It was so exhilarating being free, roaming the streets again, and beating up and screwing over whomever he wanted. And getting paid for it no less! And to think his folks said that he would never amount to anything?
Lyle checked the wallet, stroking the cash he was supposed to pay the hired help. He'd never seen so much money in his life and he was free to do with it whatever he wanted. Too bad he lacked the smarts or imagination to make good use of 150 bucks.
But best of all, he finally got some payback on those freaks! Though it occurred to him that Kathleen might be displeased to learn that he strayed away from her instructions.
"Eh, screw her!" he laughed to himself as he tucked the wallet back into his pocket. "The less she knows the more cha-ching for me."
Things were finally going his way! He didn't know how this day could get any better.
"Ow…ow…ow…"
Lyle halted in surprise as he saw a familiar figure staggering around the corner, almost walking into him, and swiftly ducked behind a building.
"You'd think I'd be used to this by now? Renny never could break my spirit but she can still bust some of my bones…" Ryan chuckled sardonically, walking with a slight limp.
"Meow." His companion agreed.
It couldn't be? Lyle watched the pale boy lurch past him and stop at the intersection, accompanied by his yellow cat.
"Okay…where are they?" Ryan asked Marceline, putting his hand above his eyes and looking around.
Meowing, Marceline grabbed the leg of his jeans with her jaws and pulled him in a specific direction.
"No. That's the way to our house, you ding-dong." He snorted and pointed over his shoulder. "The Louds live that way."
"There's no time to goof off. We have an evil cheerleader to thwart." He quipped and headed in the opposite direction.
Marceline followed him. Perhaps it was better if they stayed away from their home?
"Shit, this really is my lucky day?" an overjoyed Lyle rubbed his hands. His sworn enemy was there, battered and weakened. Easy prey! Practically gift-wrapped for him!
He didn't know how Taylor got himself so banged-up but it wouldn't matter. After Lyle was done with him, the freak would learn the true meaning of "pain". And be bound to a wheelchair!
Grinning and grabbing a trashcan lid, Lyle quietly followed him, ready to bludgeon him real good.
But suddenly, both were startled by a shrill, pain-filled scream, causing Lyle to drop the lid. Hearing the loud clank, Ryan turned around but Lyle dove back into the alleyway.
Ryan squinted with his good eye.
"Why do I feel like someone is stal-?" he collided with someone, causing both parties to plop on their butts.
"Ouch…that's gonna leave a mark." Ryan clutched his already bruised face, before realizing who he was facing.
"Lincoln? What's your hurry-"
"Help me!? Please!? HELP!?"
Sporting bulging, bloodshot eyes, Lincoln grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him to his knees while shaking him. "So hot!? It burns!?Water!?"
Ryan saw that Lincoln's shirt was wet and that half his face was red and covered in blisters. Lincoln let go of him and continued screaming and flailing as he ran around him.
Peeking from behind the building, Lyle covered his mouth as he snickered.
"And I thought I was the master at sick burns?" Ryan said casually while getting up and dusting himself.
"Water!? Cold water!?" he saw Lincoln clinging onto a fire hydrant, desperately trying to open it.
Scanning the area, Ryan saw a swimming pool and grabbed Lincoln.
"What are you doing?!" Lincoln screamed in agony.
"Hold your breath. Ale-Hop!" Ryan tossed him into the swimming pool.
Lincoln surfaced and gasped for air. Swimming towards the edge of the pool, he found Ryan crouching in front of him, with Marceline catching up to him.
"Feeling better?" Ryan asked but Lincoln just coughed up water and panted in mild relief. Ryan took a second to observe the house, as it looked vaguely familiar to him.
"Oww…owww…." Lincoln hissed and rubbed his cheek, still feeling the stinging pain and quivering.
"Eh, don't soil these nice folk's pool, pipsqueak. Nobody has died from first-degree burns." Ryan snidely assured him. "So what's the story behind the scorches?"
"What do you think!" Lincoln lost his temper. "I was doused with scalding water!?"
"Huh?" Ryan rubbed his chin. "I thought you overreacted to your fist kiss?"
"This isn't funny!" Lincoln retorted before trying to calm himself. "Have…have you seen Lynn and Lucy?"
Ryan blinked, his mirth waning. "You mean they didn't come back?"
"We didn't…"
The boys smelt a putrid odor, which made them tear up and cover their noses. Her sense of smell being far more sensitive, Marceline screeched and dove into the bushes.
"Aghhh…what the hell is that?" Ryan looked around. "It smells like a dead polecat coated in blue cheese and rotten eggs?"
"Worse, far worse…" Lucy said as she and Lynn appeared next to him, covered head to toe in brown muck.
"Lynn? Lucy? What in the world happened to you?" a dumbstruck Lincoln asked.
But the girls didn't see him. All they saw was the crystal clear, chlorinated pool water and their eyes bugged out.
"I'm going in!" Lucy jumped without hesitation.
"Look out below!" Lynn jumped with her.
Lincoln flinched as they flew over him and made a big splash.
Once the water calmed, it steadily turned brown in color. Seeing the brown edging closer and closer towards him, Lincoln squeaked in fear and hastily climbed out.
The girls surfaced and breathed a collective sigh of relief.
"I'd hate to interrupt the pool party but could you tell us where you've been?" Ryan inquired before taking another sniff and gagging. "And please tell me that brown stuff ain't that kind of brown stuff?"
"And where are the gifts?" Lincoln asked.
Facing the two, Lynn shrank with shame and looked down.
"Sigh. We failed." Lucy admitted.
"Failed? H-how? How did you lose the gifts?" Lincoln asked in disbelief when they heard a window opening.
"Hey, what do you punks think you're doing!"
"Yeah, mucking up our pool!"
Both sides paused as they recognized each other, with the house owners scowling furiously.
"You again!" Hank growled.
"I know him too!" Hawk pointed at Ryan.
Ryan chuckled nervously and clutched the left side of his face as he turned to Lincoln. "Wow…I…I couldn't have picked a worse place, could I?"
Recognizing them, Lynn grabbed Lucy and pulled her out of the pool as the Hogan brothers jumped out of the window, both wielding a bat.
"Just can't leave well enough alone? Can ya, creep!" Hank growled while tapping his palm with the bat.
"Yeah, mom just got it all cleaned and chloroformed!"
"Now just wait a minute, guys." Ryan held his hands up and pulled Lincoln closer. "See? This was a last resort. My friend got badly burned and I had to help him somehow."
"I'm not his friend!" Lincoln shook his head fearfully. "I never met this guy!"
"Sure, and I suppose that stuff came from his burns!" Hank pointed at the brown-colored pool.
"Yuck, that stuff is nasty…" Hawk gagged and covered his nose after getting a good whiff.
Ryan sighed tiredly and gave in. "Fine, fine, you caught us red-handed, but can we at least make two requests before you pulverize us?"
"I ain't begging for mercy!" an indignant Lynn said and raised her fists. "If those big bozos want a fight-"
Ryan grabbed her by the shoulder. "Lynn, don't be stupid."
Hawk laughed. "Yeah, listen to the creep. Your pussy punches didn't work the first time, lil'man."
"Quite right, but about those requests?" Ryan inquired.
"What?" Hank asked irritably upon which Ryan pushed Lucy forward.
"What are you doing?" Lincoln panicked.
"If I recall correctly, you fellas are true gentlemen? You wouldn't beat up a defenseless little girl?"
"Course not!" Hawk huffed. "Our momma taught us better."
Hank rubbed his chin while inspecting the trembling Lucy.
"He's right, Hawk. That's a little girl all right. A very hideous little girl, but a little girl nonetheless."
"Fine… scram, girly!" Hawk shooed the goth. "Things are gonna get ugly here."
"Very generous of you." Ryan clutched his hands. "And about the other request?"
"What would that be?" Hank asked upon which Ryan grabbed Lynn and Lincoln by the shoulder.
"A five-second head start. RUN!"
The trio bolted away while the Hogans chuckled and gripped their bats.
"It's clobbering time!" Hank proclaimed and chased after them.
"Yeah, smashing and bashing and…..trashing!" Hawk followed suit, leaving Lucy alone.
"I gotta help them." She said to herself and ran off.
Lyle watched the scene unfold behind a tree and slapped his knee while splitting his sides.
"Oh, man…" he lifted his shades to wipe a tear "…this worked out better than I could have hoped for!"
An idea dawned on him and he stroked his chin.
"Hey, this is gonna keep them distracted for a lot longer? And somebody's gotta take credit for it!"
"Lynn, you're a girl too. Just tell them!" Lincoln implored his sister as the three were being pursued through town.
"Forget it, they didn't believe me the last time." Lynn replied curtly while evading a swinging bat. "And I ain't leaving you at the mercy of those numbskulls…"
She sent Ryan a death glare. "…who were provoked by this numbskull!"
"Hey, I was set up by Lyle!" Ryan retorted. "They tried to use me for a piñata!"
Lincoln groaned. "Guess this is as good a place as any. What happened to the gifts, Lynn?"
"Yeah…" Ryan ducked from a bat "…what happened?"
Lynn swallowed a lump before blurting, "We lost them, okay!"
"Lost them? How?" Lincoln asked.
Lynn flushed but continued. "It was Chandler! He and his goons grabbed Lucy and dunked the gifts into the sewage dump!"
"Chandler?" Lincoln asked incredulously. "What's he got to do with this?"
"And how did he do it with you around?" Ryan questioned, making the jock even more embarrassed.
"I got them, bro!" they barely dodged Hawk's bat.
"Explain later!" Lynn ran ahead and halted at a gumball machine in front of a store.
As Lincoln and Ryan ran past her, Lynn tipped it over, causing it to shatter and spill all its content.
She smirked as Hank and Hawk started tripping on the gumballs, and the former crashed into a streetlight and the latter into his brother, and the bulb fell out and shattered on Hawk's head.
"Hey!" the store clerk yelled at Lynn through the window.
"Send your bills to Kathleen Tisdale!" she snarked and caught up with the boys as they made a sharp turn and spotted Lucy in the distance.
"Over here!" she pointed at an open manhole surrounded by traffic cones.
"You can't be serious?!" Lynn blurted.
"There, I see them!" they heard Hank shouting.
"I'll take the gutter over those gorillas any day!" Ryan shrugged.
"Way ahead of you." Lincoln was shoving Lucy to climb down. "Hurry, guys!"
He went down too, while Ryan gestured for Lynn, "Lady's first."
Growling, Lynn pushed him in when Hank and Hawk zeroed in on her.
"Sayonara, suckers!" she mock-saluted them and jumped in.
"Hah! You think we're scared of a little sewage!" Hawk laughed brashly, jumping after her.
"No, bro! Don't do it!" Hank tried to warn him but it was too late and Hank facepalmed.
"Eh…Hank? I think I'm stuck?" Hawk realized while trying to free himself.
Below them, the kids watched his dangling legs and Ryan hollered with laughter and stuck out his belly.
"Tough luck, Hog-ans! You should learn to say "no" to your momma's baked goodies more often!"
"Don't make it worse!" Lincoln begged him.
"Pffft…they had a death wish on me since the day we met." Ryan shrugged. "Might as well have fun with it."
"Let's just get out of here! We're wasting time." Lynn barked and went ahead, trudging through the ankle-deep sewage.
"I'll light the way." Ryan pulled out a flashlight from his backpack. Lincoln and Lucy joined them, with the latter having the sewage up to her waist.
"I hate being the youngest…" she muttered under her breath.
"We'll get you for this, you little roach! You'll see!" Ryan, barely, made out Hawk's angry rants.
"Yeah, yeah, get in line, buddy." He rolled his eyes and lead his team forward.
Noticing that the girls were reluctant to talk, Ryan decided to break the ice.
"So…guess we all had a rotten day? How 'bout I start with mine?" He said idly. "I was chased all over town by Renee, we traded blows till we reduced each other to a bloody pulp, then I managed to stagger away from her. Best you guys avoid her for the foreseeable future."
"Do you two fight that viciously all the time?" Lucy asked him.
"Oh, yeah. All the time." Ryan chuckled. "Some good ol' fisticuffs between siblings."
"What are you talking about?" Lincoln asked.
"You don't want to know…" Lynn muttered.
"We'll explain later. But what happened to your face, Lincoln?" Lucy asked worriedly.
Lynn finally noticed it too and her eyes went wide. "Yeah, what the hell happened?"
Lincoln looked crestfallen. "Kathleen came to our home. I tried to tell her that she wasn't welcomed but Lola helped her muscle her way in."
"And she's still trying to get us to go to her summer home?" Lynn scowled, her anger already bubbling.
"Exactly. Mom had to be courteous and let her stay. I went to wake up Pop-Pop for help but someone locked us up."
"Probably Lola." The other three figured.
"Probably, so we had to make an escape rope from bed sheets and I climbed down, but then…someone poured burning pot water on me."
Lynn's eye twitched while trembling like an active volcano.
"I'll KILL HER FOR THIS!?" she screamed, making the other flinch and her voice echoed through the sewers.
Still trembling with her chest inflating and deflating, Lincoln put a comforting hand on his sister's shoulder.
"I'll be fine, really." He assured her. "I've experienced worse burns."
"He really did…" Lucy whispered to Ryan "…it involved sodium hypochlorite."
"Yikes, the depths of Kathy's psychopathy never cease to amaze me." Ryan quipped.
Lincoln rubbed the bridge of his nose. "As if Lyle wasn't enough…"
The name reminded Lucy of something and she drew a breath to speak but got cut off by Lynn.
"Why hasn't that bitch been locked up already!? She's crazier than Renee!" the jock lamented, to which Ryan chuckled.
"Lynn, Lynn, silly Lynn, you don't get locked up if you have truckloads of money." He explained. "Well, money or a terrifying glare and impeccable school record in Renee's case."
"Unfortunately." Lincoln sighed. "In hindsight, she pretty much admitted that when she told us how she got involved with charity work."
"Lynn, how about we tell them our story now?" Lucy spoke up, making the jock deeply embarrassed.
"I told them enough." Lynn hissed, clearly reluctant.
"I have a hunch you didn't come out looking like a champ there?" Ryan figured.
"Come on, Lynn?" Lincoln tried to encourage her. "How did Chandler steal the gifts from you? Whatever happened, it can't be any worse than what we went through."
"I beg to differ." Lucy said sardonically.
"Will you shut your trap-ughh…" Lynn grew flustered but knew that there was no way out of this. She had to fess up.
"I blew it again, alright! I ditched Lucy when I shouldn't have!" she threw her arms up. Lincoln and Ryan exchanged glances.
"Meaning…?" Ryan started.
"Kathleen pulled a fast one on me!" Lynn admitted. "I saw her and Jenny buying a gift and chased after them!"
Lincoln blinked. "But…but Kathleen was with me?"
"Doy! No shit, idiot!" Lynn snapped at him. "She used Amber as a body double and I fell for it. I left Lucy all alone, allowing Chandler and his goon to nab her! And the assholes tossed our gifts into the sewage dump!"
Lincoln processed the info and deflated, understanding the gravity of their loss. They didn't merely lose the gifts, they were literally driven underground while Kathleen was with their family.
"But it wasn't a chance encounter." Lucy added. "Chandler said he was hired to do it."
"Hired?" Lincoln cocked an eyebrow.
Lynn found her voice again. "Yes, by freaking Kathleen…or I guess her middleman. He's the one who blindsided me and then kicked Lucy into the gunk too. He and the rat-faced redhead got away scot-free."
"So… she's running her own mafia now?" Ryan was genuinely astounded. "She has subordinates who do her dirty for her, who hire minnows to do their own dirty work in return? She ain't playing."
"She has that much clout? She even knows to hire the right people who have grudges against us?" Lincoln asked and felt a chill, making him hug himself. This was getting scarier by the minute.
"Yes, people who would gladly do it just for the funsies." Lynn mused angrily. "Crap, I've made so many enemies on the field, Kathleen's gonna find herself an army in no time."
"As depressing as that might be, I think there's more to it…" Lucy said when they suddenly dropped a foot deeper into the sewage.
"Swell…we've officially hit rock bottom." Ryan grumbled and they tried to maneuver their way through it.
He and Lynn lifted Lucy by the arms, so she wouldn't be up to her chin in sewage waste.
"What were you saying?" Lincoln asked the goth.
"I think Kathleen's middleman was Lyle?" her answer caught everyone by surprise.
"Lyle? It can't be?" Lincoln blurted.
"How'd you know?" Lynn squinted skeptically.
"Something about him just felt familiar. His voice? The mangled grin? The acne? And the glee he showed just before he kicked me…I think it's him."
"But…that's not possible?" Lynn argued. "Lyle was hauled off to juvie?"
"Kathleen would have no issue bailing him out if she wanted to." Ryan pointed out. "But the real question is…how would she know about our feud with him? She may be well-connected but nobody saw us fighting the Monobrow Moron and he got amnesia? Even if he regained some of his memory, how did he reach her, or vice versa?"
Lincoln thought about it before adopting a grim look.
"Linc?" Lynn asked.
"I think you missed someone, Ryan." He held a finger up. "There was one person who witnessed it, and she's good friends with Kathleen."
"Lola." The other three growled, just as they walked back into shallower, knee-deep waste.
"That does it!" Ryan punched his fist. "Next time I see that little hellspawn, I'll sack her and bury her ten feet under."
"You'll have to bury her noggin separately!" Lynn told him. "Cuz it's coming off the moment I grab hold of her."
Horrified, Lincoln said, "Guys, we have to get her away from Kathleen. Can't you see that she's corrupting her?"
A silence ensued as he was met with three annoyed looks.
"Wake up and smell the coffee, Twinkle Toes." Ryan scoffed. "You can't corrupt what's already corrupt beyond all hope."
"Lincoln, you're my brother and I love you, but you're also full of shit." Lynn deadpanned bitterly.
"Agreed." Lucy nodded.
Lincoln groaned. "Look, it doesn't matter if you think there's good in her or not. Either way, letting her hobnob with Kathleen is a recipe for disaster."
"You have a point." Lucy agreed. "Having Kathleen as an enabler allows Lola to explore all her wicked potential."
"Give me a body bag and a shovel and that won't be an issue." Ryan scowled with contempt.
All of a sudden, a deep, rumbling noise echoed behind the group. Ryan turned and flashed his light around.
"W-what was that?" Lincoln asked, feeling his skin crawling.
"Ever heard legends of sewer gators?" Lucy suggested with grim fascination.
"L-lucy, that's j-just a stupid m-myth." Lynn said when they heard a louder, rumbling growl.
"Well, I don't know about you." Ryan pulled off his backpack. "But I'm not feeling like playing MythBusters today."
He threw it into the darkness and they heard trashing in the water.
"Move, move!" Ryan urged them and they got out of there.
Sometime later (how much later was anyone's guess), the group found another manhole. With great difficulty, they managed to lift it up and shove it to the side.
Panting heavily, Lincoln, Lynn, Ryan, and Lucy climbed up, finally graced by the sun's rays and breathable air.
"Air!" Lincoln took a big gulp of it. "Oh, glorious…fresh air!"
"Lifting these… things looks… easier… on tv…" Lynn glanced at the manhole.
Looking around, Lincoln grew a weak smile and pointed ahead. "It was worth it…we're home!"
The others looked and saw the Louds' home in the distance
"About…damn time…" Lynn panted and walked ahead.
"Not so fast, Lynn…" Lincoln grabbed her arm. "We can't walk in smelling like this."
After so much time in the sewers, their noses had become numb to the wretched smell that surrounded them, but they were quickly reminded of it as a young couple with a baby stroller passed by them, stopped, covered their mouths as they were both on the verge of vomiting, and ran off, screaming bloody murder.
"Grrrrr!" Lynn clutched her hair. "Where are we going to find a shower out here?"
"Found it!" Ryan declared and casually strolled towards Mr. Grouse's house, where the old man was watering his flowers with a hose.
The others didn't discuss it and followed Ryan instantly, wanting to feel like human beings again.
Grouse was humming a little ditty, rather happy for once but as usual, his good mood wasn't destined to last as the hose was violently ripped from his hands.
"Hey? What's the big idea!" he yelled but Ryan paid him little mind.
"No buts, Wilford Brimley. You'll lend us your hose or my friends will haunt you for the rest of the week." He offered a cheeky grin while pointing at the Loud siblings.
The threat made Grouse ill at ease, but so did the horrible odor and he clenched his big honker.
"Sweet Jesus…what's that stench?"
"We're really sorry, Mr. Grouse." Lincoln said as he and his sisters braced themselves to get hosed. "This will just take a minute."
"Blast us already!" Lynn demanded and three got their wish.
"One more thing…" Ryan turned to Grouse "…get us all the air freshener you got…"
He hosed Lincoln again. "Also, get an icepack for Snow White over there, pronto!"
"Excuse me?" Grouse said in a nasally voice.
"Better do it." Ryan said coyly. "Or the whole family will besiege your home tomorrow."
His pupils shrinking, Grouse gulped, nodded, and ran into his house. This kid meant business.
Shoving the door open, the four trudged into the living room, tired and drenched, with Lincoln holding a bag of frozen peas to his burned cheek.
But they were jolted back to their senses as they found Kathleen on the couch, chatting with Lori, Leni, Lola, Luna, and even Lana, the last two holding and admiring pictures.
"I'm sure all of you will find the place most appealing." Kathleen instructed Lori and Leni to open up the two-page brochure, which folded out to ten more pages, giving them a panoramic view of their indented destination, making the sisters marvel.
"It's right next to a popular camping ground, Bristlecone Woods, at the foothills of the magnificent Keweenaw Peak." Kathleen continued. "My grandfather, who was quite the outdoorsman, and former Cub Scout, didn't pick the location at random."
"What's going on here?"
Hearing their brother's voice, the sisters turned to the group. Lana grew uneasy and hid the picture in her pocket.
Lori gave him a smarmy look. "Well, look who finally decided to show up."
"Uhh…does anyone else smell lavender?" Leni asked.
Lincoln and the others looked at the wall clock and saw that it was 4.30 p.m. It made them all freeze and purse their lips in horror.
"And, dudes? Why are you all wet?" Luna asked.
Lori snorted. "When are they not?"
"Oh, some road hog drove into a puddle, and we were next to the puddle." Ryan improvised lamely, and before any of the sisters could inquire, he pointed his thumb at Lincoln.
"And it caused Linky to slip and bag himself up against a stop sign."
"Eh…yeah." Lincoln played along.
"And… it K.O-ed him for hours, we were worried that he might never wake up." Ryan continued, with growing mirth. "We were just about to call an ambulance when he finally woke up and saved you the hospital bill."
Blushing, Lincoln sent him an annoyed glare. "Okay, we don't need that much detail." He hissed.
The sisters looked unnerved. "And why didn't ya call us, man?" Luna asked with concern.
"Cuz having you dunces fussing over him would have put him in far greater danger." Ryan said bluntly. This really was too easy.
Lucy couldn't help but snigger at the comment. Lynn might have found it funny too, but her focus was squarely on Kathleen.
"Well, that was quite unfortunate." She got up. "But I'm sure your vacation will help you recover from the ordeal, Lincoln. You'll feel like a new man once it's over."
The group knew what this meant. Lynn, in particular, saw red and was grinding her teeth. But before she could do anything, Ryan placed a second bag of frozen peas on her head, making it steam.
"Take it easy." He whispered. "We lost this round and there ain't no rematch…for now."
"You mean…we're visiting your summer home?" Lincoln figured, his tone defeated.
"Yes. After some consideration, your parents came to a mutual agreement that this would be best for your family." Kathleen smiled. "Your sisters are quite enthusiastic too."
"Dude, I was sold the moment you showed me that you and Mick Swagger went fishing there!" Luna held up a picture showing Kathleen and Swagger with fishing hats and overalls, holding up a 5-foot sturgeon.
"Mutual?" Lynn glared at her. "You're saying dad said "yes"?"
"He did, of his own volition." Kathleen clarified, knowing this would stir up some tension between father and daughter. "Your mother made it clear she would not make any decisions without his consent."
With incredulous looks, Lynn and Lincoln turned to the kitchen and saw Lynn Sr. cleaning the supper dishes.
Noticing them, he tucked his head into his shoulders, visibly ashamed.
"Well, I best be going." Kathleen chose not to test her luck with the rage-filled jock anymore. "Your ride will be here first thing in the morning, so you better pack up."
Growling, Lynn was about to attack her but Ryan and Lincoln held her back, allowing Kathleen to casually pass by them.
She spared them one final glance. "I'm happy you fixed your little hair problem, Lynn. Toodles."
And so, she closed the door, leaving Lynn to stew in anger, while Lori, Lola, and Luna snickered.
"Awww, it's not so bad, girls." Leni smiled. "I think the boyish haircut matches her personality."
"When you're right, you're right." Lori concurred while Lynn glared daggers at her.
"Oh, Kathleen. She's so understanding." Lola said with admiration.
Lori scoffed at Lynn. "I'll say? If I was in her shoes, I wouldn't let that riff-raff come anywhere near my property."
"Why go soft? I would have charged her with assault ages ago." Lola laughed before sending the group a smug look. "But Kathleen's a much better person than Lynn could ever hope to be."
That did it!
"You wanna say that again!" Lynn stepped forward, rolling her sleeves up, making the princess squeak in fright.
But Lori beat her to the punch, quite literally, by slapping Lola over the back of her head.
"Hey!" Lola cried, covering her head.
"Enough with the hackling, you idiot!" Lori scolded her before turning to Lynn, holding her hand out to keep Lynn at bay. "And you keep your foul temper in check. We have a good thing going on with Kathleen, don't you dare screw this up!"
"Me screwing up!?" Lynn couldn't believe her gall. "You're the ones kowtowing to that lying, two-faced, psychotic-"
"Lynn. She's right." Lincoln stepped between her and Lori, "Mom and dad made their decision, you can't stop the vacation now. It's best not to complicate things any further."
Lori could tell her brother wasn't happy about the trip but either way, she finally found herself agreeing with him.
"I'm amazed, twerp. You're finally talking sense." She offered him a back-handed compliment, making him scowl.
Her smirk widened. "If you cause trouble now or try to delay things, Lynn, you'll literally make your whole family miserable, mom and dad especially. You're on thin ice with mom anyway, aren't you?"
"You're the one who's gonna make them miserable!" Lynn retorted and had to once more be held back by Lincoln and Ryan. Lori, naturally, didn't practice what she preached.
The argument allowed Lola to sneak away. Looking over her shoulder she went towards the stairs, knowing she was better off avoiding Lynn and co for the rest of the day, only to bump into her twin, who was also trying to sneak away.
"Watch where you're going, you lummox." She hissed.
"You watch where you're going, powderpuff." Lana shot back, also keeping her voice down.
But Lola soon smiled tauntingly. "Where are you off to? Aren't you gonna support your big sis Lynn?"
"Shut up!" Lana snapped in a flustered manner and darted up the stairs. Feeling satisfied with herself, Lola followed.
"And you don't even care about their happiness, you just want to…"
Lori pretended to yawn as she got up and stretched her arms, before blithely heading for the stairs.
"Whateves, Lynn. I'm gonna keep showing gratitude to our awesome new friend, while you can stay mopey and spiteful all you want. Luan will need some company at the Loser Lounge I guess." She laughed.
"How about you go to Leech Beach!" Lynn was ready to chase her but Lincoln grabbed her by the arm.
"Just let it go. She's not worth it." he pleaded with her in a hushed whisper.
"Well, we better get packing. Tomorrow, we're traveling in style, baby!" Lori pumped her fist as she went up the stairs. "Leni, come and help me, will ya?"
Leni obeyed and followed her. "Oh, am I tasked with the handy work while you do the supervising again?"
"Exactly." Lori put her arm around Leni. "A tried-and-true technique that never failed us."
The group was left with Luna, and quickly noticed that the twins were gone.
"Luna, where's mom?" Lincoln asked.
"Upstairs, she's been trying to unlock Pop-Pop's room for hours." The rocker explained. "Somehow, his door got jammed."
"Yeah…jammed…" a disgruntled Lynn gestured for her team to follow her to the kitchen.
"Hey, weren't you guys supposed to bring some anniversary gifts?" Luna called out to them.
"Gifts got canceled, tutz." Ryan sneered at her, not caring to elaborate.
Washing the dishes, Lynn Sr. heard footsteps and grew tense knowing that he was in for an earful.
"Just what the hell is wrong with you!" his namesake yelled, making him crumble like a kid who dragged mud onto the carpet.
"Dad, why did you do it?" Lincoln asked in a calmer tone, encouraging their father to look them in the eye.
"Kids…I…I'm sorry." He deflated. "But just lemme explain-"
"Is it true that all you had to do was say "no" and this vacation BS would have been called off for good?" Lynn demanded to know, her anger rising.
Lynn Sr. couldn't lie to them and looked down. "Yes…"
The kids' faces dropped. Lynn felt betrayed and she was going to make sure everyone knew it.
"Look, I wanted to say "no", I really did." Lynn Sr. continued. "But as I was talking with Kathleen, she said Rita was all for it, and I…I….I became afraid that Rita would be angry with me if I-"
"If you were anything more than a cowardly slug? Is that what you're trying to say?" Lynn said flippantly.
"Lynn…" Lincoln looked at her in shock.
"No, she hit the nail on the head." Ryan shrugged, giving Lynn Sr. a disapproving look. After everything he's been through today, he wasn't in the mood to be nice to someone he hardly held in high regard.
"That was pretty spineless of you, Mr. L. Letting that ditz pressure you into this like a sucker?"
"Very spineless…" Lucy agreed.
"You're hopeless!" Lynn turned around in a huff and Ryan and Lucy promptly followed, the goth shaking her head.
"Why do we even bother with that joker?" Lincoln and Lynn Sr. heard Ryan grumbling.
"Dad…?" Lincoln turned to his father who looked as dejected and pitiful as a person could be.
"They're right, son…" his father sniffed and sat by the kiddie table, resting his head in his palm.
The small chair he was sitting on buckled under his weight and he crashed to the floor.
"I am hopeless…." He mumbled. Even Lincoln didn't know what to say to him.
"Dad, I…we'll talk later." Lincoln sighed and followed the others, leaving his old man on the floor.
Catching up with the rest, Lincoln stopped them, "Wait a minute, guys. We have to figure out what to do next."
Lucy and Lynn, who were already up the stairs, looked at him.
"Yeah, but Kathleen will now have the home-field advantage…" Lynn begrudgingly acknowledged.
"Another secret meeting it is." Ryan declared only for Lincoln to shut him down.
"Not for you, you're not supposed to be here." Lincoln reminded him. "Mom's orders. If she sees you now, she'll be even angrier with Lynn."
Ryan shuddered through his teeth. "I hate it when you're right."
"How are you going to help us anyway?" Lucy asked, coming down. "We'll be miles away from here."
"And I doubt mom will let us bring along a friend." Lynn grumbled, following the goth.
"Don't you fret, fellas." Ryan perked up quickly. "I'll get to Lake Michigan somehow. No way am I going to miss out on this epic quest to foil Kathy's diabolical scheme. Whatever that might be."
"I guess that's one way to boost morale." Lincoln rolled his eyes. He just hoped fortune smiled on those trying to do good, like it did in a comic book.
They did at least circumvent "the incident", but their future seemed to be anything but certain.
"But how will you get there?" Lynn asked.
"I'll figure something out. I'll be back tonight." Ryan said cryptically and bounded for the door.
Lincoln, Lynn, and Lucy didn't say anything. At least they knew that when Ryan said something, he would go through with it.
"Oh, come on! You stupid lock!" they heard Rita ranting from the hallway, prompting them to climb up.
"Girls, let me talk to mom." Lincoln said as they saw their mother at the end of the hallway, trying to open the door with a lockpick.
His sisters didn't argue. Lynn knew her mom wouldn't be happy to see her. Lucy knew she would be ignored.
"Ughh…I'll be in my room. I need to punch something." Lynn left them, being too pumped up with rage to think clearly.
"Sure, you do that." Lincoln agreed, figuring it would be best for her to blow off some steam.
"Sigh. I guess we should at least help grandfather get out." Lucy said hoarsely as the two approached Rita.
"Eh, mom?" Lincoln started. "Can we talk-"
"Not now, kids!" she responded flippantly. "Your grandfather's been stuck in his room all day and I can't open the bloody thing."
"Rita, are you getting somewhere?" they heard Albert's voice from the other side.
The lockpick broke and fell to the floor, while Rita looked like she was ready to explode.
"Mom…" Lincoln started gingerly. "We need to find the key?"
"You think I haven't looked! I've searched everywhere!" Rita snapped at him, not even noticing that Lincoln was holding an icepack to his face, and pointed at the keyhole. "It's always been there. Why would anyone take it?"
Lincoln didn't know how to tell her that he knew who might have it, but before he found his voice, Leni reappeared.
"Hey, guys!" she smiled, holding up a key. "Did any of you lose this?"
Rita's mouth hung ajar. "Where…where did you find that?"
"Oh, Lori and me were packing and I found this in one of the drawers." Leni shrugged and held up a paper as well.
Said paper contained a caricatured drawing of Albert with fangs, a military cap, a toothbrush stash, and a swastika, with a caption saying "Hail Rita, Down With Liberty!"
"It was on top of this drawing? I don't know who this guy is, but he looks kinda familiar?" Leni tilted the picture, hoping to recognize it from another angle. "I think it might be President Roosevelt?"
"Give me that!" Rita grabbed the key and finally unlocked the door.
"Oh, thank heavens." Albert sighed in relief as he got out. "I thought I was gonna waste away in there."
"Dad, did you and Lori have any recent disagreements?" Rita asked briskly, barely keeping her cool.
Lincoln tried to tell her, "No, I think this was Lo-"
"Not now, Lincoln!"
"Huh, strange you should ask?" Albert scratched his head. "I did ask her to drive Ryan home last night and she did not take it kindly?"
"You don't say?" Rita clenched her fists, while Lincoln facepalmed. Lola…or rather Kathleen, thought this through.
"Oh, but don't be mad at LJ!" Albert hastily added. "She didn't know she wasn't allowed to bring friends over, and that's why I sent…"
Rita turned around and marched towards her older daughter's room. "LOOOOORI!?"
"…Ryan away?" Albert finished before turning to his grandson.
"There you are. Did you take care of Kathleen?" he asked hopefully.
Lincoln and Lucy just glanced down and shook their heads.
"Oh…" Albert's brow fell somberly. "Guess we're going on a family trip then?"
"Vacation." Leni said helpfully. "The only trip we'll be taking is to our vacation home."
I was originally intending for this chapter to cover all the events prior to the family getting to their vacation home, but ironically, I got sidetracked with the main protagonists getting sidetracked themselves after reuniting, allowing Kathleen to effortlessly butter up the family in their absence. If you've read "Second Chance", you'll know that Ryan ran afoul of Hank and Hawk after Lyle tricked them into thinking that Ryan had been trash-talking their mother (and inevitably, Ryan made things worse for himself), and this felt like the ideal moment to bring them back. Like with Lola, I tried to play Lyle less like a butt monkey in this story and indeed, he very much got his way in these last two chapters, not only getting paid and indulging in some classic bullying but also getting to see his old foes go through misfortune after misfortune, and even better, the last one was something he set into motion by himself before meeting Kathleen.
