Hello everyone!
I'm finally back from my... 3rd or 4th depressive episode! This is a shorter chapter since it's essentially small snippets of what happened while Minato was... fucked in the head. He's not well.
Kotone collapsed on her bed with a soft thud. She would be lying if she said it wasn't tempting to fall asleep on the spot; between the warm sheets and soft mattress—the school had outdone itself in the rooms they had provided for the field trip. She could hear sleep calling her name, but it was overshadowed by something else that had been on her mind for days.
Before she left, she sent a quick message to… her. Did she even have the right to know she was leaving? How does one even decide that?
"What are you doing?" she asked no one in particular.
She found her. Her mother had found her again. The woman who abandoned her family came slinking her way back after being gone for so long.
But this wasn't the first time. She had found her before by pure chance while she was attending another school trip years ago, trying to apologize for what she did.
What did that mean?
A knock came from the door. "Hello?"
"Yukari-chan?" Recognizing the voice instantly, Kotone rose from the bed. Opening the door revealed the brunette glancing both ends of the hall, likely trying to ensure none of the staff members caught her little detour from her room.
Letting the girl inside, Kotone quicked asked, "what are you doing here?" Never mind what the staff might do to one of them if they were caught sneaking into one another's rooms; what would Mitsuru do to them if they were caught?
"No, no, no!" Kotone thought, assuring herself. Now was not the time to panic. They were just two girls having a chat—no need to panic yet. It wasn't like she snuck out to see Minato or anything. Mitsuru might kill them if one of them did that.
"I came here to see you," the brunette answered, careful not to raise her voice to avoid alerting anyone who may be outside.
Locking the door behind her, Kotone gave her friend an inquisitive tilt.
"Everyone is worried about you, Stupid!" Yukari was half-tempted to whack the back of her head, "you've hardly talked to anyone ever since you saw her."
"Oh," Kotone blinked. Had she been so distracted by her mother that she hadn't noticed the effect she was having on everyone else?
Wait, did she honestly spend all that time since brooding by herself? Minato must have been rubbing off on her in all the worst ways.
"I'm sorry," Kotone returned to the bed, sitting down and folding her hands together. "It's just that—well, I'm sure you remember how you felt when your mom called you, right?"
"Of course," Yukari took a seat next to her friend, giving her a tiny nudge, "why do you think your boyfriend sent me?"
Kotone giggled, "he's such a sweetheart." Kotone was quick to make a mental note to give him a little something-something for that. "I… I don't know how to feel."
"Yeah, I know the feeling," Leaning back, the brunette began supporting herself with her arms. "It's so confusing, isn't it? You spend so long hating them, but one day, they come back. They come back and you don't know what to do."
"Yeah," a long sigh left the redhead's lips, "I want to tell her to stay away, but…"
"But…?" Yukari raised an eyebrow.
"She's family, isn't she?" Kotone bit her lip, lowering her head, "all this time I spent with Minato, I can't help but think, 'he would kill to have even a mother like her.'"
"You think he would want to try and patch things up with her?" Yukari asked.
"Almost," Kotone answered, "he wouldn't ask me to do that. I know him. But, I think of him and wonder, 'is it not worth trying?'" Following her words, Kotone fell back onto the bed with her legs still dangling over the edge. "Family is so confusing."
"You got that right." The two grin before sharing a small fit of laughter that was quickly muffled, not wanting to draw attention from anyone outside. "It sounds like you already decided."
"Maybe." She cannot turn her away. Part of her wants to, but another won't let her. Kotone needs to try, if not for her, then at least for him. "Remind me to take Blue out when we get back. I owe him lots of hugs and kisses for all the time I spent sulking."
"Hey, does he seem a bit…" Yukari pauses before shaking her head, "never mind. Something stupid just popped into my head."
"I know, he is pretty cute, isn't he?" Kotone winked, "sorry, but he's all mine."
Giving her an eye-roll, Yukari made her way back to the door, saying her goodbyes. Kotone watched the girl leave, and was left alone with her thoughts once more.
"Sending a friend to make me feel better, huh Blue?" The thought made her smile. To think, months ago he was saving her life while she was unconscious and now he is still helping her however he can. She was going to need to pay him back someday.
Kotone began rubbing her eyes, catching them beginning to drop and a yawn escaping through her lips. It was getting late; she put off sleeping for too long.
He will be back soon, Ryoji kept telling himself. He saw Minato leaving with Mitsuru more than an hour ago. It was no surprise she was able to sneak him off somewhere without trouble, she was the president and the heiress to the Kirijo Group. Who would dare defy her?
That didn't matter. What matters now is that he needs to be here when he gets back. He needs to be here to greet him, be here for him. It doesn't matter if he has to wait here all day if need be.
He needs a friend. That fact alone is all he needs to keep him waiting here at the lobby's entrance.
Finally, he heard the door open, revealing the bluenette by his lonesome.
But someone was wrong. The air around him felt too… empty. His presence was the center of a coldspot in the room; a vacuum sucking away all life around him.
"Why, hello there!" Ryoji was sure to put as much enthusiasm into the greeting as possible, yet it still rang hollow, as if something was swallowing his words and displacing them into a void.
Lifting his head, a single eye was peaking out from Minato's bangs. "Hey," even his voice was sharing the lifelessness he was emanating from his sheer presence.
"How… are you?" The words were difficult for him to force out. The figure in front of him felt like a moving doll—a soulless puppet with someone moving its strings—instead of a human being.
"I'm good," an obvious lie that wouldn't fool a child.
"Did something happen?" Ryoji's voice was laced with concern.
What was going on? Did someone hurt him? That has to be it. Someone hurt him and he's suffering for it.
But who? Why was he asking—he already knows who it was; it had to have been that girl. Kotone must have done something to hurt him. Does she not see the pain he's in? Does she not care?
Minato said nothing, only giving Ryoji a passing glance from those dull almost lifeless orbs before passing by without a word, only brushing shoulders with the boy who stood there motionless and in shock.
Ryoji bit his lip and gritted his teeth. Balling his hands into fists, he cursed, "damn you, Kotone…"
It wasn't hard to find her.
Of course, it wasn't; this was an organized school trip with dozens of people—a few questions and a couple of directions here or there, and he found her among several others.
It was a creek, surrounded by couples talking, cuddling—enjoying their time together and enjoying the scenery. In a way, Ryoji found himself envious. It must be a wonderful feeling to enjoy the beauty of the world with your dearest companion by your side. Isn't that what life is? Enjoying these brief moments before they're left only as distant memories until you are gone.
Even those that were alone could find joy from the serenity of this place. Lying in the grass, one could easily lose themselves listening to the water flow endlessly with the Sun's warm rays against their skin.
That sense of tranquility appeared to be what Kotone desired. He found her sitting alone, looking completely lost in thought.
Ryoji paused, surveying his surroundings, and analyzing the crowds. Minato was nowhere to be seen—she was truly here alone.
Her… his dearest.
"So frustrating," his thoughts betrayed him, leaving through his mouth unconsciously before he could catch himself.
"Hmm?" Oops.
Their eyes met for a moment. Ryoji had expected his anger to boil, forcing him to restrain himself to avoid lashing out or harming anyone around him. He could grab her by that ponytail of hers and drown her in the shallow water, but…
But…
But instead, Ryoji was left shocked and confused as he felt a sudden pang hit him. Was it envy? Regret? Sorrow? Was it all at once, and for who?
Ryoji could only speak the first words that came out of his mouth, "he really loves you, you know—Minato, I mean."
It was obvious, even if he tries not to make it so; even through the dull coldness, his eyes would still manage to spark to life, if only for a moment. It was a privilege that none others have—something he reserved only for her.
"Huh?" Kotone blinked, giving him a quizzical tilt for a moment before easing her expression, smiling at the thought before returning her gaze to the water, "yeah. He's all lovey-dovey."
Ryoji couldn't fight the snort that came from that sentence, "oh, I'm sure."
"Uh-huh." Kotone's eyes widened for a moment before turning her head to face the boy again, "ooh, you helped with my birthday party, right? Thanks a lot! I had a lot of fun."
"Don't mention it…" his words came out only as a mutter, preceding a long sigh and him shaking his head. "He's scared to approach you though."
"Wha—" the words came as a shock to her. Furrowing her brow, she asked, "what do you mean?"
"You're not fighting," he noted, "so that means he thinks you have something more important than him to focus on. He wants you with him but he doesn't want to distract you."
Ryoji let out a low chuckle, "trust me…"
Rather than refute those words, Kotone began biting her lip, lowering her head, and letting out a low groan as she began thinking to herself again.
Her voice began shifting, sound much lower as if she were ashamed of herself, "I really wanna do something for him."
"Haven't you done a lot?" Ryoji asked, raising an eyebrow.
"W-Well," she stuttered, "yeah, but…" Kotone scoffed, shaking her head, "it's not the same. It's all the little things he does. I mean, I talk to him about my issues with my mother, how I felt so lonely, but he…" her heads falls further, staring at the ground, "sometimes, I feel like… like he's not here. I mean, of course, he is! I mean, he's..."
"He's there," Ryoji finished for her, "but something's missing."
"Yeah," she affirmed, nodding, "I told him about things *I* wanna do in the future but… I don't think he cares. Not about me, or us, but—"
"I know," he didn't need her to finish. He's alive, but he's given up on living—he exists only for her because his own existence is of suffering, loss, and regret.
He doesn't care if he falls apart, as long as she's happy.
Looking at her, his malice melted away. The same spark he had existed in her as well—no, hers was a fire kindled by the life inside her. When she found him, his heart had been twisted and blackened for years, yet she's taken it as her own.
She loves him too—dearly.
"Infuriating," he whispered, barely loud enough to earn questioning looks from Kotone, "took everything from me… I hate you so much, so why do I…"
Shaking his head and hissing, Ryoji turned his back on the girl, leaving her to come to whatever conclusion she wanted.
So many feelings at once. What is this?
Anger?
Envy?
Jealousy?
They're human emotions—so why do they feel so unnatural, like an endless flow of sludge and filth pooling inside, bloating him, and smothering him. It should feel normal, yet so alien.
Nothing fits.
Nothing is right.
Nothing good will come of this.
Just a reminder, I have a poll. Please vote. And btw, that one option is not a joke—I'm open to the idea of writing another one, if it does not cause any conflicts with the story.
Sorry for the long hiatus. Hell, I can't even be sure this won't be followed by another long one. Still, glad to have written something after all this time. I apologize if I'm a bit rusty. As you know, it's been a long while.
