A/N: Brace yourself for a heavy dose of CHARAH!


Chuck awoke with a start. He closed his eyes almost as soon as he'd opened them. He was suddenly afraid that everything that had happened with Sarah was a dream and he didn't think he could bear opening his eyes to an empty room. He lay still for a few moments, trying to convince himself to just face whatever awaited him. He felt some pressure on his chest that could be Sarah, but he still didn't want to open his eyes. Then he heard a soft moan, and the pressure on his chest moved a little.

Sarah.

Chuck's eyes popped open, and as he gazed at the beautiful sleeping form of his wife, he let out a breath of relief. It hadn't been a dream. Sarah was really here. He didn't have to worry about being alone anymore. He allowed himself some time to enjoy the feeling.

Sarah was close to waking up, Chuck could tell. She shifted again and made another soft moaning noise. Chuck glanced at the clock by the bed and saw it was almost time for them to get up anyway. He reached down and gently stroked Sarah's hair along the side of her head. She made a contented sighing sound.

After a few minutes Sarah stirred again and slowly picked her head up off of Chuck's chest. She turned her head to look at him. He smiled, but she responded with a look of confusion. Chuck's smile disappeared.

"Do I know you?" she asked.

Chuck's eyes opened wide in horror, but only for a moment, as her expression changed to a playful one and she smiled.

"Sweetheart that is not funny!" Chuck exclaimed.

Sarah's smile slowly vanished as she realized Chuck was actually angry.

"I'm sorry Chuck, I thought it was funny."

"Well it wasn't! When I woke up, the first thought I had was fear. Fear that getting you back had been nothing but a dream. Then you pull this!" Chuck hauled himself out of bed.

"Okay, the timing was poor, all this just happened yesterday, I get it. It was a bad idea."

"No, but see it didn't just happen, Sarah. That was my life ever since you left. Every day. Waking up alone, knowing you had absolutely NO clue about our life together, knowing you didn't remember me, and knowing that there was a very real chance that I'd never see you again!"

Sarah was silent, a somber look on her face as Chuck continued.

"You didn't go through what I went through Sarah! You had me when you were kidnapped and your memory was taken, and when you got it back, I was there waiting. But I was the one who had to live all the days in between...without you. I had to survive being without the person who meant the most to me in the world. To be honest, I almost didn't."

"What happened?" Sarah asked, startled.

"Remember our conversation on the plane? When you made it clear you weren't going to open up to me and I decided we would be strictly professional going forward?"

"Yes" Sarah replied softly.

"Well for me that conversation went deeper. For the first time I felt like my Sarah was never coming back. I was mentally saying goodbye to my wife, to our life together. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and it nearly broke me. Just ask Carina, she saw me falling apart at the hospital just after we brought you there. I started lashing out at her, and even..."

He paused and looked at the floor, struggling to finish. After a moment he swallowed and looked up again at Sarah.

"I even made sarcastic jokes about the fact you might die."


Sarah's eyes widened when she heard Chuck's admission. She was stunned. Stunned at how close to the end of his rope Chuck had gotten, and stunned that she'd been so blind to it. She'd been so caught up in the joy of getting the memories of her husband back, and of being with him again, that she'd totally overlooked the impact all that time they'd been apart must have had on Chuck. Now she knew, and she felt foolish and incredibly guilty that she'd made a joke out of it. Chuck was right, it was one thing for her to remember the things she'd done and how she'd lived while her memories were lost. She'd been oblivious to what she was missing. It was entirely different for him. He had those memories the whole time, and he had had to live every day without her, knowing exactly what he was missing.

Sarah slowly padded over to Chuck. She didn't say a word, she just slipped her arms around his waist, rested her head against his chest right under his neck, and held him. She knew there was nothing she could say. She had a good idea how she'd feel if their roles had been reversed, but he'd actually had to live through it. Like it or not, it was beyond her experience. The closest she could relate to it was the time Chuck had been taken by the Belgian and been nearly lobotomized. But there was a significant difference: Sarah knew Chuck would be waiting for her when she found him. All she had to do was find him. It hadn't been easy but she'd managed it. In Chuck's case, there was nothing he could do. Without her memories she'd essentially ceased to exist as the person he knew. She could only imagine how terrible it had been for him. It also meant she wasn't sure what she could do to help. So far she'd only managed to make things harder for him.

This isn't going to be easy on either of us Sarah thought to herself. There's going to be a lot more that needs to heal besides my head.

As Sarah held Chuck, she felt him wrap his arms around her. He kissed her on the top of her head, and she held him even tighter.

"I'm so sorry" she whispered.


The rest of the morning went by in a blur. Sarah and Chuck packed up, largely in silence. An invisible barrier had seemingly gone up between them. After their tender hug, Sarah had hoped Chuck would be okay, but instead he had become distant, barely speaking to her. She hadn't pushed him, not wanting to upset him further. When they went down to get breakfast, which the hotel provided, Sarah had sat at one of the tables in the breakfast area, expecting Chuck to join her. Instead, after grabbing his breakfast, he had briefly glanced at her and taken his food back to their room to eat. Sarah ended up eating breakfast with Carina, who came down a few minutes later. When Carina asked where Chuck was, Sarah had asked her politely to drop it. She did, and the rest of the meal had been spent catching up on things they'd done together that Sarah was now able to remember.

When breakfast ended, Sarah went to finish packing and found that Chuck had already finished packing his stuff. While Sarah wrapped up her part of the packing, Chuck left to load his bags and check them out of the hotel. By the time Sarah reached the lobby with her bags, Chuck was already waiting in the car outside. Casey was driving and Chuck was sitting in the front passenger seat, much to Sarah's disappointment. She had wanted to sit next to him on the drive to the airport. She hoped being close together might soften Chuck up a bit. He continued being icy towards her when she got in the car, not saying anything to her. If Casey noticed the chill between her and Chuck, he didn't let on. Soon after, Gertrude and Carina arrived and squeezed in the back with Sarah.

The drive to the airport was just as uncomfortable for Sarah as the rest of the morning had been. Chuck was silent, Casey commented on the traffic, Gertrude amused herself by making occasional suggestive comments to Casey to see how uncomfortable they made him look, and Carina kept trying to get Sarah to tell her what was going on with Chuck. It was a short drive, but for Sarah it felt like it dragged on and on. By the time they reached the plane, Sarah desperately wanted a drink. Once everyone was on board, she asked Casey if he minded her having some of his Russian vodka. He poured them each a glass then sat down with Gertrude to get ready for takeoff. Sarah sat with Carina, since Chuck was still not speaking to her. As the plane climbed higher and higher into the sky, Sarah felt lower and lower.


"I need to talk to you" Casey growled at Chuck.

"Casey, now might not be the best-"

Chuck was interrupted by Casey grabbing him by the collar and hauling him to his feet.

"Wasn't a question"

"Okay, now's good" Chuck replied a bit nervously.

Casey gestured to a corner of the cabin away from everyone else, and Chuck followed him to it.

"What's going on?" Chuck asked.

"Seems to me that's my question Bartowski. Ever since we left the hotel, you and Walker have been colder than a Siberian winter towards each other."

"And that bothers you why exactly?"

"We've got a lot on our plate right now and we need you two at your best, not to mention you're killing the mood on the plane."

"Look, I appreciate the concern, especially since you hardly ever show it, but there are some issues right now that-"

"Yeah, don't care. But you two haven't been together in quite awhile. Seems pretty stupid to me that you're now willing to be apart by choice."

Chuck was silent, and his gaze drifted over to Sarah.


Sarah was in the middle of a conversation with Gertrude when Chuck approached her.

"Sorry to interrupt. Sarah can we talk?"

"Always" she replied.

She excused herself from Gertrude and Carina and sat with Chuck.

"Does this mean you're talking to me again?"

Chuck sighed.

"Sarah, this morning really shook me up. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting a little bit, but you have no idea how awful it was being without you, and not knowing if I'd ever get you back. It's one of the most traumatic things I've ever had to go through, and considering everything that's happened to me since I opened that e-mail from Bryce, you know that's saying a lot."

"Sweetie I know that. I realize you went through something beyond anything anyone has ever experienced. But to be fair, so did I. I realize I didn't have to go through all that time knowing we were apart and not knowing if we'd ever be together again, and I can only imagine the pain it put you through. But I had to go through that time knowing a part of me was missing. Worse, I didn't even know exactly what it was I was missing. I may not know what it was like for you, but you don't know what it was like for me, having to hear other people tell me things about my life, and having no memory of any of it. People would tell me about things I did, or things I felt, and it was like hearing about someone else's life, except it was my life. I was supposed to have all these memories and experiences, and instead it was just a big blank. I felt like I'd been robbed of so many things, but I wasn't even sure what those things were. It was beyond frustrating. It was like I was no longer whole. So I did what I've always done when things got rough, I buried myself in work. Then when I started getting pieces back, it just made things even harder. When I woke up in that hospital bed, and that blank space wasn't blank anymore...when I remembered you...us..."

Sarah's eyes filled with tears as she trailed off. Chuck placed a supportive hand on her arm. After a moment, Sarah took a deep breath and continued.

"I didn't like how it felt to not have those memories. I just wanted to move on from it, so I tried to make a joke to laugh it off. I never considered what you went through, and it was a selfish, foolish mistake."

The tears started to fall as Sarah choked up.

"All I can say is I'm sorry Chuck. I'm so so sorry."

Chuck gathered her in his arms. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed.

"Shhh" he whispered, rocking her gently.

Nothing was said for a few minutes. The only sound was Sarah's muffled sobs. Eventually they subsided to occasional sniffles. Once Chuck felt she was composed enough, he put his hand under her chin and slowly lifted her head to face him. Her eyes were red and there were still tears in them. He removed his hand from her chin and softly cupped her face, using his thumbs to gently wipe the tearstains from below her eyes. When he spoke, his voice was soft and tender.

"Sarah, I'm sorry too. I let myself fall back into those dark feelings, and I pulled away from you. We've already been apart for so long, the last thing we need is for me to pull us apart again over a simple mistake. We've both been through a lot, and obviously it's not going to be as easy as we thought to pick right up where we left off, but if anybody can do it, it's us. I think we've proven over the years we can take on just about anything."

Sarah smiled, and reached up to caress his face.

"I love you Chuck" she breathed.

He smiled back, but when he didn't reply she frowned slightly.

"What is it?"

"Chuck, do you realize that ever since I got my memory back you haven't once told me that you love me?"

Chuck frowned.

"That can't be right."

"Chuck think about it. Even now, I just told you I love you, and you didn't say a thing in response. Trust me, you haven't said it."

Chuck thought back to their time together, from the hospital to the hotel, and was stunned to realize she was right.

"Look, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. You don't have to say it if you don't feel it."

Chuck looked deep into her eyes, his expression soft but serious.

"I mean this from the bottom of my heart, and I never want you to doubt it, not for one second. I love you Sarah Walker. I will always love you. I can't imagine life with anyone else, and I don't want to. I love you, and I will prove it to you every day for the rest of our lives."

"I can still count on you?" Sarah replied, picking up on the fact Chuck was quoting part of his wedding vows. He smiled.

"For as long as you want to spend, learn, and love your life with me."

Sarah gently pulled Chuck's face to hers and kissed him deeply.

"I want you now, forever, and always" she whispered. They kissed again.


As the plane roared through the skies towards Burbank, John Casey sat silently, gazing at Chuck and Sarah.

Sarah was sitting sideways on Chuck's lap, her left side pressed up against him, her head resting on his chest. She was awake but her eyes were closed, and a very content look was on her face. Chuck was gently stroking her hair with his right hand, while his left hand was draped over her legs. He was smiling softly, and clearly deep in thought.

Casey smiled at the sight. He was happy to see them happy again.

"You two are makin' me go soft" he murmured to himself. But he didn't mind one bit.


Shortly after the plane landed back in Burbank, everyone had gotten their belongings and gone home, except Chuk and Sarah, who sat in Chuck's car in the airport parking lot. They were discussing how to handle Sarah officially moving back in, and how to handle temporarily sharing the house with Jill.

"Obviously I'm going to have to call General Beckman and retire...again" Sarah said with a laugh.

"You realize once you do there is absolutely no way she'd ever rehire you again in the future" Chuck replied, smiling.

"I wouldn't want to go back anyway. I made that decision the moment I knew my future was you."

Chuck leaned over to Sarah and kissed her, then was surprised when Sarah suddenly grabbed his face and intensified the kiss. Soon they were making out with a fiery intensity, and had maneuvered into the back seat. When Sarah reached down and started loosening Chuck's belt buckle, he didn't miss a beat and soon they were undressing each other, while maintaining as much mouth to mouth contact as possible. Passion and their love for each other were the only things on their minds in that moment.


"So... car sex... interesting way to get my return to Burbank started" Sarah said with a small chuckle.

"I aim to please" Chuck replied, grinning as he tried to focus on driving.

"Well I've gotta say, mission definitely accomplished."

Sarah reached over and ran a hand through Chuck's hair, smiling as he quivered ever so slightly at her touch.

I love that I have this effect on him Sarah thought to herself.

As she sat back and watched Chuck drive, she thought about the adorable way he reacted to seeing her, being touched by her, and how he acted when they got intimate. It was one of the many things she loved about him. She'd seduced men over the years and she'd had boyfriends, but none of them looked at her the way Chuck did. He made her feel special in a way no one else ever had. She recalled her conversation with Carina before she'd gotten her memories of Chuck back, telling her how she felt about the way Chuck looked at her. Now that she could remember the relationship that had developed between them over the years, the conversation with Carina took on a whole new meaning. Now she knew what he was feeling when he looked at her, and why it made her feel so special. They'd been through so much together. He'd seen her at her worst, at her most vulnerable moments, and still he'd fallen in love with her and never wavered. It had been a long road, but the day she'd said yes when he asked if she loved him, it felt like all the walls that had been between them, blocking them from having a real relationship, had come crashing down. Even then she had no idea just how deeply she would come to love Chuck Bartowski. Giving up the spy life had once been unthinkable. Now all she wanted was her life with Chuck back, no matter how hard or awkward things might get at times.

Sarah smiled to herself. The time they'd spent in the car had been nice. VERY nice. She almost dreaded getting to Chuck's. Seeing Jill this time was definitely going to be different. She had to admit she was decidedly NOT looking forward to it. Things were likely going to get awkward again very soon.


Chuck pulled into his usual parking spot and paused for a moment before turning off the engine. He took a deep breath and turned to Sarah.

"You ready for this?"

"Ready to be home? Yes. Definitely. Ready to see Jill? Not as much."

"Well it's not going to get easier if we drag it out. Besides, she's here to help. That hasn't changed."

"But I have. Last time I only saw her as a file. A former FULCRUM agent we might be able to use to help us. Now I see her as the girl you used to pine over. I see the girl who betrayed you and played with your emotions and nearly got you killed. I also see the first girl who made me really really jealous about you."

Chuck cocked his head, surprised and a bit amused.

"You were jealous of Jill? That was quite a bit before we got together."

"Do you seriously think I didn't have any feelings for you then?"

Chuck nearly burst out laughing.

"Sarah we were both so hot and cold I don't know exactly when you started to see me as more than a nerd with a computer in his head, I'm just glad you did."

Sarah fixed Chuck with a serious but tender look.

"Chuck, I started having feelings for you long before Jill. I tried not to acknowledge my feelings back then. I focused on my job. I was a professional after all, but the feelings were there, slowly growing over time, almost without me noticing. When you asked me if I loved you, I told you I fell for you a long time ago. Here's an idea of how long ago I meant: remember Lou? The deli shop girl you dated for a bit? I was jealous of her too. Not nearly as much as Jill because my feelings weren't that deep at that point, but it was one of the first times I realized I did have feelings for you. Maybe they were a little undefined at the time, but they were there. You can't tell me you weren't a little clued in when I planted that big kiss on you when we thought we were going to be blown up by a bomb."

Chuck raised an eyebrow.

"So that kiss WAS real then. You know you played that off pretty well. Especially since shortly after that I saw you kissing Bryce in my room. Kinda reinforced the idea it was only because we thought we were dying."

"You saw me kiss Bryce?"

"Yeah, not exactly a highlight for me."

Sarah leaned over and gave Chuck a peck on the cheek.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, but don't let it bother you. You're the one who got the girl."

Chuck grinned widely.

"Yes. Yes I did. In fact I think I should get credit for getting you twice."

"Oh-ho is that so?" Sarah asked, smiling in amusement.

"Yeah I think I can make a pretty strong case. When my dad initially removed the intersect from my head, you agreed to go out with me until I had to upload the 2.0 and go back undercover again. I count that."

At that moment Chuck felt like time suddenly stood still. The love in Sarah's eyes as she gazed into his nearly took his breath away. It felt just like the morning they had practiced exchanging vows in his living room. For a moment neither of them said a word, then Sarah slowly leaned towards him, her face stopping inches from his.

"Chuck, I count that too. I also count the first time you told me you loved me, the day you asked me to marry you, the day you saved my life with the help of an entire Russian platoon, the day I finally became your wife, and every other day with you since we started dating. You get me every day for the rest of my life."

"How is it possible that a woman as beautiful as you, who can kick the crap out of probably 90% of the people on the planet, can do just about everything, and on top of that manage to say things so beautiful that I'm left basically blubbering? I mean seriously between this and your wedding vows you've already got a resumé that would put Hallmark to shame. How in the world did I get so lucky?"

Sarah closed the remaining space between them and gave him a gentle yet loving kiss, letting their lips linger together for a few moments before pulling back slowly.

"Just 90%?" she asked with a coy grin.

"Well I'm just trying to be fair to the rest of the world. Can't let my personal bias get in the way."

Sarah glanced around, seemingly looking to see if anyone was watching them, then gave Chuck a mischievous smirk.

"I kinda don't wanna get out of the car right now" she whispered, her voice sultry. "Think we'd be safe going for round two in the back?"

Now Chuck glanced around, but quickly realized they were parked in an area that was really not secluded at all.

"If you wanna risk an arrest for public indecency then sure, but if you can keep it in your pants for a few minutes, I know a spot that would be perfect."

Sarah smiled and nodded eagerly.

Well this was going to be a surprise for later, but now's as good a time as any Chuck thought.


Sarah had gone from eager to confused as Chuck drove. She recognized the route he was taking and couldn't figure out why they were headed where she now suspected they were going. She kept silent however, not wanting to disappoint Chuck, who seemed very excited with his plan. Sure enough, a few minutes later, Chuck pulled the car in front of the familiar white house with the red door and the white picket fence. He turned to her, his face suddenly unreadable.

"This is the spot. Ready to go in?"

Sarah opened her door and stepped out over the curb and onto the grass. She looked at the house, the one she'd called her dream house, then at Chuck. He had walked around the car and now stood next to her.

"You wanna do it in there?" she asked, confused.

"Not exactly."

Sarah frowned in confusion as she looked at the house again then back to Chuck.

"Then I don't get it, what are we doing here?"

Chuck didn't say anything for a moment, he just looked at the house. Finally he looked back at Sarah.

"I bought it."

Sarah's jaw dropped. She was stunned, and for a moment was sure she hadn't heard him right.

"You what?"

"Yeah, it was about two months ago. I heard someone else had put in an offer, and I just couldn't lose it. Carmichael Industries was getting steady business and I'd saved up enough of my earnings to make a solid offer of my own, and I got it."

"But Chuck this was our dream home, and you had no idea if you'd ever even see me again, much less have any idea if I'd ever get my memories back. Why do something like that when everything was so uncertain?"

Chuck breathed in deeply, and when he spoke again there was raw emotion in his voice.

"Because it was one of my last connections to you. Having it gave me a reason to hope we might still have a future here. I didn't tell anyone because I knew they'd probably think I was nuts and try and talk me out of it. This represented my future and I wasn't willing to let it go. I wasn't willing to let you go. Now its ours. Sarah I hope you're not-"

But before Chuck could say any more Sarah grabbed him and kissed him as deeply and as passionately as she could, with joyful tears in her eyes.


A/N: Sorry this took a bit longer to release. Holidays and work conspired to slow things down. Hope you enjoyed it! Next chapter will definitely be more CHARAH but also will make its way back to the action part of the plot so it might be a bit slow coming out as well. Happy New Year everyone!