Crumpled Horn Plot Bunnies
By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Harry Potter or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.
Alternatively, the Grangers could have shown their badass true selves a bit earlier on...
"Minerva? We have a situation. Can you please come to the front doors?"
Minerva frowned at Sprout's patronus message, and stood up. Thankfully, in Dumbledore's absence she had been given access to the Wards. So she Apparated right to Hogwarts' front doors, to see what had Pomona deeply concerned.
What she found was... Not dangerous, exactly, but quite odd.
"Ah, Professor McGonnagal," said a tall man, smiling politely. His hair was curly and brown, with a touch of gray at his temples. He was dressed in a smart suit, and was clearly trim and athletic. He wore a pair of leather gloves, a fine bowler hat, and carried an umbrella. "It's a pleasure to meet you in again."
"Absolutely, a pleasure," said the other stranger, with an equally dazzling smile.
"Ah, yes, of course," Minerva replied, looking over at the other stranger in the door. This woman was shapely but also athletic, and dressed in a very nice black but sensible dress. Under it were tough looking but nicely tailored boots. Her hair was black and tied in a neat bun behind her head, and her brown eyes were wide, clever and... Familiar.
Behind the pair was a vintage automobile-A Bentley, if Minerva remembered correctly. Her eyes widened.
Impossible...!
"They just drove up, Minnie," Pomona said. She turned to them. "Ah, may I ask why you are here, Mister... Miss...?"
"Where are our manners?" The woman smiled. "I am Mrs. Emma Granger. This is my husband, Dan Granger."
Pomona's eyes widened.
"Miss Granger's parents?" Pomona gasped. They both nodded.
"We haven't received our weekly letter from her," Dan said, "you can see why we might be concerned. Is she all right?"
"How did you even get here?" Minerva asked in disbelief. Emma laughed, the sound musical, as she walked up and took her husband's arm.
"We drove, of course," she said. She huffed as she looked at her husband in exasperation. "Any excuse to get that old thing out of the garage."
"Now now, Emma, you should show more respect," Dan chided her, "she's saved us plenty of times."
"The van has done that more often," Emma huffed.
"N-No, I mean, there are... Anti-Muggle wards around the school!" Minerva protested. "How did you get past them-?!"
"Professor McGonnagal," Dan said, his voice now hard and his eyes icy cold, "my chief concern is in finding out the state of my daughter. Please tell me that, now."
"Then you can tend to your security concerns," Emma added, her eyes now dead and narrowed.
Despite her long years and powers as a witch, McGonnagal had to give these two credit: They were very intimidating.
But then, what concerned parents wouldn't be?
Minerva nodded stiffly.
"Yes, well... It is quite unfortunate. Please, allow me to show you..."
The Grangers were silent as Minerva explained the situation. Emma leaned over and checked her Petrified daughter carefully, lovingly brushing the hair out of her face. Dan listened to the explanation, and then nodded.
"How many magical creatures could cause this?" Dan asked.
"The list is short in theory, but there are many other things that could produce similar effects," McGonnagal explained. "We've been trying to lock down the school, find where its nest may be!"
"Or who is controlling it?" Dan asked. Minerva nodded. Dan hummed.
"I need to speak to Harry and Ron, please," he said.
"Of course," Minerva said, "but I don't see what good it will do-You really should leave for your own safety-!"
"But we just got here," Emma said, her smile... Bloodthirsty. "And it would be a shame to leave so soon."
Harry and Ron entered right then. Ron's eyes goggled in disbelief as he saw Hermione's parents.
"Huh?! How did you-?!"
"Ah, Ron, Harry," Dan said with a smile. He sat down on a bed in front of them, looking them in the eyes. "I need to know everything you know about the situation."
"But, Mr. Granger-"
"If you please," Dan said, his smile warm and inviting. His body language had changed so abruptly, McGonnagal had to double check it was him.
Harry and Ron opened up, a bit reluctantly, about the things that had gone on that year. Minerva winced at each incident-Telling the parents about all this, right in front of her! She felt like the lowest of the low!
Yet Mr. Granger remained completely composed, nodding and asking questions that were direct and polite. He never wavered or showed emotion, from Harry's Parseltongue abilities to the writing on the walls.
"And uh... We followed up a lead... Involving spiders," Harry said. "Fleeing the castle..."
"Paper in her fist, and a mirror," Emma said, holding up both. Dan unfurled it, and read the writing, as did Emma. They turned to McGonnagal.
"Tell me, Professor, are you familiar with basilisks?" Dan asked.
Harry's eyes widened.
"Of course!" Harry cried. "No wonder I've heard voices all year! It's a giant snake!"
"My god, that monster's been using the pipes to get around!" McGonnagal gasped.
"The girl, killed in the bathroom," Dan said, looking at Harry, "she died the first time this happened, correct? In the 1940s?"
"Moaning Myrtle? Yeah!" Harry said.
"The entrance to the monster's hideout," Emma surmised. Dan nodded.
"Just what I was thinking, my love," Dan said. He turned to McGonnagal.
"Professor," Dan said, "can you create roosters that will crow?"
"Yes, of course," McGonnagal said, "but this isn't something the two of you should be involved with! It's a Basilisk! You're no match for it!"
"My dear Professor," Dan said with a smile, and a tip of his bowler hat, "there are many ways to skin a snake. Besides, I've wanted to get my dear Emma some new boots for some time."
"Oh, you," Emma giggled. She then pulled out long, deadly swords from her dress, spun them with a flourish, and smiled like a hungry lioness.
"Now... Let's get the beast that petrified my little girl, shall we?"
"Naturally, my dear," Dan chuckled, pulling a machine gun with a grenade launcher from his jacket. At the looks from the wizards, he shrugged.
"Expandable pockets with Featherlight charms. Available in Diagon Alley for a fair price at Kittington's."
McGonnagal blinked several times.
"What did you say you two did for a living again?"
"Dentists," they replied, in perfect stereo.
Ron shook his head.
"Blimey, I know what I wanna be when I grow up..."
Needless to say, Mrs. Granger is getting herself some new boots...
