Crumpled Horn Plot Bunnies

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Harry Potter or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.


It can be easy to write Hermione or Harry growing up hot over the summer and all that... And it's easy to write it badly. Here's my fun little take on it


Grimmauld Place was a bloody maze, Harry grumbled to himself. He was trying to find his room-He'd gone out to exercise a little, blow off some steam before breakfast, and now he was lost!

He vaguely recalled the pattern of the door to his room, and upon spotting it, opened the door. He headed to the shower, intent on getting there before Ron woke up. He loved his best male mate, of course, but he could be such a shower hog.

The shower started up, and Harry opened the door to give Ron a piece of his mind...

The words died in his throat as he croaked, and stared.

Wizarding showers didn't use curtains-They used a spell to keep the falling water from splashing outside the tub. This allowed Harry to see a gorgeous witch with an hourglass figure and large, round tits standing underneath the running shower. Hot water streamed down over her mouth watering breasts, her supple, smooth back, her round arsecheeks, her long, muscular legs... Her long brown hair whipped around as she turned to stare at him.

He stared back. He put a name to the face, and his brain (what parts weren't busy with cataloging the color of her nipples and how she trimmed her bush) short circuited and went into survival mode.

"Ah-Hermione-I'm sorry-"

"HARRY!" Hermione shrieked, grabbing a bottle of shampoo and throwing it at him. It clocked Harry in the forehead, and in combination with him scrambling to escape, he slammed down onto the carpet.

"OOF!" He groaned.

Harry sat up.

"I didn't mean to-!"

A trashcan slammed right into his face, and he lost consciousness... Though not before he saw the fretting Hermione standing over him, completely starkers.

Nice, a newly awakened part of his brain declared, before everything went dark.

Breakfast was a bit awkward. Harry and Ron sat together on one side of the table, while the blushing Hermione sat on the other. Hermione was in an unflattering jumper and robes, while Harry was in his usual.

Ron looked between his two best friends, frowning in confusion.

"You uh... You two okay?" He ventured.

"FINE!" Both cried, far too quickly. Ginny skipped up, smirking. She had, after all, been sharing Hermione's room.

"Oh, nothing much," Ginny smirked, "except I know Hermione's been..." Her eyes narrowed, "cheating!"

Hermione's eyes widened and she frantically began to wave her hands. Harry gaped. Ron's confusion grew.

"Cheating? At what? Her tests? She'd never do that!" Ron said defensively. "I mean, not unless it let us beat You-Know-Who or something-"

"I'm not cheating!" Hermione said defensively. Ginny snorted, leaning over the table. She pointed her finger at Hermione.

"I know you're cheating! No way the bossy, bushy haired bookworm is like that," and Ginny pointed at Hermione's chest, "naturally!"

Hermione flushed deeply, and looked down.

"It... It just kind of... Sort of... Happens to the women in my family," Hermione mumbled. "It-It isn't magic!"

"Mum! Hermione's using the Bombshell Mixture!" Ginny whined.

"I am not!" Hermione growled. Molly walked over, looking concerned.

"That's a very serious thing to say, Ginny," Molly said. She looked at Hermione in concern, "but I can understand why you might try that, Hermione. A girl does feel the need to... Stay competitive, and all that-"

"I haven't used anything!" Hermione protested. Ginny huffed. Molly shook her head, and produced a vial.

"Well, Hermione," Molly said delicately, "I have seen some of your laundry and-"

"I HAVEN'T!" Hermione growled. Ron blinked.

"What the bloody hell is the Bombshell Mixture-"

"Never you mind that, Ron!" Molly ordered.

Harry had an idea of what it was, and was trying not to look Hermione in the eyes.

Molly held the vial out to Hermione.

"But just in case you are, I suggest you take this. It will neutralize the potion. I know some girls want to... Stand out, but it's a very dangerous potion to use! Take it from me, you don't want to rush puberty!"

Hermione glared.

"I'm not taking the-!"

"Then nothing will happen!" Ginny said with a nasty smirk. "So what are you afraid of?"

Hermione scowled. Harry stared at his best female friend. He was still blushing, but he was genuinely concerned.

Hermione sighed, and pulled off her robe. Her jumper was frumpy, but it showed the outline of her body, more or less.

She downed the vial. She stared at them intently.

Molly blinked.

"Nothing happened?" She asked.

Ginny's face fell.

"Nothing... Happened?!"

"Nothing happened?" Ron asked, still confused.

"Nothing happened," Hermione said, smirking a little.

"Nothing happened," Harry sighed happily. Hermione shot him a glare, but he couldn't help smiling back.

And after a moment, she returned the look, her cheeks still red.

Ron shook his head and went back to his breakfast. This is why he tried to stay out of this kind of rubbish. No stupid drama for him, thank you!


A day later, Harry was heading downstairs for breakfast. He was coming up on the doorway into the kitchen, when Hermione smoothly appeared in his way.

"Harry," Hermione said, shaking her head, "you really need new clothes."

"I know they're hand me downs, but-" Harry tried, but Hermione held up her hand.

"No buts!" She declared. "You're getting clothing of your own and that's final!"

"But I don't have any Muggle money-" Harry tried, but Tonks slid in behind him with an evil grin.

"Don't worry! Hermione and I have plenty!" Tonks said cheerfully.

Harry turned to try and escape via another way, but Ginny was standing there with a grin. The only way out was the front door. Harry sighed heavily, feeling the playful smiles of all three women.

He could draw this out a bit longer, for pride's sake if nothing else... But then Hermione leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"Besides," she murmured, "you owe me a show after what you saw?"

Harry sighed deeply. Her incredible body was still burned into his mind... But she was still his best female friend.

"Fine," he groaned.

"Knew you'd see it our way," Tonks said cheerfully, shepherding the young wizard out the door. Ron, Fred and George watched them go. Ron held up a butterbeer.

"Godspeed, Harry."

"Your sacrifice will be remembered," the Twins intoned.


Harry was very easily out of his depth in moments in the department store. The three witches had him try on so many outfits that, to his eyes, were just clothes. But to them? They meant something significant, either good or bad.

"Oh, these go with your eyes perfectly!"

"This goes great with your complexion!"

"Don't slouch so much!"

"Fine, fine," Harry grumbled, going into the dressing room for the... Oh hell, how many times was it now? He'd lost count.

"Harry," Hermione stopped him briefly, squeezing his arm with a smile, "I'm sorry you're embarrassed. But we are doing this to make up for your rotten summer. We do care about you, and want you to look good."

"Why?"

"Because if you look good, you'll feel good. You'll understand why we all care about you." She blushed a bit, and squeezed his forearm. "A lot."

Harry blushed back, his eyes averted. But he did smile a little.

"Thanks Hermione," he said honestly. Hermione nodded.

"Now, get in there! We wanna see you in this one!"

Tonks grinned.

"Ginny picked it, so it's probably horrible and we'll get a good laugh!"

"Is not!" Ginny protested. Harry shook his head, and went into the dressing room. He shut the door behind him.

It was strange, but... He could at least appreciate people wanting to do things to help him.

Not out of pity, but out of genuine affection.


"Poor kid," Tonks sighed, as Hermione walked back over to her. "I watched him all summer... I wanted to talk to him but..." She shook her head. "I honestly think Dumbledore's mad sometimes."

"Maybe we should all think that," Hermione grumbled. Ginny was smirking, and Hermione raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You felt up his forearm an awful lot," Ginny teased. Hermione blushed.

"I-I wasn't feeling him up!" Hermione insisted. "I was just concerned! I mean, his relatives have starved him before!"

"You're serious?" Tonks asked, concerned. "I didn't see that but what I did see was... Pretty concerning."

"I am," Hermione said, insistent.

"In that case, we should check," Tonks said.

"He doesn't like to talk about it," Hermione sighed. Ginny hummed.

"Then let's not talk about it. Let's do something about it!" She said. She looked up to Tonks, and the Auror nodded.

Looking around to make sure no Muggles were watching, she quickly cast a spell on the dressing room door. Hermione opened her mouth to protest... And her mouth stayed wide open as she beheld Harry... In all his glory.

Ginny and Tonks had also gone silent, both red faced.

"I... Wow... Looks like they've been feeding him properly this year," Ginny murmured.

"I saw him working out with his cousin," Tonks whispered, licking her lips, "they've both been consuming a lot of... Meat. With all those chores he's been doing... I... Wow."

Ginny tilted her head, blinking. She was looking below Harry's waistline.

"Is... is that normal?" She gasped in astonishment.

"It's above average," Tonks grinned. "Very much so. I'd call that an EE... Or even an O plus."

"Stop this!" Hermione growled, immediately getting between the two ogling women and her best friend, "you shouldn't peep on him! It isn't right!"

"We just wanted to check on him to see if he was healthy," Ginny protested.

"And oh my, is he healthy," Tonks giggled.

"Very healthy," Ginny sighed.

"I thought you were over your crush!" Hermione growled.

"And I thought you saw him as a brother," Ginny smirked.

"Down girls, down," Tonks said gently, "there's plenty for us all."

"Muggle incoming!" Hermione muttered. Tonks undid the spell, just as a shopper passed by. At that moment, Harry emerged, in a tight green T-shirt and fetching black jeans.

"Well, it fits pretty good," Harry said, "but I dunno, feels a bit tight. Maybe I should go a size up?"

"No!" Tonks, Ginny and Hermione cried in unison. Harry stared at them.

"Why not?" He asked slowly, as though they were mad.

"Er, because, you'll get used to it!" Ginny said quickly.

"Yeah! It just feels tight because you're not used to it!" Tonks added.

"And you... You do look really, really good in it, Harry," Hermione said, her cheeks bright red.

Harry smiled at her warmly.

"Thanks Hermione," he said, "and you too, Ginny, Tonks. I really appreciate this."

"Oh don't worry, Harry," Tonks said cheerfully, wrapping him up in a hug and pulling his face into her cleavage, "the pleasure is all ours."

"Yes," Ginny added, gripping Harry's right hand, "ours."

"Completely," Hermione stated, pressing up against Harry's other side.

Harry turned bright red at all this female attention. But he couldn't say it was... Unpleasant.

Maybe going shopping wasn't as bad as he thought it was...


Hope you enjoyed!