Crumpled Horned Plot Bunnies

A Harry Potter fanfic by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and Warner Brothers, please support the official release.


It was inevitable, perhaps, that someone else would find out about Harry and Daphne's dates-er, meetings. Sure, he had kept the DA quiet, but that was just a resistance movement against Umbridge's tyranny.

This involved a girl, and that inevitably became a subject of gossip faster than anything else.

Harry remembered when it happened. He was sitting with Daphne in the copse of trees again, on Saturday. They were working on one of the many items of anxiety on her list: Speaking.

"It's all right," Harry said gently, "go ahead."

Daphne opened her mouth... And nothing came out. She looked down again, and hurriedly scribbled up in the air.

I can't.

"You did it before," Harry said encouragingly. Daphne shook her head rapidly.

I was emotional then.

"Can't you be emotional now?" Harry asked gently. Daphne shook her head again.

I'm just overthinking it now, she wrote.

Harry nodded with a thoughtful frown, and moved his legs to stretch them. He'd been sitting on the blanket, cross legged, for a while.

"Okay... Maybe we just, ya know... Focus on how you felt then?" Harry suggested. "How did you feel?"

Daphne hummed, and wrote more.

Angry. Horrified.

Harry couldn't hold back a smile. It was nice, someone getting angry on his behalf. That it was some terminally shy Slytherin girl...? Well, his life was already insane. Why not add more?

"Well," Harry said, "why were you angry?"

Daphne stared at him in shock, then wrote more.

How can you say that? You're helping me, and she's torturing you! Why wouldn't I get angry?

Harry fought down his own blush, and nodded, attempting to look manly. Or at least constipated. Anything other than touched.

"I... Okay," Harry said, "so maybe... Hm. What gets you angry?"

Daphne took the notebook... And began writing. A lot. Harry leaned over a bit to watch over her shoulder... When she noticed. She jumped off her knees, like a rabbit trying to hop away, just as Harry realized his mistake and tried to move away.

This ended up with both crashing into each other and falling onto the blanket, Harry on top.

They stared at each other for a second, both red faced.

There was a gasp. Harry's head snapped up and his eyes widened.

Hermione stood there, her jaw hanging to the ground.

"No wait Hermione it's not what you think-!" Harry tried, but Hermione was already turning and running off.

"S-Sorry!" She called back.

"No, Hermione! Stop!" Harry shouted, getting up to his feet. He sighed and drew his wand.

"Accio Hermione!"

"EeeeEEEEEE-!"

Harry realized that summoning his female best friend may not have been the best idea exactly one millisecond after Hermione crashed into him and sent them both onto the ground. Hermione groaned, and pushed herself up on her hands to stare down at him, her bushy hair brushing all over his face.

"Harry! What do you think you're-?!"

Oh. Oh good. He had Hermione on top of him and his mind focused on how good she smelled and how warm she was rather than anything useful. Like how to explain this and help Daphne-

"Daphne and I aren't-I'm sorry-Daphne?!"

Harry hurriedly pushed Hermione off, and she scrambled away too. Both looked over at Daphne, still lying on the blanket. Hermione was by her side in an instant, worried.

"Daphne? Are-Are you all right? What happened? What did he do to you?!"

"I didn't do anything!" Harry insisted, "give her space!"

"I think she's fainted!" Hermione gasped. Harry sighed.

"Yeah, she does that."


Daphne awakened slowly, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. She last remembered Harry over her... And then... What happened...?

"I don't see what the issue is," she heard Hermione state, "I mean, aside from you dating a Slytherin-"

Wait, are we dating? Daphne thought to herself, dazed. Was he making a move? Was that what happened?

"We're not dating!" Harry groaned. "Look! Would you just let me explain-Oh! Daphne, can you please help-?"

Daphne, bright red, sat up and bolted behind a nearby tree. She hunkered down, and took deep breaths to try and calm down.

Silence ensued for a few moments, save for the sound of her heart beating furiously.

"Wha... Why did she do that?" Hermione asked.

"It's like I told you-" Harry started, but Hermione snorted loudly.

"That my number one academic rival is terminally shy?" Hermione asked sarcastically.

"Yes, actually!"

"Oh please," Hermione snorted, "she's putting on an act! She acts so smug and superior all the time in class-"

"Does she actually talk?" Harry asked.

A pause.

"... Not really, no," Hermione admitted, "she just stares at me! Like she's too good to talk to me, some Muggleborn-!"

"Hermione! Just give her a minute, okay?"

Harry peeked around the tree, very slowly. He smiled at Daphne.

"Hey... I'm sorry about what happened," he said, "I haven't been practicing Quidditch so my reflexes are all over the place. It's okay, really."

Daphne very slowly looked up... And wrote with her wand.

I'm sorry.

"It's okay," Harry said, "Hermione was just... Surprised."

Daphne slowly peered around the tree and stared intently at Hermione. The Muggleborn girl stared back. Daphne immediately ducked back behind the tree. Harry very carefully took her hand, and pulled her partially back from behind the tree so Hermione could see her.

"She's not that scary, I promise," Harry said.

"I'm not scary!" Hermione insisted... And Daphne ducked back behind the tree immediately. Hermione gaped, as Harry sighed.

"Thanks a lot, Hermione," he muttered.

"Sorry?"


Harry did manage to get Daphne, himself, and Hermione to sit on the blanket and talk. Well, he and Hermione talked. Daphne could barely write in the air.

"Hmm... I've heard of this," Hermione said, "it's called Social Anxiety Disorder in the Muggle world. Do others in your family suffer from the same thing, Daphne?"

Daphne managed a nod. Hermione hummed.

"Well... I mean... If you'd like, I can write my parents and ask them for books on dealing with it," she suggested. She winced. "I mean, they are Muggle books but-"

Daphne shook her head, and wrote hurriedly.

Muggles know how to deal with this?

"Well, sort of," Hermione allowed, "it takes a lot of hard work. And help from friends."

Daphne stared at her intensely. Harry, having hung around Daphne for a while, smiled softly.

"Would you like to be Daphne's friend too, Hermione?" Harry asked. Hermione flushed a bit, glancing back and forth between them, before she looked at Daphne and nodded.

"I would like that," she said. "If you're... Okay with a Muggleborn as a friend?"

Daphne nodded, and wrote:

Yes. My father trades in the Muggle world. It's how we got so wealthy. We try to stay out of politics.

"Really?" Hermione asked, blinking. "That must not be easy for your family."

Daphne shrugged, though she was able to keep her eyes on Hermione this time.

We manage.


Lucius Malfoy strode into Reginald Greengrass's office at the Wizenmagot. The mysterious power broker had played both sides during the last war and stayed out of it as best he could. But this time, he would secure his allegiance... Or he would die.

He entered, his grey eyes narrowed. There sat Lord Greengrass, a tall, regal looking man with dark brown hair going gray at the temples. He was working on some paperwork, and only when Lucius cleared his throat did the man look up at him.

"Lord Malfoy," Reginald stated softly.

"I'll get right to the point, Lord Greengrass," Lucius stated silkily, "you sit in the Wizenmagot as a true Lord, while I, as a newcomer, do not. But that will not last. The Dark Lord has returned, and will take over our world. He will set everything right. You can either be part of our glorious revolution, or fall like the rest of the trash. What say you?"

Reginald Greengrass slowly stood up, a full head taller than Lucius. His piercing eyes were wide, his face like stone. He stared right back at Lucius, intense and merciless.

Lucius was taken aback. He could hear a heartbeat, loud and powerful. It beat faster, and faster, and faster... Sweat broke out on his brow, and ice fell into his stomach as Lord Greengrass stood there, like a volcano holding back from erupting.

"I... We do not wish to spill Pureblood needlessly," Lucius managed, trying to maintain his composure, "your eldest could be wed to my son-It would bring great boons to both our houses!"

Thump... Thump... Thump... Thump... That horrible heartbeat was filling the room, and Lucius felt lightheaded as the mountain of a wizard continued to remain silent. His eyes still boring into him!

"Your youngest then?" Lucius tried. "L-Listen... The Dark Lord can grant us great power."

"You fear him," Greengrass stated, soft.

"As should we all!" Lucius insisted. "His power dwarfs us all! He is immortal-He returned from the dead! How can we stand against such a force?"

Thump... Thump... Thump... Thump...

"Potter killed him," Greengrass said, still quiet.

"He did it once... As a child... What chance could he have now?" Lucius asked, even though some part of him realized how ridiculous that sounded. The boy had triumphed over and over again... Even with the Dark Lord fully reformed, there were doubts in Lucius' mind about him... And his power.

Greengrass made no reply, still staring, and the heartbeat continued mercilessly.

THUMP... THUMP... THUMP...

"... I see you are resolute," Lucius said, as calmly as he could, "I-I admire your resolve, Lord Greengrass. I will tell my Master you remain undecided. But no harm will come to you or your family. It would be a waste to lose a wizard as formidable as yourself... Good day."

He bowed, and left, trying not to look like he was hurrying away. When the doors closed behind him, he heaved a sigh of relief.

That hideous heartbeat... Was it some kind of tactic? A spell? To intimidate Lucius? If so, it had worked. Greengrass was more powerful than he had thought possible.

Maybe enough... That his Master... No. Those thoughts led to treason. He could not allow himself to entertain them.

Not even if Greengrass was right...


Lord Reginald Greengrass watched the doors shut... Then collapsed in his chair, breathing hard. He grabbed some of his heart medication and tossed it down with some conjured water. He focused on calming himself.

That had been terrifying. Honestly, staying neutral was so hard. Yet despite how much Malfoy and The Dark Lord scared him, Reginald could not-would not-bend the knee.

On the other hand, he couldn't just tell them to go to Hell, either.

No matter how much he wanted to.

He swore, his heart would beat out of his chest one of these days...


Why yes, that was a One Punch Man reference...