Nasty boy.
Cough. Nasssty. Like everyone. Everyone is flawed, cough! Flaws. I can't tell if that's the fisherman's hand, or the fish's scales taking all over his body, recomposing his structure. If that's how everything began, when a man and a rat fell on the same puddle, assimilating each one's qualities. Cough! Each one's disease. Each one's job. Only men work for men. Rats bite men. Spread the disease, just like men. Ever since I was a kid, like that nasty boy.
Such a thing has a name, like everything, other than nasty. Puck, that's it. Very known around for its pranks, mischievous behavior. Just a bored kid. Disgusting, too. There aren't many kids around, for a whole lot of earth to be made a hole. Out the holes at the ceiling, come the cockroaches, rows of ants, and smoke. Deadly smoke. From the houses, and the mouths. Try not to breathe, or else the smoke gets in you, messes with your brain, lungs,the skin, cough, cough cough COUGH!
News sheets. The kind you twist, and bleeds. Too many sheets, for many people who can't read. Window by window, I hear gossip. I avoid windows, in order to avoid gossips, drops of spit and feces. The smoke, the smoke is within. Can't let it get out, already in. Small amounts of poison, long lasting poison in my veins.
— … I thought you would cut out the cigarettes this time, she said. – Rotten pipes, delivering smoke, releasing it to everyone's face. Pale faces, drained of blood. – It's the only way I can relax. With the kids, and all, there isn't a single moment I-
— Cough! – Disease doesn't know its disease. It just does what is of its nature. To infect people… it's taking me already.
— Peace, brother. What do ya want?
— The dirty needles… coffin nails…
— What did you say?
— Cough! You heard me, disease. You took the whole of this man, now I'll take him back out of you!. – With this scalpel in hand, I can do the fixing.
— No! Please, no! I have a family! – Throughout this man, disease tried to shed a scream. It lays on the ground, lots of cuts, and why does it has to resist?
— Don't worry. I only take away the bad parts. The rotten pipes. – Then… a last breath of life. The final cut. Was that life? No. Cough, cough! An imitation of life.
We all live in pieces… I just want to live in peace.
Mark Hollis - Inside Looking Out
…
Do I have to work today?
Yaaawn… a shiver travels throughout my whole body, and all I did was open the front door, to receive the early morning winds.
With Agartha in hands, and father's hat in head, I can pass through it without falling. Do teachers sleep at school? One of the kids asked, before I left. I think it was Raymie. Most of the time, we do. It seems easier to stand on high wire than cross through the slippery stones of each Burmecia's street. I'll do my best, April said before I left. That's what Albert would want, she completed.
I remember the first day I came to that house. Said that I would only stay a week, then depart. Guess I was wrong, or at my rightest to not leave them behind. A member of the family didn't expect to be called like one, but that's how they see me. Though I can't see it like I used to, I still feel the rain crossing my skin like it did on a Thursday afternoon. The wind to pull the swing, together with the dried leaves of autumn.
A relentless, caring high wind.
— Are you falling asleep? – A Royal Guard asked. We met each other at the avenue. – Come on, it's a joke!
Dan, of course.
— I'm sure that I do not suffer from narcolepsy. – And to fall asleep in this noisy street, on the other hand… Not even at my worst I would dare to do so.
— Then what is bothering you? – Dan's heartbeat seems irregular. The cold morning isn't the only one to blame.
/\/\/\_/\_/\/\/\_/\_/\/\_
— I ask the same, Gappys. – I thought it would be funny to call Dan that way. Like, I still do remember.
— Man, when was the last time I heard it. – Funny, you said… he doesn't seem amused at all – Oh, yesterday. It was Jack. He has a keen eye for everything.
— Uh, sorry if I reminded you of-
— The gap? No, that's fine. I learned how to control my impulses, and there isn't a single mud pit around, so… it's fine. – Said Dan, shedding a brief smile. – Besides, you're my friend.
— So if I pulled your tail right now…
— Then I would have no mercy. Nobody touches my tail.
— Gulp… Just saying. – Dan took off his claw from near the leather sheath. He may be my friend, but a soldier on duty as well.
— I think that answers what does bother me. Like, I do need to be bothered. Everyday spent here, wearing these blue clothes, it ain't hard to spot a red smudge. And to come home alive, not sure if the same will happen tomorrow…
— If you stay on the line, you have nothing to worry about.
— I wish others could stay on it, too. Well, that's why I'm here, after all.
— Has someone pulled your tail recently, Dan? – I wonder if that still happens these days. If everything changed or not as I left this place.
— More than that, Frattie. Like, I can tolerate a silly kid's prank. I used to be a prankster, with nothing to do but laugh. Without showing the gaps, of course. See, I once pulled a Guard's pants, and you know what happened.
— What happened?
— I was caught, of course. Couldn't sit in the chair for a week.
— See, that's what bothers me, Dan. – Maybe nothing changed at all. Flowers grow, but that doesn't prevent anyone from stepping over them. – This need of violence for things that can be solved with dialogue.
— In my case, there wasn't any dialogue.
— Then how come you've become a better person?
— Dunno. The power of love? See, people are people, Fratley. It's easier to change someone else's opinion rather than change a whole person. Like father used to say, "If it doesn't kill you… it may kill someone else".
— What do these words mean?
— Don't know, Frattie. Father used to say things that seemed to only make sense for himself. Now, these words seem to mean a lot more than they ever did. This sword… I swear I could put a butter's knife in this sheath, and people still would think I am carrying a sword around. Like, you feel this too, don't you?
— I do. – Standing near someone with a weapon… I wonder who doesn't feel the same tension. Even I, carrying this pointy javelin, feel this way.
— Everyone seems afraid of me at one time and another. I can tolerate bad sight, but fear in the eyes of everyone…
— "Let fear propel you forward!, my father used to say.
— I retreat, in this case. Does that make me look like a coward?
— You have a sense of preserving life in a touch-and-go scenery, Dan. I wouldn't call it cowardice. I know it's tough to turn down a dare, but sometimes being brave means using your head.
— Thanks. Many come to ask questions to me, while I walk around without answering my own. Like, I don't want to bother Learie. She loves me, and that makes her vulnerable to suffering, and I don't want to see her suffer.
— And how's Learie doing?
— She's fine. So do the kids. – It's been a while since Dan and I were walking on this avenue. The Jugend is still far away from here. I could be jumping from one building to another to reach there, but sometimes I want to know the people below clouds – … I hate changing Jack and Adam's clothes.
— Who doesn't?
— Yeah, who doesn't. But I'm glad it's only two of 'em. Two healthy boys, isn't that a blessing?
— It is.
— When I look at the little ones, I think "well, they aren't wicked devils after all".
— They took after their mother, didn't they?
— I agree. – I like when people smile. Moreso when I make them share a single smirk. Might be an awkward stretch of lips, but I still count it as a win. – Speaking of kids, last time I saw you, Frattie, you were eating worms, lucky clovers, these things that you can't really eat on a dish.
— And you poked the nose, yuck.
— True. Now I have these cookies in my pockets. Learie made them, but they always crumble. Though, they do not lose the flavor. Do you want a cookie?
— No, thanks. – Crumbling cookies… how familiar. – You know, these cookies used to make me itch all day. Wasn't a good idea to hide the cookies in my hat. As a kid, I thought it would work. Dandruff at this age? My mom said, before she felt a sugary scent in my head.
— Hahah!… I'm still trying to figure out if that kid was really you, Fratley.
— I stopped being a kid at seven years old.
— And I with five. – With that said, Dan and I stood quiet for a while. The sound of the crowd filled in our ears. Instead of hearing a lot of gossip and hearts, I hear my own. – Still talking about kids… How are you doing with Freya?
— Freya? Oh, it's her second day at the Jugend. – The same place to which we both arrived. – Well, here it is. Beyond these gates, the new Dragoons are born.
— Are you trying hard on her?
— To a certain extent, Dan. – I said, as soon as I stepped inside the Jugend. – Though, this approach… It feels a bit forced.
— Forced? – Dan asked, right about when he was leaving.
— Yes. I know the nature of an endurance test. They can be kinda brutal, and hardly you come out of it without any harm. Like, I do not disregard traditional ways of teaching completely, even when they feel outdated as punching a tree.
— To punch a tree ain't that much. You see, I had to carry buckets of water through a mountain path, now that's a hard task.
— That's what Hrist had to pass through, too. And she was younger than Freya when she did it so…
— You do know how to treat ladies and little girls.
— There are no little girls in the Jugend.
— But Freya is still a woman. A person. And you should take care of her as a person if you want her trust.
— How many people have you taken care of as people recently, Dan? – I asked, to which Dan stared at me, confused, his warm breathing coming from the nose. All he does is to breathe, while it rains. I feel like I'm talking to nobody, but myself.
— Not all of them. – Nobody, you meant to say. – Still, mutilation ain't my kind. I might bluff a while and another, and… why did you ask it, Frattie?
— Don't know. – I should have crossed the main door already, checked my presence, and, well…
— Is that because of what happened yesterday? – Johnny… I can easily take out that image from my head, like I do when I ignore a noise. But when you're in a dark cave, surrounded by echoes, it's hard to let it pass by. Noise doesn't cross walls, it hits you constantly until you're down.
— …Maybe. – A feeling I borrow from all yesterdays that were left behind. – I think I should be leaving already. Goodbye, Dan. Have a nice day.
— Goodbye, Frattie. Be vigilant.
Be vigilant… sure I'll be, Dan. With these ears, I can better than I did when I had eyes. I see the better side of this world, so do the worst. But sometimes, I think the bad side is winning.
…
At the bathhouse…
— So you are a nurse? – I asked Edea, who's taking a shower at my side.
— That's how I began my career, Crescent. – She said, without facing my direction. – You can scream as loud as you can, and I won't hear you. All Burmecian surgeons and nurses are taught to ignore yells of pain.
— That makes sense. – Counting these scars on Edea's back, I can tell how many times she ignored her own pain.
— Well, Lenneth always said that I couldn't be a mother like she did.
— I think you would be a great mother.– I am not sure if what I said was sincere or sarcastic.
— I'm not interested in taking care of any more children. I already have a lot to take care of.
— Speaking of which, who's watching Hrist? – Maybe she is standing on same place, with a ball and a chain wrapped around her leg.
— I said that I would.
— But you are here. – Unless there's a way to replicate your image with the Dragoon, who knows? I've seen all sorts of things today.
— Though Hrist behaves and begs for attention like one, she ain't a child. She's a young lady. And a lady knows how to behave. Right?
— Right. – I said, washing my hair. Even with a few people, this place still seems empty. Maybe because it's so large. There are people who talk, who sing, who do their, uh… I mean, it's a place for a lot of things, pleasant and unpleasant as they may be. Like talking about someone right on their back, that's so mean of you, Freya.
— I wonder how controlling a hair can be any useful. I mean, can Hrist hold her spear with the hair? – I never thought I would be saying such a thing. Weird how I am accepting it all without freaking out. Well, look in the mirror… You're a walking contradiction ever since the day you were born.
— Hrist doesn't like to use her hair a lot. – Said the Captain. Hands, claws, fists, what's the difference?
— She prefers to use her fists, you mean. – I look to the weeping wall. There's no reflection, just plain white, like my hair. I stare at it, wondering… – When will I begin training, Captain? Should I wait for Sir Fratley to come in?
— Yes.
— Yes?
— He knows what he's doing. Besides, he was the one who came up with the test, not me.
— So the tree punching was his idea all along? – I wouldn't be surprised.
— Not his idea. It's a kind of tradition around here. Get rid of some old trees, and plant new ones in place. – In my case, I'm just getting rid of a tree, nothing in its place but a spear in my hands.
— Isn't it easier to use anything but the fists?
— Why are you complaining? – Edea turned to me, with a serious look in face. I'm afraid of slipping any wrong word out just by looking at it.
— You had to punch trees as well to earn your own weapon?
— I never punched trees because they were mean to me. Neither did Lenneth.
— And Hrist had to pass the test as well? – I think Hrist has been through worse. She keeps mentioning spikes, broken bones, and I wonder if it's to discourage me. Sometimes, it sounds like a cry for help, but Hrist doesn't want to look helpless at all.
— No. You know why.
— Why?
— Well, being the Headmaster's daughter…
— Have you counted her age as well? Like, how would a twelve year-old bring a tree down by its own hands?
— When I was 12, I killed my first dragon. – The indifference is astonishing. Looking at this wall and Edea, I see no difference. – Why are you staring at this wall?
— I wonder… What would I look like if I was human? – It's a random question that came to mind. To be like the folks from outside the rain… surely it would be easier to wash up this body.
— But you are human.
— No. I mean, without this fur, these ears, this tail… – So Edea and I left the bathhouse, walking through a straight corridor that led us to where our Dragoon outfits and garments had been dropped by. They even polished our armory, that's nice of them.
— Aren't you proud of being a Burmecian? – Said Edea, placing her silver helmet on head, as I wore the coat, button by button
— Yes, I am. The food, the weather, the arts, the dance… I like everything. – Quietly, I stared at my own helmet. Now I could see myself, out of focus. – But sometimes, being a Burmecian alone isn't enough.
— Is that why you came here to the Jugend, Lady Crescent? To be something? – Edea said, looking by the window. I see Sir Fratley talking to Hrist, who's cleaning the mess she did before. Is it me, or is she carrying boulders with her head? Like towers of books. – Then you'll have to struggle for it. I know it may be hard a while and another, but you just have. Nothing comes easy as you may think.
— But to go away, on the other hand… – Mom had a unique scent whenever I hugged her wearing this coat. Dad smelled like milk, lemon, fish, anything he had been carrying around with him. Don't talk to strangers, mom used to say. Well, everytime she got home, she brought a lot of strangers with this coat. – I never thought… uh… it never came to mind that…
— No one is watching, child. Cry as much as you want.
— I'm not crying, Captain. – I said, looking at the blurred figure near me. – It's just that… sniff! This coat holds on to so much blood and memories.
— And which one do you want to stay? – Edea asked, as I washed my face. – As humans, we tend to allow ourselves to be destroyed by our past. I beg you to not let this happen.
— It's hard to take an only choice for a world of so many paths.
— Lenneth chose her own, now it's your time. As I said before, Crescent, if you don't feel alright doing this…
— I feel alright, thank you. ~ It's what I want to do. Be a Dragoon Knight, not just like mom, but just like a good person she was - after all, that's how much of a human I am.
— By the way, Crescent, most humans wear pants. – So Edea looked below me.
— Oh! I didn't notice. – No wonder I've been feeling cold. Forgot to wear the pants with all this talk.
— You are young, girl. Do not think of what's happening ahead of you, because it hasn't happened yet. Now, I suggest you take a time to breathe, drink some water, and you might start training. If you still don't feel okay, I'm sorry, but I can't help any further than that. It'll only depend on you, fine?
— I'm fine. – The way Edea treats me… sometimes, she's cold as stone, but other times, I feel that anything with a face may shed a tongue as well.
…
Outside…
— Okay, Hrist. Now it's time for someone else to watch upon you. – I said, as the front door opened. Two figures came out of it, walking into the rain. One has a scent of dried chamomile leaves, and the other smells like cherry. – Next time, do not let anger overcome your being.
— It ain't the worst I have been through, so I'll be fine. – it sure ain't the worst, Hrist. – To move huge bricks wasn't that hard for me. Now, to place them one near another is kinda boring.
— I know you are not a bad person. – This speaking of someone who knew you since little. – Oh, here they come. Morning, Edea. Freya.
— Good morning, Fratley. – Said Captain Edea, to whom I am changing places. And she also gave me back the cane, thanks. Agartha lies on my back, as I replace it with this cane. Now I can leave from where I am sitting without any worry. – I'll be watching Hrist from here.
— I do not need to be watched. This whole place already resembles a prison. Like, everything looks like a prison, and… Oh, hey, Crescent. Took a bath? I knew you would, after feeling so filthy of yourself.
— What do you mean, Chardonnay? – Said Freya, standing at my side. I don't like where this is going…
— I think you should apologize to me.
/\/\/\/\_/\/\/\_/\/\/\/\_
— Apologize for what? You should apologize for ruining my coat. – Hrist did more than ruin Freya's coat. The cracking in the floor is huge.
/\/\/\_/\/\/\/\_/\/\/\_/\/\/\/\_
— And you for letting my wild side go out, that's what I mean.
— I think you two should apologize to one another. – I had to say something. With both young hearts beating like that. I even missed the pattern.
— And later, we'll have a tea party.
— Oh, I would appreciate that, Hrist.
— I was joking, Fratley.
— No more jokes under my sight. – Unlike me, Edea doesn't let go of Hrist's sarcasm. She stands there, with a serious, almost arrogant, pose. – May you have a good training, Crescent.
— I will. – Freya said, as we left to the garden where we trained before. Little I know about her, but by the few moments we shared, I can tell she is a bit down. Heart is fine, but… I shouldn't have been harsh with her at the very beginning. For someone who lost it's mother recently, that was pretty inconsiderate and mean on your part. – Imagine, Hrist inviting me to a tea party. She doesn't even like tea very much.
— What, Hrist? Don't worry. She only slaps in your face when you ask for it, that's very kind of her.
— Yeah. Very kind.
— So, which tree did you…
— That one. – Well, that was quick. So Freya pointed out to the cherry tree, still standing. – But before we begin, Sir Fratley, I…
— Yes? – I knew this was coming.
— I thought you would teach me a healing spell. As you know, no one can do this without getting harmed, and last time…
— Oh, sorry. Yesterday, with all that movement. I'm really sorry.
— It's alright. We all got caught by surprise, didn't we? – More than you think, Freya… – I apologize for my brother's behavior. He cares for me a lot, and when he saw the state of my hands after training , well… Fratley?
— It wasn't my intention to leave you hurted, Freya. No. Of course not. After you demonstrated your resistance, I…
— Yeah. Don't feel sorry for yourself, Sir Fratley. Just teach me what you have to.
— Right. It's just that… - I hate seeing someone die. Even if I couldn't convince that man with words, I still feel this weak when I don't. – I mean, life has so much to offer, other than ups and downs.
— I know. I came here to this place in search of life.
— Don't you mean reputation? Status? It's what most people want as Dragoon Knights.
— A life. It's all I want. – Guess I have a lot to learn about and with you, Freya.
