Crumpled Horn Plot Bunnies

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Harry Potter or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.


Harry the Delinquent Continued...


Harry did at least look a lot more relaxed as of late. Hermione was glad for that-Poor Harry had been so stressed out!

That said, there were some things she wouldn't tolerate. Harry had at least agreed to wear the school uniform-Albeit worn messily. And she had convinced him to at least consider going to detention.

The fact he'd convinced most of the rest of Gryffindor that the House Cup wasn't worth it was threatening to render the House Point System entirely obsolete, which was potentially troubling, but one crisis at a time.

Such as the current crisis at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall at breakfast time. She wrinkled her nose as Harry took a long drag off a cigarette, and blew smoke rings into the air.

"Harry, that's dangerous and very unhealthy!" Hermione admonished.

"It's Longbottom Leaf, finest weed in the South Farthing," Harry retorted, "I rolled it myself. No tar or glue. All natural. And besides, the wizards cured cancer. Can you believe that? Cured cancer, and won't share it. Bastards."

"Be... Be that as it may," Hermione said, already planning the changes she would make when she became Minister of Magic, "it's a filthy, disgusting habit! You really shouldn't do it!"

"Tell you what," Harry said, "I will give this up if you replace it with something better."

Hermione immediately turned red. "What... What do you mean?" She asked softly.

"There something better to do with my mouth than smoking?" Harry asked. "Point it out."

Hermione was bright red... But she licked her lips. She reached out and pulled the cigarette away. Harry scowled.

"Hey-!"

And Hermione then kissed him deeply, frantically. It was messy and unskilled but Harry certainly didn't mind. She broke the kiss, panting hard.

"B-Better?" Hermione asked with a triumphant grin. Harry hummed.

"... I was going to suggest candy or something. Hot damn Hermione, you little minx."

Hermione blushed even more brightly.

"I-I didn't-I mean I-!"

"Wanted to kiss me that bad, huh? Just had to ask."

"PRAT!"


This part written by Darkol...


When he walked into the dining hall, everyone started looking at him.

Not surprising seeing as he was basically wearing only his underwear, a bathrobe and flip-flops.

The tattoo on his chest saying "Slytherin Chicks Like it Rough" also probably had something to do with it.

Sitting down at his table, he greeted his friends.

Harry: Sup bitches.

Hermione: H-Harry...?

Ron: What...what's wrong with...you...?

Harry: Ohhh, you mean this? Well I figured out that Big D needs me for something and won't let me come to harm, so I figured I'd abuse the hell out of it.

He then noticed Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snivelus coming towards him.

Harry: Sup Big D and assorted characters.

Dumbledore: Mr. Potter, may I ask what...this is?

Harry: Ohh, I'm just trying a new thing. No biggie.

He then noticed McGonagall getting ready to scold him and decided to nip it in the bud.

Harry: Say, Pussycat, for someone as old as you, you don't look half bad. How about when I become legal you and I pay the nearest closet a visit for a nice little shag?

She seemed to just stop thinking and started gaping at him.

Snivelus wasn't so reluctant.

Snape: Potter, what in Merlin's name are yoAGH!

He didn't get to finish because his hair suddenly became alive and started attacking him.

Thank you magic wand.

Harry: You really gotta get better haircare products, Snivelus.