King Crimson - Nuages (That Which Passes, Passes Like Clouds)
…
Whew. Training is over for today.
Enough punching trees. I am so glad this day is over.
— I bet you would deviate from Hrist's attack. – Well, not so over yet.
— You bet what? – I asked a random stranger lying against the pillar, holding a dice with only one hand.
— Nothing. I don't bet money. I just do it for curiosity's sake. As a matter of probability, you shouldn't have avoided that, uh… hair. – He said, as I struggled to recognize him somehow in a few seconds. Nope, I do not know him. – Well well well, seems like we have new flesh hanging around.
— Excuse me! – Gee, I don't go with his guts already.
— What's up?
— Is that your way of saying 'hello, how are you'? – I haven't seen that guy before. He's a Dragoon Knight wearing an aqua blue coat, and that's all I know about him. For now. Not that I really want to know much about the jerk, anyway…
— The dice hasn't told me to present myself. Well, odd is for saying my name, even for not. – As it seems, that dice ain't there for decoration. He throws it and gets a number. – Six. Even! Well, guess I won't say my name to you.
— Neither will I. – I'm leaving. No need for introductions. – Have a nice day.
— Why not? Hey! Aren't you cool as a cucumber? – What the… Better get away from this weirdo… – Did you choose to leave by chance?
— Chance? Mother told me to not talk to strangers. – Much less strangers like you. I hate judging people by first appearances, but it's written on his skin that he is not alright.
— Oh, I see. You are Lenneth's daughter, right?
— I am. And you? – "Kinda rude to just leave without any introductions", mother used to say as well.
— A man of the dice. Also known as Gray. – Gray… is there anything more redundant than a Burmecian with gray fur being called "Gray"? To be fair, why bother thinking…
— Good morning, Gray. Oh, no need to bow before me. Careful, you will-
— My name is GraAAAAAY! – I told you to not bow. He did it, some dice came out his pockets, he stepped over and… slipped over some dice? As far as I know, they aren't slippery like bananas or anything. More like pointy as stones. Anyway, he fell, and that was an awful fall. – Geez, my dice fell all out of my pockets. A hundred possible ways to begin or not begin a talk and I have to follow only one. So… Gray Rhinehart. At your pleasure.
— That's better. – He seems okay. Okay? I wonder who has such an extensive collection of dice. Anyway, we shake hands. – My name is-
— A pretty thing like you…
— Hey! – Not so fast, boy. My god, this is beyond awkward.
— Christine?
— What? – Is he playing the guessing game again?
— Rachel?
— No. – Yes, he is doing it, and for whatever reason, I go along with him.
— Well… Frida?
— Almost. – I'm a peaceful lady, there's no need to be harsh with Gray. He is kinda goofy.
— Freyja, right?
— Freya. Without the 'j' – At least he doesn't bet money when it comes to his guesses. I should have bet money…
— Nice meeting you, Freya without 'j'! - I help him get up with a hand.
— Nice meeting you too, Gray Rhino Heart.
— Rhinehart! – He said, but it sounded like RHiNoHEaRT.
— Yes, Rhinehart. – If I have to say that yet again… it's kinda getting into me. Like when the doctor asks you to say '33' and your body vibrates. No way I'm saying vibration just after meeting this guy. Oh, what the hell, he's messing with my thoughts. – Now that we have been properly introduced to each other… How are you doing?
— I… I am… Uh… Lemme just… here! – Gray throws another dice in the air, grabs it and says – Number four. Well, I am fine, despite a pain in the butt. And you, Freya without 'j'?
— I am fine. – And I don't need a dice to tell.
— That's good, Freya without-
— Just Freya is fine. – I appreciate that he knows my name used to have a 'j' in it. A few people know it. This is speaking of someone I met right now…
— Right, Just Freya. – He doesn't learn. Is he making fun of me, or is that just who he is? He throws another dice, it's all he does in fact, like he has no choice. – Three. Uh, is your hair white or have you painted it?
— My hair? It's white ever since I was born. – Weird question. Why would I paint my hair anyway?
— White like snow, wearing red… Is your name Freya? 'Cause you're like a mix between Snow White, and Little Red Hood.
— … – I have no idea what the heck he's saying. Like he orders the dice to say things in his place.
— You're a quiet person, Just Freya. – He said, as I only stood quiet for five seconds just blinking.
— It's just Freya, not JUST Freya. – I had to be clear. If he throws another dice before saying something, I'll stick it up his…
— Right, Freya. – And he threw it again. – Freya, Freya… Pretty name. Freya of what?
— Crescent. Freya Crescent.
— Crescent… like the moon, right? So, Freya Crescent like the moon… – Gray knows what he's saying. Heh, he's doing it on purpose. Or maybe he does not realize how utterly annoying he is. – What brought you to the Jugend? Was it to follow a mother's dying wish? To have a successful career? To eat the finest meal in the kitchen? To find out the sexual implications of a javelin at your hands?
— Well … – Anything, but the last question is fine. I'll be honest with Gray, he is not afraid of what he says. – I came to the Jugend in search of a purpose. My mother was a Dragoon Knight, she found herself at this place and since little I wanted to be someone like her. Someone strong, courageous and daring and… a lot of things. Good things. I miss mom, but I'm not here for her. She never said I had to be a Dragoon to be any of the things she, or any Crescent before me, was. I just want to live my life, and what's a life worth living if you… I won't give up already, I still have a lot to do.
— I understand, Freya Crescent like the moon. – A lot to do, right? What about slapping that face? Nah. – You know, I came here to find who I am too. And because the dice told me to.
— The dice?
— Yes. The dice tells me what to do. Before, I was a kid born and raised during the lean cows ages. The government had to bear the costs of the war against Alexandria, my father was lucky he didn't get called out for that carnage in the Vube desert.
— I see. – I hope Gray does not tell his entire life story to me. I'm not interested.
— My father worked hard, yet he barely earned enough money to suffice for his family's needs. My needs. – And there we go… Should I tell him I'm not interested? – To anything I asked father to do, he said "no". Can I buy a toy? No, make your own toys. Can I play with mud? No, your clothes will get dirty. Can I jump out the window? NO. Just no, no and no. It was rare enough to hear him saying a 'yes', as rare as snow. Can I play with my friends? Yes, but don't come home late.
— That's interesting. – You know, Freya, you could just run away from Gray and let him talk by himself about his miserable childhood. But, for some reason, I decided to stay. Would it be out of pity?
— …I grew to be less impulsive, more obedient and with these years of denial I haven't been that happy. To every new opportunity that I came across, I would just deny it. Never took any risks, for real. I just said "no" for the things people told me, "no" for the job opportunities, "no" for anything really good in life. I never had any girlfriends.
— Uh huh. – I swear, if he pulls out a rose and asks me for a date… Very unlikely, but knowing so far how random Gray is, I have no doubts.
— For years I have been following this stream of denial. Even when I wanted something, I just said "no" pretending to be a "yes". You know, it's so hard to interact with people, to attend to their needs, so why even bother asking "yes" if eventually they will say, and all they have to say, being a single, sincere, honest, down to earth "no, thanks". Do you follow me? I'm sure you do. Six… Sometimes you want to drink milk, other times you don't, sometimes you want to beat up that jerk who took your place in the market row, sometimes you wish to come home but there are a million folks who want to go home as well in the middle of the way, you want to help people at the same rate you want them to be hurt…
— Yeah… – I let a tiny yawn out. You said you didn't know a thing about this Gray guy, Crescent? Now you know his whole life in less than five minutes.
— …I almost contemplated something, and it was not God. One day I realized how life is too short, too precious, we can't just give up and say that everything we do, or not do, is useless. And life is more than "yeses" and "noes". Four… We should live the best way we can, and the way I found to live a better, if not more exciting, life is by playing with chance, taking risks, being out of the box… When I wanted to die, it was when I realized how much I wanted to live. Funny, isn't it?
– Very funny. – I wonder why I'm still listening. I'll find an opportunity to say goodbye, when he is done. Why, that's so mean. Well, it's a mean possibility. And Gray understands a lot about these.
— …In order to understand why I wanted to live, I had to go to the beginning, to the very source of what defined me. My sex. – And before he has anything to say, Gray throws his dice and keeps throwing them during the conversation. – Five. You see, sexuality has nothing to do with genitals, people often mistake that. Yeah, it has a little to do with knowing who you are, boy and girl, and you know what? That's what sexuality is all about, growing awareness of who you are, inside and outside, who you are and who are others beside you. It is more complicated than that but that's what it is.
— Sure. – Just when I decided to leave for good, Gray follows me from behind, still muttering his nonsensical speech. It's as if he keeps coming up with words to say through his dice results.
— Two. Why was I born a boy? Why do I have a penis… a second tail at the middle of my legs? Why was I born a Burmecian? Why does it rain forever? Why did I become Dragoon Knight? Why am I speaking to a cute girl such as you? Why have I said you are cute? Why do I feel shaken when I say what I think? I'll say why, it all happens by chance, but in society, things happen because someone told you to. Order, it's how it's called. Twelve. Well, there is a need for order in society, for divisions, routines, work hours, free hours, all these complicated schemes of sucking someone's living potential. We are at mercy of this abstract dictatorship.
— If you excuse me…
— Oh, sorry, I am almost done, Freya Crescent like the moon. – I hope he is telling the truth, because if he doesn't, I'll have to rely on subversive methods of leaving a conversation. Like a punch. – One. Alright… b y chance, you can do a lot more than you do by being restricted to society and its walls. You feel awful when you say a thing you just thought because society demands you to behave well, yet I see no harm in saying you are cute, because the dice freed me to say such. I do feel a weird tremble all over my body, but these are society's chains tightening me up, telling me that's wrong while in fact it is not, I am just telling the truth out of my heart, but that doesn't mean I love you, we are yet to properly love each other, and I think you and me are not in the age for this kind of love the perverted side of my mind, the one restricted by society, thinks about.
For someone who doesn't like restrictions, Gray surely speaks like a wall of endless text.
Cute, he said? I have reason enough to slap him already, but that's not polite.
At least he's sincere. Maybe too much.
— … Whew, am I bothering you with my talk? – He is self aware too.
— No, not even a little. – Let's see if he notices if I am convinced or not, because he surely will.
— You don't sound convincing enough. In fact, you hate me and want me to leave you alone, but you don't want me to feel bad because it's our first talk, right? – It's not like we have a relation to each other or anything, we just met right now. I'm trying to find a childhood friend underneath that coat, but they were a little bit normal compared to him.
— That's right. Nice knowing you, Gray Rhinehart.
— Nice knowing you too, Freya Crescent like the m-
— Freya Crescent. F-R-E-Y-A C-R-E-S-C-E-N-T. – Gray ain't my type. He is my antitype, sorta. Yet, I don't hate him. I don't like to hate someone I just met and got a half bad, half good, half shut up, half tell me more impression.
— Have a nice day, F-R-E-Y-A. – Urgh, I hate when he does that. It's like a child yelling "stop mimicking me!" over and over.
— You too. – I head straight to the main gates of the Jugend. Nothing can stand in… .
— Leaving already, Crescent? – In my way. Nothing, absolutely nothing can stand in my way. Except Hrist. Doing her Surface Tension technique of always. – Won't we even celebrate?
— Leave that for tomorrow. I am pooped.
— I see. You met that Gray guy, he talked to you… yeah, he leaves me awful like you do.
— Do I? – Gray appeared out of nowhere without making a noise. He must know Surface Tension as well.
— Yes, you do. Be more impulsive, you say. Well, darling, I came with that philosophy first, without needing a cube at hand.
— Is that why you ate all my onion dolls? – I still haven't forgotten that.
— They were made of onion. – And yet, no apologies to this day. Not that I care much. – Look, we are stepping on the same place I left a hole.
— Quite a hole. – Is it really that place where Hrist broke the floor? I must admit, she did a nice job at fixing it. – What was the technique called by? Drill Crusher?
— Wou came up with the name now? Pfft, that's so cheesy…
— I'd rather see you making soap bubbles.
— Do not underestimate soap bubbles. They have a higher destructive potential.
— She is not lying. – Gray said, throwing a dice in the air and presumably read to say something random. – Have you seen Hrist shave her beard?
— The hell you're talking about? – Hrist asked, confused. – Nevermind…
— Show me that potential for later. I'm not up to any fights, I already did a lot for today. – Knowing Hrist, she would have no mercy with me right now.
— That tree was laughing at you, but you showed her who laughed last! – is she proud of me? That's such a rare sight.
— Trees do not laugh. – Said Gray, as we pretend he did not exist as anything but an extension of our imagination.
— That one did. And you showed her. I'm impressed. – Half of me thinks Hrist is being nice for the sake of being nice. The other,
— Why, thanks. well… we are shaking hands, so it's fine. For today.
— I'd say you two do quite a nice pairing. – There's always a third eavesdropper around. Guess who?
— Be quiet, Gray. Or else, I'll shove your dice and my fists at your throat and my feet somewhere else where the sun doesn't shine. – If it wasn't for Hrist, I'd say that in her place. In a more gentle and polite way, of course.
— I tried to eat dice when I was little. The red ones looked like candies.
— I'll make you eat some sidewalk if you don't stop your balderdash
— Okay… – I know Gray is a smart folk. Then he kneels and slips his finger on the ground, puts it on mouth… Eugh! Forget about being smart, or whatever. He has something to say. – Tastes salty. Be seeing ya, Freya. Hrist. Ladies. Cute buns.
— Cute? – I asked, dumbfounded.
— Buns? – Hrist frowned, as Gray waved his hand and left.
— … Is that why we haven't been introduced to each other before, Hrist? I mean, he is a bit…
— Yeah, Gray… he is peculiar. – That's the best word to describe him. Peculiar. – There are days he chooses to not take a bath because the dice told him so. Yikes!
— Really? – Hrist isn't one of the most reliable and truthful sources around, but I find myself believing what she has just said. – Well, I should better be going. See ya tomorrow.
— Heh, is that all for today? – Dear Mother Reis, why can't I just go home?
— It is.
— Not even a pizza? – Pizza, huh? I might have a change of mind.
— No, thanks. Maybe tomorrow. – Never refuse a pizza. It won't be me who will be paying, though. – By the way, tell your father to mark my exit.
— Alright. – I can leave this place at any moment. Even live here if I want. There's too much freedom, yet why do I still feel caged? – Don't you want me to follow you home? Or, do you prefer to be alone?
— I'm not alone. Not with this red coat.
