The morning shined and shimmered with dew like condensation on a cold, firm vegetable from the crisper. That morning Archibald Asparagus was feeling his breakfast sitting like bricks in his stomach. his ex-boyfriend had called that morning to ask to talk, which was never good. Besides. He still loved him, maybe. He blushed thinking about it.

His wife had left him a year ago after she found out about their affair. The news had come as a sudden shock. He had never done anything wrong. besides the affair but that wasn't his fault really. In fact, Lovey seemed to LIKE his ex so it was basically encouraged. Maybe it was the other guys. Lovey never seemed to get along with Bob and Larry like he did. And she didn't like his other boyfriend either, the Scottish guy he dated in college. Kilt Bagpipe. Ah, when he thought of Kilt, his heart soared like a flightless bird taking a leap from a tall cliff. But Kilt was not the one who called this morning.

no. this relationship was more special than all of them combined. an old work relationship. he met him on the set of the shows very first movie, and it had been love at first sight. he was only beginning to reminscense about the man with the rich accent and soft, dark-colored mustache when the door rang and his heart began to pound like a jackhammer going at a hard, hard, rock hard rock.

He threw open the door with too much enthusiasm. "Khalil?!" he gasped excitedly, out of breath from running to the door.

The familiar rich accent came from the doorstep. "I am down here, Vegetable Daddy."

He looked down to see the caterpillar of his dreams. He was wearing a t-shirt that said "she did not resist the urge to spit on them" and a pair of cool, dark sunglasses. and also a custom-made leather jacket.

Archibald thought he fainted but he did not. "Kahlil -"

"I go by Coolhil now."

"Coolhil..." he whispered breathlessly. "You are."

"I am what?"

"Cool."

"Coolhil, yes, thats me."

"never mind. Would you come in? I'm not myself today, I'm sorry."

"If you aren't yourself, then who are you?" Coolhil asked coolly. He winked behind his sunglasses and let himself in. Archibald followed as Coolhil led himself to the couch and became to clamber up it.

"I haven't been right since Lovey left."

"I'm sorry. I feel partially responsible, in a way."

"It came out of nowhere, Kahl-"

"Coolhil." He corrected.

"of course, right." Archibald said, taking a seat on the couch and waiting for Coolhil. Had he a hand to offer, he would've given him a lift. He waited patiently, watching the climb with polite patience. "Well, it came out of nowhere. I had just delivered her flowers the night before, like I do everynight. 'Petunias for my petunia.'. 'Lilies for my lily.' I mean she's allergic to flowers but I think she gets the message, its out of love. I thought she did anyway. Like when I gave her chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting. It was homemade. And I gave it to her and she was like 'I'm allergic to peanuts, Archie!' because she was always bitching about things like that, and then suddenly it was 'you're literally poisoning me! I'm dying!'. And I just think, well, it was a little dramatic."

"Women." Coohlil said. "they're never happy. that's why i'm gay."

"they're not all bad." Archibald mused. He thought of women. Lots of women. Not just Lovey, but Petunia, for one. He could see himself with her. Madame Blueberry was feisty and firece. There was audrey too, he had met her in Bumblyberg once. Of course, they were too different, things would've never worked out. They had hugged once, though, and he thought of it. He thought of the intern who worked at big idea a few years ago. "Not her."

Coolhil had finally scaled the mountain of the curdorouy couch. He breathed deeply to catch his breath. "Not who? Lovey?"

"Eh? No. Not - never mind." He blushed.

"well. She didn't deserve you. I wold never die just because someone made me a homemade chocolate cake with peanut butter. Did she even acknowledge the work it took?"

"No! It was just 'call 9-11' and 'I need the hospital' and 'I can't breathe' like it tasted bad."

"Maybe she meant it took her breath away. In a good way." He suggested. "Whoo. It's hot. I should take off this jacket. That was quite the workout."

Archibald squinted to see the tiny beads of sweat on Coolhil's forehead. It was sexy.

"Maybe you should... help me out of these clothes?" Coolhil suggested with another wink.

Archibald blushed deeply at the idea. His cheeks burned and he felt like he was roasting under the hot bulbs of an easy bake oven. "yes. but no. I can't."

"Because you still feel for Lovey?"

"Oh, no, I - I would love nothing more than to undress you, Coolhil. I don't have any hands."