Chapter 28: What You Want

Winter break felt extra short this year. And then I watched No Way Home. Did anyone else sob for half an hour at the end? I think I'm almost recovered a week later. There's a rant about the movie at the end, but it's an optional read with spoilers. I just needed to write it.

But !YAY! I got into at least one PhD program! I think I'm gonna make it!


Pink Lemonade: Yes, I suppose there's a trend. I must say it's not wholly intended, but if it gives this thing a cohesive flair, who am I to argue? I'm really starting to like Luke's parents now. I think I'm modelling them after my super funny research mentor. Nothing says your parents are science nerds more than corny science jokes!


Ava was very careful not to flinch or even blink when Connors gave her the shot. She didn't want Peter to think she felt the tiniest bit hurt by this. He was already beginning to mope, trying and failing to watch the needle as it entered Ava's skin. She wasn't sure when his aversion to syringes had solidified into a true fear. Doctor Octopus might have done it singlehandedly, but Goblin and Kraven could also be to blame.

Why was Peter always the one kidnapped and tested on? Sure, Luke's skin made injections difficult, and Sam was hard to catch, and Danny's and Ava's ties to magic made science experiments weird sometimes . . .

Well, from that logic Peter was the best test subject in the team, which was sad and scary. Ava knew what it felt like to be hunted, but not by so many hunters.

"How do you feel?" Peter asked.

"It was only just administered. I'm not feeling anything yet," Ava stated patiently.

Peter nodded, then allowed the room to lapse into an awkward silence. That annoyed Ava. He had the power to make a long conversation about nearly anything with anyone, but he never used it when it was most needed. Thankfully, he cleared his throat a few moments later.

"Um, Dr. Connors?"

Connors looked up from the medical log he was completing. "Yes?"

"I understand now why my venom can affect me, but . . . Why did I even want to bite Rhino in the first place? He might have been big, but I didn't really think he was too dangerous until he trapped Luke and me, and that was only for the last few minutes. And, as Ava so wisely pointed out, spiders don't eat rhinos."

Ava only slightly rolled her eyes. "We already solved that mystery. Your venom sacs have a maximum volume and you reached it."

"Yeah, but why did I even get to maximum volume today? It can't be just a coincidence, even for me and my Parker luck."

Hm, when he put it that way, it was a good question.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up." Connors swiveled his chair so he wasn't even facing the computer anymore. "Maximum volume? Wanting to bite? I think you mentioned all that in your call, but you're going to have to explain from the beginning. When did this feeling start?"

Peter looked a bit frustrated at having to go over this again, but Ava couldn't really help him out here. She had already misunderstood once. Or twice. So she let him do the explaining. It only took a few moments to get Connors up to speed. He still had some questions though.

"How strong did this pressure get? Was it painful or just annoying?"

"It was starting to get painful."

"Is there any way you can describe it?"

"Um . . ." Peter turned to Ava, glaring at her mildly. "I suppose one could say it was ever so slightly related to the feeling one has when they must go."

Ava shrugged. It wasn't her fault if her guess was spot on.

"I see, that does make sense," Connors said entirely seriously. "I think I understand where this is coming from. There are two special abilities spiders have in terms of their venom. The first is the ability to create inactive venom, and then activating it later via enzymes whenever it's needed. That way, you're less likely to poison yourself even if some trauma bursts your sacs."

"Aunt May will be glad to hear that," Peter said evenly.

"Yes, it's quite ingenious, but it also might have made it necessary to use your venom. Once those polypeptides are activated, I don't know if there's anything in your body that can deactivate them, so you have no choice but to spit them out."

"I get it. And my body automatically activates venom when I'm in danger?"

"Bingo. There may also be a chance it happens with food too, but you haven't complained about that yet, so perhaps not. Anyway, the second cause might be your innate ability to know how much venom you need to use for a specific target."

Peter snorted. "I might be able to estimate and calculate well, but I don't think my fangs know that."

"Except they do," Connors insisted. "I'm not talking about your intelligence here, Peter. All spiders seem to be able to tell when they need more or less venom depending on the size of their prey. They can even account for venom resistance if they're familiar with the species."

"Oh." Peter seemed a bit dumbfounded by that. Ava felt the same way. "Wow, I had no idea. So when I saw how huge Rhino was—"

"Your body started producing a lot more venom in case you needed it," Connors finished for him.

Ava thought about that for a moment. How on Earth did tiny spiders get the ability to accurately predict venom dosages? She had once been under the impression that insects and spiders had no brains, but these facts and Phoebe's existence kept shattering her theories.

"So my spider sense triggered venom activation, and Rhino's size made it a jumbo-sized order? And that's why I needed to get rid of it all so badly?" Peter summarized.

"I'd say so," Connors confirmed. "I'm sorry if I didn't say anything sooner. Partially, I had no idea if all this would apply to you, but after Kraven I probably should have known."

"But . . . that time felt different," Peter admitted hesitantly. "I don't really remember any pressure. I just . . . I did it when I didn't even need to—I was only trapped—"

"You did need to," Ava reminded him firmly. It was annoying how many times she had to remind him. "You weren't just trapped; you were being attacked. And someone needed to take Kraven down a few pegs anyway."

Connors nodded. "Not to mention that Kraven is a lot smaller than Rhino, so you wouldn't have needed to produce too much venom. That's a good thing, actually. It means that you won't feel the pain of a full venom sac with most normal sized villains." He tapped a finger against his cheek. "At least, not so quickly."

"What do you mean?"

"So far as I know, spiders continuously create venom with or without danger being present, since they're constantly using it. Thus, there's no biochemical pathway available to unmake venom. The only way to get rid of it is to use it."

Making a face, Peter crossed his arms. "No fair! I don't have anything to use it for!"

"I could use a few more samples," Connors offered. "But this would be an ongoing process. I can't take it all. The rest you'll have to release the same way you did today. Or more carefully. We can't have you poisoning yourself every so often."

Peter only stuck his tongue out in response.

Ava tried to give him a reassuring smile, but he wouldn't look her way. So, shaking her head, she got up to give him a shove. Peter had to uncross his arms to keep his balance. "What was that for?" he asked.

"I showed you how I handle my biting urge the same way, and I don't even have venom. You don't get to act like it's the most terrible thing in the world when I've been dealing with it alone for the past few years of my life."

His gaze withered. "I'm sorry, I've been so self-centered lately." He sighed. "You're the only one who's had a clear head about everything."

The apology was so sincere despite how many times he'd apologized today alone. For some reason, it made Ava want to smack him even as it made her feel like a success. "Oh, stop it. You're just not perfect. We're all in the same boat."

He stared at her shrewdly. "Are you still feeling okay?"

"Yes! Of course. You can stop asking."

"I've only asked twice now."

"So far. We both know that's going to go into double digits pretty soon."

"Fine, act like that, but I've got my eye on you, Ayala."

She huffed amusedly. "That is the most caring way I've ever heard that phrase used. Also, your threatening glare is hopeless, Parker."

Peter tried to shove her back, but she expected it. Although he was taking this news better than Ava had expected just a few minutes ago when he was collapsed on her bed.

"Wait a second." Peter's eyes went wide as he turned sharply to Connors. "I almost forgot! How's Alex? What turned him into the Rhino? Can we change him back?"

"Ah," Connors said. "I was in the middle of figuring all that out when you called me. Don't worry, I finished all the tests I had to run. Now I'm mostly waiting for the results. From what I've seen so far, his transformation is incredibly similar to mine as the Lizard. I wouldn't be surprised if Doctor Octopus was behind this."

"I can see that. Wasn't there even a rhino vial when we went through his lab that time?"

"Perhaps. I don't remember too well," Connors replied awkwardly.

"Right, sorry."

Ava had to refrain from following through with her desire to smack him, settling on civil words instead. "Stop apologizing! I'm tired of hearing it."

Peter smirked impishly. "I'm sorry if it bothers y—hey!" He rubbed his arm as if Ava's punch had actually been painful.

"Anyway," Ava stated as if the conversation hadn't gotten sidetracked. "Will it be easier to undo Alex's transformation if it is Dr. Octopus's work? We were able to cure you without too much trouble."

Connors gave a small smile. "Hopefully that's the case. There's a chance Octavius improved his formula, or that it's someone else's work entirely, but there are only so many insane geneticists in the world."

"Thank goodness," Peter said. "But just in case, maybe a psyche test should be mandatory for all PhD candidates."

Now Connors outright laughed. "If you did that, doctors would be even more rare than they are now! You have to be at least a little crazy to spend five or more years working yourself to the bone on a single topic."

"Maybe," Peter replied begrudgingly. Ava didn't like the idea either. They both wanted to go to graduate school someday, and Ava, for one, did not want to be seen as a pyscho just for choosing that path.

"If you have no more questions, I'm going to get back to this report. Fury is trying to figure out how a school run by Shield could still let something like this happen." Connor's smile disappeared as he went back to his computer.

Peter and Ava exchanged a look. That was very true; how did Alex manage to start such a mess at Midtown High where at least half of the teachers were now retired Shield agents? Even if no one suspected him to turn into Rhino, they should have at least noticed the bullying and intervened in that.

The idea put both into a quiet and contemplative mood. Ava had thought that Midtown High would be the absolute best school to go to. It was known for its academics, her teammates would be there, and Coulson had been running it. It should have been perfect, without flaw. But she should have known better once she met Flash. He had obviously bothered Peter constantly over the years. Of course he wouldn't stop bullying just because his favorite target had become immune to his lame teasing. The faculty were fools for thinking otherwise.

But so was she, then, wasn't she? Ava hadn't really cared to notice what Flash was up to. Maybe if she had taken some real pride in the school and not just used it as the cover story it was . . .

Oh, great, now she was feeling as guilty as Pete did about everything that happened in the universe. She had no reason to feel like it was all on her. No one else at school had done anything either. It was a group failure.

It still made her feel bad inside.

Wait, no, that wasn't an entirely emotional feeling.

Ava brought her hand up to rub at the shoulder Connors had injected. Now she was beginning to feel the effects. Her shoulder felt sore, even though a numbing sensation was starting to spread down her arm. She grimaced as she made a fist.

"Does it hurt?" Peter's voice was quiet with sympathy.

"A little," Ava admitted. They already sort of knew what his venom could do, so it wasn't like she could lie.

"How badly?"

"Only as if you punched me a little too hard there." She studied his face. Was his grimace because of his guilt or pain? "How are you feeling?"

"My mouth is throbbing like I have cavities," he grumbled. "And my tongue is feeling even more numb. It's weird to talk."

For the first time, Ava noticed how carefully he was enunciating his words. He would probably be slurring if he wasn't trying so hard to hide it. "And your hands?"

"Like they're sunburned."

"Mmm." Ava went back to her examination bed and laid on it. "Are we supposed to feel tired too?"

"I don't know. Connors?" Peter sheepishly called again.

Dr. Connors didn't really mind being interrupted when his patients were in need. He listened to their symptom descriptions with interest. "At least all this matches some of my predictions," he said when they were done. "Any tiredness isn't a surprise either. Even though this isn't the common cold, your immune system is still front and center in protecting your bodies. A nap might do you both some good, flush things out of your systems faster."

At ease now that she knew everything was as normal is it could be, Ava stretched out on her cot. She usually didn't wear her Tiger Amulet long enough for it to seduce her into cat naps, but this would be an exception. It would ensure that she would likely be completely cured by the time she woke up.

She watched Peter lay down stiffly. He rolled onto his stomach to prevent himself from swallowing his tongue if it ever got numb enough, but Connors insisted that was unlikely.

"Relax, Pete," she said almost demandingly. "Don't you want to get home before nightfall? You've got a lot of things to do at home."

Peter's eyes widened as he caught on to her meaning. Phoebe was waiting for him, and the only two people who knew about her were stuck in this room until they got the green light.

Oh, wait, that didn't sound very good now that she thought about it. She shouldn't have agreed to get the shot. Then at least one of them could have gone to check on Phoebe even if Peter had some sort of abnormally adverse reaction to his own venom. But the idea hadn't occurred to her at all then.

Ava suspected she would be a terrible mother.

"Okay," Peter said. "I'll try to sleep." He curled up a bit and put an arm over his eyes to block out the light. Nodding approvingly, Ava closed her own eyes and let herself drift into dream.


Ava sat in the chair across from Director Fury's desk. The man himself was staring down at her.

"I hear you've been telling Parker to use his venom to eat people?"

"What?!" Ava struggled to maintain her composure. "No, no sir! I would never!"

"My sources say otherwise. Don't lie to me, Ayala."

"I'm not lying! It was just a misunderstanding."

"You've also been telling him to finish the job with Kraven."

The lies were infuriating Ava. "That's completely untrue!"

"Is it? Your diary disagrees."

"I don't have a diary!"

"Not now, but you did once." Fury held up a battered tiger print journal in one hand.

Ava gasped. She hadn't written in that thing since she'd been on the run after her father's death. After that, she couldn't bear to look at it again, so she hid it. Shield shouldn't have even known it existed. "Where did you get that?"

"As I've said, I have my sources." Fury opened the journal to a specific page and read, "'It's like Kraven is always right behind me. I know I should keep moving, but sometimes I feel like I should go back, take him on once and for all. Kraven deserves the bloodiest death.'"

She cringed, remembering that entry. "I wrote that a long time ago," she said more civilly. "Before I came to Shield. You know I've changed with training."

"Really? Then what about this one? 'Kraven finally got what was coming to him. Peter bit him, but Kraven still isn't dead. I don't know if he's found some sort of life-lengthening talisman, but I'm willing to test out the limits of his mortality.'"

This one she did not remember writing, but she knew she had thought it. "First of all, I never wrote that. I haven't seen that diary in over year. Second, you know my emotions run high with Kraven. I can keep myself from acting on them, but I can't control my thoughts or—"

"You promised that you would be an outstanding agent."

"I did, and I'm trying—"

"Do or do not, there is no try."

Was Fury quoting someone? He never quoted anyone. "I am doing it, right?" Ava hated that she made it a question, not a statement. "I've been punctual for every training session, and I always follow the rules, and I keep the rest of the team from breaking the rules when I can—"

"Oh?" Fury's eyebrow rose inquiringly. "Then what was this doing at Parker's house?" He held up a cage with a large spider inside.

"Phoebe?! But it isn't against the rules to have a pet!"

"Not when that pet is taken from a secret location like the Strange Lands!"

"Except she isn't a pet!" Ava argued, thinking of how adamant Peter had been about that. "She's a smart little girl who's been taken from her family. You took Ka-Zar and Zabu out of the Strange Lands too because they needed help to be kept safe. You—you did the same for me. Just because w—we—"

"Are animals?"

"But we're not! Not completely. Besides, you're training Ka-Zar and Zabu to be agents too, and then there'll be a full Smilodon on the team."

Fury still had that eyebrow raised. "Where are they then?"

Ava paused to breath. She did ask herself that question sometimes. She hadn't even met them yet even though she wanted to. "They're in training," she repeated. "Just like Phoebe is being trained by Peter."

Fury hefted the cage higher. "Phoebe's not with Peter though."

"What are you doing with them?"

Instead of answering directly, Fury set down the cage and began to walk towards her. "Do you remember what I told you the night I made you an agent-in-training? Do you remember when I said it again the time Kraven took your amulet?"

Ava swallowed. "You said that I can't lose sight of my real purpose, to protect the Tiger Amulet. You said that you would help me in any way you could."

Fury was towering above her. "Mhm. And one way I can help is by offering the use of one of Shield's vaults."

"I can't just sit around guarding a vault!"

"You won't have to. You're still a good agent in other regards. You just aren't strong enough to keep the amulet."

"But it's my legacy! My blood right!" Ava curled her hand protectively around it. "My dad is depending on me!"

"Your father is dead, and with the mistakes you keep making, you will be soon too."

"I'm learning from my mistakes! I'm getting better! Please, I can't lose the amulet!"

"Then we'll put you in the vault with it. You can't kill anyone in a vault. And you can't mess up agent Parker any further either."

"I'm not messing him up! I'm helping him!"

"By encouraging him to be even more of a rogue agent than he already is?! What happened to your discipline, Ayala?"

"It's not just about discipline," Ava said quietly.

"What?"

"It's not just about discipline! My dad said that discipline is only a man-made concept. Animals have been living together in harmony for eons by working together, following instincts. They never try to control anything, only adapt to be better. I'm working on being better!"

"I'm not inclined to trust a dead man."

"Stop it!" Ava yelled in Fury's face. She closed her eyes so he wouldn't see the rage in his eye. "My dad's honor lives in me, and I will never disregard his wisdom! I almost did when I tried to control my amulet all the time. I focused on school and training and nothing else. But that still didn't prepare me for Kraven. I need to adapt with the amulet, not against it."

There was silence after that. Ava was afraid that she had just earned herself a one-way ticket out of Shield. But then a hand squeezed her shoulder. She opened her eyes.

"Dad?"

Her father smiled down at her before giving her a hug. "I've missed you, mi hija, but I'm glad that I'm not forgotten."

"You'll never be forgotten!" Ava clung on tightly. "You taught me everything I know."

"Ah, not everything. That's what adapting is for, and you have learned a lot since I left you."

"But I'm still not strong enough. I can't face Kraven on my own like you used to. And Fury—"

"None of them matter, Ava, do you hear me? None of them matter. I struggled against Kraven for years before he finally bested me, and I never did enough to earn Shield's attention like you have. And you're even trying to guide one of your friends like I guided you."

His kind words brought tears to her eyes faster than anyone's harsh words ever did. "I'm struggling too though."

"That's fine. No one ever adapted because things were easy for them. It takes a challenge."

"What if I'm hurting Peter though? I've made him upset sometimes."

"And I made you upset many times." He changed his voice to a falsetto. "'Daddy, why can't I go hunting with you yet?' 'Daddy, why won't you let me go out by myself?' 'Daddy, all my other friends can stay up late!'"

Ava was tempted to push him away for that, but didn't. "That never stopped me from loving you."

"I know. That's the point." Her father began rubbing her shoulder, the one that was starting to hurt. "Now, who hurt my Little Tiger?"

"Oh, no one, Dad. I'm just testing out venom for a friend and—" she gasped. "Wait, Pete . . . we're napping . . . this is a dream . . ."

"You've always been too smart." Her dad laughed as his form faded and blurred at the edges. "Good luck, my Sweet Cub."

Ava's already nebulous surroundings turned to a light fog as she woke up. It was always frustrating whenever she woke herself up like this, by realizing she was dreaming. It helped occasionally with nightmares, but of course it happened less often with those.

Blinking against the bright lights of the room, she was surprised to find that she could still feel someone massaging her shoulder. She looked up at the culprit. "Danny?"

"My apologies," Danny replied quickly, pulling his hands away. "Did I startle you? Perhaps I should have waited until you woke up."

"Yes, don't do that while I'm sleeping!" Ava scolded harsher than she intended. "Did you do any strange Chi stuff to me?"

Danny nodded guiltily. "I only tried to project peace. It looked like you were having a nightmare. And when Connors told me of your shot, I thought a massage might help." He paused, trepidatious. "You chuffed when I started. I thought that meant it was working, but . . ."

Ava was upset at the fact that the more pleasant half of her dream had been magically induced. "Don't mess with my head unless I ask you too, all right?"

"It is not exactly your head that was affected . . ." he trailed off in response to her glare. "But I will not do any of this again. Perhaps I should have learned my lesson from Peter."

Now her curiosity was piqued. "What did Pete say?"

"I gave him a neck massage the other day, which is how I got him to purr. He is not comfortable with that though, and he asked me to stop too."

"Well, it's not really the chuffing that upsets me," Ava said, although she still wasn't happy that the boys knew about it now. "It's . . . My dream was very personal, and I don't need your help to deal with that stuff."

"Understood."

Satisfied, Ava pushed herself up into a sitting position, wincing as she did so. The pain had gotten a little worse. Well, a fair amount worse. Thankfully, it was mostly localized to her shoulder, but it was still pretty bad. And she had a headache now too. It was hard to believe these were the effects of such a small dose of venom. Peter's venom.

She hoped Kraven had suffered every moment from his full dose.

Then she thought of what Fury had said in her dream, and she tried to feel a bit more compassion towards Kraven. It didn't work too well though, so she gave up for the moment.

"The massage helped," Ava admitted to Danny. "Thanks."

Danny smiled and sat down beside her. Without him in the way, Ava could see Peter. His sleep was obviously far from restful, his eyes fluttering, alternating between being squeezed shut and partially open.

"You didn't try to help Pete too?" Ava asked.

"Dr. Connors advised against it. He tried to wake him about half an hour ago, and Peter was so startled he ended up on the ceiling. It apparently took while to get him back down. Connors is checking if the venom exaggerates neural activity or something."

"That would make sense. It has to affect the brain somehow if it caused Kraven to have a seizure." Ava looked for a clock, but even when she found one, she realized she hadn't noticed the time before her nap. "How long was I asleep?"

"I think Connors said a little over two hours."

Wow, it had been a long time since Ava had been able to nap for an entire two hours. She stretched out contentedly. "I prefer shorter naps, but I'm not complaining."

"Maybe we should make a habit of napping."

"I'm sure you would have Sam's vote, but I doubt we could find time even if we tried."

"No, probably not."

In a moment of uncomfortable silence, they watched Peter struggle with whatever was plaguing his dreams. Ava was feeling far too tempted to go back on her own word and ask Danny to interfere with his Chi too. But if it had been bittersweet to see her dad again like that, she doubted Peter would want his uncle or anyone else forced into a synthetic dreamscape.

Dreams might not be real, but at least they usually came from a real place in your subconscious, not from Chi tampering.

"So," Ava began in order to start a new conversation. "How are you feeling? You thought you had some cracked ribs, right?"

"Yes, but thankfully they were only bruised. The window cushioned my impact somehow."

"I've noticed that happens. Whenever we're thrown into windows, we have the least broken bones, although we get plenty of cuts. I think that as the glass shatters it absorbs some of your kinetic energy so you don't hit the wall or ground as hard."

"Hm, the grace and irony of physics. If you are being thrown into a brick wall, it is better to intercept a glass window along the way. I feel like there is a lesson to be learned in that."

Ava snorted. "What sort of lesson? When life throws you into walls, aim for windows?"

"That might be close. I will have to meditate about this," Danny said in all seriousness.

Unsure whether Danny had a point or simply had an insane point of view, Ava decided to switch topics again. "Why'd you come over here anyway? Did Connors tell the rest of the team?"

"Oh, um, about that . . ." He pulled a small ornate vial from his pocket. "I was going to ask Peter if we should tell Connors about this yet."

Ava frowned shrewdly, looking around to make sure the doctor wasn't there. "That's the perfume you made, isn't it?" He nodded. "That doesn't seem like a good idea. Connors is super busy today. We don't need him distracted again."

"Fair enough." Danny slid the vial back out of sight moments before the man himself came back in.

"Ah, you're awake," Connors said happily. "Let's check to see if you've cleared the venom out of your system yet."

Ava's blood was drawn and she and Danny passed the time with idle chatter while Connors ran the various tests. Not too long after, Peter eased out of his restless sleep and into a regular nap, eyes only slightly open. Connors took the opportunity to take his blood without waking him. When the results came back, Connors interpreted them aloud.

"You've both cleared the venom out, which I expected, but you can never be too sure," he said while scrolling through the long readout on screen. "And you both made sufficient antibodies. Peter is neither more or less susceptible to his own venom, but he did swallow a bit more than I thought. His overall dose was slightly larger than yours, which explains why he had the worse sleep."

Without wanting to give too many details, Ava interjected, "My sleep wasn't all that great either. I'm pretty sure I tossed and turned a bit too before Danny eased me out of it."

"She did seem discontent," Danny agreed.

"Of course, anyone sleeping with pain is bound to encounter some trouble," Connors admitted. "What I'm referring to happened before Danny came. Peter started moving about so much that I wasn't sure if he was going to start seizing. He didn't, thankfully, although it could have only been a nightmare . . . Let's wake him to complete the examination, and to stop him from staying overnight."

Dr. Connors took the sophisticated approach of wafting smelling salts under Peter's nose. Ava could smell it the moment the top opened, and she couldn't help but make a face at it. Danny noticed and laughed, earning himself a soft punch in the arm.

Making a similar face and a retching sound, Peter abruptly sat up, pushing the offending scent out of his face. "I'm up! I'm up! Stop killing my nose!"

"Sorry, standard procedure. You'll be happy to know that you're fine now. Do you feel fine?"

Peter rubbed his eyes. "Mostly, I guess. My hands feel kind of dry and my mouth feels like I recently had some spicy curry or something, but I'm good." He stretched and opened his eyes. "How's—oh, hey Ava. And Danny. How're you two feeling? How long was I—?"

"About two and a half hours," Ava answered immediately. "And we're both fine."

Even though he already looked relaxed, Peter still seemed incredibly relieved to hear that. "Good. The rest of our gang isn't here?"

"I'll be calling them in a moment, along with your aunt," Connors said. "This is something everyone needs to be aware of."

"I figured." Peter nodded. "But I promise I'll be more careful about it in the future."

"I hope so. It's downright embarrassing to poison yourself. You have all these instincts to warn you, and you ignored them all."

"I also have a doctor to explain these things to me, and you were a bit late on that front," Peter countered.

"Fair enough." Connors consulted his tablet. "How was your sleep then? Any out of the ordinary dreams? You were moving quite a bit."

Peter took a moment to think about that. "Nothing too out of the ordinary, no. Except maybe it was extra vivid? Like when Ph—I mean, like a movie. I . . . It wasn't too bad."

"You do not need to lie," Danny reminded him.

"I'm not, really." Peter seemed as surprised as everyone else by his own words. "Maybe it wasn't a blissful dream about Jameson hosting a parade in my honor, but . . . I don't know."

Understanding all too well what Peter was describing, Ava was just glad to see he was continuing to take this pretty well now that the initial surprise had faded. His panic from earlier was completely gone. Ava doubted that even Sam's jokes could faze him, or May's—

Her eyes went briefly wide before she controlled her expression.

That's right, May would be coming and hearing about how her nephew had wanted to bite a Rhino and then accidentally dosed himself and a teammate with venom. Ava had no doubt that May would not like the idea that Peter had a new way to accidentally hurt himself. She might even get angry, and the boys would all be here to witness it. Then they (particularly Danny) could see that Ava's hunch was right and they should nip this in the bud before it went further.

Sweet vindication would be hers!

She waited patiently for the scene to set itself up. Sam arrived first, and he wasted no time in teasing Peter for metaphorically shooting himself in the foot. Peter quickly countered that Sam had literally shot himself in the foot a couple times, which led to an argument about other self-inflicted accidents. Luke came in the midst of that. He was using crutches, forced upon him by his parents, a fact he was not happy about. Peter ended the argument in favor of checking up on Luke.

And then May rushed in. The first thing she did was hug Peter. Then she started to speak. Ava listened carefully.

"Are you alright? I swear, my heart skips a beat every time Connors calls."

"I'm sorry to worry you, Aunt May," Peter apologized as he hugged her back, shooting a brief glare at Sam's sniggering. "If I knew this could happen, I would have been way more careful."

"I know, sweetie, I know." She released him to face Dr. Connors appropriately. "Please tell me how we can keep him safe."

Connors went through his entire explanation all over again, albeit a bit more concisely this time around. Ava watched May Parker's every move. By the end of the speech, it was clear that May was upset that no one had warned her nephew. But Peter told her that he had already told off the doctor, so she let that particular aspect slide. Instead, she asked, "What can we do to prevent this from happening again?"

"Prevention is simple," Dr. Connors assured her. "Peter just has to release some venom every now and then."

"But what about what happened today? It doesn't seem to have worked too well."

Peter rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't really do it right at all. I'm pretty sure I waited way too late."

"Oh, most definitely," Connors confirmed. "This was an excellent example of how not to go about it."

"Pete's good at demonstrating those," Sam chipped in, earning a few rolled eyes.

May looked at Peter with some exasperation. "It sounds like it hurt to hold it in like that. You need to stop ignoring pain for the sake of others."

"I know." Peter bowed his head guiltily. "This has finally convinced me that might be a bad idea."

And then May's face grew somewhat stern, and Ava knew she was finally going to say something rash, something to prove to Danny that staying calm and collected would be difficult.

"I hope it really has convinced you, although maybe that bad habit of yours actually came in handy today. You refused to bite Rhino despite the pain it caused you, and that's admirable, Pete. I'm proud of you." She pulled him into another hug.

Peter looked less surprised than Ava felt. "Oh, well, I don't know if it's admirable. I wasn't in pain yet then."

"You just . . . wanted to bite him?" May asked.

"Um—that and some pressure."

"I see." May paused for a second, and Ava knew this was the moment. "We'll have to talk about that later, but it still took willpower in any case."

Peter nodded, and that appeared to be the end of the exchange. Ava stared for a moment before catching herself. What just happened? May had said a couple of vaguely questionable things, and she even said they would talk more later, but aside from that it was all so . . . nice.

Did this mean that Danny was right? May really wasn't the enemy? It wasn't like she hated her nephew. She just sometimes didn't understand him too well.

That . . . that hurt. To be proven wrong. Ava didn't like the feeling, but she was smart enough not to reject it.

That didn't make it hurt any less though.

All this was making her feel worse and worse about her tiger side.


Although he had felt good since he woke up, Peter felt even better when he got home, and better still when he was finally able to have some time in his room. May had insisted he eat a full meal before heading up, and his stomach had not wanted to disagree.

Phoebe had been hungry too though. Peter had to sneak up for a few minutes before dinner to feed her, but now he could stay for a proper conversation.

And Phoebe demanded a proper conversation. She knew something had gone wrong today.

Did bad guy hurt Speter again? she asked immediately as Peter let her out for the night.

"The bad guy wasn't too bad today. He didn't hurt me much, but he did cut one of my friends."

That mean.

"Yes, he was mean, but he was only being mean because someone else had been mean to him first. That's why it's important to treat others the way you would like to be treated."

Oh, okay. Phoebe jumped onto him and climbed up his arm, pointing with a leg. What that?

"That's a Band-Aid. It's like a bandage, the white stuff, except it's smaller so it's more useful for little cuts. I had my blood drawn today thanks to something that happened. I kind of want to talk to you about that too." Peter wasn't sure if Phoebe was aware that her own venom could hurt her, and he didn't want her to go through what he had.

Why draw blood?

"When I say 'draw blood', I don't mean to draw it out like you draw your shapes. I mean a doctor takes your blood out with a needle. Don't look so surprised!" Peter added with a laugh when he noticed she was still confused. "We actually have some really good reasons for doing that. Doctors have ways to test blood and get a lot of information from it. They can tell if you have certain diseases or if you've been poisoned."

She turned around so she could look him in the eye. Speter sick?!

"No! No, don't worry, I'm fine." Peter explained his whole venom accident. It did sound like it was mostly his fault when he thought it over again. If he had just grabbed a cup as soon as they got back to the Helicarrier, everything would have been fine.

Sometimes it wasn't the Parker luck that made things worse. Sometimes it was just him and his 'great' ideas.

Speter hurt Speter? Phoebe asked at the end of it. She had migrated to lay in the center of his chest, and Peter had likewise laid on his bed. Her position made him smile; it was roughly the same spot where his spider emblem was on his suit.

"Pretty much, and I don't want to scare you, but I think you could potentially do the same thing to yourself if you're not careful. Did you ever feel like that was possible?"

Phoebe thought hard for a moment before shrugging with several limbs. No, Phoebe always just want bite bugs.

"Have you ever felt pain in your fangs? Like you really wanted to bite a bug?"

No pain, but Phoebe always want bite bugs! She emphasized with a giggle, wiggling her mandibles at the thought of food.

Unsure whether to agree with the overall sentiment of loving food, or disagree with the literal translation of always biting, Peter settled on an awkward grin. "Okay—well, that's good. Very good. You're smart enough not to hold it in too long."

Maybe Speter need bite more.

"Yeah, that's the overall consensus. Unfortunately, I can't just bite bugs like you can, so I'm stuck with this. Look." Peter stretched out to grab the thermos from his nightstand. "It's used to hold liquids. It's only a regular one Shield one, but it's made of a kinda durable metal so Connors thought it was a better alternative to glass or even plastic. Not that metal is perfect either. I bent one of May's forks the other day, but maybe I can only dent it, not pierce it. And it won't shatter either, which is good."

Tilting her head curiously, Phoebe tapped the thermos with a leg. Why bite it? Not like bugs. No . . . No . . .

"No what?" Peter probed Phoebe's thoughts as best as he could. The best interpretation was, "No purpose? As in, there's no reason to bite it? But there is a reason. I need to release venom as often as you."

But no food.

"Oh, yeah, that's true." And it did make sense. Phoebe had the innate sense that venom should not be wasted, probably like how Peter didn't want to waste his special sticky silk. "I guess it would be nice if I didn't have to just get rid of it all the time. But what could I even use it for anyway? You may have convinced me that live bugs are good, but we can't get any that are big enough for me to really bite, and none of my other food needs venom."

Peter sighed before he realized he was actually agreeing with her about using venom for food only. That was a little stranger than his normal strange thoughts. Maybe he was thinking too much about his venom today. Especially after he had a rerun of his dinosaur dream during his nap, although May had thankfully been safe in this one. He needed a break from all this. "So, um, do you want to have a lesson now? We haven't done English in a few days."

Phoebe clapped her legs together. Okay! Phoebe want new words!

"First let's review the last words you learned, then we can give you a new challenge." Peter set her down on the bed and went to his desk to grab the notebook he had all her lessons in. It wasn't perfectly organized, so it took him a minute to find where they had left off. "All right, do you remember what—"

He stopped abruptly when he heard May's footsteps come up the stairs. Phoebe didn't question his sudden silence. She was used to his secrecy with his aunt, even if she didn't fully understand it. Peter was pretty sure that Phoebe would be a social butterfly if she could talk to everyone.

Peter waited for May to pass by, but she stopped at his door, knocking.

"Peter, could we talk for a minute?"

"Uh, okay, just give me a second to put some stuff away." He threw the notebook down and mentally told Phoebe her lesson would need to wait a few minutes. She hopped onto his hand with only a halfhearted complaint.

"It's fine if you have a mess," May waived off, beginning to open the door.

Heart leaping to his throat, Peter kicked the closet door closed and hid Phoebe behind his back. Please stay out of sight! It's been a rough day and I don't need May upset at me, he pleaded silently.

Yeah, today was really beginning to wear on him. He didn't need anything new to worry about.

Okay, Speter. Phoebe sounded a little worried about Peter's worry, but still didn't argue as she crawled under his shirt. Her legs tickled a little, so Peter hid his chuckle behind a smile as May walked in.

"So . . . what do you want to talk about?"

"I want to take some time to discuss something you mentioned earlier." May entered fully and sat on his bed, patting the spot next to her. She glanced around. "Your room isn't so bad. I don't know what you were worried about."

No, she did not know what he was worried about. Trying not to let his smile become too awkward, Peter joined her. "Okay. What's up?"

May studied his face for a brief moment. "I was wondering what exactly you mean when you say you want to use venom. Today it sounded like you're physically pressured into it, but thinking back to last week . . . You said you thought this was affecting your brain. I want to know what you're dealing with here, so I can help you."

Peter's smile faded, but he didn't frown. This was what he'd been waiting for. May was finally believing him, asking the right questions. "Yes, yeah, um—I don't really want to use my venom, it's literally more of a need thanks to the aforementioned pressure and pain, but I guess you could call it that too."

"So you don't just get the urge when you're angry or scared?"

"Scared? Yes. This probably ties into my spider sense. But anger . . .?" The memories of the past few times he'd been angry flashed before his eyes. Yelling at Logan and Sam, his fangs hadn't kept still, but he certainly hadn't felt any sort of pressure. "Anger isn't an issue. I'm not the Hulk, May."

"If you're sure," she replied more dubiously than Peter would have expected. "After you took care of Rhino, then, did anyone else seem like a . . . potential target?"

Peter's mouth moved silently for a moment while his brain adjusted to the curveball. "No! I only considered the Rhino because my spider sense was insisting that I was seconds away from being gored!" He paused when he realized how loud he was getting. "Rhino was a threat. I would never even think of biting a friend or anyone else. That's not what venom is for."

"What is venom for then?"

It was likely only due to his conversation with Phoebe that 'food' was the first answer that popped in his head. That didn't seem like the right answer though. "It's for emergencies?"

"I suppose so." May lifted a hand to run it through his hair. Peter waited silently to hear what she had to say next. "I'm sorry, I guess this just convinced me that maybe you were onto something with that dream you had. Maybe you do have instincts. I only wanted to make sure that they weren't telling you to go against your better nature."

"They're instincts, not demons." Even if they felt a bit like that sometimes. "No matter how bad the pain may get, I will never use my venom on anyone else."

"That's good. I think you breaking the bottle is what scared me. You've always been so careful with your strength, but those fangs are another thing entirely, aren't they?"

"I'm working on that," he reassured her quickly.

"I know you are. Come here." May wrapped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him in for a one-armed hug. "There may be a little spider in you, but you will always be the sweet and brave Peter I know and love. Nothing can take that from you."

Peter tried not to tense at the phrase 'little spider'. There was a little spider in him and on him and he was finding it very hard not to laugh at—

Wait, had May said she'd been scared? She had. She'd said that him breaking the bottle had scared her. Why?

"Um—May?" he asked before he could stop himself from opening what was surely a can of worms. May squeezed him gently to show she was waiting for the rest of his question. Peter debated switching to a less touchy topic, but maybe this was for the best. The team agreed that May was acting a little disapproving of his spider side, and this might be a chance to gauge that, or maybe even prove she wasn't being disapproving at all. "Do you . . . Does my venom scare you?"

May pushed him away, and he was on the brink of panicking when he realized that she had only done it so she could look him in the eye again. She looked concerned, but not terrified. "Does it scare me that you might hurt yourself again? Yes, because you are far too good at hiding your own pain for the sake of others. Does it scare me that you might hurt others? Less so now that we've had this talk. I believe in you, sweetie. If anyone can fight against these instincts, it's you."

Only less? Peter swallowed, resisting his usual nervous tic of biting his lip. "You wouldn't want me to fight against my spider sense though, right? Not all instincts are bad."

"Of course not, that's your self-preservation instinct. That's human too. I only mean these hunting ones you think you have. You're a protector, not a hunter."

Peter couldn't help but cringe. Hunter. That's who Kraven was. Peter would never chase after anything like—

The Bug Game. Phoebe's Bug Game. That was hunting and chasing and eating.

But May didn't know about that. She didn't know he was already failing her expectations.

"Are you okay?" May asked with a frown.

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

"If it is something, you know you can tell me anything."

This wasn't just anything though. This was the complete opposite of 'just anything', if such a thing could exist. This was the very thing May did not want to hear.

And yet, wouldn't she want to know? That's why she was here right now. To understand and to help. If he could only broach the topic carefully so he didn't give himself a heart attack. His heartrate was already picking up from the anxiety.

"I mean—um—I was just thinking about crickets."

May cocked her head. "Why? Are you still hungry?"

"No, not really. What I mean is—how I eat them, you know? I like them." Where on Earth did his eloquence go when he wasn't in his suit?

"Are you trying to say that's another instinct? I'm glad you're aware of that, Peter. You always were a very self-aware person. And Connors seems to think that the crickets are a good idea, so who am I to argue against them? But only eat as much as you feel comfortable with, okay?"

And Peter knew that was that. This really was it. This was May's position on the topic of his spidery-ness.

He was too spidery in May's eyes.

The revelation wasn't as revelatory as he had expected. Maybe because he had sort of expected it.

So what was he going to do about it? Not too long ago, the answer would have been to swallow the pain and listen to his aunt's advice no matter what, but now he'd spent too much time thinking about this, about the not-so-awful parts of his spider side. So how was he going to reconcile their very opposite opinions? Was that even possible?

Of course it was. It had to be. Peter would never allow himself to be at odds with May, even if he had to give up more than he wanted to.

The unfortunate fact was, now that he was officially in this situation, he was finally sure that he didn't want to give up too much. He wanted to make long-lasting webs for fun. He wanted to stop himself from feeling sick by recycling his webs. He wanted to eat live crickets whenever he could.

And he apparently wanted to use venom for food.

Okay, so there were some things he should give up. Probably. Except it felt better to sink his fangs into something soft than clanking them on hard bottles—

Nope, that was some surefire proof that all was not right in his head. Proof that his aunt might have a point.

He was suddenly very glad that the team had shanghaied him into that interrogation yesterday. Now they knew the situation, and they had promised to help with it. They could help him explain everything to May. Because whatever he decided to do, Peter was not looking forward to confessing to May on his own.

But in order for them to help, didn't he need to wait? Again? Well, waiting had worked okay so far. And he needed some time alone to think before he said anything else nerve-racking. His heart was still racing from trying to explain about hunting crickets.

"Okay," he answered his aunt at last with forced nonchalance. "I'll just have a bit more than a few. I mean, not a huge amount, but enough."

Mmm, more bugs! Phoebe cheered from behind him.

One of May's eyebrows twitched slightly, but she seemed satisfied. "If you want any other snacks, just let me know. I'm debating on making scones tonight."

And with that, she left. Peter closed the door behind her, locking it this time before climbing back onto his bed, taking measured breaths.

Speter scared? Come hide, Phoebe said as she came out of his shirt only to slide under the covers, into the dark, warm, and cozy blanket cave that was far more tempting than it should have been.

Well, he wasn't giving any of this up yet. He might as well follow Phoebe's advice so he could actually sleep tonight. Peter grabbed the cricket jar and turned off the light before joining her under the blanket. Phoebe happily accepted an after-dinner snack, watching him.

Why Speter sad?

"I'm only a little sad," Peter defended with a sigh as he made the blanket more tent-like, tying one end to the top of the headboard. "It's this day, I guess. My two best friends now know that I'm at least somehow connected to Spider-Man, and everybody has these strong opinions about him—me. MJ thinks I'm a great superhero who does no wrong, which is sweet of her, but I'm far from perfect. Harry thinks I'm an evil supervillain no matter how I try to help. And then Aunt May . . ." The blanket began to sag over his face, blocking his view of Phoebe. Peter relented and used a silk line to keep the middle up. "I'm afraid May sees Spider-Man as a problem, which means she sees me as a problem, and the last thing I want to be for her is a problem. That's the one thing I've always been afraid of since I was little."

Wow, it had been a long time since he thought about that. Years, probably.

But Speter helper. She thought for a moment. Is Phoebe problem?

"No! Of course not!" Peter pulled Phoebe to his chest and held here there. He was shocked to hear her say something like that. She was always wonderfully optimistic. "I used to think the same thing, and trust me, it's never true. It's only in our heads, and I'm sorry if I put the idea in yours. Whoever cares for you really cares for you. I care about you. Ava cares too."

Speter sure? Phoebe was thinking of how much trouble Peter went through to hide her.

"I'm absolutely positive. No one is ever a problem. Sometimes they need help, like how you need help getting home, but that doesn't make you a problem. I needed a home too when I was little, and Aunt May and Uncle Ben helped me."

Uncle Ben?

"He's not here anymore. That's a story for another day. The point is that you're not a problem. I'm not a problem either. I'm being silly and dramatic again. Thanks for reminding me." There were no tears in Phoebe's eyes to wipe away, but Peter gently rubbed her head.

She leaned into his touch. So . . . Phoebe helper too?

"Yes, you're an excellent helper. You're my little superhero."

Phoebe was completely ecstatic to hear that. She climbed up to hug his neck with all of her legs, purring. Peter quickly felt the vibrations start in his own chest too. Regardless of how he had felt when he first found her, he was happy to know her now, even if she encouraged his spidery behavior.

She was a very good reason not to give it all up.

But May was a very good reason to give it up.

He would figure that out later. For now, he only wanted to relax, especially in the safe dark.


Fun Facts:

- Spiders really do change how much venom they use depending on the size of their prey. And also venom resistance, but that's only if the species are very familiar with each other. I'm getting more and more impressed by them with each chapter.

- The symptoms caused by Peter's venom may or may not be too realistic. I looked up a few real cases, but I wanted to play around with dramatic license, add on to his angst.


No Way Home Rant (Optional, possible spoilers):

I just wanted to say that No Way Home really hit home for me as a graduating senior applying for a PhD. So if anyone wants to know a little of what it feels like to go for something like this, especially as a first generation student, that movie is it. The sudden judging of everything you've done in your undergraduate years, the support/utter confusion of your family, wanting desperately to redo some semesters because now you know better, the long waiting for acceptance/rejection letters, dealing with rejections, dealing with being accepted to places where you won't know anybody, and realizing you may need to leave a lot of things/people behind as you take on a whole new level of independence where everyone is expecting great things from you on a daily basis . . .

So. Yeah. Sad and scary movie. But the good news is that it proves you can achieve your dreams, find good friends and family, lose them all, and then move on even after the worst has happened! Sometimes we get very comfortable in our lives, but nobody ever tried to shake things up because they were content. If you need to reach some major goals, prepare for major life changes.

But do remember that in real life there's no rule or cruel writer dictating that you'll never find anyone ever again. We're not all tragic heroes who are cursed to loneliness.

And maybe Peter isn't either. I've got an idea for a one-shot bubbling up. Hehehe . . .

One last thing: two songs that would have paired perfectly with the movie are:

- Neighborhood by American Authors

- No Easy Way Out by Hidden Citizens

Thank you for your patience and curiosity.