Crumple-Horned Plot Bunnies

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine. It's owned by JK Rowling and Time Warner. Not me. Please don't sue.

Author's Note: Book 7 had two Trios-One went camping and were essentially doing nothing save for a scavenger hunt to destroy Voldemort's Horcruxes so he can die for good, even though it'd have been easier to just kill him and then destroy his little soul anchors. The other Trio fought a resistance against Voldemort, coming up with clever and inventive ways to keep the pressure on the Dark Side and showing incredible courage in the face of adversity. And the leader of said Trio, the leader of the resistance, who had been a shy, under confident, pudgy and forgetful boy at the start and turns into fucking John Conner. And his greatest moment is slaying Voldemort's last Horcrux and defying the Dark Lord with a roar of "DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY!"

The leader of the other trio died (because he had to), got retconned MacGuffins to help win the day, and finally defeated Voldemort by MONOLOGUING. His best moment.

Please, we can do better than that. Ginny can do better than that.


"Nnnn..." Ginny Weasley sighed, and snuggled deeper into her covers. She opened her eyes slowly, and winced a little at her first hangover. "Gaahhh..." She closed them again.

She tried to pull her pillow over her head, but it was caught under something. She groped for whatever it was, and her hands slid over a face. Ginny froze.

"Hnnn...?"

She managed to open her eyes all the way, and when they adjusted she found she was staring at the face of Neville Longbottom, peacefully sleeping. Her brain fought through her hangover, slowly putting the pieces together, as she looked around the room.

One: This was not her room. She didn't know whose it was, but the decor was cheerful and warm and there was a mural on the ceiling depicting the "Ministry Six" surrounded by glowing letters.

Two: She was in bed with Neville Longbottom. She lifted the covers.

Three: They were both naked... Very naked... Especially Neville... Her face turned as bright as her hair as she caught herself staring.

I knew he'd filled out and I knew he was brave and strong, strong enough to cut Nagini in half with a single blow but... But... Wow!

"Haa..." Neville sighed in his sleep, and turned over, pressing against her. Ginny's blush grew deeper as her brain, still slowly waking up, managed to put several other bits of information together into their proper context.

Like the fact she was pleasantly sore between her legs, and her hangover was dueling with the last remnants of what had to have been a fantastic afterglow. She wrapped her arms around Neville's shoulders and rested against him, and he snuggled against her. Her face just got redder.

Merlin, ten times? TEN TIMES?

That she could remember... But why did someone blonde keep popping up in her memories?

The door opened, and Ginny looked up. Luna Lovegood, naked as the day she was born, entered the room carrying breakfast. Slowly, as though she was sore too.

She gave Ginny a very warm smile, and a wink. "Good morning Ginny..."

Ginny stared for a bit longer, and numbly accepted the breakfast-Hot scones with jam, butter and honey decorating whipped cream. She ate some before she remembered how to make her mouth work.

"Ah... Luna? What happened last night?" She asked.

"Mm? Oh," Luna said, "Neville was trying to escort us to our homes after Harry killed Voldemort, as we were both extremely drunk, and as he was getting me to my bedroom you shoved him onto the bed and proceeded to ravish him." Luna said this quite calmly, as though talking about the mail. Ginny blinked.

"Ah... Right...?"

"Then you ravished me, and we ravished him together, and he ravished us... I lost count of my orgasms, what about you?" Luna asked. Ginny blinked again.

"Ah... Ten... That I can remember..."

"Good... You know, it's good you're so calm, I half expected you to begin screaming, and that would just wake up Neville," Luna said. She lovingly patted Neville's head. "He needs his rest."

"Yeah," Ginny said, wondering if she'd gone insane. "He does."

Luna left the food on the side table, and charmed it to keep it warm. Then then turned to Ginny with a predatory smile.

"While he's asleep though..."

"Ah... Luna... Wait, I'm not-Mmph!"

Ginny's brain, still in it's hangover stupor, tried to find some reasons to protest but they were lost as Luna proceeded to reenact parts of last night. When Neville woke up to this sight, he joined in again too.

And any further protests or lingering feelings for Harry Potter were loudly and effectively silenced.

All was well.


How I would have ended Book 7.