Crumpled Horned Plot Bunnies

A Harry Potter fanfic by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and Warner Brothers, please support the official release.


One of the classics of Harry Potter fanfiction is taking Naruto fanfiction tropes and trying to shove them in. So here's one:

There's always Naruto fics about someone being a spy or handler for Team 7. Like Naruto secretly being trained by the ANBU to keep an eye on Sasuke or something. Why not a fic where people THINK one of Harry's friends is actually a deep cover Unspeakable Agent?


Harry: "Huh... Hermione?"

Hermione: "I'm Muggleborn! It couldn't be me!"

Ron: "It'd be the perfect over though!"

Harry: "On the other hand, nobody would suspect Ron of being a deep cover Unspeakable."

Ron: "Yeah-HEY! I could be!"

Hermione: "No, no, it's far too obvious."

Fred: "Wait, no, its Draco!"

Harry: "Well, he does always check on me, stalk me..."

Ron: "No no! No way! He doesn't have enough access-Of course! Gotta be Neville! Couldn't be me, oh no, I'm just too bland and boring, hmph!"

George: "OH. It's the Creevy twins. all their photographing? is actually just blatant spying."

Ron: "Still Muggleborn though."

George: "Perfect cover!"

Fred: "Absolutely perfect!"

Harry: "So it's Hermione."

Hermione: "I WOULD KNOW IF I WAS AN UNSPEAKBLE!"

Ron: "You don't know EVERYTHING, Hermione."

Hermione: "Hmph!"

Ron: "Or, wait... Are we overthinking this? Maybe Harry's secretly his own Unspeakable!"

Hermione: "I'd expect him to be doing better in his classes... Unless it's just you dragging him down so much, Ron."

Ron: "Am not."

Harry: "I'm in the top ten!"

Hermione: "And an Unspeakable should be doing much better."

Harry: "Aha! But that's just what you'd expect an Unspeakable to do! So it can't possibly be me!"

Fred: "Yes, I can see it now: Harry Potter, trained in secret to become an unstoppable Unspeakable from childhood."

George: "And a ninja."

Fred: "Naturally."


So who could be a fun choice for the secret Unspeakable Agent?