Sonic Youth - Society Is A Hole


It's real.

Everything said is real. I see what's really real. My eyes hurt. A hole in the sky, rain which tastes acid. Words come out the mouth like poison, if you are the smoker or the one who breathes the thick fog. Rats, all rats. Gray like pipes, all attached to another, holes sucking holes, a boy and a girl, how cute are these kids, how sick they are to walk barefoot.

Everyone walks barefoot, nobody wears shoes, and even if they did, mold would grow on their feet and devour the flesh… oh, this mere thought gave me a headache. A crack in my skull, and they didn't even touch me. I was touched, got sick… all the disease of the world, I see, smell, touch again, feel sick again. Today, a pregnant woman set herself on fire. The baby's fine. I didn't see it happen, but it sure did. Everything can happen in a real world. This world.

Yet, none of them see what I see. Rats; just rats. Nothing inside hollow eyes, dark as coal. Staring deep at the soul, never closing, mere orbs. A bell rings, it hurts my ears. It hurted father. He walked, and was gone soon as the bell rang. Never came back. I have no idea who he was, only that he was a father. A dead father. A lead soldier for the rest. A good husband for mother, who married at church.

Yes, the church. I see a couple. The woman is a cleyran, given the big hair. So much hair, so much lice, sand, dust, a hand dares to touch it. I… I can't look… they do, cheer for her, and the man, but he ain't of my interest. Though, he should have looked better, all of them should have, but none can see what I see… It's a Cleyran. Ugh… she has a bb-b-b… an awful birthmark in her cheek. A nasty birth defect, which will be carried on to her sons.

Why? Why do none of them do something? Is it all… left for me? Only I can see?… None of them can? I… I turn back. Yeah, better this way. Ignore the problem… ignore the disease. But it always follows you, infecting other parties. The rain has a pleasant sound, but it's wet. I might get a cold if I do not stand out. N-Now… Where are the Dragoons to arrest this guy bursting like a fridge? Where are they? Should… Should I do something? I… I can't. Not right now. The least of the defects I can't fix… with these own hands.

— Hey Fratley! – Hrist came in, by a jump. Water out a puddle splashed on me, and my coat, together with a bit of mud. As if the sweat in my face wasn't enough… – Uh, can you tell me what supposedly Freya is doing?

— She is using her inner strength in order to search for the strength of a spear in hands. – Said Sir Fratley, in an almost enigmatic tone. He's trying too hard, by the way. I wish my fists were harder, though.

— So, in other words…

— Come on, Hrist. Haven't you been through this as well? - I said, without facing Hrist, but the cherry tree.

— As far as I recall… no, I didn't. – I have a tree to punch, and ears to listen to Hrist. – Well, what have you been expecting, Crescent? To lift some books with your heads?

— Actually, I think we'll do this later. – Fratley said. He must be joking. This if he didn't mean by tomorrow, which I can accept.

— Later? – I said, with a bit of disdain towards Sir Fratley.

— Now, focus on the tree, Crescent. Without this tree, you won't have a tomorrow. – He said.

Pant… Without any trees, surely there won't be a tomorrow. Without their beauty, Burmecia is nothing more than… more than… I would say graveyard, given the tombstones, but every person I see carries on gray fur. Excluding that brat, and a few like Ezekiel… oh, what I'm doing? Comparing people as tombstones in order to give this place a sense of decay that keeps moving, that never ends? Or is it because I can't feel my hands? Yet, to listen to voices at my back…

— Where have you been, Hrist?

— Waiting for you, Fratley. Edea had to train me instead…

— Was she harsh with you?

— A lot. Not that you are a better choice too.

— Please. I'm not that mean.

— Well, say it to the Crescent. Why haven't you taught the poor thing regeneration yet? Geez, you're so mean, Fratley.

— Hrist, please… Freya needs concentration.

— Sure. But from where true concentration comes, I ask?

— Silence, perhaps? – I said. I was about to say something worse.

— Of course not. – Hrist said. Didn't look at her face, which may or not have made a difference, she is sassy in every possible way. – Had you been in a room with absolute silence, you would be bored enough to make any noise.

— Do you live in a world of absolute silence to know?

— I live in a world where it rains.

— A world where your throat never dries up…

— I feel glad it doesn't. – So Hrist stopped for a while, but I knew I would hear more than my fists hitting the wood. – You're getting there… kinda. I mean, mashing your head against the trunk would be more useful.

— Know what would be useful? If you happened to be in my place.

— Well, had I been… you must feel pity for having chosen a tree like this, Crescent.

— Shut up.

— How rude. – Look who's talking… And, in the middle of it all, Sir Fratley did a wise thing: nothing. He just stood there, quiet, a thing I should have done too. Hrist, however… – Whew… so, came up with a name for your javelin, Crescent? Mine is Quicksilver, so you can't take it.

— What about 'Silvertongue'?

— Whoa… That was quick. A pretty name, don't you think, Fratley?

— Uh huh. – Said Sir Fratley, this is if he wanted to say a thing.

— Oh, here she is. – And then another Dragon came in, by a jump. I expected a splash out the puddle of water, but guess it was done on purpose by Hrist alone. Alone… know when you feel uncomfortable in the middle of many people? As if they are about to stab you in the back, or look at you with disappointment? That's what I ask myself, with 'yes' as the only reply. Yes, that's how I feel now. With Hrist, Sir Fratley, and… - Hi there, Captain.

— Hi, Hrist. Fratley. Freya. – I knew that voice, a feeling of emptiness beyond her face… Edea. So, I turned to her direction, interrupting this kind of training once again. A relief for hands.

— Oh… hi, Edea. – I said. She looks so serious it's… how can I describe? Well, Edea wears an armor cold as her sight. A pretty coat too, which seems to be made of a sort of metallic fiber. I say this because it's the first time I look at her wearing something, hiding those scars. – Nice coat. – I gave a little praise to her outfit, and then she said nothing. It's worse than saying nothing, in this case.

— Well, what brings you here, Edea? – Fratley said. I mean, he can't see her face, so his words flow out naturally, or maybe it's because he knows Edea more than I do.

— Besides an apprentice who fled from training…

— Thanks to you, my shoulder dislocated quite a few times. – Said Hrist. I knew there was something strange in her, but I didn't care to notice. As for Edea, and that dull face…

— That's not the important matter here.

— I thought it was.

— Didn't I say 'besides'? – Hrist stood quiet, but not quiet like a pause between words. Must have been the way Edea looked at her, and said with plain lips. – Well, now that I found you, Fratley…

— Did Ezekiel call for me?

— Had my father called you, he would have come out of his room. – Said Hrist. I knew she would say something, but the way she said sounded as if she didn't want to say anything at all. Strange? Maybe, had not Captain Edea been here. – Sorry. Proceed.

— Right. Ezekiel received a report coming from the southeast surroundings.

— The southeast? – I asked, without knowing what was happening, or if I had something to do with it

— Yes. You know, Crescent, the Jugend is found at the center of Burmecia. From here, we can go in any direction.

— Well, I didn't know that. – I said. Last time I went to the Jugend, I was a little mouse walking on the grass, so I do not remember much.

— For someone who is the daughter of a Dragoon Knight, you should have known better. – For some reason, Edea sounded a bit like Hrist, except that, unlike the latter, it was more an advice than an insult. Just the first day here, and they treat me like I have been here for a decade. – Anyway, they are requesting our help, Fratley.

— Okay, but why me? Aren't there any other Dragoons available?

— There is, but I know you are good with words. Can you use them to save a life?

— What happened? – That's what I would like to know too. Must be an urgency, given there is a life at risk.

— A man is surrounded by a crowd, about to witness the descent of its final curtain, children are watching… – Edea said. Many lives are at risk, as far as I know. Nothing that I can do… – You know what to do, Fratley.

— Alright. I'll go. – With only a cane in hands, Sir Fratley was about to leave.

— I'll go too! – Same for Hrist, not without making one of her remarks. – Maybe I can learn something new today.

— There is nothing new under the sun, as they say. – And so Sir Fratley made one of his deep statements.

— We live without the sun very well.

— And who will be there to watch me? – I asked. In no way I would be left without someone watching me. Zack has a lot of papers to do before they do him, so…

— Think about Edea as my pair of eyes. – That was the last thing I heard from Fratley, before he and Hrist took a walk somewhere in the southeast.

Before they jumped, I mean. Jumping and jumping until their colors became mere dots for my sight. Again, it ain't time for thoughts. Arrgh… My fist hurts. Cold water falls upon it. It ain't enough. What would be worse? I ask. The spikes Hrist mentioned before do not seem that harmful. I once saw a Burmecian laying over a bed full of spikes, and none of them hurted him. Maybe it's because he just layed there, letting all the pointy spikes touch its back, or because barely he had a skin to be dug up.

Ouch… I try my best to not say a curse word. I didn't learn to say them with mom, but Jack and its friends were there, on the street. I see none, but the path of cobblestone at the left, which's empty. I see my life there, in a gap between the stones. Momentary reflections aside, throat drying up, skin wet… I give another punch, water falls on me, and only I can make the cycle end.