Crumpled Horn Plot Bunnies
By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Harry Potter or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.
Oh Lord. Here's another Infamous trope. Written with help from Lockdown:
In, say, Year 6, Harry confronts Professor Dumbledore in his office over some information he has received from Gringrotts.
Harry: "Dumbledore! You've been spending money from my family vaults, and I want to know why!"
Dumbledore: "Yes Harry... I've been investing it in the hopes that it will pay off your family's enormous debts."
Harry blinked, not expecting such a straight answer.
Harry: "Enormous debts?"
Dumbledore: "Your grandfather on your father's side made many bad deals. He was able to keep the debt collectors off his back for several years until he died. Which then became your father's problem right after he married your mother."
Harry: "What kinds of bad deals?"
Dumbledore leans back, looking weary.
Dumbledore: "Let's see... He invested in airships when the Zeppelin went up... He invested in the 1940 Olympics that were to be held in Tokyo, Japan... He became a partner in something called an 8-track, whatever the devil that is... He moved a significant portion of his gold to avoid taxes to Chernobyl, Ukraine, right near the reactor complex..."
Harry: "Um, I think I'm getting the idea sir."
Dumbledore: "So yes Harry. I am sorry that I did not tell you I had access to your family vaults... But in all honesty, would you be happy knowing how much work I had to put in to make sure you weren't saddled with crushing debt for the rest of your life?"
Harry winced.
Harry: "You know, I'm starting to think the Goblins wanted me to do something rash when they sent me that 'belated inventory check' for my vaults with all of the deductions you'd made."
Dumbledore: "More than likely. Thank you for asking me about it before you decided to do something rash."
Harry: "So, just so I can get a handle on my financial situation, how much debt is left?"
Dumbledore rummages through a drawer, and produces a paper statement. He hands it over to Harry, who reads it... And his eyes nearly pop out of this skull.
Dumbledore: "If it helps? It was twice this much when you were born."
Harry: "This is after over a decade of work?! How did the family not immediately default on their debts once he died?!"
Dumbledore: "Your father had to leverage your holdings through alliances your house made with other Light aligned Houses. As well as turn most of your existing revenue towards servicing the debt."
Harry: "Wait a second, shouldn't I be getting royalties from Sleekeasy? I know that a Potter was the one that invented their formula."
Dumbledore: "Yes, and royalties from an entirely new family of Transfiguration spells your father invented, and multiple new Charms your mother patented. It's all going to the debt."
Harry narrowed his eyes.
Harry: "Professor, are the Goblins the ones in charge of the interest rates?"
Dumbledore: "Naturally, my dear boy. When they surrendered in the last Rebellion, they offered to serve as the financial industry as recompense. More than likely they were simply playing the long game. This is why I moved most of my holdings to Halfling, Dwarf and Gnome accounts years ago. Would you like to meet with a financial planner of those institutions to make your next moves?"
Harry: "I... Thank you! I would! I really appreciate that, sir!"
Dumbledore: "Once again Harry, I appreciate you coming to me first instead of doing something rash. I realize how bad it looks but I assure you, I only had your best interests in mind. It is inevitable that I made many mistakes, but now that you are old enough, you can start making your own decisions."
Harry: "I understand sir. I'm still not entirely happy mind you, but I get it. Can we meet with the representative now?"
Dumbledore: "Certainly my boy! I anticipated you would."
A four foot tall gorgeous blonde woman with pointed ears, a pencil skirt, a sexy blouse, and curves to die for appeared through the Floo. She adjusted her glasses.
Representative: "I am Aurelia Goldenflax... And my eyes are up here."
Harry: "... Yes Miss, they probably are."
Aurelia sighs, but there is a hint of a blush on her cheeks.
What can I say? I have a thing for shortstacks... Of cash I mean. Ahem.
