A Helping of Surprises

It's a new year! I thought about the nature of change and growing up during a three hour drive. Do I understand these things yet? No. Do I cling onto this story like a safety blanket regardless of my understanding? Yes.


Shortly before the ambush at the slaughterhouse:

Fury was not one to accept help easily.

This wasn't because of any manly denial or other such bias. He simply didn't trust anyone, and it was difficult to accept help from people you don't trust. Especially whoever sent this latest text. He barely cared that they had information on Parker's location. He didn't trust them, and he never trusted texts. There were too many easy ways to intercept them.

But.

Barely caring was still caring.

And the text had been surprisingly detailed and forthcoming, more than Fury had expected coming from such a woman.

And then a second, even more clarifying text came through, and Fury found some amount of trust for the sender.

That trust grew ever so slightly when coordinates were sent, and Fury realized they were certainly not anywhere near the team's current search radius. This could only mean one thing.

Ambush.

He immediately tried contacting the team, only to discover that all their signals were being rerouted. Rerouting wasn't quite as effective as jamming signals, but it stayed under the radar longer than Fury liked. He had his tech team working on it within minutes.

Hopefully his warning went through in time. Now he just had to see if the other call he wanted to make would go through. The reception was often spotty out in the wilderness—

They picked up on the third ring.

Hm, the person was not, in fact, in the wilderness as Fury had expected. This would make their assistance easier, though he had no idea why they were even here in the first place.

Today was just full of surprises.

Fury did not like surprises.


The catfight wasn't strictly a catfight for long.

Within a few minutes, the doors where the rest of the teams were burst open, letting the fights they contained trickle out. Ava recognized some classic baddies. Shocker, Trapster, Beetle, and Thundra. Most of the team came out too: Danny, Luke, Stark, and the LMD. Sam didn't seem to be with them though.

Their entrance was enough of a distraction to let Black Cat land another good scratch on Ava. She growled and backed off again. This was probably the most blood this slaughterhouse had seen in years.

How could Taskmaster have known that they were coming? They had worked so hard to keep it all on the downlow. But so long as they still found Peter . . .

Unless . . .

If Taskmaster had planned this, then none of his victims were probably here. This might not even be his main base of operations. He could have simply lured them here. It wouldn't be the first time Taskmaster altered some footage. It had only been a home camera after all. There were a lot of ways alterations could go undetected in such a low-grade system.

Well, that was just wonderf—

Ava found herself suddenly thrown into the wall. She wasn't the only one. Shocker's gauntlets had never been very accurate or focused.

And then Black Cat was on top of her, grabbing her arms and shoving her. "Come on, kitty, this place is getting too crowded. We can't let ourselves be upstaged by a few men."

Realizing that she was going to be dragged into one of the side rooms, Ava twisted until she could dig her claws into Black Cat's side. Black Cat wore armor, and the angle wasn't great, so the wound was small, but it was enough to let Ava escape her grip.

The hallway was in absolute chaos. Everyone was fighting everyone else; even the bad guys were trading blows. But Taskmaster's group was heavily armored. They were prepared to be in this for the long haul.

Ava looked around for the LMD Spider-Man. If he was broken enough, they would realize he was only a robot, and Taskmaster would grow suspicious when the bad guys reported back to him. Thankfully, the LMD was holding his own against Trapster at the other end of the hallway. If Ava could make her way over so she could instruct it to focus on defense, then she could focus on the next major issue of finding a way out of here. It wasn't a great plan, but it was a plan.

Ava continued thinking as she dodged another shock blast, Thundra's ball and chain, and Black Cat's next lunge. Peter had been the one to teach her this method of planning in the midst of battle: Identify your key weak points first, and then focus on the enemy's weakness.

Unfortunately, he had imparted the wisdom in a rather informal manner, so she had no proper training on the subject to help her gauge if she was doing it right. But now was not the time for worrying about perfection. It was the time for jumping and flipping and contorting until she reached the LMD relatively unscathed.

"Spidey." She spoke as quietly as she could with all the noise around. "Defense protocol three-oh-six."

"Affirmative," the LMD replied with Peter's goofy salute.

Ava gave a small sigh of relief. That was one thing out of the way. Now . . . what?

At the other end of the hall, Black Cat swore loudly. "Beetle, you idiot! Don't—!"

Ava was thrown back yet again, this time by an explosion. She might have blacked out for a moment, or maybe that was just the smoke. The ringing in her ears made listening useless, so she forced her eyes open. Something was on top of her. No, someone. No—

Something. A very bad something.

Defense protocol three-oh-six, like most android protocols, still prioritized the safety of humans over the robot itself.

If Ava had been able to hear, she would have noticed the high-pitched scream. At least she did get to see Trapster standing and waving his arm around frantically, but his glue kept Spider-Man's head stuck to his elbow, exposed wires sparking.

"SuRPrisSse…!" It said distortedly as it lost power.


Peter rested his head on his forearms as he lay on his stomach on his web, staring at his web sac. He had no idea how much longer he had to wait for the chicken to liquify. He just kept poking the sac occasionally, hoping it would jiggle or show some other indication that the process was done.

Oh well, he had other things to nibble in the meantime. Felicia had gotten him another bag of insects, which was a splendid surprise. He also had some web strands he'd taken down because they blocked the way to the bathrooms. And Tandy had been kind enough to ask if he was thirsty, so he was able to have some juice too.

So now he had a small, spidery smorgasbord in front of him. The bag of insects was squirming and writhing. The ball of silk was right beside it. The glass of juice was held upright by a few strands of web. And the web sac was nestled safely in the corner.

Peter didn't know why he hadn't dug in already. He was starving and he finally had a full and proper meal at his fingertips. But something made him take a moment to savor the sight.

He had a web full of food.

He had a web full of food.

He, Peter Parker, Spider-Man, had a web full of food.

The thought made him sigh with contentment.

Peter started with the juice because his mouth felt a little dry after using his venom. He went through half the glass with only a few gulps. Then he had some fun letting random insects escape the bag, giving them a short head start before catching them, or else letting them wander into his stickier web strands on their own. This time there was a crunchy beetle with a shell so thick it was like biting into a hard candy. When he had gone through most of the insects, he started working on the ball of silk. His arms didn't feel sore and empty yet, but like the venom, he was hoping to avoid reaching that point.

During all of this, Peter kept poking the web sac. It gradually began to jiggle with each impatient prod, until finally it wiggled and folded over like a hot water bottle.

Giving a small gasp of excitement, Peter set aside the rest of the silk and grabbed the sac. Again, he paused to truly capture the moment in his mind.

He couldn't put most of his current thoughts and emotions into words. It was all so new and . . . instinctive.

Maybe it was because hunts didn't always pan out. Peter had seen enough nature documentaries to know that the majority of hunts any predator attempted usually ended in failure, or worse, disaster. Successful hunts were something to cherish and celebrate, especially among social animals like wolves and lions.

Peter really wished Phoebe was here. She would have been so happy! And maybe Ava would have liked to know about this too. Sam would probably say that Peter had finally done something properly spidery for once. Luke would be supportive, unless he saw the blood. Danny might not be so happy, but he never let his personal opinions get in the way of other's happiness. Now May . . .

May always told him to eat enough, right? Maybe if he'd had the guts to say it, she would have agreed that venom was for food too.

Peter shook his head. He didn't want to think about his aunt right now, not when he was so happy. Besides, the thought of her slipped from his mind anyway. It was too negative.

He raised the web sac up to his mouth, sniffing curiously. He could smell the fresh meat inside, scent slightly distorted from whatever chemical processes it had just undergone. That made it smell better. He squeezed the sac a little, not enough for it to burst, but to feel how squishy it had gotten. He giggled as he made it jiggle again.

Now for the taste test!

His fangs pierced the silk and the liquid within rushed into his mouth. It—It was . . .

So good . . .

There was no denying the fact that it tasted like a weird, sweet twist on raw meat. That's what it was and that's what it tasted like. And Peter discovered that raw meat tasted amazing!

Hm, this had to be new. He had tried just a little raw meat with Ava once long ago, and he'd nearly thrown up then. Maybe his tastebuds had changed since then. Or perhaps his venom altered the flavor just enough to make it good.

Oh well, none of that really mattered. Peter was mostly focused on how this was like drinking from a juice box or pouch, and how it was still lukewarm, like a thick soup that had been left to cool.

By the time he was halfway done, he could feel the spiky pricks of the remaining bones. Apparently, his venom didn't dissolve those. For a few minutes he was afraid that he might accidentally swallow a small one, but soon enough he was squeezing the last drops from the sac, and he hadn't choked once.

He laid back when he was finished, burping slightly. He was astoundingly close to feeling full, which was weird because a whole chicken only counted as about two or three servings, and he could easily eat four or five servings during a normal meal.

Maybe spider meals were simply more filling. This was his first one, after all. His very first since the spider bite over a year ago. He had no idea if that mattered, but he was now very curious to find out.

He was glad Tandy, Adrien, and Felicia had helped him put the meal together. Peter had been so resistant. If they hadn't forced him, manipulated him—

Peter put a hand to his head as yet another thought escaped him. He might have worried he was getting amnesia if he'd seen any reason to worry at all.

What had he been thinking again? Oh yeah, how nice everyone here had been for helping him have his first spider meal. They weren't his team, but they sort of acted like a team.

Speaking of his team, Peter hoped they were as happy as he was. He knew they were probably worried about him, although he couldn't fathom why. He hoped that they learned that he wasn't in mortal peril like he had originally feared. He could wait here for as long as they needed to make a safe plan. Because the last thing he wanted was for his team to get hurt because of him. Too many people had already—

Already . . .

Eh, he didn't need to think about those dark thoughts. The main point was that Peter hoped his team was okay.


"Are you okay, kitty?" Black Cat whispered in Ava's ear as she pinned her down yet again. Taskmaster must have taught her to fight, because Ava had never struggled so hard against someone with equal if not slightly lesser strength.

Ava squirmed, trying to throw Black Cat off, but Black Cat seemed to learn almost as quickly as Taskmaster. She was countering her moves now.

Growling, Ava ignored the question and stubbornly kept squirming. Everything was so far from okay that it wasn't even worth it to waste breath with a lie. Everyone in this hallway now knew that the Spider-Man here was a fake, and the bad guys were openly wondering where the real one was. On top of that, their heavy armor was finally working in their favor. The team and Stark were starting to show cuts, bruises, and dents, while the bad guys just kept fighting.

And Black Cat's focus on Ava was finally paying off, because it looked like Ava couldn't shake her grip this time.

"Good, good, I'm fine too, thanks for asking," Black Cat muttered as she shifted, gaining better leverage. "Now that we've got the formalities out of the way, let's get down to business. Where's the real Spider-Man? Does he not care about his fellow spidery hybrid enough to come look for him? Or is there something else going on?"

For a moment, Ava's sole focus was on not screaming out as sharp nails dug into her arms. When she grew used to that pain, she started to contemplate what she could say to fix this situation. Nothing came to mind. Simple lies weren't going to cut it this time. There was absolutely no reason why Spider-Man wouldn't help Peter, especially since they knew Pete was part spider—

They knew. Oh god, they knew! But . . . they hadn't initially realized that Peter was Spider-Man? That would have been good news if Black Cat wasn't only a few logical steps away from figuring out that that they were one in the same.

Peter had worked some sort of miracle to keep his identity secret, and now the team's attempt at rescuing him was going to put him in the danger he had somehow prevented.

Why did nothing work out right whenever other people tried to help Peter? Spider-Man could go around helping every hero he ever met, but it never worked the other way around.

"Fine," Black Cat sighed dramatically. "Keep your secrets. Tasky wanted at least one of you anyway, and you're my personal favorite, so how about we ditch these lose—augh!"

Quite suddenly, Black Cat's weight disappeared. Ava looked up to see Stark nearby, repulsors smoking slightly.

"Looked like you needed some help," he said absently as he turned to shoot some other targets.

Ava nodded her thanks. She had hoped that Iron Man would be help enough, but he was barely keeping the fight fair, let alone giving them an advantage. They needed more help. They needed—

The sound of metal scratching metal had her covering her ears. She looked up in time to see a yellow and black blur burst through the metal wall that had blocked their escape. It didn't even pause to survey the scene. It just rushed right up to the nearest bad guy and began tearing chunks of armor away with claws longer than Ava or Black Cat could ever hope to achieve.

It was Wolverine! Wolverine had found them (somehow)! And entering behind Wolverine was—

"Spidey!" Luke greeted loudly, somehow managing to hide his surprise while drawing attention to the newcomer. "I knew you'd bring back-up!"

Black Cat muttered something that sounded a lot like "so there's the real Spider-Man," which let Ava sigh in relief.

Well, she'd asked for help, and now they had it. It was time to finish this.


Felicia had known that this battle would be a waste of time since the boys managed to break down the doors and let everyone mingle. The plan had called for three separate fights which Anthony said would give them the best chance at winning.

Oh well, it wasn't like she wanted to win. She didn't even want to be here. The appearance of Wolverine finally gave her an excuse to leave.

There was just one thing she needed to do first.

She fought her way over to the new Spider-Man.

"Hey, Spider," she said in her most sultry voice. "I'm glad we didn't actually blast your head off. I bet you're a real looker under that mask."

"Yup, I'm absolutely gorgeous," he replied. "It's nice to receive compliments instead of insults for a change."

Felicia grinned as she leaned in close. "Care to return the favor?"

"I'm more of a jokester myself. Care for a punchline?" He swung at her, forcing her to back off, but she was already running away from the action.

"Cloak," she said into her comm. "Pick me up. We're leaving."

"Who else am I taking?"

"No one else. It's too risky."

"Okay, and there's something I wanted to tell you about Spider-Man—"

"I know already. The robot was blown to bits. The real one just came in now."

"Oh, that explains it. On my way then."

Cloak's version of 'on my way' was 'I'm a split second away from enshrouding you in pitch blackness'. Felicia suppressed a yelp of surprise as everything around her suddenly disappeared, and then she was deposited right in front of Anthony's desk.

She shot Ty a hard glare. Why did he have to be so efficient? All she wanted was a mere five seconds to compose herself.

"That was fast," Anthony said blithely, barely looking up. "How did it go?"

Felicia began fixing her hair up as best she could without a mirror. "They had tricks up their sleeves too. The first Spider-Man was a robot decoy. The real one came later with Wolverine."

Anthony looked at her sharply. His face remained stoic, but Felicia was aware she was seeing him surprised for the first time since they'd met. "Wolverine?"

"Yup." Felicia popped the 'p'. She was petty and she knew it. "His appearance wasn't in any of the protocols you meticulously laid out for me, so I made a few executive decisions."

"I see." Anthony's mouth was set in a thin line. "And what were those decisions?"

"Wolfy was ripping off everyone's armor, so I made sure Ty and I got away. That's how most of your 'worst case scenarios' ended, anyway."

"What about Beetle? It wasn't possible to save him? You know he's a great ally."

Felicia put on a regretful face. "Alas, he was one of the first Wolverine got to. Wish I had stayed long enough to see the mute's real face, but curiosity won't kill this cat." It didn't matter that she was lying in front of Ty because he had only popped into the scene for a second. He wasn't aware of what really happened.

Anthony was quiet for a moment. "Hm, very well. And Ty, where did you drop Nova off?"

"Antarctica," Ty answered. "I kept teleporting him to different places while I could, but now that I stopped he'll probably be back in New York within the half hour."

"Good, this will buy us some time as they regroup. You did an excellent job today, Ty. Would you mind letting Felicia and I discuss this in greater depth?"

Ty nodded and disappeared in another twirl of his cloak.

Anthony looked at Felicia. "I must admit, Shield did manage to surprise me this time. Did they offer any hints as to how they knew about the ambush?"

Felicia made her best pouty, contemplative look. "Hm, not really. What do you think? Could Fury have anticipated that the clue was too good to be true?"

"Why would you say that?"

Huh, why was Anthony playing so dumb here? Normally he barely let her finish a sentence before correcting her. Did he think that she had tipped Shield off? Felicia would have laughed in his face if that wouldn't have incriminated her more. "Someone had to have called in those big guns. The X-Men themselves can barely get ahold of Wolverine when they need him. Fury must have pulled some strings."

"You misunderstood the question," Anthony said calmly. "I mean, why would Fury waste such resources on two teenagers when he already knew I've taken three others? How are Parker and Cho different than the rest?"

For a second, Felicia thought the slight change in topic meant she had thrown off all suspicion. But then she realized where this was going. She would play into his trap though. It was the only thing an innocent person would do. "Maybe it's not the boys at all who are different. You also took Stark's suit with them. Between you and Amadeus, Fury must be terrified of what we can do with that sort of weapon."

The alternate hypothesis worked to a degree. Anthony's eyebrow twitched in a way suggesting he agreed with that possibility. "Fair point. I had assumed the Iron Spider suit was a diluted form of the Iron Man suite, but perhaps it's more powerful. Regardless, I was thinking of something else."

"Like what? That Fury's afraid Amadeus will 'cross over to the dark side'? The boy's already been there the entire time, I'm sure."

"You've taken a special interest in Peter."

The accusation was coming. Time to play the game. "What does that have to do with anything? You're not going to accuse me of trying to get him out of here, are you?"

Anthony's stare turned hard. "You're worried about what I need to do to make him battle ready. And after his little accident with Cho, you're projecting onto him."

Felicia carefully did not react to that. She wasn't projecting! There was nothing to project anyway! She had outright tortured and killed her tormenters. Peter had only given Amadeus a little booboo. "A girl can worry about a pretty face being roughed up, but I wouldn't endanger this entire operation just for him."

"You are exactly that petty."

Pfft, as if she tried to keep that a secret. "As true as that is, I'm also observant. I can tell this place is better for him than anywhere else. Did you see how he reacted to his first ever hunt? He was so happy! He was even happier when I gave him another bag of insects! I wouldn't send him back to people who would oppress him!" She curled her lip in disgust. It was a risk sounding so excited. Calmness was a classic sign of telling the truth. But being passionate about something could also sound truthful.

Anthony continued to stare at her as if he had any truly special powers like X-ray vision or mindreading. "We are at a crucial time in the development of the Thunderbolts, Felicia, and you have been an excellent help. It would be a shame if you couldn't see this through to the end."

Why did he ever bother veiling his threats when they ended up being so obvious anyway? "That would be a shame, wouldn't it? You'd be lost without me, Tony."

"And you would have been dead without me."

Ugh, he was trying to make her feel grateful or whatever. Gross. Now Felicia was tired of all these charades. She made a face. "I'm done with this. If you're going to accuse me of being a snitch, just say so."

"More is revealed by subtleties than the overt."

"Right, sure, so did I pass your little test? I was just in a fight if you remember. There's a few wounds I need to deal with."

Anthony paused as if considering her, but it was all theatrics. He would have made his conclusion ages ago. "You agreed to this contract, Felicia. You agreed to all of this. I just want you to remember that."

Oh, he was calling it a contract now? True, it was all written and signed, but the real agreement had been much more verbal and suggestive. "My memory may not be as perfect as yours, but I do remember things." She would have loved to end the conversation right there, but Anthony preferred when things ended on his terms, and she couldn't risk seeming like she wanted to run away.

"Good. I'll see you at dinner then."

Thank goodness. "See you, Tony."

She left to lick her wounds (not literally, she may be part cat but she still had some standards). It looked like she had thrown off Anthony's suspicion for now. He would no doubt keep a close eye on her now, but her bit of treachery was done. And it was such a tiny bit of treachery too. All she did was give their address and a time. So she technically hadn't warned Shield about the ambush.

What a good girl she was, not even lying.

Oh well, Anthony would be old news soon. Felicia really wanted to think about Spider-Man now. Seeing the first one break apart had been quite the surprise. A curious surprise. She began to wonder about the true whereabouts of Spider-Man when he burst in with Wolverine. But Felicia wasn't a girl to be fooled twice. She had to make sure this second one was really him.

And it wasn't. No human heartrate could remain so steady when Felicia was doing her sultry best, not even a mutant heart. Also, the faint smell of oil was suggestive too, although heroes like Stark always had it embedded in their clothes. Therefore . . .

Spider-Man had never been there at all.

And Felicia had an idea of where he really was.

She hoped the rumors of his kindness were true. Because if she was going to help him, she certainly wanted some help in return.


Fun Facts:

- To be clear, Peter's body can't exactly make him feel full just because he's eating proper nutrients, just like our bodies can't make us feel full from a milkshake just because it has our daily limit of calories. The vibe I was going for there was the sort of content fullness one might feel after eating a salad or other well-balanced meal. You don't feel overfull, but you can sometimes lose your cravings to eat in excess.