Talk Talk - Inheritance
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...Knock Knock... Someone suddenly appeared, hitting the door with a fist. I know who it is, just by hearing the same knocks. I could have looked outside by the window belonging to the kitchen, but I share other senses. I hear no voice, but when I heard the wooden door being hit like that, I could already hear his infant voice...
...Hey, Jack!... aren't we going to catch some 'bastardliks'?...
...Jack ain't there...
— Good morning. – I said, greeting Daniel Brandford, a cousin of mine; also known as Dan, and 'Gappys' by the closest ones. His wife doesn't call him like that, only Jack used to, so did I when being close to him, due to mother's demand. – I thought you were on duty as usual, Dan.
— I have been patrolling the surroundings from midnight to this morning, Freya. – Dan said. I could see that he was tired. Besides the trembling legs, his pupils didn't cease to blink. These Royal guards all wear light-weighted armor, but this doesn't mean they don't have any weight to bear with. – Whew. Don't you think I need some rest?
— You have your own house, Dan. And don't you think your wife isn't waiting for you?
— I know, I know. Learie is taking good care of the kids as usual, they don't cry that much like before, but I'm tired. Really, honest. Also, I've wanted to see you... I mean, now that this place is empty... – I already let Dan come inside, as soon as I noticed his weariness. He didn't show up the day before due to his duty, but he was willing to help me the way he could.
I know Gappys is good at the job he does, since I never saw him needing to raise the sword, if there may be one there, to show the blade lying inside that leather sheath. Rocks to be thrown can be found everywhere, and so do the children that Dan used to be part of.
— You have been preparing some chai, as it seems. Mind if I-
— You're welcome. – I said to Dan, who took a seat already.
Dan is sitting on the other side of the table, the same place Jack claimed to be his own. We used to stare at each other, before enjoying a meal. At least, I had some fun when painting my own face, but that happened so long ago, and only mother to tell I giggled each time I painted my face, feeling as well the scent of the beans.
One of the few things I do remember is that often I would be able to see Jack making those grimaces, sometimes I would mistake them with his face of boredom. Never that he was bored when playing outside, but the kitchen was the only place he could eat.
— This chai... – Dan said, after taking a sip. Some people are able to drink it when it's so hot, but when I do the same, my tongue gets burned. It always does, so instead of sipping it immediately, I decide to wait until this chai cools down. – Those from the outside world call it burman coffee. It ain't the same thing. I mean, there are those who can afford a high amount of gil to get some quality coffee, while the main population of Burmecia is supplied with the worthlessness of the coffees and teas as well. There is nothing else left for us than to improvise, to mix other spices in order to give this chai a taste... Lenneth knew which one to choose and blend.
Well, thanks, I would say in her place, although I was meant to drink this chai on my own, but Dan made a visit once again. Since his father's demise, the uncle I never saw, Dan began to visit this same house, and Jack ignored his presence. Later they would 'befriend' each other, since Jack and his began to hunt some Basilisks, so did I, just a witness like Learie.
— Mother knew many things, and only a few were taught to someone else other than her. – I said. Like, the way she could jump... The basics of the Dragoon skills.
Sometimes, mom returned to this house without opening the front door, but the window was found in her bedroom, and then, she lay on that same bed. She was so tired, but I was hungry. To eat some yellow apples instead of waiting for them to become red, fully or in a half as many of them came to be.
— …Our heads share plenty of things. To each thing I see, I am able to recall the name of the same object, its color, maybe the last one is the hardest to deduce, since there may be plenty of useful things to be done with something alike, well, a spear for example. Some may think a spear only kills dragons, while others can use a spear to free many lives from death, or use the ones with large blades as shovels to dig up the earth. It all depends on the person... And the people as well. Mainly the people. Like Lenneth, who used to share a risky job like mine, yet nobody ever asked for her to become a Dragoon Knight. They do not pay attention for the children who want to become them, not even when they grow up to fulfill their dreams.
— I wonder how you came to become a Royal guard, Dan. Your father was once part of them, right?
— To be fair, Freya, I didn't want to become a Royal guard like dad was, but I liked to hunt some Basilisks. Still I do it so, yet never that I ever harmed someone or something with this sword. It's only there to serve as a sort of symbol, so do these hands. It would be so cool to cut one of their heads with a blade, or so that's what Jack said once, but we instead kept throwing rocks over these creatures. Which way was the most painful, none of us knew... We hadn't been searching for these Basilisks to cause them any pain, but to avoid our own. So cruel, and so honest we were at the same time.
— ...And so deceitful as well. – After taking five sips of chai, I had some words to be spoken. They do act as a sort of reply towards Dan's own, and a reply to myself too.
How many times have you been laughing at someone who slipped with his face kissing the floor when jumping rope? How many times they laughed at you as well, and so did Jack... But he was the only one who followed me home, and the one who changed its face and the curve of that smile, no matter how awkward it looked for both of us. Only us. What would Jack receive after another day taking care of me, if we already lost something that couldn't be replaced?
— ...Remember all the children who wanted to become Dragoon Knights, Dan?
— Yes, they still exist. Only a few of them become what they ever wanted, or what everyone wanted. One of my brothers became a fisherman, the other went to some other Kingdom, and Aoife, my little sister, is a seamstress. She is kind enough to repair the holes of these outfits. Learie had been doing so much for me and the kids, as much as I had been doing this all for the sake of them. I mean, we are all born with claws, but it takes some time to wait for them to grow, and some do not want to use them this way, not even I do want to. That's why swords and javelins were made, and only a few to take care of them.
— Only a few are able to carry on such responsibility. To be honest, I wanted to become a Dragoon Knight for many reasons, Dan. So many reasons, but one detaches from them all... I was the only one in this neighborhood who had a parent that worked as a Dragoon Knight, one of the few who sparred with someone who acknowledged those combat techniques. And, by result, I was part of the many kids who had to wait for their caretakers who worked from a distance. I once thought that, if I became the same Knight like my mother, then I would be close to her.
— But you are. – Dan said. I waited, and nothing else was said. He took another cup, and I waited for him to sip it.
I am already done, but this sensation always comes afterwards. Somehow, I feel empty, so does Dan.
He could drink it all without ever opening his mouth, and be able to spit on my brother's face when showing off a smile but since his teeth and maturity grew up, he doesn't have the need to do it.
— Lenneth worked so hard to follow a way to the top of the world, and then she had to break her life in two. That's how things are, but we do our best to improvise. We can't cheat death, or to force time to slow down, not everything happens the way we want to. I mean, I didn't want any children, but now I'm glad that someone else wanted them. I have learnt many things with Learie, I live to learn something new, like my kids.
For some reason, Dan is able to take it easy.
He became a Royal Guard, is married, has a family to sustain, he is older than me, he shared some time before I had to live on my own... These are cold, hard facts, yet they are saw as a goal for many.
— We all struggle for something, because none of them are insignificant... Only the dreams, and the way they stand as dreams, if we aren't able to believe and make them into something else. Dan, I know this ain't just a dream, or something flowing or tampering with my blood, but I... I don't know what to do next. I know where to go, but I have my doubts in regards to the slightest of the requirements, if there'll be an audition awaiting to see me, if I'll fail with them, which other job should I take instead...
— Don't worry about these matters, Freya. The weather isn't affecting you, only. – Said Dan. Unlike him, I am sitting in the direction the window wasn't at my back.
I could see the sky, the white of the clouds, Only white, and the transparent water pouring down as usual. Only the light coming from the window enlightens this dark kitchen, and the warm smoke coming out of the teapot... Another of many views I saw so many times. I don't share the same feelings I had with mother to Dan, or Jack, or maybe father, if he lived a bit longer .
— It's so cold outside, and only this chai to warm us up... – I said. Even the apples taste cold. It's like I am eating snowflakes, but they don't melt inside of me, like they used to with a single touch of my tongue.
— Well, as I said, you don't have the need to carry on any of these worries. I know how it feels to lose someone you had been living with, and to feel the need of doing something, but you can't. The second one is the worst I had to bear, because I couldn't accept that I was unable to do something. Well, I did, but it took time for me to raise this sword with only one hand, they are so goddamn heavy... But you, Freya, you had been training throughout your lifetime with someone who shared an exact experience as a Dragoon Knight in a sort of child's play. Lenneth sure knew that, someday, you would become strong as a Dragoon Knight, not because she needed someone to take her place, but to make your own instead.
— I don't know for sure if my mother wanted me or Jack to become Knights like her, but to be stronger like one of them... Certainly, that may have been her intention all along.
— Good intentions, from a good person. I've heard many things about dad, the way he acted and saw others, but I didn't care about these things. He was my father, after all, and as much as I cared for him, he also cared for me, and mother, my siblings; dad just had no time to express these things, and I was too young to understand what he was talking about, and remember his words. Huff. Well, I guess I should be back to my routine as usual, so thanks for receiving me, Freya.
Soon after finishing his cup, Dan lifted from the chair he was sitting on, so did I, and then we shook hands. I wasn't expecting his visit, but I am glad that he made an appearance. Someone other than me.
— Freya... if you feel any better, I'll be waiting for you in front of this house tomorrow. This if you need someone to follow you to where the Dragoons hatch...
— Thanks, Dan. I know you would be able to do this for me, but what about your job?
— There are guards other than me on these streets. It won't make any difference if I miss this job for a while, only a small discount of my payment. – And then, after saying those words, Dan closed the main door. He didn't say goodbye, not because he had no time for such formality, but we will meet again.
Dan may be left away from his job, but not from the duty he still carries on. After all, to help people on the way he is able to is Dan's goal, as a guard, with or without this outfit. They look all the same, except those worn by the Dragoons...
I've spent the entire afternoon doing what mother used to, before going to her night routine. The clothes were already taken out of the line, I buried some holes in the ground and put the seeds there, as much as I began to sew each hole I spotted with my clothes. Sometimes, mother would spend an entire day working as a Dragoon, while others she would come back, only to sleep over that bed, and when the clouds began to darken, she would be gone.
Now I am the only one sitting above this bed, where I used to sleep with her, sometimes as well. Only Jack would be there to take care of me, on father's place. He would never be reckless towards me, but only a few times that he shared a place on his bed, when my own was soaked. If, when afraid of the lighting seen from the window, or the sound of a thunder striking a tree nearby, a nightmare I dreamt in the blackest night...
I couldn't control myself, my impulses, retaining it all inside of me, and so this just appears to happen again.
The same circumstances... same goals, same results. Now I know when I should or shouldn't relief myself, when it's time to feel clean, when it's time to behave, but nobody knows when it's time to do a leap of faith. It just happens, and I ain't sure where I should be landing upon. It must be the weather, or so Dan said, or I am just trying to convince myself it is. I look at the clouds from the window, and all I can see is darkness. Some lights had been lit, but they are nothing compared to the sun, barely visible, but enough to make a dawn become white.
I touch my forehead, and I can't feel any heat burning me, only the same heat I had been living with. Then I remember I lived to share my heart with someone else, the first contact I had with mother wasn't with words, but with her skin. Only later that I would be able to understand what she had been talking about, instead of trying to eat her white hair. 'Don't eat this'; that may have been one of her first words, and one of the first rules I ever heard. At least, I was able to hear and feel something coming from her, and from father as well.
Instead of one, I lightened two candles. These are my only sources of light... And warmth before my own is gone.
...
