Crumpled Horn Plot Bunnies

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Harry Potter or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.


Something I haven't seen before...


Harry saw Hermione off in her own little corner of the Gryffindor Common Room, surrounded by text books and parchment. She was all alone, after the Quidditch team had beaten Ravenclaw. He frowned in concern. Fred and George saw Harry's gaze, looked at eachother, and nodded. They handed Harry a butterbeer.

"Here mate, reinforced," Fred said. "Charisma Concoction."

"Good luck," George added, patting Harry on the shoulder. Confused, but trusting, Harry downed the bottle, wiped his lips, and headed over to Hermione's desk.

"Hermione?"

She raised her head up, heavy bags under her eyes.

"Hermione?" Harry asked, "are you all right?"

"I-I'm perfectly fine, Harry!" Hermione stated, forcing a smile on her face. "J-Just fine! Just fine!"

"Uh huh," Harry murmured, looking over her essays. She was in the middle of one about Why Muggles Need Electricity and a complex series of rune arrays that made his head hurt. He looked back at his best female friend, concerned.

"Hermione," Harry said, "maybe you should take a break. Come on, we've got some butterbeer. You can join us?"

"I-I can't Harry!" Hermione said, now sounding hysterical, "I need to finish my Arithmancy project, and my Care of Magical Creatures essay, and the special Potions essay, on top of the Transfiguration homework I've been neglecting too!"

Ron, nearby with Lavender and Seamus, snorted.

"That's Hermione for you, never one about fun," Ron snarked. Tears appeared in Hermione's eyes. A surge of energy went through Harry's body at how distraught she was.

She rose to flee, but Harry immediately caught her wrist. She looked back at him in shock as he yanked her into his embrace. She gaped at him in astonishment... Which is why she didn't move when he planted a deep kiss right on her lips.

"Mmmmmmmmph?" She squealed softly, as Harry snogged the daylights out of her. Ron's jaw dropped, and all music seemed to stop in the Common Room as all eyes locked onto the snogging teenagers.

Hermione actually started to get into it, grasping at Harry's shoulders and driving her tongue to wrestle with his. At last, they need to come up for air, and Harry's lips parted from hers. He took deep breaths, as did Hermione. Both were red faced.

"We're gonna go somewhere and relax," Harry stated. He held her hand tightly. "Come on."

"Y-Yes Harry," Hermione managed dreamily, letting herself be led out the portrait door. They almost immediately resumed snogging the second they were out the door, as the portrait closed behind them. Ron gaped like a fish, trying to find some words to speak.

"What the-What did you give him?!" Ron gasped.

The Twins smirked, and nodded to eachother.

"Not a blessed thing," they chorused.

Privately, they thanked Messrs Moony, Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail. There were many ways to skin a cat, after all...


More in this vein, as I love the placebo effect being weaponized.


Harry needed a date for the Yule Ball, and honestly, he was getting a little desperate. So he turned to his godfather, courtesy of a magical mirror that enabled two-way communications. It was shocking how Sirius hadn't gotten these to Harry sooner, but after the First Task Sirius had owled them immediately.

Harry: "Sirius, what do I do?! What do I do?!"

Sirius: "All right Harry. Calm down. Now look. I know you've had a rough childhood. Very rough. And I'll be talking with Petunia about this soon enough. But basically, you're still thinking you're worthless because that's how they treated you. But the truth is, you're not. You just act like it."

Harry: "W-Well, how do I fix it?!"

Sirius: "It's not gonna be easy, Harry. Best way is to fake it, until you make it. But! I've got a solution. Some tips, and... A potion!"

Harry: "A potion?"

Sirius: "Here, follow this recipe..."

A bit later, Harry has put together a potion in a cauldron.

Sirius: "And... There! Now, drink it down."

Harry: "What is it?"

Sirius: "It's the Charisma Concoction. It's short lasting, but it'll work long enough for you to ask out the most intimidating girl you can think of! In fact, the more intimidating the girl, the better it works!"

Harry: "Right! That would be... Well..."

Sirius: "Your fellow Champion, Fleur Delacour perhaps?"

Harry: "Are-Are you sure-?"

Sirius: "I'm completely, one hundred percent serious. Seriously Sirius."

Harry: snort "That joke is terrible."

Sirius: "See? It's working already! Go for it!"

Harry: "All right!"

Harry heads off and sees Fleur. He approaches her while she's with a group of other Beauxbatons students.

Harry: "Fleur? I'd like to talk to you alone, please."

Fleur raises her eyebrow as the girls giggle behind her.

Fleur: "Oh? Now?"

Harry: "Yes. Right now."

Fleur's expression is unreadable, but she nods. Harry takes her hand, and leads her off to the courtyard. He finds a shady spot, with only a few observers.

Harry: "I've heard you don't have a date to the Yule Ball."

Fleur: "Non. I was going to ask that Roger Davies-"

Harry: "Or, you could go with me."

Fleur: snort "And what do you 'ave to offer zat 'e does not?"

Harry: "Well for one, I'm asking you. Two, your allure is at full blast and I'm not even glassy eyed. And three? He may be the Quidditch team captain, but he's never stolen a golden egg from a dragon while flying on a broom."

Fleur: smirks "And if I went with a leetle boy such as you? What would ze others think?"

Harry: "That you lucked out to get such an incredible date as your escort." He held his hand out, and the Sword of Gryffindor appeared. He leaned against it, looking confident, as Fleur stared in shock "So?"

Fleur: "... We will need to-to go shopping for matching robes. I do not want you to clash with me."

Harry: smirk "We'll go together this Saturday. I'll get a pass from my Professor."

Fleur: "Well... I will see you zen, Mister Potter."

Harry: "Same, Miss Delacour."

Harry headed off, not even minding that he was carrying the Sword of Gryffindor now. Wow, this potion was amazing! Usually he'd be concerned with all the staring and whispering, but not anymore!

He went back to the mirror. He could see Remus now with Sirius, and he waved.

Harry: "Hey guys! I did it!"

Sirius: "That's great kid!"

Remus: "Huh? Harry? Why do you have the Sword of Gryffindor?!"

Harry: "Apparently I can summon it? Who knew, right? Anyway, it worked! I have a date! And I feel amazing!"

Sirius: "Told you the potion would work."

Harry: "And I saved enough for the Ball, too! This is going to be great! Thanks again, Sirius!"

Sirius: "No problem, Harry! Anything for you, my godson!"

Harry turns off the mirror. Remus looks over at Sirius with a raised eyebrow.

Remus: "What kind of potion was that?"

Sirius: "The Charisma Concoction."

Remus: deadpan "You mean... Weak tea with a few herbs and spices?"

Sirius: bright grin "It got James to ask Lily out, didn't it?"

Remus: "... Fair enough!"


Hope you enjoyed.