Chapter 2


It had been burdensome, far harder than killing the stupid beast to hall its remains back to the guild. Shirou had to endure stares, smirks, and even a few very disturbing catcalls, but with a final heave, he dropped the toad corpse at the steps of the guild.

Standing straight for what felt like the first time in forever, Shirou's back gave a loud pop, and he sighed in satisfaction while wiping at the sweat upon his brow.

"Oh my."

Looking over, Shirou saw Luna standing at the entrance to the guild, her face a worrying shade of puce and her knees trembling.

'She must not be used to seeing stuff like this.'

Shirou could understand that. He remembered the first time Taiga had watched a documentary on where meat came from and had passed out. When she had come to Taiga had no recollection of watching the show at all, and Shirou decided it was best never to mention it again. Her mind had obviously been protecting itself from the trauma and the prospect of never being able to eat meat again.

"I'm sorry, Luna. Did you want me to drop this off somewhere else?"

"No! No, that's alright. I'll have some guild staff come around and take it for processing."

Luna was a trooper, and Shirou could admire that about a person, though the fact she had started almost hyperventilating concerned him.

"Well, maybe we should step inside. After all, I'm going to need to register now."

Shirou smiled and bounded up the steps, deciding it was best to take Luna back into the shelter of the building.

"Ah, yes, please lead the way."

Shirou thought that was strange but didn't argue, and Luna followed him into the building. He probably would have been more hesitant if he had been aware of the thoughts dancing through Luna's head for the last minute.

'So sexy!"

Luna's mind fell further and further into depravity as she once more found it challenging to look above Shirou's hips.

'He carried a giant toad to the guild. I thought he'd get a cart. How can someone be so strong!"

Reaching the counter, Luna quickly made her way behind it and embraced the semblance of safety it provided.

"Please, wait here a moment, Shirou."

Moving expediently, Luna retrieved one-thousand eris and a magical device to produce guild cards. Placing the money and device before Shirou, Luna took a breath and put on her best customer service smile.

"Your payment, minus the guild registration fee and everything we need to read your status."

The device before Shirou looked like a strange magnifying glass with a glass orb at the top and a small crystal at the bottom. Under the crystal, Luna was carefully placing a blank card.

"If you place your hand on the orb, this machine will measure and record your current abilities on this card. Once we do that, we'll know what jobs you're qualified to select."

That seemed easy enough to Shirou, and he placed his right hand on the orb. It immediately lit up with magical energy that tingled along Shirou's arm pleasantly, and a small laser came out of the crystal and began to inscribe information onto the card.

It didn't take long for the device to finish, and Luna reached over to take the filled-out guild card.

"Let me see your stats, and I'll advise you on your ideal job path."

Reading the card, Luna gasped. Her hands shook, and her face turned a deep red.

"This is...These stats are incredible! I've never seen someone with such high physical and magical attributes! With stats like these, you could pick any class you wanted, Arch Wizard, Paladin, High Druid, anything!"

Shirou stared on uncomprehendingly. It was almost like Luna thought he was unique or something. Weird. But the classes sounded neat to Shirou. If he understood correctly, he would get access to specific skills and abilities through whatever magic system this world operated. In what could be considered a rare moment of introspection, Shirou thought about what class would best fit him.

"Is there a class that combines fighting with magic?"

Shirou wasn't a good magus. He knew and accepted this. But what he could do with his magecraft, he had no equal. Shirou was a sword and had become very good at wielding himself on the battlefield, which is why he needed to combine magic and martial skill to succeed.

Luna's smile seemed to dim slightly, but she nodded hesitantly.

"There are, but I don't generally recommend people choose those paths. But don't get me wrong!" Luna waved her hands as she saw Shirou's expression fall. "They can be powerful, extremely so, but usually that's once they leveled up and gained several high-level combination skills. For example, you could choose a few combination classes: Ranger, which combines rouge, druid, and archery skills. A Sage is someone who emphasizes both healing and nature magic. Or an Arcane Knight, an expert in the martial arts who further enhances their body and weapons with magic."

Shirou's eyes lit up like firecrackers. Arcane Knight sounded perfect for him, not only because it was what he was already good at, but if there were a hero Shirou would be honored to imitate, it was Saber. Shirou could not help but feel that she was looking down on him from somewhere, nodding her approval of his choice. And perhaps contemplating how she was going to punish him if he did not pursue that option.

The first thought made him smile. The latter brought a terrified tear to his eye. It made for very complicated facial gymnastics that caused Luna to contemplate calling for a healer, briefly concerned Shirou may be having a stroke.

"Arcane Knight! That's what I'm going with."

Shirou managed to keep the vast majority of his panic out of his voice, but it was a close thing.

Luna accepted his choice with a swipe of her finger, though she would have much rather he had chosen to be a regular Knight or Crusader.

"Very well. Shirou Emiya, I welcome you as our guild's first and only Arcane Knight. May your career as an Adventurer be long and fruitful."

Those who had gathered around let out a cheer as Shirou took his card.

"Shirou! Shirou! Shirou!"

Shirou got swept up in the energy that permeated the place and laughed as people clapped him on the shoulder and offered their congratulations.

"You're gonna go far, kid." A grizzled shirtless man rasped, "Can't want to see it."

Shirou sniffed. People were kicking up a lot of dust, causing his eyes to water. Not that any of the guild staff would agree, given they had just swept and mopped the floors twenty minutes ago, but Shirou didn't have to know that.

"Luna, does this mean I can go after the Devil King now?"

Luna giggled, thinking that Shirou had a bizarre sense of humor.

"No, silly, while there is a quest to slay the Devil King, it's X rank. So before anyone can take it, someone must complete all the prerequisite quests. So basically, you'd need to slay all the Devil Kings generals before contemplating seeking him out."

That complicated things.

"Do I have to take the quest at all? Why don't people just go?"

Luna stopped smiling at looked at Shirou oddly.

"Well, not only would it be against the royal decree, an impenetrable magical barrier protects the Devil King's castle, maintained by his generals. To bring down the barrier, you need to slay his generals."

That was disappointing, but Shirou supposed it made sense. If the Devil King was easy to fight, then that goddess wouldn't need to send heroes from other worlds to fight him.

"Besides." Luna continued. "You'd have to get a lot more prestige before the capital takes notice of you and offer you a chance to undertake such a task."

Shirou tilted his head to the side.

"Prestige?"

Luna offered Shirou his card and pointed to a small box in the upper right corner.

"Prestige is how well known and viewed you are by the world. Therefore, you need a great deal of prestige to get the interest of the capital and the royal guild."

So, prestige was the key. Not Shirou's usual MO. Recognition was something that made him uncomfortable and always made heroism feel cheap.

'But needs must.'

Shirou looked at his guild card and found the prestige section populated with a zero. Shirou wasn't overly surprised, he supposed. He understood having to work for his goals. But under the prestige section was something he didn't recognize.

"Luna, what's infamy?"

Luna smiled comfortingly and tapped her fingers against her desk.

"Sorry, Shirou, I didn't mention it earlier since I doubt you need to worry about it. Infamy is similar to prestige in that it relates to recognition; however, where prestige marks how you've benefited your fellow man, infamy is the opposite. The more infamy you gain, the less prestige you will hold."

"Wait, so infamy is a way to see how evil someone is?"

"Not necessarily. You don't have to be a criminal to be infamous. For example, let's use the toad slaying quest as an example. If you were to complete it without incident, you would gain prestige. But if you were to finish it but destroy a farmer's crop in the process, you would become infamous. So it's all about how you complete the task. Do you get it?"

Shirou nodded. It was the difference between doing something the right way versus doing something the easy way. Shirou had long ago committed to never sacrificing his ideals to achieve his goals, and he wasn't about to start now.

"Very good. Now, it's getting late, and you'll want to review your guild card in more detail later. So, how about this I'll give you a discounted rate on a room for the night. Then, you can relax, have a good dinner, and finish slaying the giant toads in the morning."

The offer was tempting. It had been a long day, and if the day was any indicator, finding giant toads took time. Though he tried to fight it, a yawn escaped Shirou which seemed to be all the confirmation Luna needed.

Reaching behind the desk, she retrieved a large brass key with a tag tied to it.

"Take room six. I'll have someone bring you some food to your room in a few minutes."

Luna's kindness touched Shirou, and he took the key from her with a heartfelt smile.

"Thank you, Luna. I don't know what I would have done without you. Please let me know how I can repay you in the future."

Shirou bowed at the waist, missing Luna's face turning scarlet and the glazed look in her eyes.

"I-it's nothing," Luna said, covering her face with a hand and waving Shirou off.

"N-now, you should relax, and I'll see you in the morning."

In truth, Luna was fighting the temptation to take Shirou his dinner personally and maybe even feed him, preferably off her naked body.

'Bad Luna, but goodness, it would be fun."

A snicker broke Luna out of her more lurid fantasies, and she realized that Shirou had left and Mariah had taken his place.

"You're drooling again."

"Shut up."


Shirou had slept for eight hours, unusual for him but certainly needed. Who knew dying could take so much out of a guy?

Either way, he had woken up feeling refreshed and ready to continue his quest. Shirou only spared a moment for a quick breakfast before he was out in the field hunting for more giant toads and had found a large group of them hopping leisurely along towards a distant farm. He engaged with extreme prejudice while contemplating what he should do moving forward. His guild card was interesting. It was similar to what Rin had described during the Holy Grail War about Servants' Stats. Shirou was curious to know how he compared to the average adventurer, but if Luna's words held any merit, he was considered pretty strong. What fascinated Shirou was the skills section. Somehow it had been able to identify Shirou's abilities. Even the Unlimited Blade Works, something he considered to be his most closely guarded secret. Reality Marbles weren't things one just bragged about unless one had an unhealthy fixation on vivisection.

The ability to record his abilities was interesting enough, but what Shirou was almost desperate to explore was the little plus button beside each of his skills. Shirou had asked Luna about it during his rushed breakfast, and according to her, he could improve his abilities by spending skill points, which accumulated when he leveled up.

Honestly, sometimes Shirou wondered if he'd accidentally become somebody's video game character with how this world was structured.

However, such meta thoughts probably weren't healthy and made his head hurt, so he didn't contemplate that idea for long.

'Besides, on the off chance I am some character, it would be rude to break the fourth wall. It would ruin the immersive experience.'

Truly, Shirou was kind to the core.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Shirou took stock of his surroundings and blinked. Twenty toads were splayed out on the ground, with several swords sticking out of various vital organs.

"How many of these things was I supposed to kill again?" Shirou asked himself quietly, only to realize he had left the flyer in his room. Once more, he cursed his lack of pockets before sighing.

Regardless, his sharp eyes could make out several more large bodies hopping in the distance, and it was better to be safe than sorry. Besides, he could leave the poor helpless farmers to deal with them independently. So, with a muffled boom, Shirou was off to hunt more vicious amphibians.


The sun had descended to touch the horizon by the time Shirou returned to town, tired but satisfied with the day's efforts and confident he had completed his quest. Those toads, indeed, had been numerous, and he shuddered to think what would have happened if he hadn't been around. Truly, Shirou felt he was well on his way to gaining the prestige and rank necessary to save the world, one toad at a time.

Striding back to the guild, Shirou smiled at the people he passed. Some returned the gesture, while others ignored him completely, but he didn't stop to talk to anyone until a football rolled into his path and a young child with brown dog ears bumped into him chasing after it. The impact was hardly noticeable to Shirou, but the child fell onto his rump with a cry.

Panicking slightly, Shirou dropped to his knees and began to fuss over the child.

"Are you ok? That looked like a nasty fall," Shirou said, hands hovering awkwardly. Of course, he really was better at battling nasties or doing other people's chores than comforting crying children, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

The child sniffed and let out a few half-hearted sobs, wiping his nose while looking up at Shirou with big brown eyes.

"C-can you take me to my house, Mister? I think I hurt my leg."

Had Shirou been more experience with children, he may have noticed there was nothing at all wrong with the child's leg, and his face was completely dry, with no tears in sight. However, even if Shirou had noticed those details, it's debatable whether he would have turned down the child's request anyway, regardless of the shopkeeper trying to signal to Shirou to run away. Instead, Shirou smiled and picked the child up while privately wondering why the shopkeeper was playing charades by himself.

"Of course, just tell me where you live."

The child beamed at Shirou's words and actions and pointed to a side alley.

"At the end of the alley, you can't miss it."

Following the child's direction, Shirou stepped into the alley, never seeing the shopkeep fall to his knees in despair. It looked like Shirou would become another kind-hearted adventurer lured into the doomed alley. Truly, Axle lost its best adventurers that way, which explained a lot about the quality of protectors that remained in town if anyone stopped to think about it.

"Godspeed to you, kind Sir. Godspeed." The shopkeeper whispered while shaking his head, standing up, and walking away to drown his sorrows with a large ale at his favorite pub.

Shirou wasn't all that concerned about the alley. It was pretty clean compared to some of the others he had inhabited in his travels, and the child, happy chattering in his ear, had him lowering his guard until a man stepped out of the shadows.

The man was shirtless and massive, with muscles the size of bowling balls and a superb curling mustache that seemed to make his big smile even more prominent.

"Father Marley!" The child said, his ears twitching as he struggled to get out of Shirou's grasp, clearly knowing the man.

Relaxing, Shirou let the boy down, and he ran up to Father Marley and began to hop in place at the man's feet.

"I got him to follow me just like you said!"

Father Marley laughed, reaching down to ruffle the boy's hair, much to his pleasure.

"That you did, my boy, that you did."

Father Marley turned his attention to Shirou, his smile taking on a sinister appearance as he did so, like a cat eyeing a mouse.

Stepping forward, Father Marley reached behind his back, making Shirou tense at the mixed signals he was getting.

"You, young man, are a true hero!" Father Marley said while bowing at the waist and holding out a flyer he had pulled from a belt pouch secured to his lower back.

Shirou blinked and looked from the man to the flyer and back again. He could not help but feel flattered, but he had only done what any decent person would have done.

"Thank you," Shirou said, taking the flyer. "But I didn't do much."

"Nonsense, you helped this poor child in his moment of need. If that's not heroic, I don't know what is! Might I ask for your name, dear hero?"

"Shirou Emiya."

"A fine name indeed, Shirou. My name is Father Marley, and I am the leader of Axle's most prestigious organization, the Axis Sect. I assume you've heard of us, and if you allow me, I will take you to our majestic temple to reward you for your kindness."

Shirou had no idea what the Axis Sect was, but apparently, it had a significant presence in the town, and learning about it would be helpful. Besides, he had some time, and what could it hurt? Moreover, Father Marley seemed nice enough.

"I guess I could go with you to see the temple if nothing else, but I've got to get back to the guild before too long to turn in my quest."

"Of course, my boy. I'm confident it won't take but a moment." Father Marley turned, scooping up the child as he did so, and waved Shirou along. "'I'll lead the way and have you back to the guild in a jiffy."

Nodding, Shirou followed along, having no idea the horrors that would await him in the temple of the Axis Sect.


Luna was getting very nervous. Shirou had been gone the entire day on a quest to slay four giant toads, something she assumed would have taken him an hour tops based on how quickly he was able to kill one of the beasts and carry its carcass back to the guild. Moreover, it was already ten o'clock in the evening, and she hadn't seen hide or hair of her favorite adventurer. Luna should have gone home several hours before, but her concern kept her seated at her desk, anxiously watching the front door, hoping that Shirou walked through it before the guild officially closed its doors at eleven.

There weren't many people present besides her, a few drunken adventurers leaning heavily on the bar, and a few more were on their way to a similar state. Unfortunately, it was not an uncommon site. Most local taverns tended to shy away from serving adventurers, given their propensity for causing chaos.

Hearing the door creak open, Luna perked up just as she had done every time it had opened for the last four hours, and this time she wasn't disappointed as Shirou stumbled in, looking dazed.

Rushing out from her place behind the counter, she made her way to him, eyes wide with concern.

"Shirou, are you alright? What happened?" Luna asked, meeting his amber eye and seeing far less life than she had grown used to within them. Instead, he looked like a man who had witnessed the death of hundreds, weighed down by horrors he could not process.

"Luna, I, yes, I'm alright. Just a little tired, is all," Shirou said, focusing on her, much to Luna's relief.

"You were gone for hours. Didn't you find something other than toads? I had heard rumors that a one-shot bear had descended from the mountain, but I thought they were exactly that!" Luna's mind was spitting out all kinds of horrible scenarios that Shirou may have faced to cause him to look like such a fright. Luna was sure she could see a few white hairs interspersed in his previous all-red locks.

Shirou shook his head slowly.

"The quest was easy. I was back before dark."

Luna relaxed slightly, but now she couldn't help but wonder what had delayed Shirou for so long if he had arrived in town at least four hours ago.

"Shirou, tell me what happened."

"I thought the child needed help, and his guardian seemed nice, but it was a trap. It had to be."

Luna swallowed heavily and a pit formed in her stomach. She had heard rumors, gossip really, about them.

"Father Marley, he never stopped, even though I told him I didn't want to join. Instead, he offered me a magical penis enhancement object to join," Shirou rambled, unaware of the blush that formed on Luna's face. "He said it would make my manhood eight inches long..."

Luna forced herself to look into Shirou's shell-shocked eyes, recognizing he needed to vent the horrors he had endured.

"Why would I want to shrink my penis, Luna?"

Luna found herself incapable of speech, amitting a high-pitched squeak, ears burning as Shirou pulled her into a crushing embrace seeking comfort.

'E-eight inches!'

Luna only heard bits and pieces as Shirou continued to speak. She replayed what she had just learned in her head, like a skipping record.

"...Succubae and fertility..."

'Eight inches.'

"...Cat girls..."

'Eight inches.'

"...Rubber ducky..."

'Bigger than eight inches!'

Luna didn't break her stupor until she felt Shirou pull away.

"...And that's how I escaped the Axis Chruch."

Luna blinked and forced herself to focus; if Shirou had managed to escape from Axis, then he was even more powerful than she had initially thought.

"I-I'm sorry you had to go through that. The Axis Church is a minor entity in town, but they tend to be rather tricky in their attempts to recruit members."

Shirou nodded. After his recent experience meeting an actual god, he resolved to avoid ever coming into contact with the patron of that crazy church.

"But," Luna said, interjecting some energy into her tone as she stood up. "You completed your first quest, which is cause for some celebration. Let me have your guild card and make it official."

Shirou got up and followed Luna to the quest counter, pulling his card out of his waistband as he did.

"Let's see, 124 toads slain."

Luna read from the card and did a double-take at the number. The quest only required Shirou to slay five toads in three days. Luna didn't even know someone could kill that many creatures in a single day.

"That's uh, very impressive, Shirou."

Shirou shrugged off the praise humbly.

"I couldn't remember how many I needed to kill to complete the quest, and there were so many wandering about I didn't want any of the farms to be at risk."

Luna found herself less shocked than she should have been, getting used to Shirou's particular kind of crazy.

"Well, you've certainly taken care of that concern. I doubt we'll have to order another toad-slaying quest for a few months, at least."

Luna took Shirou's card and ran it through a machine, officially recording Shriou's successful quest completion. After she did, she noted that his level had jumped to ten and frowned.

It was a small amount of growth considering the number of toads Shirou had defeated, but it did make sense in a way. Evolution happened through struggle and strife, and Luna could imagine killing toads as little more than a jog for Shirou.

Handing Shirou's card back to him, Luna gathered the eris he had earned. One-thousand for each toad, plus about ten thousand for completing the quest. It was not an insignificant sum, and it would be more than enough to get Shirou started with a decent weapon and a stable place to live.

"Here you are, Shirou," Luna said, handing over the bag of eris and guild card. "I know you've had a long day and need to rest. Please stay another night here, and sleep well."

Shirou nodded distractedly while looking at his guild card.

"Thanks, Luna. I promise I'll find myself a place tomorrow before anything else."

"I doubt you'll have any difficulty, but I will have to insist you give me your address so I can bring a housewarming gift."

Luna didn't know where her sudden bravery came from, but it didn't bother Shirou.

"Of course, I'll cook you dinner for all the kindness you've shown me. It's the least I could do."

With those parting words, Shirou turned and left, ready to sleep the horrors of the day away and utterly unaware of his words' effect on poor Luna, who had dropped into a dead faint.


This chapter is a little less goofy than the first and officially introduces Shirou as an adventurer. But, more importantly, next chapter, I plan to introduce everybody's useless goddess and hikkineet, yay! Though I'm most looking forward to playing with Darkness's interactions with Shirou, I feel there's a lot of potential for comedy with those two.

Let me know what you think about where the story is going and as always, thank you for reading!