—"
Alice was shaking her head before Louisa had finished speaking. "That's the other problem. Every future I see where Kit is removed from the Mallorys' 'care'," she snarled the words, clearly hating this just as much as Louisa, "ends one way: her death."
It was as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped over her head. "What do you mean?"
Alice pursed her lips, and her eyes grew glossy as she searched the future. "Whenever CPS removes her, Kit inevitably ends up at a foster home outside of Kent." Alice refocused her gaze on Louisa. "Dottie wasn't wrong when she said something is wrong with Kit. There's something off about her, and whatever it is, it's going to get her killed. I'm assuming you want to avoid that?"
Numb, Louisa nodded. "What can I do?"
"At the moment? Nothing."
"Nothing? I can't—"
"You can, and you will," Alice snapped. "You are the best thing for Kit right now. If you do anything that jeopardises her access to you, she will die. So, you're going to keep your mouth shut, and you're going to smile at the Mallorys, and you're not going to tell another living soul what you see at that house. That includes Rosalie and, when he returns, Edward. This stays between us. Got it?"
Feeling miserable and helpless, Louisa blinked back the tears threatening to spill. "I don't like it." She didn't like it, but she wasn't sure what else to do. Kit had already had her childhood stolen from her. Louisa wasn't about to let the poor thing have her life stolen too.
Alice's gaze softened, and she gave Louisa a sad little smile. "I know you don't. I don't either. But you need to trust me—I'm doing everything I can to get all of us out of this alive. This is what I do."
"Play God?"
"Keep our family safe," she corrected gently. She slid off the window seat and flashed across the room, reaching up to press a hand to Louisa's face. "I don't relish this any more than you do, Sister. I'm trying to bring about the best outcome. But it's only going to get harder from here."
Louisa frowned, her eyes shifting back and forth between Alice and Jasper. "What do you mean?"
Alice's eyes darkened. "Kit was on her best behaviour today," she admitted cryptically. "You haven't seen anything yet."
No Stone Left Unturned
The hardest thing about babysitting Kit was not the language barrier or socialising an absurdly isolated child. Louisa could deal with the long hours teaching Kit something she would have learned in school years ago. She could find other activities for them to do when Mr Mallory forbade them from leaving the house. She could put up with a lack of sleep from having to stay up late to finish her homework and missing out on time with her friends and family.
No, what upset Louisa the most was pretending that everything was perfectly fine with how the Mallorys treated their youngest family member. She hated every moment she had to bite back an angry retort when Lauren shouted in Kit's face or Mrs Mallory flinched when Kit got too close. She hated the uneasy looks Mr Mallory gave them the one (and only) time Louisa brought colour pencils over for Kit to use, and she hated nodding placidly when he demanded that she never brought them back into the house again.
So far, Louisa had seen Kit do nothing that would warrant the terror and hatred that the little girl seemed to inspire in her family. Unless you counted staring blankly at them when they spoke at her, bored and annoyed that they couldn't seem to understand that she had no clue what they were saying.
Suffice to say, Louisa was incredibly relieved when Saturday rolled around. Relieved, yet also guilty. Louisa had the weekends off, and without her there, Kit would no doubt be lonely and bored. That was if her family was even in the house. For Kit's sake, she hoped that someone was at home—bored and lonely was better than being locked in her bedroom for hours on end, after all.
Still, Louisa had no reason to appear at the Mallorys' house, so she was forced to entertain herself for the next forty-eight hours. Most of that time was spent between the Cullens and her family, but on Saturday afternoon, Louisa found herself in the paediatric unit of Forks Community Hospital.
Kelly was awake when she crept into the chilly hospital room, playing with the Holmes doll Louisa had given her last Christmas. Despite the hollowness of her cheeks and the dark circles under her eyes, Kelly managed to give Louisa a radiant smile when she entered.
"How are you feeling?" Louisa asked, scootching her chair closer to Kelly's bed.
Kelly shrugged. "I've been better," she replied. "Did you bring a book to read?"
Louisa nodded and pulled out the first book in The Kane Chronicles series. She showed to cover to Kelly. "It's about Egyptian mythology," she explained.
Kelly's eyes sparkled, though whether it was excitement or simply glassy from her fever, Louisa couldn't be sure. "I wish I could go to Egypt," she replied wistfully.
"You will, one day," Louisa insisted, flipping open the book.
A wan smile graced Kelly's lips. She indicated to the book, and Louisa began reading. They only made it a few chapters before Kelly sank back, her face as white as the pillows she rested her head on.
"I'm sorry, Louisa," Kelly said, her voice trembling with exhaustion. "I don't think I can stay awake any longer."
This request wasn't unusual these days, but Louisa's heart still squeezed painfully whenever it happened. Still, she placed a bookmark between the pages with a nod. "Do you want to sleep?"
Kelly shook her head. "How is Kit doing? Have you seen her?"
This question also came as no surprise to Louisa. Ever since the two girls had met at the park, Kelly often asked for updates. Louisa had nothing to share before, but with her recent employment, Louisa began to fill Kelly in on her days spent with Kit. A highly edited, child-friendly version of events, of course. Even if Kelly wasn't ill, Louisa didn't think it was wise to burden her with what she had seen in the Mallorys' house.
"Maybe the two of you could go to summer camp together next summer," Louisa said. "You said that there had been a deaf boy there?"
Kelly nodded. "That was so much fun," she said, her gaze growing distant as she lost herself in her memories. "I'm sure she'll love it. The air smelled so sweet there. Miss Pancake—that was her camp name. She wouldn't tell us her real name—said it was because of the jasmine. My favourite time was at night, though. We'd lay out our beach towels and stargaze. Miss Pancake would tell us Greek Myths—not the Percy Jackson kind, the real kind—and point out the constellations that went with them."
"It sounds magical," Louisa murmured, reaching forward to brush a lock of hair off Kelly's face. The red seemed duller than usual under the fluorescent lights.
Kelly hummed in agreement. "After, we'd go back to our cabins, and Miss Pancake would sing to us. It was a different song every night before bed."
When Kelly's eyelids began to droop, Louisa tucked the sheets tightly around Kelly's too thin body. "That sounds nice."
Kelly hummed again and watched Louisa, barely a sliver of her brown eyes visible. "Will you sing for me too?"
The request had Louisa pausing in surprise. She wasn't a singer. Her voice was deeper than the average girl's and husky like she desperately needed to clear her throat. She didn't have Dottie's bell-like voice or Rosalie's warm, honeyed tone. Singing always made her feel self-conscious and awkward.
But with Kelly looking up at her, hope etched into her exhausted face, Louisa couldn't say no. And so, she sang. It was low and melodic and vaguely familiar, although she couldn't figure out how she knew the song. She thought it might have been from her childhood.
"Nana used to sing me that," she murmured, exhaustion slurring her words. She didn't speak again. Louisa stayed by her side for a long time, watching the steady rise and fall of Kelly's chest.
"How is she?"
Louisa turned towards the door, finding Jasper hovering awkwardly at the threshold. She gave him a tired smile and stuck out her hand. He inched into the room and took it, sending her a wave of comfort. His eyes were an unnatural shade of bright yellow, indicating he had just recently fed, which Louisa found odd. He wasn't due for a hunt for another few days.
"She's going to be fine," she replied with more confidence than she felt.
"Louisa…"
"Don't," she snapped before he could say something she didn't want to hear. "She's going to be fine. Why are you here?"
He ignored her caustic tone and crossed the room to stand beside her chair. "Alice called me," he explained, carding his fingers through her hair.
Despite her anger, Louisa found herself sagging into his touch. "What did she say?" She was almost too afraid to ask the question, but she had to know. Part of her already knew the answer, no matter how much she didn't want to admit it.
"That you needed me tonight," he explained gently, picking her up so he could slip into her seat. He arranged her on his lap and wrapped his arms around her.
The beeping of medical instruments was the only sound that filled the space, and Louisa was almost too afraid to speak and shatter their tentative peace.
"She's going to die, isn't she?" Louisa whispered.
Jasper nodded after a moment. "It won't be long," he admitted. "A few hours at most."
Louisa's heart gave a painful lurch as it leapt to her throat. "Is there anything we can do? Get her doctors or—"
"Her body is shutting down," he explained gently. "There's nothing more they can do for her."
His words pissed her off, though she couldn't articulate why. "You don't know that."
"I can smell it, my love," Jasper replied, stroking her hair. "It's time for her to go."
At this, she curled into his embraced and buried her face in his neck. "I'm not ready." Her words came out as a croak as tears began to slip down her cheeks.
Jasper sighed and hugged her tighter, pressing his lips to her hair. "You're never ready for the death of a loved one," he agreed.
"I can't lose her too."
She had already lost her mother and her brother. Now she was supposed to watch Kelly die too? Hadn't she lost enough people in her life? Hadn't she suffered enough?
It occurred to her that this wouldn't be the last time she'd find herself in this position. Soon, she'd watch all of her family die—her dad, Dottie, Petya—whilst she remained frozen at eighteen, immortal. That was the result of staying with Jasper and becoming a vampire. And the sick, twisted part of her couldn't even bring herself to care; watching her loved ones die was a small price to pay for eternity with Jasper.
Her tears turned into body-wracking sobs at the wretched thought.
But you could save her, a little voice whispered in the back of Louisa's mind. Ask Jasper to change her. She knew he'd do it if she asked. The selfish part of her almost asked him to do it too. She hated that she didn't instantly reject the thought.
After all, Kelly was so painfully young. She'd spent a considerable chunk of her life sick, in and out of hospital rooms. She'd suffered so much already. Didn't she deserve that chance to live?
But if Louisa followed that line of reasoning, she'd have to change every chronically ill child in the world. Sure, she had the ability (or knew someone with it) that could save Kelly from death. But she wasn't God. Who was she to decide who lived or died?
And who was she to say that Kelly hadn't lived?
Hadn't Kelly just described her adventures at summer camp? Hadn't she befriended people, played on playground equipment, and learned about things she loved (and hated) at school? Kelly's illness might have changed her life, but it hadn't ruled it. Her illness hadn't stopped her from living the most vibrant life she was capable of. Her life might have looked different than most girls her age, but that didn't mean her illness had ruined it.
Bad kidneys weren't what made Kelly who she was. No Kelly was her unique ability to light up every room she was in and bring a smile to the most consummate grump's face. She was the friend of deaf girls at parks and vampires in hospital playrooms. She was the little girl who loved dragons and reading. She was a tenacious ten-year-old who faced every struggle in her life with grace and a smile on her face.
Kelly might not have lived a long life, and it was often filled with pain. But that didn't mean it hadn't been a beautiful one. Kelly proved time and again that a life full of suffering could still be a life worth living.
Louisa tried to think what Kelly might say, had she been awake. Perhaps something like: "Dragons don't need saving, silly."
And so, Louisa remained silent. She didn't ask Jasper to turn Kelly, no matter how much she wanted to. Instead, she tucked the Holmes doll under Kelly's arm, kissed her friend's forehead one last time, and whispered her goodbye.
"So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings." —J.R.R. Tolkien
A/N: Fun fact: Kelly was supposed to die about 20 chapters ago, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Even last chapter, I ended up procrastinating her death. I hope you cried reading it as much as I cried writing it. Thanks again to my Beta, Sam, for peeking through this chapter and fixing my dyslexic misspellings. And thank you to all who take the time to leave me reviews! I appreciate each one of them!
