AN: Hi! Hi!

Chapter 13: Nearly Lost You

The light...

It started to break through, slicing the darkness that had made up his world. It continued to spread, illuminating things further as his eyelids slowly cracked open. It stung his eyes for a second, causing him to hesitate to open up further. He allowed his sight to get accustomed to the brightness before things started to take on a more familiar form. It started to make sense and he knew his eyes were looking up at the ceiling. A ceiling that he kind of remembered.

He blinked a couple times, a small groan escaping him. He turned his head around, scanning his surroundings. His vision gave him enough information to know where he was currently located. It all clicked. Heero was in Nurse Sally's office. He had only been here once before. It was on his second day of school, after he had gotten fouled in a game of basketball during gym class. He was brought up here to get his cut looked at… and he sat on this bed.

With her.

He moved his hands to rub his eyes. He felt some pain as he did so, reminding him of the beating he took at the hands of that cop. His face still looked like a mess. Well, that was what he was anyway, he figured. His physical appearance started to match his character. He was a broken kid and him lying here on this bed was proof of his shortcomings. He tried to remember the last thing he saw before blacking out.

He recalled being in the hallways before his body began to shut down. He was falling forward… he was sure of that. His head apparently didn't crash and splatter all over the floor, like he kind of hoped it would. So what happened? How did he get up here? Who brought him to Sally's office? He started to think about the moment that he collapsed. Was someone there? Oh yeah, Heero thought as something popped up in his head. He thought he heard someone call out to him. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Could be. He deprived himself of sleep and food. He was probably just losing it.

But still…

He couldn't help but remember that voice reaching out to him before he went out. The music of the voice that called his name carried a feminine tune to it. He was sure of that. So someone had to have been there when his body tapped out; it had to have been a girl as well.

Was it… Relena?

Heero hoped not. For her to see him in such a state… to see him look so worthless… he didn't want that. It killed him to think of how she would view him. Would she be disgusted by him? He wouldn't blame her if that were the case. It would hurt him, he wouldn't lie, but she would be justified. Even more so if she saw those tears he remembered falling down.

He didn't want anybody to see him… but that goes double for her.

He slowly lifted himself and brought his knees up and leaned his arms over them. He was by himself. The nurse wasn't around, so he turned to look at the clock on the wall.

School had wrapped up about 10 minutes ago. He spent the rest of the school day sleeping. He sighed. Was he going to get in trouble for this? What were the reactions when they saw his face? Hopefully they wouldn't bug him about it. Whatever, he just needed to get out of here.

At that exact moment, he heard the door open. A figure entered the room… and it was the person he wanted to see the least. His eyes widened and his breath paused. Relena Darlian closed the door behind her and stopped in her tracks as she saw an awakened Heero looking directly at her. They both held stares, neither of them knowing what to say. Relena studied his face, not looking so much at the obvious bruising, but more at the way it looked in general as his eyes matched hers. There was an emptiness about him that she just wasn't used to seeing. He looked lost, like he wasn't sure what to do. That face of his… it was almost as if he was afraid of her. This was distressing for Relena. This wasn't the Heero she had come to know.

"Um, did you just wake up?" She tried, hoping to see his features change to something less forlorn.

Heero answered with a slight nod before tearing his view away from her and hung his head low, not wanting to be seen by her anymore. She noticed this and frowned. This wasn't just Heero avoiding her like he had been doing, this felt like something different.

"If you were wondering how you got here…" Relena continued. "I found you in the hallway and had you brought up." She thought she saw his body shake. "I tried calling out to you, but I guess with those headphones on you couldn't hear me." She gave him some time to respond.

He didn't.

Heero kept looking away from her, feeling ashamed that, yes, she was the one that found him. There was no way he could look at her.

Relena sighed, taking a few steps forward. "Sally could tell how exhausted you were, so she allowed you to sleep here." No reaction again. He just sat there, upper body slumped over, arms lifelessly dangling over his knees. Relena's head shook, unable to understand the person she was trying to talk to. "I had to convince her to not make such a big deal about your injuries. I told her that you told me you fell the other day and that you've had a hard time sleeping over the past weekend." Relena could tell that Sally wasn't buying it, but the nurse had decided against her better judgement to humor the young girl, recognizing her obvious attachment to the sleeping boy.

She was lying on his behalf. If that was supposed to make Heero feel better, it didn't.

Relena got closer, trying to get a better view of him. He hadn't said a thing and she got the feeling he didn't want her around. She pondered the idea of possibly giving him what he wanted and leave him here alone. However, that thought left her head as quickly as it entered. Heero wasn't right and in this building, in this world that wasn't his home, he was facing whatever was bothering him all by his lonesome. He could get mad at her all he wanted; he could tell her that he wanted to be left alone again, but she wasn't having it.

"I'd ask what happened, but I don't think you're going to tell me, are you?" she asked, this time referring to his bruised up face, pulling a chair over as she took a seat beside him. Her eyes scanned his unresponsive form. Seconds of silence passed and he remained quiet. He still refused to look at her. Relena wanted him to respond, to give her the insight she needed. Where was the origin of this clear and obvious pain? Why were there tears that stained his cheeks.

Her head tilted downward, hands folded on her lap. She twiddled her thumbs, unsure of where to go next. His silence made things difficult to continue, neither of them able to match looks again, though not because of any reluctance on Relena's part. She bit her lip and her brows furrowed. More time passed and eventually Relena spoke again. "I heard there was a… terrible shooting that happened around your neighborhood."

Heero's hands balled up and his body grew stiff. Next, his jaw clenched and his eyes closed. He didn't want to think on past events, but something like that would be front page local news shit. It would be online for everyone to read and hear about. It made sense that she would ask him. Unlike anyone else in this school, he thought, she was probably the only one to ever step foot in his world. Relena was just too curious for her own good.

"When I heard about it, I immediately thought of you..." Relena continued to watch herself play with her thumbs. There was something about that statement that sent a bizarre, soothing feeling fly through him. It begged him to relax, but he continued to fight it. "Hoping that you weren't anywhere near that awful incident."

She had no idea and he didn't want to tell her. Saying nothing seemed like the way to go for him. She moved her hands to grab at skirt of her uniform, wrinkling the fabric in her grasp, wondering what it would take to get a response from him. "I wish you would tell me what's wrong."

Heero swallowed down a lump in his throat. He wished he could, too. Though, even if Heero couldn't find the words or the energy to reply, he would admit that her being here did do something for him. She helped him develop a slight numbness to the inner turmoil he was combating.

"But you didn't tell me before, I'm not sure what made me think you would this time." A sigh escaped her lips and Heero could hear that voice of hers carry the sounds of disappointment. He could only mentally apologize to her, wishing that she could understand him.

She looked up, still finding him sitting in that same position that kept him both voiceless and faceless. "Maybe I'm just bothering you."

Her presence could hurt him in some inexplicable way, but the more she remained here the more he wanted her to stay. How stupid was he for telling her to leave him alone?

No, she wasn't bothering him

"I should probably just leave."

No, he didn't want her to leave.

"I'm sure you're fine now so…"

No, he wasn't fine.

Heero heard the chair move as she stood. She was going to leave him again, but not because he pushed her away like last time.

"I can only hope that you'll take better care of yourself."

No, he wasn't sure he could do that now. His chest felt like it was going to pull apart and explode which caused a barely audible grunt to leave him.

"Bye, Heero." Her eyes studied him one last time. She wanted nothing more than for him to speak; to unload everything that he was thinking or feeling on her. She knew she wasn't dealing with the most forthcoming person in the world, but even so…

Relena wanted to reach out to him, to run a hand through his hair like she did when he fell on her… but the frustration that she felt from his refusal to engage kept her from taking that sort of action. Not that she thought Heero wanted it anyway. They would part ways here and continue how they'd been. It wasn't ideal, but it's what he asked for and she would honor his wishes.

He could hear her move, turning to walk towards that door. He would be alone again, just as he wanted. It's what he wanted… right?

Well…

"I'm sorry…"

Relena was barely halfway across the room when she spun her head back. "Heero?" Did she actually just hear his voice? It's something she hadn't heard since the end of last week.

He slowly lifted his head back up, looking straight forward. "The past few days… have been rough." The volume of his voice was only a few notches above a whisper, but she could hear him. "I'm not myself right now."

Her feet took her right back to Heero's side. He forced himself to look at her again. She didn't like the look in his eyes. There was nothing there. That fire and intensity that captivated her from the beginning was completely absent. It's as if the blue in his irises were beginning to fade away. Heero wasn't himself, he was definitely right about that.

"What happened?" She hoped his words meant he would start responding now. Relena wanted to know, he just had to tell her.

"I can't say everything, Relena." Heero forced himself to continue. There was a part of him that didn't want to talk, but if that meant she would stay then fine… he would talk. "But I'm just not doing well."

"I can tell." Once again, he wasn't being specific, but admitting he had problems like this was progress. "So I think you'll know what I'll ask next." She gazed at him, crossing her arms as she did so. Heero knew what she would ask. "Is there anything I can do?"

His worn out eyes focused downward. "It's something I'll have to figure out on my own."

It wasn't the answer she wanted, but it was the one she expected. Of course he needed help. He was still just being his usual stubborn self. At least that part of him was still there. "When are you going to realize that you don't have to fight whatever it is you're battling all on your own?" Relena said with an exasperated sigh. "Even if we're not… together, it doesn't mean I can't help you."

Heero meekly nodded. Fuck it, he thought, she was right. "I know, that's true. That's why… I'm glad you're here."

Well, she wasn't quite expecting that kind of response, but she would definitely take it. "I'll be here whenever you need me. I know I can't help you out there, beyond these school walls, but if there's anything you need to get off your chest, or maybe you just need to talk, please… Heero, never hesitate."

"Hn." He looked back up at her replied with a simple nod of the head. She smiled down at him and he felt like some of the light that had poured out of him was beginning to return. A simple curve of her lips upward could do that to him. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

Though that's when thoughts of him deserving her sympathy started to come right back. He wasn't being fully honest with her and he knew it. There was a reason he was so conflicted, and he wasn't giving up that information.

He moved his work. He was a criminal who hadn't been caught yet. If the cops didn't get him, a bullet to the head would… and he would absolutely deserve it. His body began to quake, ripping a hard tremor through him.

Heero grunted and wrapped his arms around himself. His head began to pound. He closed his eyes as tightly as he could; his forehead creased and his eyebrows furrowed. Concern immediately overtook the blonde standing at his side. "Heero, are you okay?" She heard him groan and wasn't sure what was happening. She noticed his body shake and his hands dug into the fabric of his uniform, probably digging well into his skin as well.

It looked like he had suddenly entered zero degree weather with the way his body shivered. He wasn't responding to her, he just sat there shaking violently. "Heero please! What's wrong?" She tried again, but all he could do was shake his head. This didn't look normal. She looked around, wondering if she should get someone.

"I'm fine…" Heero tried to say, still visibly quivering.

Like hell he was! Relena shouted internally. Heero really had no idea when to give up and accept help, but he would learn...

He had grown that weak. Just the thought of his true self sent him towards this sudden downward spiral. He wasn't deserving of anyone's help. There was no place for him except the streets, that jungle built with concrete. His thinking continued to go in darker directions, with images of his dead body lying somewhere face down in a pool of his own blood.

That's how he figured he would go. Death was a certainty and the more time went on, the more he was sure it would come sooner rather than later.

These damaging thoughts repeated in his head before something put everything on pause. Heero felt arms coil around him… arms that weren't his. His eyes snapped open and he saw that Relena had placed her chin on his head while she wrapped herself around him. She held him as tightly as she could, hands rubbing his shoulders and upper back. Her hands told him to relax; that everything would be alright.

It began to work, his body still shook, but slowly his involuntary movements began to subside. "It's okay, Heero. I'm here, I'll protect you."

Did he need protecting? Yeah, probably from himself, he surmised

"R-Relena…" He wanted to buy into her words because he knew he had no choice. He hated to say it, but he needed help. There was only so much he could do himself and he wasn't succeeding anyway. "I'm sorry." There he went apologizing again.

Relena adjusted herself by loosening her hold and moved her hands to cup his face, tilting his head to make eye contact with her avoiding his bruising as much as possible so she wouldn't hurt him. Her face exuded warmth and comfort; her smile pierced deep into Heero's soul, injecting him with care and reassurance. "You don't have to say sorry to me." She began. "Listen Heero, not to sound rude, but I'm just going to ignore everything dumb you told me last week. It doesn't matter anymore. As long as you're here, as long as you need someone to reach out to, just know that I'll be right there."

Her voice managed to strike a balance between affectionate and firm. She watched his eyes tremble, he seemed unsure at first but eventually nodded in his reply.

Relena closed her eyelids and placed her forehead on his. That simple action finally relaxed him altogether. He felt his chest expand, allowing him to breathe again. He closed his eyes along with her, a sense of peace enveloping him much like her embrace did. His body felt a pleasurable heat build up within him. The young boy reached up to cover a hand over one of hers and, with just enough strength, he squeezed it. It was his way of telling her how much he appreciated this… appreciated her.

Her thumbs lightly brushed back and forth over his face. It tickled him slightly, but he didn't flinch. He loved the feeling, actually; his face felt an enjoyable tingling sensation that he didn't know could be produced. Once again, she was showing him something new.

Neither of them wanted to break away… they would choose to remain like this for a little while longer. Regardless of the circumstances, everything felt right at that particular moment.

And to think, Heero thought, he almost lost this.

The two were so gone in each other's company that not one of them realized the door had cracked open.

A pair of emerald eyes looked on with amusement. He chuckled before looking away; with his hands in his pockets, he leaned up against the wall beside the door. "Wow, you're good." He said to no one. "And I get the feeling you weren't even trying." Trowa, the guy that actually helped Relena bring the sleeping Heero to the nurse's office, shrugged with a smirk. "Seems like I picked a losing battle, huh?"


AN: Nothing much here, just giving love to all of u! Thank you for reading.

Screaming Trees - "Nearly Lost You"