Like a hound dog pursuing her prey, Lynn was hellbent on catching Kathleen. The coward and her crony ran at the sight of her but no way were they going to outrun an athlete of Lynn Loud's caliber.

The chase had taken her all the way to a bus stop.

"Faster! This way!" Jenny pulled her friend along only to box themselves in the bus shelter.

"Gotcha!" Lynn was gaining on them, but as she jumped onto the road a honking bus appeared out of nowhere.

Yelping, Lynn jumped back and her targets got blocked from her sight. The burly bus driver stopped and angrily shook his fist.

"Watch where you're going, you godforsaken Loud!"

Lynn paid him no mind as she noticed that the bus shelter was empty. Looking around, she saw Jenny disappearing behind a block, prompting Lynn to bolt after her.

Panting, Jenny stopped at a fruit stand and laboriously picked up a melon.

"Hey!" the proprietor yelled.

"Send your bill to Kathleen Tisdale." Jenny clumsily threw the melon at Lynn and ran, but the determined jock caught it like a basketball.

"Here ya go!" she threw it back to its owner, causing it to splatter all over his face and knock him off his feet.

Jenny fled until she ran into a dead end. Trapped in the alleyway, she froze with fear and clutched the box as she was engulfed by Lynn's shadow.

"Surrender and I might not snap your legs!" Lynn demanded while holding out her hand, coming closer and closer to the terrified cheerleader.

Unexpectedly, Jenny started front-flipping towards Lynn.

Caught off guard, Lynn saw Jenny flipping over her but managed to grab the latter's ankle and slam her to the ground.

But Jenny lost her grip on the box and it flew through the air. Lynn's eyes widened as she saw Kathleen catching it.

"Go on without me! I'll be…" Jenny implored her before realizing that her friend was long gone. "…fine?" "

"Son of a…" Lynn trembled with anger and grabbed Jenny.

"L-lyn, you have no right t-t do this." Jenny stammered. "T-this is not your b-business."

"Oh, I think my mom is my business!" Lynn snarked bitterly.

"M-mom? What are you talk-" Jenny didn't get to finish as she was shoved rear-first into a trashcan and left there.

Quickly accelerating, it didn't take Lynn long to spot her target making a feeble attempt to escape behind a house.

Lynn chased her onto the lawn only to find a bunch of boys around Lana's age laughing and playing on a sprinkler slide.

Before she could spot Kathleen, Lynn was blasted in the face and knocked off her feet by a hose. Through blurred vision, she saw a red, white, and brown shape escaping.

"Hey, mistah? Ya wann play with us?" one of the boys asked.

"I'm a girl!" Lynn lamented while rubbing her eyes clean, only to hear laughter.

"Like heck you are!" one of the kids snorted.

Seething, Lynn ignored their jabs and resumed the chase.

She followed Kathleen towards the playground, filled with kids having a good time. She ran past the slides, monkey bars, and merry-go-round and found Kathleen standing by the tetherball court.

Blinded by the rising sun, Lynn ran toward her and saw her pick up a ball. She threw it at Lynn but the jock punched it away with immense force.

She boasted, "Hah! You stand no chance again a-"

The ball came round and round and tied Lynn to the pole.

"…tetherball champion…." Lynn finished meekly before struggling against her binds.

Kathleen covered her mouth while snickering and made her getaway.

"You won't lose me that easily!" Turning red with anger, Lynn loosened one of her shoes and flung it at the retreating cheerleader, clonking her on the head.

"Score!" Lynn exclaimed as Kathleen fell down and dropped the gift box, while the former untangled herself.

Lynn opted to run for the box, with only one shoe. But just as she was about to grab it, a garbage-covered Jenny cartwheeled past her and snatched the box.

"You again!" Lynn blurted and a terrified Jenny ran towards a play castle, forcefully shoving a little girl away and scurrying up the ladder, with Lynn in hot pursuit.

Stopping in the middle of the bridge, Jenny spotted her friend getting up.

"Quick! Catch it!" she tossed the box just as Lynn grabbed her by the shoulder.

"No!" Lynn screamed lividly, allowing Jenny to slip away as she watched Kathleen making her escape with the box under her arm.

Jenny went down the slide and ran away. Growling, Lynn followed her down the slide. She saw the two girls catching up with each other as they vanished behind another block.

Lynn quickly closed the gap between them but halted as she found them standing in front of a flower shop, talking to someone.

"Here you go…ma'am….with compliments from-ah!"

Lynn grabbed the panting girl.

"Game over, Kathleen!" the jock growled. "You won't trick mom ag…what?!"

"Um…hey, Lynn? Sup?" Amber awkwardly waved her fingers and Jenny grabbed the gift box from her.

She pulled out a pearl necklace and handed it to the elderly, spectacled woman in a flower dress they were talking to.

"As Amber was saying, with compliments from Kathleen Tisdale, Mrs. Rose." Jenny stated. "For being such a generous supplier of flowers for her charity work."

Baffled, Lynn looked up and saw that the name of the shop was Rita Rose's House of Flowers.

"Why, thank you, my dear…that's very sweet of her." Mrs. Rose took the necklace but her face fell as she got a good look at Lynn.

"A Loud!?" she screamed in terror and slammed the door shut before flipping the closed sign.

"They played me for a chump?!" the dumbfounded Lynn realized.

While the jock was processing this, Jenny and Amber tried to sneak away but Lynn grabbed them by their collars.

"What's the meaning of this masquerade!" Lynn yelled and the two cowered under her glare.

"What do you mean?" Amber flinched. "We were just delivering a gift?"

"Yeah, I-I told you it was none of your business." Jenny tried to explain as Lynn pulled Amber closer.

"What's with the brown hair!"

"What? I…I dyed it?" Amber shuddered. "What's wrong with that?"

"I…yeah, we didn't pester you about your new haircut?"

"Don't play games with me!" an enraged Lynn shook them violently. "Where is she! What's she up to?"

"She… eh…who?" Amber asked but wilted from Lynn's enraged growl.

"Oh, Kathleen, Kathleen. Eh…I don't know? She's very busy, looking out for those less fortunate than her?"

"Yes, yes…" Jenny swallowed a lump "…and what are you doing chasing us? Why aren't you hanging out with Lincoln, Ryan or..?"

Lynn had half a mind to rearrange their faces when it dawned on her.

"Lucy?!" She had left her all alone and in the open! Oh, how could she have been so stupid, so foolish, so…

"Uggghhhhhh!" Lynn dropped the duo and ran back from where she came from.

Shaken and wheezing, Jenny and Amber exchanged relieved looks.

"You think she realized that we were a distraction?" Amber asked.

"You'd have to have Leni's IQ not to figure that out." Jenny deadpanned sardonically.

"Well, one thing's for sure?" Amber twirled her hair. "Being a brunette is SO not the right look for me."


"Kathleen, I wasn't expecting another visit. So soon." Rita, who was wearing a bandana on her head, tried to be cordial as she poured some hastily-made lemonade into Kathleen's glass on the coffee table, with Lola sitting next to their guest.

A nervous Lincoln was right behind her, hoping against hope that Lynn and Lucy would show up with the gifts.

"You really shouldn't have troubled yourself…." Rita's smile started waning "…eh…really, you shouldn't have. Getting up so early and all."

"Oh, it was no bother, Mrs. Loud. In my line of work, you need to be an early bird." Kathleen assured her while taking a sip. "Where's Mr. Loud?"

"Eh…" Rita glanced at the kitchen "…he's preparing breakfast, while I was doing the laundry." She explained, embarrassed about reeking of sweat after slaving in front of the washing machine in the stuffy basement all morning, and used the bandana to wipe her face.

"Hard-working as always, quite commendable." Kathleen said. "With so many children, I'm sure neither of those jobs are easy? Lola and her siblings are fortunate to have such devoted parents."

"Oh, get out of here…" even Lincoln was getting nauseous from the ceaseless sweet-talking, but judging by her expression, his mother thought the same thing.

"Um…yes, it's the only way to keep things running smoothly here." The woman replied.

"I can only imagine." Their guest said light-heartedly. "All my life, I let my staff take care of these kinds of menial chores, but in light of my recent affairs, I've been more and more… curious about experiencing the lower middle-class lifestyle myself."

"Oh, no…" Lincoln could imagine where this was going.

"Which is why I was hoping to join you for breakfast. If it's no problem?"

"Breakfast?" Rita was surprised. "I…I don't know, this is so sudden…"

"Of course, you can, Kathy!" Lola stood up on the couch and shook her arm. "With Luan grounded, there's an open seat on the adult table."

Lincoln saw his mother rolling her eyes. She obviously wasn't too keen on having Kathleen as a dinner guest, but he assumed it was for different reasons.

"That…that would be very nice, dear." Rita started, trying to remain polite. "But I'm sure a busy girl like you has-?"

"Well, that's reassuring," Kathleen told Lola. "To be frank, after our last encounter, I'm a little worried about being in her vicinity again."

Rita shifted uneasily at the reminder.

"But I suppose there's no point in beating around the bush." Kathleen turned to the mother. "I really need to know whether or not you're interested in my offer?"

"I….yes…I have given it some thought." Rita looked aside, much to Lincoln's worry.

"Ah, glad to hear it, because as it turns out…" Kathleen adopted a look of disappointment. "…some of my father's colleagues have also been eyeing the place as a vacation home. Dad says if it's not occupied in three days, your window of opportunity will be closed."

"Then we'll take it." Lola spoke up. "I was sold on it the minute I saw the brochure."

"Lola." Rita warned her before sighing with uncertainty. "Look, Kathleen? My husband and I haven't really had a chance to talk about it? After… yesterday's events, I was in a foul mood and needed space."

Kathleen gave her a sad nod. "I remember, because of Lynn. Pity that she had to ruin such a lovely party. I'm sure Mr. Loud worked tirelessly to give you the best anniversary possible, even if it was for naught."

"He did." Lincoln said firmly. "This…this was just an unfortunate accident."

"Indeed it was, Lincoln." The teen concurred. "Which is why I think my offer is more important than ever now. Your parents' most treasured day was ruined, all because of your sister's poor impulse control. After everything they've done for you, don't you think they deserve this?

"Yes, this is why they should take the offer!" Lola backed her up. "Not only do we-eh…they deserve the vacation, but unless you've forgotten, Kathleen's offer is also my anniversary gift."

She turned to her mother, giving her an indignant glare. "Honestly, mom. I'm starting to get a little offended by you ignoring my gift."

Rita sent her an unamused look, easily seeing through her daughter's shameless brown-nosing, but as she turned back to their guest, her face betrayed indecisiveness once more.

Noticing that, Lincoln tried to help. "I don't think taking this vacation is a great idea, mom."

"Who asked you!" Lola snapped at him. "You want mom and dad to snub my gift, huh?"

"Lola! Leave him be." Rita warned her, trying to keep her temper even. "I know this was "your" gift, but this isn't the kind of gift you can just take and unwrap; taking a trip to another place is a whole different matter."

"Exactly, mom. It's a big commitment." Lincoln said in agreement. "Plus, everyone knows that going on vacation is far more stressful than staying at home. All the preparations you gotta make? Traffic? Trying to adapt to new surroundings? And just when you feel relaxed, it's time to go back home. And that's just for regular families. All twelve of us preparing for a trip is always a pure nightmare. Plus Pop-Pop, and Charles and Cliff? I don't think it's worth it."

He felt a twinge of hope as he saw his mother cringe at the thought, being all too familiar with the horrors of preparing her family for a vacation and then having said vacation.

"Very thoughtful of you, Lincoln." Kathleen admitted. "But you needn't worry, for I'll be overseeing this trip and provide you with all the essentials. All you need to do is pack some clothes and take my limo first thing in the morning."

"Limo?" Lola grinned wildly.

"Exactly, meaning all I require from you is a verbal agreement. Just say "yes" and you have my word, you'll have the time of your life."

"But…but what about Luan?" Lincoln scrambled. "Isn't she grounded? She can't go on vacation when she's grounded? And…and aren't all of us punished after the fiasco with Renee?"

Lola looked at him like he was mad. "Just what's the matter with you! Do you enjoy being sad and miserable?!"

"No, but at least someone is showing a sense of accountability." Rita scolded her, making her shrink, while Lincoln grew hopeful again.

"Maybe, but I was under the impression that your punishment only entailed getting your privileges at home revoked?" Kathleen shrugged. "As for Luan….well… I'd say accepting my offer would also be a show of goodwill. I don't think many people would be as generous if they got punched in the face."

Once more, Lincoln saw his mother shifting with unease, but he could say nothing here. Kathleen was punched, unprovoked, and on their premise.

Kathleen looked aside, pouting. "I don't wish to come across like I'm harboring grudges but I was mistreated twice while coming here, which included physical assault."

Rita drew a breath to speak.

"Precisely why this is a bad idea!" Lincoln blurted. "Mom, you know how the girls are? If we allow them to enter the Tisdales' summer home, they'll wreck the place!"

"Wreck the place?" Kathleen gave an amused laugh. "I seem to recall them being on their best behavior when they visited Tisdale Towers, and this little rascal…" she ruffled Lola's hair "…was a perfect angel when I took her to my place, same for the others when they visited my mansion, even if they did take my advice the wrong way."

"That was just dumb luck." Lincoln argued. "I know my sisters better than anyone, they can't go 24 hours without-"

"Shut up! You don't know anything about us, you lousy suck-up!" Lola shot back.

"Kids! Enough!" Rita raised her voice before exhaling.

"Listen, Kathleen. I…I'd love to take your offer…"

Lincoln's eyes widened and his heart pounded.

"…but I can't just drop everything and accept the trip…" Rita explained "…without consulting Lynn about it. My husband has as much saying in the matters as I do."

"No, he doesn't!" Lola scoffed. "He's a creampuff and you know it, mom! Just order him to-umph!"

"Splendid, then we shall discuss the matter at breakfast." Kathleen beamed while clamping Lola's mouth shut. "I will respect his decision, whatever it might be."

"Alright…then just makes yourself comfortable until breakfast is ready." Rita gave in and walked off. "I need to finish the laundry or my kids won't have anything to wear for the week."

"No problem, mom. I'll be a great host." Lola declared while holding onto Renee's arm.

"But, mom…" Lincoln tried to keep his voice down as he followed her. "I really have a bad feeling about this whole-"

"Shhh…we'll talk about this later." She said impatiently as she walked down the stairs.

"But-"

"Later." She gave him a stern look and closed the door.

Sweating bullets and biting his nails, Lincoln's mind raced.

He needed backup for this, and there was only one person left. He rushed upstairs. He had to wake up his grandpa? No, first he needed to find Lisa and make sure that she keeps Lori distracted. Lori would surely support Kathleen.

His actions didn't go unnoticed by Kathleen, who smiled to herself.

"Hmmm…you're brother doesn't seem too fond of me, Lola?"

"Just ignore that doofus!" Lola huffed. "He's nothing but a pathetic parent's pet with no sense of fun."

"Perhaps. But I see that you're very enthusiastic about my offer and more importantly, making your parents happy." Kathleen smirked.

"Sure I am." Lola said proudly. "I'll show them that I'm the best daughter in the world!"

"As you should. But perhaps it would be wise to ensure that your brother doesn't spoil it?" Kathleen pulled her closer and whispered into her ear.

Lola's eyes widened. "That's brilliant."

"And also…" Kathleen whispered something else before nudging her. "Now go, and be discreet."

"Yes, ma'am!" Lola saluted her and followed her brother upstairs, while Kathleen casually strolled towards the kitchen.

It amazed her that in this rundown home, you could literally just walk out of the living room and straight into the kitchen.

There, she saw the so-called man of the house, wearing an apron and cooking something in three separate pots, with the resulting steam consuming half of the room. He was joined by Leni, who was doing origami on the adult table.

Kathleen walked closer when she felt something sniffing her leg. She glared down and saw that the culprit was Charles, who looked at her and gave a small growl.

Kathleen's heel made contact with his face, kicking him away.

"Flea-bitten mongrel…" she grumbled.

"Hey, Kathy! What brings you here!" Kathleen cringed upon hearing Leni's shrill voice.

"Kathleen?" Lynn Sr. spun around and yelped as some boiling water squirted on his hand.

"Ow! Ow!" he grabbed his wrist and started blowing on his hand.

"Leni. Mr. Loud. Good morning. I'm sure you'll be happy to know that Mrs. Loud has invited me for breakfast."

"She has?" Lynn Sr.'s pupils shrank while Leni cheered.

"Oh, that's wonderful!"

Kathleen ignored the ditz and took a whiff, doing her hardest not to gag.

"If I'm not mistaken, you're a world-class chef, Mr. Loud? What fine dish are you preparing?"

"Um…mac and cheese?" the man said sheepishly.

"And I'm helping by preparing the napkins, see!"

Kathleen saw three napkins folded into the shape of an animal; a cat, a butterfly, and a giraffe.

"Very impressive, Leni." Kathleen noted, genuinely impressed that the moron could pull it off, before turning to the father.

As far as she was concerned, the hard part was over. Now she just needed to get this spineless worm to say "yes".

"Since I'll be joining you, how about I…" she tried not to shudder "… lend a helping hand? To speed things up."

"Help? Eh…that's not really necessary-"

"Oh, come now." Kathleen cut him off and grabbed a bunch of plates. "I insist."

"The more the merrier." Leni smiled supportively.

"Well, I guess there's no harm in it…" Lynn Sr. deflated.

"You're too kind, sir. And since I'm here." Kathleen leaned towards him. "Have you given my offer any thought?"


Lincoln hurried to the guest room, relieved that Lori was taken care of. Knowing acupuncture, Lisa was keeping her sedated, and she told Fenton, in no uncertain terms, not to incinerate their intruder. Lana was still asleep, Luna agreed to stay out of it, and Luan had no option but to stay out of it.

He found the door to the guest room wide open and rushed in, unaware that Lola was hiding behind it, grinning wickedly.

Seeing his grandpa sprawled out on the small bed, drooling and snoring, Lincoln didn't have time to be gentle and shook him.

"Pop-Pop! Pop-Pop, get up!"

"Whhhh…whut now?" the old man rose and yawned, before squinting from the bright light.

"I need your help, it's an emergency."

"Emergency?" Albert mumbled, clearly not all there. "Did lil' Linky 'ave anotha accident? For Pete's sake…I'll get the rash cream."

Blushing, Lincoln groaned while Lola pressed her mouth shut while snickering and quietly shoved the door shut.

"Pop-Pop, I'm ten now. And we gotta do something." Lincoln urged him. "Kathleen's here and she's trying to hoodwink mom and dad."

"Kathleen?" Albert finally came to his sense and got up. "Then what are we standing around for? That sneaky jillflirt ain't gonna exploit my family for PR!"

"Don't forget your contact lenses." Lincoln stopped him and grabbed the lenses from the nightstand.

"Oh, thank you, Lincoln." Albert took them.

Lincoln looked away while his grandpa applied them and went for the door. But as he grabbed the handle and shook it, his eyes went wide.

"Oh, no?"

"What's the problem, Lincoln?"

"The door, it's locked."

"Locked?" Albert scowled. "It's can't be?"

He grabbed it himself and shook it with all his might but the door wouldn't budge.

"Dagnabbit." Albert lamented and balled his fists. "That girl's sneakier than I thought!"

"She's serious about this. We gotta get out of here?" Lincoln looked around for a solution to their problem.

Seeing the bed sheet that was thrown to the floor, he got an idea.

He ran towards it and picked it up. "Pop-Pop, I think there's only one way down."

Seeing his grandson pointing at the window, Albert got the gist.

"Quick thinking, kiddo. A classic escape plan!" he smiled and proceeded to rummage the closet.


"Come back….you pilferin'…miscreant…"

Battered, drenched in sweat, utterly exhausted, and with their respective clothes shredded, Ryan staggered up a rocky hill at the fringes of town, followed by Renee.

"You wan' it? Come… get it?" Ryan panted as he held up the folder, his right eye swollen shut and blood dripping from the left corner of his mouth.

"I'll…flay you…for this…" Renee, sporting her own shiner, panted as she had to support herself on her knees.

Grabbing onto a pine tree, Ryan tried to pull himself up but his legs gave up on him and he slumped against the trunk.

"Oh…to hell with it…" he gave up as his sister stumbled towards him. "Take it."

He threw it at her, which she barely caught, and promptly collapsed on her knees, too tired to move any further.

"I 'ave no use for it…anyway." Ryan made a wheezy chuckle. "It was jus'… a distraction."

"What…" Renee spoke between breaths, clutching her folder "…distraction?"

"I gave away…. some of ur stuff… as gifts for Mrs. L…and we didn't 'ave time for your… asinine bureaucracy…." Ryan shrugged, leaning against the tree. "Call it charity…"

"What?" Renee snarled. "Without mom and dad's…" she was growing out of breath and keeled over "…permission…I'll…I'll…"

"Yeah…" Ryan smiled complacently while patting her back. "You ain't gonna do… shit 'bout it."

"I…hate…you…so much…" Renee grumbled, trying to but unnamable to put much force behind her words.

"I ain't the…president of ya fan club either…sis…" Ryan snarked and leaned back against the tree.

Right then, he heard a meow and found his cat looking up at him and holding a can in her jaws.

"Marcy…no need to worry…" Ryan lifted his arm to pet her head. "I had this under…ow…ow..."

He jerked it back and rubbed the big bruise on it "…eh…under control."

"Meow." Marceline held the can up and Ryan took it, recognizing that it was an energy drink.

"Meow!" the cat urged him.

"Oh, the guys need my help again…figures…" Ryan gulped it down in one go and threw the can over his shoulder, before feeling a small surge of energy.

"Uhh…that hits the spot…" he chuckled as he got up on wobbly legs and patted his sister's head.

"Gotta be goin', see ya…" With that, he staggered back towards town, saying "ow" with each step.

Looking around, Marceline relaxed a bit and grew a devilish smirk as she kicked some dust into Renee's face before following her owner, head and tail held high.

"Filthy animal…" Renee grumbled as she leaned against the tree, clutching the folder to her chest.


The smell of raw sewage assaulted her olfactory lobes. Though it didn't smell half as bad as Lynn's piles of used sweat socks.

Chandler grinned at her with malice. "You smell that? That's the waste you and your family crawled out from!"

His goons laughed with him and Chandler looked over the sewage lake kept alive by the huge pipe that was dumping more waste into it.

Lucy couldn't break free from the ginger's grip while Trent and Gunter were pulling the cart.

She was trying to think of a way to escape. Maybe stroke Chandler's ego and get him to talk, and then push him into the sewage while he was distracted? But she would surely be thwarted by his goons. Tell them that Ryan would kick their asses? No, they would never believe that lonely Lucy had a friend, let alone an older kid for one.

"Chandler, I think she went mute again?" Trent quipped snidely.

"What's the matter?" Chandler poked her in the shoulder, trying to get a reaction. "You ain't gonna defend your freak family's honor?"

"I told you already. Those gifts are for my parents' anniversary." Lucy repeated, trying to stand strong. "Are you really going to stoop so low?"

"Aw…what a pity this will be?" Chandler cooed mockingly. "You were hoping mommy and daddy would finally love you if you brought them this crap?"

"More like finally notice her." Trent snorted, his comment making the goth's blood boil.

Chandler laughed as well. "Well, consider this a valuable lesson, Ghoul Girl. A lesson 'bout knowing your place."

"Which is like…at the very bottom." Gunter said while pointing at the dirt. "With the bugs!"

"Alright, enough goofing around, boys. Do it!" Chandler commanded and Trent and Gunter pushed the cart down the small hill.

Hitting a small rock, it flipped over and spilled all its content into the brown muck. Lucy could do nothing but watch as the gift floated on the surface for a bit before getting swallowed up by the lake.

Lucy hung her head while the boys hollered with laughter. All her team's efforts…wasted.

"Aw…chin up, freak." Chandler turned to her. "All is not lost."

"What are you talking about?" she asked harshly.

"Your anniversary presents ain't lost, they're just stuck at the bottom of this dump." Chandler pointed at the lake. "You can still fish them out!"

"What?" Lucy was suddenly hoisted up by Trent and Gunter, while Chandler grabbed her by the feet.

"He means we're gonna throw you into the sewer, stupid!" Gunter said crassly before turning to Chandler. "Eh…right?"

"No, we're taking her out on a fishing trip." Chandler rolled his eyes.

"Are you out of your mind!" Lucy yelled.

"Hah! This is what you get for being a snide little shithead!" Chandler gloated before instructing his friends to start swinging Lucy back and forth.

"And a one…and a two…and…"

"AH!" Trent and Gunter yelped and let go of Lucy, causing her to hit her head.

"What's the matter with you two?" Chandler made a face while his friends started backing away in fear.

"Hello? You deaf or something? I asked ya…" he lost his voice as he heard an enraged growl behind his back.

With a meek hum, Chandler slowly turned around and craned his head up to meet a very, very, very pissed-off Lynn.

"Lynn?" Lucy blurted.

"Lynn?!" Chandler quivered while his pals snuck away. "Hey… what have you been up to-"

Lynn grabbed him by the shirt. "What did you do!"

"Nothing! Nothing! I was just messing with her, I swear!"

"You destroyed mom and dad's anniversary gifts, you piece of shit!?"

"I appreciate your concern." Lucy muttered as she got up and dusted herself.

She almost felt pity for Chandler, knowing what was about to happen.

In her fury, Lynn couldn't think of a better response than to raise her fist.

"Wait! Wait! This is a misunderstanding!" Chandler begged her. "I was set up! A patsy! Hired help!"

This got Lucy's attention, but Lynn didn't seem to listen and was ready to punch a hole through his face.

"Wait, Lynn!" Lucy raised her hands. "You're saying someone told you to do this?"

"Yes, yes!" the ginger nodded fearfully. "It was nothing personal, that jerk paid me to destroy your gifts!"

"Paid you?" Lynn growled and pulled the boy closer. "It was Kathleen, wasn't it?"

"Who?" Chandler's brow knitted.

"Answer me, or you're in for a sewage swirly!"

"Okay, okay, it…it was no Kathleen?" Lyle tried to explain. "It was a boy, an older boy!"

Lynn shook him. "His name! Who was he?"

"Eh…I don't know?" Chandler shook his head. "He didn't want to tell me his name. He was wearing a hoodie and shades-uff!"

He was thrown to the ground and Lynn pressed her foot against his chest, stomping against his ribs.

"Not what I want to hear!" Lynn said through clenched teeth and raised her right fist. "Now jog your freaking memory or I'll jog it for you! Who is he and where is he!"

"Here I am!"

"Huh?" Before Lynn could react, a trashcan was thrown over her by Lyle, restraining her.

"You want those gifts so bad?" Lyle laughed and pushed her. "Go and get them, bitch!"

Lucy and Chandler watched Lynn roll down and disappear into the sewage.

"You…you came to help?" Chandler gave his benefactor a nervous smile.

"Help myself? Sure." Lyle scoffed before turning his attention to Lucy and flashing her a crooked grin.

Lucy flinched, feeling a sense of déjà vu from the boy, as he raised his boot.

"Water's warm, kiddo. Join your sis!" Lucy cried as she was kicked down the hill and into the waste.

Chandler winced at the sigh before getting hoisted up by his shirt.

"Let's scram, twerp! Too many witnesses."

Closing her mouth and eyes, Lucy tried to swim through the thick, sticky waste before feeling a strong hand grabbing hers and pulling her out.

Now on solid ground and wiping her face clean, Lucy opened her eyes and found herself lying on the pebble-filled bank next to a muck-covered Lynn.

"Are…are you alright?" the goth asked hoarsely, trying to ignore the horrendous stench.

Lynn didn't respond, she just kneeled up and screamed at the sky with unadulterated fury.

"Sigh. Me neither." Lucy hung her head.


Meanwhile, once they were at a safe distance and hid in an alleyway, Chandler tried to catch his breath but got the air knocked out of him as his benefactor slapped the ginger's back.

"I gotta say, for an amateur, you ain't too bad, kid." Lyle congratulated him. "Throwing that little creep into a river of shit? Hah! Classic!"

"Eh…thank you?" Chandler replied, feeling an odd mixture of flattery and fear. "So… I did good?"

"Yes, you did. You did us a great favor." Lyle wrung his hands before realizing he might have said a bit too much.

"Us? You mean you have a boss?" Chandler wondered. "Is she that chick named Kathleen?"

With a menacing grunt, Lyle leaned closer and Chandler got the memo.

"Right, right. I know nothing." Chandler nodded. "Not my place to ask questions."

"And for your information, we're partners. I ain't taking orders from nobody." Lyle clarified.

"Of course, that goes without saying." Chandler nodded with unease.

"Smart kid." Lyle smirked and turned around with his hands in his pockets. "We might call you again if we need a flunky."

"Wait, what about my payment?"

"Payment?" Lyle cocked his unibrow.

"Yes, you said you would give us 50 bucks each for the job?" Chandler rubbed his hands greedily. "And since Trent and Gunter bitched out, I should get all of it."

He paused and counted off his fingers. "Eh…all 150 bucks!"

Lyle sneered with amusement and flexed his knuckles.

"Oh, I'll give you your payment alright..."

10 minutes later…

Bruised, battered, and sporting a shiner, Chandler found himself hanging by his underwear on his school's flagpole.

"Consider this a valuable lesson!" Lyle shouted at him. "There ain't no honor among bullies! Later, loser!"

Laughing crassly, he walked off, leaving Chandler with nothing but his sorry thoughts.

"Ow…" Chandler muttered "…I really have so much to learn?"


Kathleen felt positively revolted at the prospect of cleaning the dishes and setting them up, but she had to maintain her façade. The sooner she got the big-nosed bumbler to take her offer, the better.

But just as she had finished stacking up the plates, she caught something in the corner of her eye. She craned her neck through the window and saw Lincoln clumsily lowering himself down the wall with a rope made of tied-up sheets and pantyhose.

"Damn, that dweeb's persistent…" Kathleen mused and scoped her surroundings. She spotted a pot of steaming water left on the stove, and in front of her was Leni, carefully folding a napkin into the form of a swan.

Grinning ear to ear, Kathleen pulled out her makeup compact and approached Leni.

"Psstt….Leni? Wanna know something?"

"Oh, sure Kathleen." Leni replied before lowering her voice. "Eh…why are we whispering?"

"Shhhhh…this a secret. Do you see that pot over there?" Kathleen pointed at it.

"Eh, sure? Why?"

"Want to try out a good luck ritual?" Kathleen said while looking into her makeup mirror, seeing Lincoln about to touch the ground.

"Good luck ritual?" the dumb blonde sounded hooked.

"Um, yes. It's said that after cooking your meal, if you toss the pot water through a window while it's still scalding hot, it will bring you good luck."

Leni's mind was blown. "Wow, really? How come I never heard of it?"

"Um…it's because it's a tightly kept secret among us rich folk, dating back centuries?" Kathleen said quickly while seeing Lincoln touch down. "Most people throw salt over their shoulder for good luck, but if you pour boiling water through your window, it amounts to ten times the good luck. It helps us get rich."

"Oh, that makes sense. I'd love to bring my family good luck." Leni clapped her hands and grabbed the pot.

"Just wait a second." Kathleen said while checking her mirror.

"Why?"

"You need to throw it at exactly the right moment." Kathleen instructed her, while watching Lincoln coming closer in her mirror. "It's coming. Just wait until the count of three."

"Okay!" Leni nodded, blissfully unaware of her approaching brother.

"One…two….and three!"

Giggling, Leni spilled the water out like there was no tomorrow, and it splashed all over Lincoln's waist and part of his face.

The boy paused for a second before screaming at the top of his lungs, while Kathleen swiftly slammed the window shut.

"Why'd you do that?" Leni asked.

"Eh, it's part of the ritual." Kathleen lied while blocking Leni's view, so the latter wouldn't see her brother running and flailing around in the yard.

"It won't work if you don't close the window immediately after. If…eh…the steam comes back inside, it will nullify the effect."

"Oh, thanks for the advice." Leni smiled.

"You're welcome, and remember….this is our little secret." Kathleen gave her a wink.

"Don't worry…" Leni assured her. "I'm great at keeping secrets."

"I don't doubt it, now…go finish those beautiful origami napkins. You are a true artist with your hands. I've got plates to set up." Kathleen pushed her away from the window and pulled the blinds.

"Aww…thanks, Kathy." Leni gushed and went back to her job.

"Eh, Kathleen? Where are those plates?" Lynn Sr. asked gingerly while holding the first pot filled with mac and cheese.

"Coming, Mr. Loud." Kathleen arrived and set the first plate, upon which Lynn Sr. put the food on it.

"Forgive my inattention, I was caught up talking with Leni about your disastrous anniversary." Kathleen explained while setting the plates. "I was there after all and Leni was curious about how that unfortunate event came to be."

"Oh, that…" Lynn Sr. looked away. "Why is she curious?"

Kathleen shook her head, adopting her best sad face. "She feels your plight and wishes to help you. Bless her heart, she's such a good person."

"Yeah, she sure is." Lynn Sr. sighed while glancing at his daughter preparing napkins at the kiddie table.

"If only her brain was as big as her heart." He added while mumbling under his breath.

"Your wife seems very upset." Kathleen said.

"Yeah…that goes without saying." Lynn Sr. mumbled, trying to avoid her gaze.

"You know you could make it up to her?" Kathleen shrugged after putting the last plate on the adult table.

"Kathleen, I told you, we're not interested." Lynn Sr. replied, trying to sound stern. And failing.

"I wouldn't say "we", per se. When I talked to Rita, she said that she was very interested, but that she wouldn't do it if you didn't agree on it."

"Wait? She said that?" Lynn Sr. blinked.

"Of course, you are husband and wife after all? If your family were to commit to something like this, it would have to be a mutual agreement between you and your wife."

"Oh...I see?" Lynn Sr. wilted. So he had the power to say "no" to this vacation but if he did so, he would make his wife even more miserable? Dear lord, where were LJ and Lincoln? He needed someone to give him support.

And Kathleen sensed his lack of a spine.

"Yes, but I if you don't want to go, no one will force you. Daddy has plenty of other people pining for his summer home. I was hoping to give you guys that privilege, but in a few days, that offer will be off the table. Real pity."

Lynn Sr. said nothing, hoping this would be the end of it.

"Rita might not be very happy about it though." Kathleen continued idly. "She really looks like she could use a break."

"She really could." Lynn Sr. couldn't help but agree.

"But I'm sure she won't hold it against you. By all accounts, you two are such a happy couple that one argument about passing up a luxurious summer vacation won't cause any rifts between you." Kathleen shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm sure it won't." he tried to convince himself, sweat dripping down his forehead.

"I mean sure, the anniversary fiasco will likely bum her out for a while but she'll get over it. I'm sure you and she have experienced countless amazing anniversaries over the years, this one fluke won't change that. Last year's anniversary is probably fresh in her mind, people always cherish such special occasions."

"Eh….yeah…fluke…" Lynn Sr. said meekly, his hand shaking as he clutched the wooden spoon.

"Yeah…" Kathleen chuckled "…I mean, just imagine if your marriage was in tatters? Coupled with so much work and so little leisure time? I wouldn't wish such a fate on my worst enemy. Why, if that were the case, I'm sure she would be enraged if you said "no" to this, you would be in the dog house for years. Or who knows, maybe she would even file for a divorce? I've known plenty of women who dumped their husbands for far less, including my mom."

Lynn Sr. turned pale and his throat dried up, while Kathleen laughed at the idea.

"But that would never happen to you, it's simply absurd." She waved her hand.

"Yeah….never…" Lynn Sr. mumbled while in a daze, consumed by his worst fears.

"You know you want to." A voice told him.

It was Lola, standing on a chair and whispering into his ear.

Kathleen did the same. "Just say "yes"."

She gave her little accomplice an "okay" sign.

They had him now.


Took me all night to finish it, but here it is! The plot is kicking off in earnest. Which also required all four protagonists to fall miserably at their respective tasks. Well, not Ryan. He just picked the worst possible job in this scenario and got pummeled for nothing. When Chandler was part of the reason your plan failed so spectacularly, you really have failed miserably XD