Chapter 88 – Chaos on Daiyu
Author's Note: We are slowly, but surely, approaching the end! :)
To Vcg: Thanks. :)
I hope y'all are still enjoying the story! :D
~ Amina Gila
Obi-Wan doesn't know what to think about how Vader is acting, and quite simply, not thinking has always been easier for him. He would have continued to do so if not for what Theseus told him, and now... This isn't his Anakin anymore, but it's been almost eighteen years, and Obi-Wan is no longer who he used to be. He took the name Ben when Anakin died, and that's who he still feels like.
And even if there is, somehow, a part of Anakin left, neither of them could become who they once were. Time is fluid. It flows forwards, not back. Years he spent hyper focusing on his loss. Those years shaped him, and it was Ben who remained when he finally accepted it.
It had been Vader who let him accept it, or he likely never would have, but in truth, he's a Sith, and he still destroyed the Jedi. He massacred them. Everyone.
Obi-Wan has let go of the Order already, but he cannot forgive that.
He still doesn't understand Vader's obsession with making him embrace the Dark Side. "Light always prevails," he says. "Darkness only brings death and destruction."
"That's not always a bad thing," Theseus objects before Vader can respond. "Some things need to be destroyed. It's a question of whether you do it with or without the Dark Side. A question of whether you chose to let it blind you or guide you, of whether you control it, or it controls you."
Obi-Wan doesn't know what to think of how Theseus, too, is using the Dark Side. It's not the same way, but it still... is, and it's dangerous. He hasn't lost himself to it, but that doesn't mean there isn't still a risk. (If he could control it, couldn't Vader – But no, Theseus never destroyed the Jedi. He didn't kill thousands senselessly.)
"Only the weak embrace the Dark Side and let it cloud their vision," he replies, giving the Sith a pointed look. "It takes strength to resist, and to let it go."
Theseus sighs. "Have you been preparing that speech since you last met?"
"You know nothing of strength," Vader retorts.
"If I am not mistaken, I defeated you. Twice." On hindsight, maybe he shouldn't have mentioned that. The darkness in the Force flares. It's everywhere, permeating everything like Anakin's presence once did, only Vader is different. He feels emptier, though he's still clinging to... something. He feels like something that was taken apart and put back together but the pieces don't quite line up, leaving it rough and uneven, only it's inside, not outside.
Vader's gaze is fixed on Obi-Wan, though Obi-Wan doesn't think he's really looked anywhere else. "I was but a learner, and my powers have grown," he snarls. "It was as my master warned me. Our connection blinded my vision. I will not make the same mistake again."
"Fair enough, I would say," Theseus agrees, "But can we talk about this? I want to know what happened between you two." Obi-Wan has absolutely no desire to explain this. He doesn't even know how or where he'd start. "Where were you when everything fell apart?"
"I was on Utapau, fighting Grievous. I barely escaped with my life and regrouped with Master Yoda to realize what had happened to the other Jedi."
"And then what?" Theseus wonders, "How did you..."
"We snuck into the Temple, and I saw the security recordings," Obi-Wan continues, trying to ignore the emotions he always feels when he thinks of it. He doesn't even want to think of how Vader said my master even a moment ago, remembering how reverently Anakin had once said it about him. "I saw how Vader slaughtered them. I saw the bodies there."
Theseus looks away. Vader does, too; something shifting in his presence, the fires in it dying to something more like shame.
"We went to destroy the Sith, as we should have from the beginning. I tracked Vader to Mustafar."
"The same place he has his castle?" Theseus asks, obviously confused.
That's something Obi-Wan never understood himself. Not as if it matters. "We fought," Obi-Wan continues, trying hard not to let the memory of their final conversation there surface again, "He almost died."
Theseus's gaze darts between them, obviously fully making the connection on how Vader got into the suit. "That's why –"
"Yes," Vader cuts him off.
"Did you build a castle there to fuel the Dark Side?" Theseus asks almost disbelievingly. "To remind you of what he did?"
"Sidious offered me a world. I chose Mustafar as my dwelling. That is where Vader was truly born."
"But that wasn't the last time you saw each other, was it?" Theseus asks.
Obi-Wan can feel the anger rapidly returning to Vader's Force-presence. "No. He hunted me for years, and when we finally met again, all he wanted was to turn me."
"At least he didn't want to kill you," Theseus says, as if that's so much better.
Obi-Wan glances at Vader again. His helmet is tilted in a way implying he's looking down, but it's hard to tell. "He already did," Obi-Wan points out, morbidly. He remembers everything on Mustafar with far too much clarity, from their fight to the end, to feeling Anakin's still body in his arms and... he remembers seeing Anakin's face beneath that mask.
Whatever was left of who he used to be died on Mustafar, when he realized Anakin was gone, and later, when he finally accepted it.
"From what I've heard, I could say you both did that to each other," Theseus replies.
"Anakin was already gone when we fought –"
"Was he, or is it just easier for you to believe that? The Dark Side doesn't destroy who a person is."
"I didn't want to fight you there," Vader says, his vocoder somehow conveying his bitterness. "I tried to talk you down."
"If you didn't want to fight, you should not have turned on the Jedi."
There's a long moment of painful silence. "Death is a mercy," Vader replies at last, "The Jedi were traitors. Just as you are."
"Everyone?" Obi-Wan shoots back. "And if your daughter is a rebel, would you kill her, too?"
"She will see the truth," he snaps back, "If it is her destiny."
"The truth is that –"
"Okay," Theseus interrupts loudly, "What happened next? I heard why you ended up here, Obi-Wan, but afterwards? I imagine it was a trap, but where did you see Vader?"
"We couldn't return directly to Alderaan. Vader tracked us the whole way. We took a few... detours." It's the fastest way to explain it. "He was chasing down more innocents –"
"Traitors," Vader cuts him off.
Obi-Wan glares back at him. "And I left to distract him. We fought again on one of Jabi'im's moons. I... won."
"And he left again," Vader replies, and Obi-Wan thinks he picks up a strange note of bitterness there. "After I gave him the chance to join me."
"After you tried to convince me to Fall," Obi-Wan snaps.
Theseus sighs. "Master, remember what I told you about the Dark Side? How else was he supposed to show he still wanted you?"
"If that were true, he would never have done any of this," Obi-Wan retorts, trying to ignore the sudden questions nagging at his mind. He's been thinking about it more than he may have liked since he and Theseus first talked about this. It doesn't change any of what Vader did, though. It won't change that Anakin would never want that from Obi-Wan. (But why would Vader want Obi-Wan around? 'Please don't leave.' One of the last things An-Vader had said to him on Mustafar flashes through his mind again.)
Theseus looks to Vader. "Can you tell me why?" he asks, cautiously, "Why you... Fell? If you don't mind explaining."
**w**
Talking about any of this is far from easy – not that seeing Obi-Wan again in the first place is. He's torn, and he can't begin to make sense of the emotions tearing him apart. Part of him still cares about Obi-Wan but it's... It doesn't matter.
"The Jedi were committing treason," Vader replies, though he knows that's not all that Theseus is asking for.
"We were trying to stop the Sith, as we should have when we had the chance," Obi-Wan snaps.
His anger (and pain) flare again, remembering watching both times as Obi-Wan walked away. (He wishes Obi-Wan had finished it when he had the chance.)
"Obi-Wan, you aren't helping," Theseus cuts him off, then looks back to Vader, "I know that wasn't all. When you called me that day, I know you were struggling with something."
"I had visions of – Padme dying." He hasn't thought of her in a long time, except for when he found out his child survived. "My master promised me he could save her with the Dark Side."
He can feel Theseus' muted horror. "I – I can see why, you would do what you did," Theseus says, slowly. His stubborn loyalty is... more touching than it should be. Maybe he only wants Anakin, but he –
"Still the heart of the weak Jedi remains." No, he can't fail Sidious again. He – he needs to remember that they're both traitors. But –
"That doesn't make any of this right," Obi-Wan retorts.
"I didn't say it does," Theseus counters, "And – Maul also said he was... groomed."
'Groomed'.
Vader knows what that word means, and he was not – (Yes, he was. He can see it clearly now, how Sidious has always been using him.) That doesn't stop his instant surge of anger. "He never harmed me," he snaps, "Not when I... still went by Anakin."
"I'm not going to argue this, but that doesn't have to look like 'harm' on the surface." Theseus sighs, sounding increasingly frustrated. "Look, I don't want things to stay like this. You've both hurt each other, and I think it's safe to say that you both have very legitimate reasons to be angry with each other, but do you really want things to stay the way they are now forever?"
"It does not matter," Vader snaps, because it doesn't. Nothing will change this, and Theseus is only going to get himself killed eventually.
"He is not Anakin," Obi-Wan says stubbornly.
Theseus groans. "None of us are who we used to be, okay?! I'm not Theseus, you're not Obi-Wan, he's not Anakin, but we all still care for each other – or at least we cared for the people we used to be in the past, but the past is gone. If we can't stop mourning it or let it go, then we'll have to sort out what we can with each other as we are now – unless you want to spend the rest of your lives like this."
(Or does Theseus want him for more than just 'Anakin'?) It's not as if Vader has ever wanted any of this, but it never mattered before, and it matters even less now. "I did not want any of this," Vader retorts at last, "But you are still traitors."
He wants what Theseus is saying so badly, and he wishes he would just stop saying it because Vader already knows how it will end – the same way it did after Malachor, only Sidious will be angrier now. Or – or he might do even worse, like he did after Vader had been searching for Obi-Wan all those years ago.
Sidious knew what he really wanted with him, and he... Vader shies away merely from the thought of what had happened afterwards. Sidious had not been happy to see how far his search for Obi-Wan went and ordered him to stop.
Which he did, of course, because he can't disobey his master, but that didn't stop him from thinking about it, and as he told Theseus – Sidious sensed it. He had come to Mustafar for one of the first times, and it... didn't go over well. "I created you to serve me," his master had said darkly, pacing around him. "You would repay all that I have given you with betrayal?"
He didn't have an answer to that – it was the truth. "Treachery is the way of the Sith," was all he could say.
"Do you think your knowledge of the Dark Side superior to mine, Lord Vader?" Sidious had asked. He said it as if it were a casual conversation, but Vader could sense the deeper meaning, the threats there. They don't need to be stated. His anger towards Sidious and for being in this situation fueled him then as it does now.
From that point, he knew nothing he could say would be enough to stop Sidious. Fighting had been pointless, resistance was pointless, but he tried anyway. Because if he didn't, he would have nothing left. The only place that had taken him was being pinned to the floor with the Force, body still twitching from aftershocks of the endless lightning, Sidious pressing his own lightsaber to his skin over the scar where Obi-Wan had done it once.
"If you bear loyalty to the one who did this to you, for giving you strength, I will give you more. Forget Kenobi. Forget everyone, except me, and if you succeed on your journey, I will reinstate you as my apprentice. There is nothing I have not prepared for. Take your place at my side, as is your destiny, or I will finish what Kenobi could not."
And lying there, vision half whited out with pain, memories of Mustafar burning in his mind, all he had been able to do was whisper a faint, "I understand, my master."
But it had taught him Sidious' true power – something he was only reminded of after Malachor, and he knows this is... pointless. (He wants out, but it's nothing but a child's fantasy, something he knows better than to keep longing for.) He saw the full extent of his master's planning and power. Resistance would be foolish and pointless, no matter how much he wants to.
"I believe you are the only traitor here, Darth," Obi-Wan says lightly.
Another wave of pain and fury washes through him, even if – Sidious had often rubbed it in his face after Mustafar, how he had also betrayed everyone he once cared for. Maybe he used it partly as a way of guilting him into loyalty, Vader doesn't know, but that hardly lessens the sting.
"Why do you support the Empire?" Theseus asks. The sudden question is mildly surprising.
"Because he's –"
"I'm asking him, Obi-Wan."
"It is the only way to bring order," Vader replies.
Obi-Wan scoffs. "What order do you see around you?"
"I see the chaos from Crimson Dawn and the Rebellion, both of which I will destroy," he retaliates.
"But how is the Empire better?" Theseus objects, "Mandalore is no less chaos now than it was before Imperial rule. The same is true for many other planets. There's no less corruption now than there was in the Republic. If anything, it's worse. The Empire has not been making anything better."
After what Vader's seen of Crimson Dawn, he can't deny that point. Sidious had promised to bring order, and he isn't. That's what Vader is trying to do now, so many years later. He always knew the Empire was corrupt, but in truth, it's no worse than it was in the Republic – only less hidden. "If the Emperor were gone, the galaxy would collapse," he says, finally. That much, he does know. There's still underlying tension from the Clone Wars, but the Empire keeps it under control.
"Then we don't have to deal with it by leaving the galaxy without a government," Theseus replies.
As if it's that simple. And he should not even be having this conversation. It's – he knows what Sidious will do if he finds out, so why is it that with both Theseus and Obi-Wan here, he can't seem to stop thinking about it? "They follow Palpatine because of who he is."
"And I'm sure there's others who can do it far better. You know Sidious has done nothing about the chaos in the galaxy, and... I won't ask you to outright betray him, because if it were that simple, I believe you would have already. But I think you want to bring order as much as I do."
"That is what I am doing," Vader retorts, refusing to let himself think any deeper about the words. (He can't let Sidious feel it.)
"It's a start, with how high up the corruption goes," Theseus responds, and Vader chooses to ignore the double meaning. (The only way his daughter will ever be safe is if Sidious is gone, but... he won't let himself dream. It's futile. Or is it?)
Theseus looks up at him, a strange intensity in his gaze. He can feel the longing in him, for – for them to be with each other as a family again. Vader tries to ignore how much it reflects his own feelings. He looks away from him before his emotions can start to wander from anger, so Sidious won't pick up on it. He can't risk that again.
He meets Obi-Wan's gaze instead, who's eyeing him calculatingly. He hates that look. "If you truly want to bring order, you'd agree to help us destroy Sidious," his former master asserts.
As if it's that simple. As if he has the right to preach about what Vader "should want" after he abandoned him a second time, while he cried for him not to leave. "I will not betray my master," he snaps.
"As if you didn't do that already."
"Why do you keep doing this?!" Theseus snaps, "If you're just going to keep antagonizing him, and making this worse, then stop talking."
"He is the one choosing to stay with Sidious."
"Do you know nothing of how coercion works?!" Theseus demands.
Coerced. Yes, that word – it very much may describe what Sidious has done, but that doesn't mean... He chose this. But he didn't know what else to do, and he still doesn't. "I am a Sith," he retorts, "I must obey my master."
"Yet you also claim to want order, and you can't do that with the Dark Side forever," Obi-Wan shoots back.
"You know nothing of the Dark Side."
"I know what it takes to resist it. If you can't come back from it, it's because you aren't strong enough to try."
The words cut into him sharply. The Dark Side is strong; it gives him power. But... his own strength has nothing to do with it, does it?
He's not staying with Sidious because he's... weak. (His loyalty to him is mostly out of fear, and isn't that the same thing? It's all he's ever known, though. Following orders. But...) But he's also there for the Empire because all he has ever done has been for the Empire, and if he doesn't have that, he has nothing. It is always simplest not to think about it. It always is. He wants to help them, though. He wants to help Theseus. He wants to get his family back.
Sidious doesn't need to know about them, though. They weren't his mission. Crimson Dawn was. He straightens, forcing whatever traitorous desires he has behind a durasteel wall in his mind. "You are not my mission here," he asserts, before turning away. He got... distracted when he sensed their presences. He should never have left his mission – stopping Crimson Dawn is more important. Even if he knows Sidious would not share the sentiment.
**w**
That went better than Marr was afraid of, but he still doesn't know what to think of it. Vader obviously wants to help them, if he's reading the way his brother is acting right, but he's... obviously scared to. He also does see the Empire differently, as something that's actually intended to help, and that's something Marr needs to keep in mind.
Although he doesn't know how much of that Vader truly believes, versus how much it's been indoctrinated into his mind... or how much he has to believe that, to try and deal with everything he's done for the Empire. Regardless, it's something Marr will need to keep in mind when they continue their plans.
If Vader is there when they go to confront Sidious, there's a chance they'll have to fight him for a time. But Marr is fairly certain Vader would help them if it came down to it. If nothing else, he has always been loyal to his family. He wishes he could say the same about his mother. Once, he would have thought the same about her, but after she attacked the Temple, he's not so sure. She was willing to kill Marr back then, and he has little doubt she would do the same now if she thought it was right. He's grown used to that knowledge, for as much as it hurts.
"It's time," Marr says finally, once they're away off the surface of Daiyu, heading back for the rebel base. "I need to go back to Mandalore to get everyone ready, and then..."
Obi-Wan nods. "Perhaps Luke can deal with the Death Star. The further away he is from Sidious, the better. If this fails, he may be our last hope."
He doesn't want to think about how likely it is to fail, but the only way to keep moving forwards is to truly accept the possibility and consequences of what they do. The Force will destroy Sidious in time, though, and that's all he can ask for. "Yes. And Leia should be safely on Alderaan."
"With her parents involved in directly running this, I imagine she'll want a more major role."
"True," Marr concedes. They have to keep Anakin's children safe, if nothing else. "If you think it necessary, perhaps I should contact someone who can help keep her safe, if need be."
"With Skywalkers, I don't think anything will keep her out of danger," Obi-Wan objects. He's been unusually quiet, and it makes Marr wonder what he's been thinking about the talk with Vader.
"Then I'll do it." Marr doesn't know how happy Han Solo and Chewbacca will be with the mission, but they'll do anything for money, even if it's... boring. Though he doubts it'll be boring. Leia seems quite chaotic, and she certainly is if she's her parents' daughter.
Once they return to the base, their plans will be set in motion. Anything could go wrong, and it will not be easy, but Marr doesn't sense failure. Though he does sense danger, and he knows how likely, even, it will be that not everyone in his family will make it out alive. If there's something he wants to say to them now, he will have to. He won't have time to talk to Obi-Wan again later. He'll go straight to Mandalore to talk to Bo and Vizma one last time, and then... then the battle will begin. He will have no time for anything else.
He doesn't really know what to think about the nature of his relationship with Obi-Wan. Most of their relationship was defined by conflict. Obi-Wan was strict to the Jedi Code, while Marr had always been... inclined towards the Dark Side, even as Theseus. That never changed. He searched for balance, and he found it – guided by Revan and by the Force. It's oddly relieving to know that he has a... spirit, no less, watching over him. At least that's one that can never be taken away.
"What do you sense of the upcoming battle?" Marr asks, glancing at his master. Beside them, BD stands – more accurately, bounces – on the control panel, hopping from one foot to another as he watches the organics talk.
"The Force is clouded," Obi-Wan replies, "It's difficult to feel anything."
"Seeing through the veil of the Dark Side is difficult," he agrees, "It is often hard to sense something other than what we want to."
"We have prepared in every way we can," Obi-Wan states, finally, "With Master Yoda here, our chances of success will be... higher." It's about the most either of them can say on that, Marr knows. "But it may be our last chance to destroy the Sith, and we must... be prepared to do what we need to."
Marr gives him a sideways glance. "If you're talking about Anakin..."
"Vader," Obi-Wan corrects, "He may... appear more conflicted than I thought, but we cannot trust him, and he may be there, fighting for Sidious."
"Perhaps," he concedes reluctantly, "But I have faith in him. You believed in him once, too. You taught me faith and loyalty, and it's my choice to give those to Anakin. I know the dangers. I know what he is. I know what he's done. I've seen worse. You taught us to make difficult choices for the greater good, and I think, to a point, that's what Vader and I have always done."
Obi-Wan's expression is strangely... he can't put a label on it. "I want to believe there is some of Anakin left in him, but we must accept that it may be too late."
It's a self-protection measure, Marr can tell. He's afraid of believing it again, given everything that happened between them, and he can't entirely blame him for it, but... it would be far easier if he would help Vader instead of fighting him. There's no use arguing about it, though. The only one who may change Obi-Wan's mind is Anakin himself, perhaps in the upcoming battle.
"I don't know where this will go," Marr says, quietly, "And I... I'm glad I found you before this."
Obi-Wan eyes him. "I am as well. After everything fell, I didn't..."
"Want to believe we'd actually see each other again?" Marr finishes, and Obi-Wan nods. "I didn't either. I didn't want to keep fighting for a long time, but I thought it was what you would want me to do. That's why I eventually... decided to learn about the Force." Some of it, anyway.
"You decided to learn more about the Dark Side in my memory?" He sounds incredulous.
"In a way." He finds himself smiling faintly, idly wondering if Anakin could say the same. It was Obi-Wan who started both of them down these paths, after all. "But it's not a mistake. I can see far more of the Force now."
"Perhaps," Obi-Wan agrees grudgingly, "But I thought I taught you better to avoid it."
"I don't regret where I am or who I am now," he replies, "The Force led me here for a reason. It gave me a chance to help where others have tried and failed."
"You have accomplished more against the Empire than I once believed possible," he concedes, finally.
Marr smiles faintly. It's been years, and he's well-accustomed to only moving on with the support of his family rather than praise, but he finds himself missing this. It's good to have them back together. There's so much more he could say, but nothing more he needs to. There's nothing he would need to tell Obi-Wan he hasn't already.
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