A.N: This story is rated M for a reason, and that starts from this chapter on. You've been warned.

Also, I didn't know how graphic I wanted to get with things, so I'll just do whatever feels right. Sorry if it doesn't match your expectations, or if it's too graphic for you.

Thank you for reading!

-B

Bella's P.O.V

Why do things that feel great, also feel like they are something I shouldn't be doing? I'm an adult, for fucks sake. I pay my own bills, I owe nothing to no one, I don't need to explain myself to anyone. Whatever I decide to do, with my body, that isn't harming or negatively affecting others, shouldn't feel this shameful. Or this amazing, damn.

I mean, I doubt there's anything I can give Alice, that she doesn't have or can't get for herself, but right now I'd give her the world if I could. I haven't felt this good in a while. Actually, maybe never, all the worries and stress from the hellish day of work are long gone from my brain. Why do women still have sex with people, if toys exist and are so much better? I know for sure I would not go back to any of those guys for sex, having this by hands reach. You're not going back to any of them cause none of them are Edward. You're not wrong, brain. I know I'm not.

I don't feel like leaving the most relaxing bath I have ever taken in life, but I need to get out of here before Edward arrives and finds me on my mid-orgasm bliss. Maybe you shouldn't leave the bath, maybe you should go for another round and hope he arrives in the middle of it, and can't hold back on joining… I decide to leave the bath before my brain convinced me to try to tease Edward. Not that it would be a bad idea, but probably not the time for it.

I leave the bath, not really wanting to. Alice's choice of bath bombs was perfect, and the selection of moisturizers was definitely not needed, but appreciated due to the cold days and nights of Alaska. I choose a post-bath cream that smells like vanilla and cinnamon, and I am very happy about it. I make sure to wash my new best friend really well, and wrap a hand towel around it, before hiding it back in the last drawer, hoping Edward would never reach for anything in there. One thing is him knowing I have some of those, another is having him find them around. No, thanks.

I'm drying my hair when I hear a knock on my door. It's weird that Edward is knocking and waiting for me to open the door for him, when I'm so used to him just being in my room whenever he feels like. I open for him, although I know I don't have to, and he has a weird look on his face. Takes me a second to realize why he doesn't look okay. His eyes are fully black. The darkest I've seen since we met again.

"Edward? Are you okay?" I ask, giving him space to walk into my room, but he stays on the outside for a little longer, not moving a single muscle. "Edward?" I try again, and this time only his eyes move, to stare right into my soul. "Did something happen? Do you need to hunt? Edward, is someone hurt?" I ask, starting to panic. Maybe it's the anxiety in my voice, maybe it's the fact I'm almost crying, but Edward finally shows a reaction. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for a couple seconds, and once he opens them again, they are a deep caramel color. Not black anymore. "Edward, what happened?" I ask, and he finally seems a little bit more relaxed, getting into my room.

"Nothing happened Bella, I'm sorry I scared you. I just lost my control for a second. Sometimes being apart from you, even for a couple hours, is enough to make me forget how amazing you smell. But I'm fine, everything is okay, you don't need to worry, I'm sorry." He pulls me into a hug, and I go happily. I can feel him breathing my scent in, his face on my semi-wet hair. We stay hugging for a few minutes, until I can feel him relaxing on our hug, then I try to get out of it to finish getting ready. "I am really sorry Bella, won't happen again." He said, but I was over it. Everything was fine, I was used to Edward having a hard time around me, this wasn't a big deal.

"It's okay." I say, shrugging. Once I'm out of his embrace I notice the bags he is carrying. "Are these for me?" I ask, my stomach growling, pointing out my hunger. He laughs.

"Yes. I couldn't find you any real poutine around, but this was the closest to it I could get. I did get you Dairy Queen though. Made sure to hold that in my hands the whole way back, so it would stay frozen." He said, passing me the bags.

"God, I love you." I say, grabbing the bags and moving towards my bed, to sit. I expect him to sit by my side, but he just leans against the wall, where my window is open, and watches me eat. I moan a little when I taste some of the poutine, and he looks a bit uncomfortable watching me eat. "Has it been long since you last hunt?" I ask him, since his eyes are still a way darker color that I'm usually used to, and I want to make some conversation. He looks confused for a second, and gives me a side smile, as if he's hiding something.

"Not at all, I actually did some hunting last night, before you called and I came to check on you." That worries me.

"You didn't use to lose your control at all for days after hunting. Is there something bothering you lately?" I question, trying to think what have I done differently that might make me smell better, or worse, for him. "Is it the bath bombs and moisturizer? Alice got them for me, she said I should use them tonight, I don't believe she would have made that clear like that if she knew it would bother you." I say, as that is my only guess.

"Trust me, Bella, it has nothing to do with that. Those are probably helping more than they could ever bother me." He takes a deep breath, making his eyes darker again, and smiles, leaving out a defeated sigh. "I didn't want to say anything so you didn't feel ashamed, or anything like that, because there's no reason for it, at all. But I know you won't stop wondering, and you'll be bothered by it all night, so I'll tell you." He moved closer so he could sit by my side on the bed, and I can see he's trying to find the best way to mention whatever he has to say, so I reach for his hand for reassurance. "I can smell both the hormones released by your orgasm, as that by itself, on you. And it is extremely hot, and quite distracting." He said, and it takes a second for my brain to assimilate what he is saying. Oh. OH! Instant blush here we go.

I let go of his hand to cover my face, and process what he's saying. Fuck, I should have thought about that. Of course he would be able to smell something different in my blood, and, although I did rinse a bit, he could smell the bath water too. Oh the heightened vampire senses, I didn't miss those. Going to have to get used to those all over again.

Okay, Bella, think. How can we deal with this? What do you mean deal with this? We hide. But if we hide he might never be this open and honest with us again, you know how he is. So we apologize? Apologize for what? We didn't do anything wrong. Apologize for not making sure we didn't bother him? He's not bothered, he's horny, and we are not actually sorry about that. But we got to say something, I'm so embarrassed! For fucks sake woman, I'll deal with this.

"It is quite sad you only arrived to smell it, and not soon enough to help me out with it." I said between my fingers, before being able to filter what was coming out of my mouth. Fuck, inner Bella, you just made this worse! Oooops?!?!

I can feel more blood running through my veins to reach my cheeks, and I try to hold that back. I have no clue where to go with this conversation now. Edward is so silent, I'm not even sure he's still in the room. I can't get myself to move my hands that are covering my face, I really don't want to see him gone, or see the disgust or disappoint in his face. You really done fuck up now, Bella. It is what I was thinking, I was just trying to be honest, isn't that the whole purpose of an open and honest relationship? Yes, but one thing is being honest, another is complaining to your 100 years old virgin vampire boyfriend that he wasn't around to get you off. Well, he's around now, maybe this will fix it! Yeah, we wish. That we definitely do.

I have no clue how much time has passed. Could have been two seconds, or two hours, my hands are still covering my face, I still don't know if Edward is sat by my side on the bed, or on the other side of the state by now. I moan to myself, questioning every single decision I made tonight, that brought me to this moment, and for a second I realize Alice was fully aware of all of this. She's getting no new gifts.

I feel a short movement on the bed, before I feel his cold fingers on my forearms, slightly and slowly forcing me to stop covering my face, and look at him. His eyes are black. Pitch black. Pure obsidians, reflecting my own face back at me. He doesn't need to breathe, but I see way more movement on his chest, than I usually do, as if he's hyperventilating as much as I am, by staring at his obsidian eyes. He's face is so close to mine, I feel compelled to close my eyes and kiss him, but his stare is so mesmerizing, I can't look away. He doesn't look hungry for my blood at all. I don't feel scared of him for a millisecond. He looks like he's going to devour my body, on the best ways I could ever imagine. His posture, his face, the way he is looking at me as if I just broke that last barrier in between our relationship with just one sentence, it all culminates into an involuntary reaction of my body, and the way he growls and closes his eyes, tells me he knows exactly what he is doing to me, and he loves it.

My heart is pounding in my chest so strongly, I am sure he would be able to hear it even without the super hearing. His silence is almost deafening, and my brain is going a thousand miles per hour, trying to figure out how to fix this. Edward is clearly conflicted about my answer, and I don't think he was ready to face this right now. But before I can think what to say, his eyes open again, as mesmerizing as it was before, and he speaks for the first time.

"I wouldn't know what to do to help. Maybe you can teach me that, next time." He said, and it took me a minute to process what actually came out of his mouth. Did he just? Yes, he did. What?!? How do I answer to that? "Only if you are comfortable with it, of course." He continues, and I can see that he is quickly reverting to my very prude Edward again, and I can't let that happen.

"Oh, don't you wish you could just read my mind and know exactly what I'd like for you to do?" The black eyes are back. Score!

"I do, I really do, but I can see that you can speak your mind, and I'm sure you'll tell me what you like and what you don't. And I'm sure you have more than enough different toys that will help with demonstration." Is he being serious? I don't know, but if he's not, don't wake me up. But this is weird though, doesn't sound like him. Well, we don't know how he sounds when he is horny. Oh, but I wish I did.

"Edward, don't get me wrong, I love this, but I don't know where this is coming from. You seemed quite scared of any sexual adventures I hinted on, and now you are powering my fantasies with hope. You're kind of giving me whiplash." Honest Bella is really up and chatty today.

"I'm pretty sure the way you're absolutely glowing right now, and how incredibly appealing you smell, is clouding all my judgments and common sense, and I have a feeling that if I don't say all I am thinking right now, I won't be in this headspace again any time soon. I still firmly believe that I'm not to touch you like this, while you're human, and I do have some limits, from the time I was born and where I came from, that I don't plan on ignoring any time soon, but I'm still a man. I won't lie and pretend I'm not imagining how sexy you sound, look, and smell, when you are mid orgasm. And I'm kinda mad at myself for not arriving earlier tonight." He says it all in almost one breath, while he sits back on my bed, back resting on my headboard, ankles crossed, and hands resting behind his head. He has a side grin on his face, that I have never seen before, and for the first time he looks almost human. "So, if that is something you'd be comfortable with one day, I'm definitely not opposed to lessons on the female pleasure, with a demonstration or two."

"I feel dizzy." Is all I can say, and as if I switch has been turned on , or off, inside Edward's brain, he's back being his old self. He's now crouched by the bed side, in between my legs, holding my hands.

"Your blood pressure is a bit low; you need food, you haven't eaten anything yet. And you did have quite a day, so your body is probably overwhelmed. I'll warm up your food, and you need to drink some water." He says, grabbing a bottle from the bag he brought me, and placing in my hands. I look up, to check his face. His eyes are golden again. Whiplash, full on whiplash. Should we tell him that he is the one making us dizzy? I don't think that's a good idea if we ever expect him to be in that mood again. Probably right.

I decide to put my thoughts and confusion away, so I can appreciate the food I was craving so badly. I want to discuss with Edward what just happened, but I can see he's not in that head space anymore, and honestly, I need some time to think what he meant with it, and what that meant for our relationship. So, we don't bring it up during dinner time, or ice cream time. In fact, we don't bring it up at all for the whole night. We binge watch a show on Netflix, talk about the Cullen's plans for the weekend with me, and I fall asleep on his arms.

And that was the first night I had a sex dream with Edward Cullen.

I feel his cold hand first. After all, the cold is what wakes me up, the cold is welcomed, familiar, sexy. His hand is just exploring my back, slowly and very lightly brushing his fingers over my spine. I try not to show any reactions, I don't want him to stop, and I'm scared that if he knows I'm awake, he will stop letting his fingers from going down on my back, till the bottom of my spine. I don't want him to stop.

I feel his lips next. That's how I know he's aware of me being awake. The second his lips meet the back of my neck, and I get shivers all over my body, I know he wouldn't do that while I'm asleep. In fact, that's not a move he would usually go for. It's almost innocent, but erotic at the same time, and he gets the reaction he wants from me, the shivers, a low moan, and my body asking for more.

His hand feels heavier now. Not uncomfortable, just more purposeful. They are not just brushing over my spine; his fingers are exploring all of my lower back. Anything he can reach from under my shirt, and uncovered back, and going down to slip his fingers under the elastics of my pajama pants. I move around a bit, so he can reach better.

This is uncharted territory in our relationship. We've kissed, a lot, we have let our hands roam around a little bit, aimlessly, but Edward never, consciously and purposefully, reached for my bare ass before. And judging by the fact he completely ignored my underwear's existence, there's no denying his goal here. His hand is massaging my bare ass, and, weirdly, I'm loving it.

But it isn't enough. Not even close to it. I need more. So, I reach for it.

I'm not as coordinated I wish I was; I try to turn towards him, but my legs get caught mid the sheets. Before I get too tied up, or embarrassed, Edward has me on my back, sheets on the floor, one hand by my head, on the bed, holding himself up, the other hand up my shirt, reaching for my boobs. I gasp, surprised, excited, needing more.

"Take it off." I tell him, as soon as I can find my voice. He looks me in the eyes, black obsidians looking back at me, and he complies to my request, only loosing eye contact while the shirt was covering my face.

Edward has never seen me without a shirt on, but instead of looking down, he's still looking in my eyes, almost as if asking for permission, and all I can do is reach my hands behind his head, and pull him in for a kiss. A desperate, deep kiss. Full of passion, need, lust. I let my hands roam down his back, until reaching the bottom of his shirt, and I pull it up, making it clear to him that I want that off, as soon as possible. He stops the kiss to get his shirt off, but he's quickly back kissing me again.

He is keeping his distance though. I'm sure he is scared of crushing me or anything like that, so I need to put my ideas to practice.

"Edward, switch our positions." I ask, trying to get back to kissing, but he stops.

"What?" He asks, a bit confused.

"I want to be on top, Edward, and I'm not strong enough to move you, so switch our positions." I ask, again, firmly, and he complies. He switches us so quickly I have the air knocked out of me for a second. I go from laying on my back on a comfy and warm bed, to laying my boobs on hard rock cold skin. And my nipples react to that quite instantly. I let out a low moan, and I can hear one from him too. It's good to know I'm not the only one affected.

Both of his hands are now free to do whatever they want, and I like that. Because as soon as I sit up, straddling him, just above where I really am interested on being sat on, his hands are on my waist. He is trying really hard to still look at my eyes, I know that, I can see that, but that's not what I want. I grab his hands from my waist, and place each on a boob. He takes a second looking at me, frozen in place, and then his fingers start moving.

I've had guys playing with my boobs before, and it wasn't always a hit. Some of them knew what they were doing, some didn't. There was this one guy once, that bit my nipple out of nowhere, super hard, and he made me question ever letting another man touch my boobs ever again. I got over it when Kyle showed me the pleasures of bullet vibrators and soft teeth scraping. Every guy brought something new to the table, but one thing is certain, none of them had ice cold fingers making my nipples even harder. And none of them made me feel hotter than Edward right now. Maybe all I needed was some ice, and strong heavy hands. All I needed was Edward, as if my body was made for his hands. For him.

I wanted to touch him, to make him feel good too, so I reached behind my back with my right hand, trying to find his cock. It wasn't hard to find. It was big, bigger than expected, and it was probably thick enough for my fingers to wrap around it, and not be able to touch on the other side. But I couldn't tell that for sure, because I was touching it above his joggers. That annoys me. Clothes are annoying, unnecessary, so I make a mental note to put in place a no clothes rule on bed time. That would make everything easier.

I need to change where I'm sitting, moving lower towards his legs, so I can put his pants down and reach for his hard rock, and ice cold, cock. For the whole time I'm changing my sitting spot, Edward's hands don't stop exploring my bare chest and waist. I know he wants to get rid of my pants too, but it's my turn to have some fun. And fun I planned on having.

"Bella." He says, and I'm not sure he's trying to warn me not to cross that line yet, or just trying to get my attention. Either way I don't stop my hands when they reach for his waistband. I need those off. Now. "Bella." He says again and I know I can't ignore it because his voice sounds different. Almost strained, painful.

"Bella, wake up." I hear him saying again, and my brain starts picking up on the environment around me. I'm not sitting on his legs. I'm definitely still wearing my clothes. His hands are not touching my breast. He's actually not touching me at all. I need a few moments to get my brain back in order. I was asleep. I had a great dream. Edward woke me up before my dream got to the best part. I'm mad at him and I hope he has a good reason for that.

I open my eyes to see Edward sitting on my desk chair. My room is not on fire, or flooded. There are no sirens, alarms, or anything that would indicate an emergency. My wall clock says it's 6am, so I'm not late for anything. The only thing that indicates to me that something isn't right, is the fact that Edward is sitting as far as possible from my bed right now. His hands are resting on the sides of my chair, and it seems like it's taking him all his control not to break it, from holding on to it too hard. His head is resting back on the neck pillow, and I can see his chest moving with slow, but long and deep, breaths. He seems like it is taking him all his control not to do something, and when his eyes come down, to look at my face for the first time since I woke up, I feel his stare all over my body. The black eyes are back. The horny, thirsty, hungry, obsidian eyes. And he's looking at me as if he cold tell exactly what I was dreaming about.

But he can't read my mind, there's no way he knows. I mean, we do tend to sleep talk a bit. Oh. OH!. "Oh fuck." I let scape, as soon as I realized what I was probably saying, and doing, during that amazingly great dream.

"Fuck is the appropriate reaction." He says, in a deeper, raspier voice than I have ever heard coming out of it. He is not fully in control.