She got me to come to a damn cat cafe?!
"Why don't we take a seat, Ishigami?"
The gears in Ishigami's mind began to turn as he quickly assessed the situation. He eyed Iino, trying to get a gauge on her demeanor, trying to find any bit of information he could.
Does this girl wear her uniform to bed? Seriously, I've never seen her take that thing off.
He couldn't find a drop of useful information! Changing gears, he looked around at the patrons that were playing with the cats, taking in the quaint atmosphere of the cafe. He began to sweat, resisting the urge to put the hood of his sweater up and disappear into it.
Ooh, boy. She's really put a lot into this. Now I'm starting to feel a little bad. After all… I don't even hate cats to begin with.
Dog people and cat people! People say that there are 2 types of people in the world: Dog people and cat people. But in reality, this is just half of the equation! The world is not divided in two, but in four! Indeed, people are dog lovers, cat lovers, dog haters, or cat haters! In Kaguya's case, she was a cat hater through and through until various things changed her outlook, but as for Ishigami who's always been a dog lover first and foremost, his mind has been free of this burden for as long as he can remember!
I mean, seriously, Did she not realize that I'm completely fine with Gomanosuke or something? I would've thought she'd have called my bluff by now.
But for Ishigami, there's just one tiny problem with admitting that he's not actually a cat hater!
If I admit that, then Iino would find out that I was trying to force a confession out of her! And worse…
His skin began to crawl, his mind blanked, and he struggled to draw breath as a single thought permeated through his brain!
"Ah? You pretended to hate cats as a convoluted way of flirting with me? And your heart actually skipped a beat when I said that I love cats? You really are quite cute."
That would be certain death! As such, he has no choice but to wrack his brain with ideas on the spot!
Think! How do I stop Iino from thinking that I was trying to flirt with her?
While Ishigami clawed at his head, trying to find any idea he could grasp no matter how loosely, Iino simply got up and out of her seat with a serene smile.
"I'm going to go order now. Want anything?"
"I can get it myself, but thanks for the offer."
Ishigami clicked his tongue as he watched Iino prance off to place an order.
That girl… she set me up! If the setting didn't set my defeat in stone, her smile sure did! How can someone be so calm in a situation like this? Has she not seen the implications of inviting a man like myself on an outing with just her?
Meanwhile, in Iino's brain:
How do I prevent Ishigami from finding out that I was flirting with him?!
She is not calm in the slightest!
I thought that I was being clever by using animal preferences as symbolism to try to extract a confession from Ishigami, but it's almost like he saw right through me!
He's too busy thinking that you saw right through him!
I mean, why else would he have started saying the things he did?
Because he was doing the exact same thing as you were!
Of course, I could just assert that I didn't mean anything by it, but…
Her skin began to crawl, her mind blanked, and she struggled to draw breath as a single thought permeated through her brain!
"Well you say that, but in reality, your heart nearly stopped when I declared my love for dogs, didn't it? You were totally trying to get me to confess, but it completely backfired, didn't it? You really are quite cute."
That would be certain death!
Still, my plan's all set in place, so I should be fine. Now, all that's left is the execution.
With a smile, she waved at Ishigami, gesturing for him to come over to her.
"What's up, Iino? Weren't you getting a drink?"
"Well, I got a little distracted here…"
Ishigami was almost knocked right off of his feet, the visual stimulation hitting him right in the stomach and nearly overwhelming him! What was this visual stimulus, you ask?
She's playing with a cat!
Marriage material! Whether in nature, man made, or anything in between, this type of natural union is everywhere you look! From flowers and honeybees to avocados and soy sauce, these natural unions bring out the maximum potential of each individual subject! The vast majority of humanity is cat lovers, and contrary to what he says, Ishigami is one of them! Not only that, but the sight of Iino innocently playing with this cat, rubbing its ears and belly with a grin so genuine that it would make even the heart of a god skip a beat, this mortal high schooler stood no chance!
Only one thought could be formed in Ishigami's mind as his eyes began to pop out of his head from excitement!
SO CUUUUTE!
It's a perfect combination! But wait! There's one important detail that Ishigami just remembered!
I can't just turn around and say that I like cats! At least, not after what happened yesterday!
The scenario formed in his mind faster than one can blink:
"Ah? Were you just pretending to hate cats? But why on earth would you do that? I can't really think of a good reason, unless…"
Unless I was trying to confess my freaking love!
With no options left, Ishigami quickly turned around, biting down hard on his tongue so as to not break his own composure!
First I've gotta calm down. I need to think. My goal here isn't to make Iino think that I hate cats. All I have to do to get out of dodge is to make my conversion to liking cats believable.
"So, Iino-"
"So, you say that you hate cats, right?"
Ishigami resisted the urge to scoff in annoyance.
She got the first strike in, huh?
They say that the one who strikes first distaste the flow of any battle, verbal or otherwise. A first strike allows one to fight on their terms and knock their opponent off balance and as we know, this is a principle that Iino has mastered down to the letter.
"Hm? Did I say that I hate cats?"
Iino narrowed her eyes at Ishigami, suspicion forming in her expression.
So, he's playing dumb, huh? Looks like this'll be even easier than I thought.
"Hey, Ishigami? Doesn't this cat remind you of Gomanosuke?"
Ishigami immediately began to sweat, shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket and
Between my interactions with Gomanosuke and my current location, I'm at a massive disadvantage right now…
A smile began to grow on Iino's face as she stood up to approach Ishigami upon noticing the frustration on his face.
Oh? Looks like you've finally noticed how futile your position is, Ishigami.
She began to close the distance between them and Ishigami's heart rate began to rise the closer she got to him.
"By the way, you like Gomanosuke, right?"
Ishigami grit his teeth as he began to feel more and more lost by the second.
Dammit… How do I respond to this and come out on top?
The double bind. If Ishigami says that he enjoys Gomanosuke's company then Iino can use that to say that he likes cats and corner him. If he says that he doesn't, then he could very easily be caught in a lie because of the countless recordings of himself personally setting out food for Gomanosuke (courtesy of the cameras in the council room).
Knowing all that, there's only one thing I can do now…
Ishigami shrugged, looking off to the side as he spoke.
"Well, I didn't like Gomanosuke at first, but I'm not evil or anything, so I didn't chase him off. After being around him for this long, I guess I've gotten a little attached."
Clever move. By asserting that he didn't like Gomanosuke at first, Ishigami is able to narrowly avoid trapping himself in a corner. The question is: how long can he keep this up? Iino scratched her chin for a moment before circling back around for another attack.
"So you're saying that-"
"Also, do you mind telling me why you don't like dogs, Iino?"
Excellent form. By cutting her off in the middle of her attack, Ishigami is able to skillfully shift the flow of the conversation and catch Iino off guard. After all, the time that one least expects to be attacked is when they are doing the attacking…
Or at least, that's how it normally goes.
"You want to know why I don't like dogs? Well, I already told you, didn't I? They just force themselves onto you, yap at you until you give them what they want, and they're so high maintenance that if you don't give them affection for a day, they practically wither and die."
Ishigami resisted the urge to begin furiously scratching her head.
This girl… Does she have a response for everything? It's almost like she's reading off of a script.
The difference in preparation is astonishing.
Sure, they've both been formulating their plans for over a day, but while Ishigami had devised specific phrases and strategies to steer the conversation from an unrelated topic towards dogs and knocking Iino off balance from there, by bringing him to a cat cafe, Iino has rendered his strategy entirely useless! The best defense is a good offense and Iino knows this principle like the back of her hand! Ishigami's plan may have been composed in the span of a night, but Iino's was composed over the course of the past week.
She asked Kogane to join the mass media club, suggested the idea of a poster to Karen, assessed Kogane's strengths and weaknesses in terms of design, and upon seeing an opportunity, she combed through the first results for poster frames, all just to get to this moment!
This is impossible. Looks like I'll just have to be on damage control for now.
Ishigami recognized the futility of his position and moved onto the defensive. Sensing this change, Iino quickly seized the opportunity to gain ground.
"It's a little hard to believe, though, given how nice you are to Gomanosuke."
"As long as it's got less than 6 legs, I'll normally at least give it some food and drink."
"But that's a bit of a shift from what you were saying yesterday, is it not?"
"Oh, that? I was just feeling a little overworked and took my anger out on cats."
Iinio clicked her tongue in frustration as Ishigami breathed a sigh of relief.
Dammit… How is he this hard to crack?
I held up… just barely…
Once again, they've fought themselves to a deadlock. In this kind of situation, they either walk away empty-handed…
"Hey, Ishigami? Want to play with the cats?"
…Or one of them comes up with something in the last moments.
"Me? Play with the cats?"
You think that a trap like that's gonna work on me? You're more naive than you look, Iino.
"Nah, I'm not really feeling it, so sorry, Iino."
"Really? It's really fun though."
Ishigami felt his conviction waver as he watched Iino find multiple cats, laughing as she pet all of them, got them to do tricks, and cuddled up with them.
"So, are you sure you don't want to play with them, Ishigami?"
Ishigami paused, thinking to himself and weighing his options.
Hm… as long as I don't get too into things, it'll be fine, right?
He crouched down to Iino's level, picking out a relatively small cat with sleek brown fur.
Ah, this is pretty nice, isn't it? It's been a while since Gomanosuke's visited and I don't have a dog of my own, so I really needed this.
Ishigami began to smile as he rubbed the cat between the ears, letting out a little giggle as the cat purred and he slowly began to lose himself in the sensation of-
"Ah? What do we have here?"
…
Shit.
Regret. That was the only thing that Ishigami felt at that moment. He felt his body begin to creak as he slowly turned towards Iino. However, the moment he saw her face, he wished that he hadn't looked away from the cat.
Because when he did, Iino struck without an ounce of mercy.
"You say that you're mostly indifferent to cats, but if that's the case, why are you being so affectionate now? You were really cuddling up to them. Now that I think about it, it all makes sense. When Gomanosuke first started visiting, who was the first one to start setting out food for him after Miyuki-senpai? It was you, wasn't it?"
She hit the nail on the head!
Ishigami utterly crumpled under the pressure! He tries to cross his arms and deny it!
"I-It was just basic human decency!"
"That doesn't explain how cuddly you were being just a moment ago. Say, if you actually do like cats, then what does that say about what you were doing yesterday?"
It was completely ineffective! Ishigami is utterly defeated!
That's it… It's over…
Check and mate.
Iino has used their difference in preparation to a level which is uncounterable. Try as he may to find it, there isn't a single direction that Ishigami can escape to. All the resourcefulness and ingenuity in the world means nothing when you're simply outgunned. Now the question remains: what will he do?
I don't see any way to get out of this… Have I just lost?
While he's completely overtaken by despair, Iino is celebrating more than she has ever celebrated in her life!
Yes! I've got him trapped! Now, he has no choice, but to…
"Yeah. I'll admit it. I was flirting with you."
…
Hah?
It took a moment for Iino to process this, but when she did, it was almost like her face had become a candle with how bright it had lit up.
What?! He just came out and said it? But why?! And did I just go completely red?!
When cornered and left without escape routes, a rattlesnake will not simply give up and die. No, they will use every ounce of strength they have in order to cling to life, no matter how dire the odds may be. As such, Ishigami has summoned every bit of his mental energy in one final hail Mary assault! But despite this, he's not out of the woods just yet! Iino is no inexperienced fighter and as such, she is no stranger to the follow through…
Isn't this enough ammunition to make him confess? But I'm not done processing this information…
…Or so you may think! In reality, not knowing whether or not she would even get to this point, Iino's preparations were all built towards getting her here in the first place! Her source of success has quickly become her downfall! As she looked up at Ishigami's face, however, she found…
He's looking far from composed himself…
Indeed, Ishigami is far from the princely at the moment. His face is, if anything, even brighter than Iino's and he can't even bring himself to look her in the eyes! And as Iino observed this, a question began to form in the back of her mind.
If I were to ask him if he liked me right now… would he say yes?
Time seemed to stand still for a moment as the rest of the world faded into the background. Iino carefully considered her options before:
"In any case, we should go get some drinks-"
"Hold on, I just got a text."
Iino raised an eyebrow as he took out his phone and tapped it a few times. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, but what she did not expect was for a massive blush to appear on Ishigami's face and for him to begin furiously tapping away right after.
What on earth is happening?
She started to walk towards Ishigami, but before she could even get within arm's length, he shoved his phone into his pocket and began to walk off, his back turned against her.
"Ah, well, Acchan asked me for help with the sports festival… Anyways, what are we waiting for? Let's go get some drinks."
Iino's eyes narrowed in suspicion as unease began to creep up on her.
What was he just doing? And who's 'Acchan'?
Today's result: Iino's loss.
