please read the AO3 version. I have a lot to say on the author's notes there!
Len could not help the smile on his face.
This was the moment he finally dreamt of for the past four years. In those four years, Rin only became more beautiful for him.
Warmth surged within Len that made him blush when she recognised him.
Rin assumed to herself the flush on Len's face must be due to the cold.
"Hey Rin. It's been a long time." Len felt his throat tighten. He held back all the emotions that threatened to come out. "Pretty cold night, isn't it?"
"It is." Rin slowly took her last few steps until they stood a few metres to each other. "I could say so for yourself just standing here in the middle of the cold. Are you waiting for something?"
Not something, but someone.
You.
But Len held himself back.
"Yeah. Something like that. What brings you here at this park? It's pretty far from your area so I didn't expect you to be here."
"Neru, Gumi, and Lily invited me here to admire the lights and spend time together."
"That's nice. They're beautiful, aren't they?" Len smiled. Then there was silence.
Rin nodded, and held back the anxiety. "And yourself?"
"I had to do an errand before this day ended. And I'm just taking a breath here."
"Ah, I see."
Rin resented the awkwardness that lingered. So she dissipated it for herself.
"How have you been? I've never heard anything about you since we left YMH."
"I'm good… I think?" Len answered; scratched the back of his nape in a timid way. "How about you? I've heard good things about you from Kai." He smiled.
The fairy lights from the tree only gave an ethereal look on Rin's face.
It was a lovely sight for Len. He appreciated every shadow and light that accentuated her features.
"I'm fine. But Kai must be exaggerating," Rin smiled calmly. "Nothing much is happening with me. This is the same old me, nothing exciting. I didn't know you'd been talking to him these days."
"Not really, we just started talking again recently." Len fidgeted, the top of his shoe twisted on the ground, while he timidly avoided Rin's gaze. "Then we caught up. He mentioned stuff about you from time to time."
"Ohhh… Alright." Rin replied, surprised that Kaito did that.
If Len had not minded about her being mentioned, did it mean something?
"I didn't expect him to do that. So where did you go after YMH?"
Rin knew it was ICL. She remembered what Len said during their graduation.
But she did not want to assume, but for him to say it.
She tested the waters for her own sake.
"ICL. I finished two months ago, actually. So I'm just preparing for university next year and getting the hang of being an adult, I guess." Len replied honestly.
He felt so overwhelmed.
But Len could not look away from her, with how pretty she was even when she just stood in front of him. "I know you're still in CFH because Kai told me. Did you finish school now? Are you going to uni?"
"We're having our graduation the day after tomorrow, actually." Rin simply replied. "Yeah, I'm going to uni next year. Fingers crossed I make it." She chuckled.
Was she ready to tell him she could not study here anymore?
"That's awesome. Congratulations on graduating. You've always dedicated yourself to your studies, and I applaud you for it. You'll always be the top student for me." Len said in support. "Though I can't imagine a graduation in the middle of winter though, if I'm going to be honest."
Rin chuckled lightly. "Yeah, it's weird. People usually expect a white Christmas. Yet my school is giving us a white graduation."
Len laughed at the joke. His eyes almost closed with how much it squinted thanks to the huge smile he had to let out the hearty chuckles.
Rin thought it was a bad joke and only smiled in return; albeit awkwardly. Who knew Len actually found that dry remark entertaining?
It was an odd feeling within her, Rin realised. In the early days, the passive-aggressive interactions and death glares always appeared. Eventually it evolved into an urge to get out of the conversation to escape the awkwardness.
Yet none of it existed at this very moment.
There was… nothing negative. The best emotion Rin could identify was eagerness to catch up on what happened to each other.
Rin asked another question. "Did you enjoy your time at school? Busy with your friends there?"
"Yeah, I enjoyed my classes. It helped prepare me for my plans at uni. Even if I struggled making friends. That wasn't my strong point for the whole two years I was there…" Len awkwardly smiled. "Mostly I spend my time with my family instead, which was fun."
"I'm sure you'll find more friends at uni soon. Not everyone gets a good cohort at high school, so it's fine if you can't connect to them." Rin told her.
Len thought it was nice of her; from someone who was adored by her friends, to the point they planned her reunion with him out of their love for her.
After Len thanked her, Rin continued. "How are your parents? Are they good?"
"Yeah, they're good." Len answered. "Mum got promoted, and dad started a new job last year. They make more time for me than before. I like the change."
"That's good." Rin simply replied. She actually felt at ease when she heard about his parents.
In the distant past, his parents approved of her with the physical affection and words of assurance she lacked from her real parents.
But it would only remain there, never to be brought back to the present.
Len asked a question this time. "How about your family? I haven't seen your mum in the area nowadays."
"Ehhh… still the same old family I have. Still chaotic but we make it work." Rin tried her best to hide her bitterness.
She could not bother to elaborate. Ironically, even if the answer was simple as her mum did not simply linger on the local market nearby Len's area anymore.
He should not know the conflict that grew larger and larger between her and her family.
Rin liked to keep things simple and succinct for Len now. Nothing more and nothing less.
Oliver and Gakupo nodded to each other. It was a good sign, Rin showed interest and kept their conversation going with more questions.
Luka and Miku were unsure of the ambiance of the conversation. The former had her fingers on her lips in concentration.
But Len knew better.
From the posture, the body language, the constant fleeting of her gaze, and her short replies.
Rin's guard was up.
She only kept their conversation at the minimum. Nothing personal, but not as detached if they were strangers. He could not blame her.
Why would Rin, a private person, decide to suddenly open up about the intimate details of her life to him?
He hurted her and it burned in the back of her mind until today.
Len knew in front of him was an invisible chain that barricaded him to Rin. It was either he broke it or she unlocked it for him.
Yet he might have to accept the fact as it is, and hopelessly stand on the other side.
If Len did not do anything else, all of the efforts of his friends would fail tonight.
He was meant to speak the moment he opened his mouth. But Rin beat him to it.
"Look, I'm actually with Neru, Gumi, and Lily right now and they left me when I was talking to Kai on the phone. Do you want to join us after we find them?"
From behind the bush, Kaito quickly clutched his device and held the button to turn his microphone on.
"Go for it, Len." He said urgently.
Len gulped and prepared himself for what he needed to say next. "Actually, I was wondering if you're comfortable if we can talk about some things?"
Miku scratched her head awkwardly. Len was supposed to admit the three were with him at that very moment.
But she decided not to contact him when she saw Rin was about to reply.
"Ohh…" Rin felt even more surprised. She avoided his gaze; looked anywhere but his eyes. "I didn't expect you to say that. But the girls are waiting for me though…"
"About that…" Len scratched the back of his nape again, his blush no longer containable and he looked at the side. "They know we're here. So you don't have to worry about them."
Miku mutely sighed in relief. That was perfect timing Len did there.
Kaito and Luka saw her and felt the same.
Before Rin could say something to Len, her phone vibrated with her distinct notification sound. She saw the text from Gumi that shocked her.
[CHAT SCENE] Gumi (sender) and Rin (receiver)
Megumi Nakajima
Gumi: Go talk to him. It's your last chance. You've always wanted this, right?
Gumi: He's been begging for it all this time.
Rin re-read the text once again. Her eyes visibly moved through the other direction as she processed the words on the screen.
Did Lily, Neru and Gumi just set this whole thing up for her?
No wonder Kaito said those words. He must have been involved in this too.
"It's your last chance."
"...What if the moment you approached him was the one thing he needed the most?"
Rin had no idea how all of this happened. Was this a grand scheme of plans? Or was tonight a whole coincidence, a trick by fate? Or was it the combination of both?
Nevertheless, they were right.
This was her last chance.
She raised her head to look back at Len. Did he have that hopeful smile on his face all this time?
"Sure." Rin frowned. Her hands shook a bit.
This conversation was more than to catch up from the past two years. Much more than that.
"I've always wanted to tell all of this to you. I only just came to terms with it in tenth grade. But I wasn't ready when you were still around. When I was finally ready at graduation, you already left." Len stuttered with a soft voice.
Rin thought he was freezing, so she reached out a hand to him.
"Your voice is shaking… Are you freezing? Do we need to get inside?" Rin asked worriedly. The last thing she wanted for Len was to endure hypothermia because she let him outside for this long.
"No! No, I'm okay," Len assured her. "I-I'm just fighting everything in me to say everything to you. Please give me this moment, give me your time." He pleaded.
Rin slowly retracted her hand. She finally realised Len's desperation.
How important was all that he was about to tell her now for him to plead desperately?
She gulped down the rising nervousness. Don't tell me this is about our past—
"It's been four years since we separated, since I left you. And I know how much it hurted you, even until now." Len's voice quavered.
And Rin finally got her senses to know it was not because of the cold.
He let out another shaky sigh before he spoke. "That's why I need you here. I need to tell you everything. What happened and why it happened. You've always wanted this. But I was selfish and deprived it from you. I only have tonight for this. So please, stay."
Rin never thought she could remain motionless for such a long time. Her eyes were wide open and her lip forcibly shut by reflex, as she doubted what happened in front of her.
Was this all a dream? Was this only a hallucination as her brain slowly froze to death?
She had to rub her eyes, and right in front Len still stood. Her arms trembled when she lowered it to her side.
"What if I already accepted what happened to us as it is?" Rin whispered. The gush of the winter breeze blew towards her and behind Len. Her words made it to him.
"You could. But you never knew what happened, because I kept it from you. I'd be lying to both of us if I just let you live in the dark like that." Len looked down with a strained smile.
"You've already done that to me for the last four years. What's the difference if you change it today?" Rin whispered with a hoarse edge that carried bitterness. Her eyes hardened akin to a glare to her abandoned love.
Miku and Luka covered their mouths with their palms. The sharp shift of tone from Rin heard on their earpieces rang alarm bells in their heads.
They had one thought in mind: 'Crap, crap! He needs help!'
Gakupo and Oliver were both perplexed. The former had his eyes squinted as he judged Rin's sudden shift in her approach.
If she was open to finally talk to Len, she was being too deflective for no reason.
Miku clutched her device and was about to open her microphone. Then she already heard Len speak.
"Both of us. I can never change the past nor what happened to us. But I need to apologise to you. I can't stand the thought of still hurting you even after all these years. I wasn't the best person when we still saw each other, Rin." Len's voice quivered with remorse. He powered through the surge of his prickling guilt.
"I've hurted you for too long. I don't want you to live anymore through the misery I caused. Both of us can't move forward the longer I hold us from the past."
"But why, Len…?" Rin whispered slowly. "It's been years… We already have our own lives… Why today…?"
Len gulped. He clutched the front of his jacket as he fought himself to release those words.
"I-. Because you know I-" His stuttering only made his internal dilemma against the anxiety that held him back so obvious for everyone, and for Rin, to watch.
Rin saw his struggle and wanted to relieve him from it.
"It's okay Len. You don't need to force yourself today. We can still talk some other day." Rin lied.
There definitely was no time for it when she had a flight to catch soon. "Saying how you really felt wasn't always easy for you. I knew that. I'll always understand it."
Even after all those cruel years in the past, Rin understood Len.
Kind, gentle Rin who never forced Len to do something if it made him uncomfortable. All the more it only stabbed him in the chest.
Some things never changed, such was her gentleness to him.
"No!" Len cried. His body jerked and his head leaned down. "I need to say this to you now Rin. This is my only chance before you have to leave!"
And Rin stood motionless, horrified. Len knew about her situation before she spoke a word of it.
"Wait…" Rin was still astonished. "How did you know…?"
Len heaved a heavy sigh and held back a sob. "Kai and your friends approached me. They told me you were leaving soon, so they had to make us meet tonight after planning it throughout the year."
"My friends…? Like Miku, Luka, Gakupo, and Oliver…?" Rin asked herself out loud.
With Len's slight nod, she put her palms on her face in shock.
"And almost a year? " She shrieked. "So this wasn't a last minute thing? And you weren't forced to do this?"
"I just told you Rin, I've always wanted to do this." Len sighed. "I never had the backbone to actually approach you. I owe Kai and your friends a lot for helping me."
His gaze was still lowered until he raised his head to see Rin's perplexed expression.
With a sigh, Rin allowed the silent night, together with the falling snow, engulf her and Len in the park. A million thoughts ran inside her brain.
She was afraid, so scared. For herself, for Len.
But she was tired of it.
And there would never be another chance after this night.
"... I'm sorry for my approach just now." Rin sighed, her gaze below on her gloved hands she fidgeted on. "I shoved my trust issues into you. I was being too defensive. I just couldn't believe this is actually happening now…"
"No need to apologise, Rin… I get it. I can't blame you. It's still hard to believe I'm actually talking to you now…" Len smiled sadly.
"... I'll stay." Rin whispered. "I'll stay and listen to everything you have to say." She sighed.
"I thought if I pretended to not want this, then soon I'll actually not need it anymore." Rin looked below, to her restless hands.
"But I never forgot it. I've always wanted it even when I was able to handle the pain better than before. I needed this, Len.
"Like you, I didn't have the backbone to do it either. People around me often say how courageous I am as a person. Yet I could never gather it when it came to finding you."
It was Len who had his eyes widened at the revelation.
All the people behind the bushes heaved a heavy sigh out of relief.
Gakupo and Oliver felt relieved that Rin finally opened up on this important night.
Miku, despite being grateful for the turn of events, still had her preserved worries. They were only just getting started on the dangerous part.
"Tell me now. Tell me what happened." Rin had a small smile on her lips; the first time since they began to talk.
The winter breeze echoed in the empty park. The tree branches rattled while Rin and Len stood, as if time stopped for only the two of them.
Len took a breath. This was finally it.
He tightened his fist in fear his heart would burst out with everything that was about to resurface.
"I wasn't thinking carefully. I was reckless. I didn't think enough how much it would affect you when I did it." Len whispered in a raspy voice. He reminded himself to be louder. There should be no room for any misunderstanding.
"It was around eighth grade. The gossip of people saying that I never deserve you. That I could never be on the same level as you in everything. All I heard were comparisons between me and you.
"Every label they gave me was to put me down. It broke me. I already had bad self-esteem and all of it didn't help. I just wanted to get away and be sucked in a hole that won't ever open again."
Rin stared with a deadpan expression on her face. It was simply an unreadable expression as she carefully listened to Len's words.
"That's why…" Len suddenly had to take a sharp breath. "I took my frustration and anger on you, on our relationship. I thought if I finished it, people would stop talking about me. The insecurity that swallowed me would stop if I cut you and they won't say anything anymore. I was desperate— Desperately confused with everything. But…" His voice shook and temporarily halted him.
"That was the biggest mistake I made… I regretted everything when I broke your heart…" When he took a sharp breath, the sobs slowly came out.
"I only realised how wrong I was when it was too late! I'm sorry, Rin. I ruined us! I'm so, so sorry!"
Len's sobs reverberated in the empty, silent park.
Even through the earpiece, their friends all knew he was at his most vulnerable moment; to let out all the pent up frustration for three years.
"I wasted all of it, everything that we had." Len continued in between sobs. "When I saw you on the first day of ninth grade, I felt so bad to see you so quiet and withdrawn. I didn't know what to do next. A big part of me wanted to take everything back and correct everything to stop you from spiralling down. But I was stupid, weak, a fucking coward,"
Len clenched his fists and glared at the ground, the anger he had for himself from those faraway years rose. "-And I didn't do anything. My selfishness is the reason why we broke up, I finished things with you even when you never agreed to it. Now I'm ashamed of it today. I want to fix everything for us, to get you back."
After Len wiped his eyes from the tears, he noticed the change in Rin's expression.
Her eyes widened not by surprise but in horror. She looked confused. Rin's mouth shook but the words never escaped quickly.
"Len…" Rin called in a hoarse voice. "You could have told me… All those years…."
Len heaved a few more sobs. "I should have… I should! But I was a fool. It's too late. I hurted you!"
"Why…?" Rin felt herself about to cry. Yet no tears wanted to come out, and it frustrated her.
Could it be the cold wind that dried her eyes? Could it be she just came to terms with the newfound truth so it was hopeless to shed tears?
"We could have done something… We could have avoided all the pain we had if you had told me early…"
New set of tears and sobs came out from Len. He and Rin still stood, a few metres away; a respectable distance from each other.
Len was so near, yet so far to Rin. It was all he wanted.
He cursed the cruelty of their situation.
"But it was my fault too…" Rin clutched her chest with a gloved hand. "Oh I'm so sorry Len. I was a fool too! I didn't bother checking on you. I never noticed it. Whenever you felt bad, I assumed you were in your usual mood and needed space. So I'd leave you and wait for you to come back."
She inhaled to recollect herself. "I should have been more observant and more persuasive. It wasn't only you who messed up. I neglected you and our relationship. I was too complacent."
"Rin, that's what relationships are supposed to be. You're complacent and at ease with your partner because you have faith in them. I didn't trust you to confide in my struggles to you. Now look where we are. It's not you, Rin. It was never you. It's me! It was all me!" Len explained in the middle of his cries. He continuously wiped his face while he tried to breathe from all the emotions that rampaged in his heart.
Rin felt a strange emotion as she witnessed Len break into pieces with every sob and tear coming out from his red-swollen eyes. It was sympathy.
Rin felt validated, with a guilty feeling alongside, when she finally saw Len carried a heavy weight on his shoulders about their past relationship.
She was not the only one who bore emotional baggage from it.
And now they stood together in this poignant moment, and received that forsaken closure they needed from each other.
Rin's shoulders slowly felt lighter, even if she had not shed a single tear.
"... I forgive you." Rin whispered. "Though not because of tonight. I've long forgiven you since."
Len gasped and controlled his sobs. He stared at Rin, wanted to make sure she just said what he heard.
"You do…? But I just talked to you today. It's unfair to you to forgive me this easily."
"It was more for the sake of me moving on. I only convinced myself you must have had a compelling reason for this. And after realising my short-comings on our relationship, I taught myself how to learn from those mistakes. Part of it was forgiving you and the faults we had when we were together." Rin smiled, every muscle wrenched her heart after a very emotional conversation.
Len continued to stare wide-eyed at Rin, with tear-track stains on his cheeks together with red-swollen eyes and a flush from the warmth on his face. "But you haven't heard everything… Are you sure?"
"Of course I am." Rin simply answered. "Even if this was everything, I'm already content. You gave me all the answers I needed…"
She smiled. "It's enough. This is enough. But if you need to say more, now's your chance. I'm here to listen until the very end."
With Rin's soft, assuring tone, Len knew it was the most sincere she always had been. And he deeply appreciated the deities from above for his chance.
With a heavy breath, Len began. "I was close to approaching you and fixing everything. But I let my pride and anger get the best of me when everyone started teaming up by choosing your side."
Rin scrunched her eyebrows at the mention of the last part. But she remained quiet and waited for Len to finish.
The discomfort she once constantly carried in the past slowly came back as a phantom to her. Even to this day, to bring back the early days after the break-up was never easy for Rin.
She could not imagine it now with Len's revelation of his regret.
"The people who caused my insecurity in the first place began talking behind me, of how much of an asshole I was to break your heart. I didn't mind everyone siding with you. I get it. I wouldn't side with me either." Len looked at the side with a sad, grim expression on his face.
"But when you were left all alone, on your own for the next two years, after you were put through the mob mentality of everyone around you, it damaged me. It was a slap on my face, and to who I was. When Kai chose to stay away from me out of his anger for what I did, it was the most painful thing for me."
At the mention of his name, Kaito slumped his shoulders, looked down to the ground, and clenched his fist. He still listened to the conversation, even with a heavy heart.
In situations such as this, it was preferable he was left alone. Miku and Luka offered their sympathies in silence.
At that moment, Rin frowned. Her eyes screamed worry and regret as her eyebrows scrunched up, while she endured the rest of Len's story.
"It was awful… I thought I finally had the friends I wanted but never got. Then I suddenly ruined it. I blamed you at one point out of my frustration. I thought you stole everything I had.
"It was selfish of me to think that you were already popular in school, everyone respected you and I was nobody. And then when we broke up, my status as an outcast got worse. But it was never your fault. Everything went to shit because I caused all of it." Len sighed.
Rin visibly flinched. Her mouth was supposed to open so she could speak but had stopped herself at the very last second.
She reminded her to listen to Len. Until he finished, she would not say anything yet.
"Then I grew tired of being angry at you. The holiday before tenth grade was the time I started re-thinking everything I did. At the fireworks festival, I realised all of this… That I'm shameful for what happened. I want to make everything right this time…!"
Rin's eyes widened. She assumed him being tired of his anger at her was the main reason why their tumultuous interactions laid low a year later after their separation.
She never thought of a day Len regretted what happened to them.
Rin was now confused, and she was uncomfortable with the feeling of uncertainty.
"Tenth grade came. I slowly had the courage to approach you. But I ended up not making an attempt because of my anxiety. The few times I tried to, I already noticed you were seriously avoiding me. When we had to talk for school work, there was someone else delivering your messages to me.
"We never really talked directly. Yet I was stupidly stubborn. I thought if I can't get into you first, then I had to do it slowly with our friends first. I only managed to do it in Kaito by the last half of the year…" Len worriedly checked Rin's face. She still frowned.
"The few times I attempted reaching out to you, it all backfired. You were either too busy to notice or not in the mood to joke around. I always chose the wrong timing. Then there were the chats… And the phone call I did that your mother ended up answering—"
"So you were really the one who called on the landline?" Rin suddenly interjected, eyes widened after that odd memory and her far-fetched guess quickly resurfaced.
"Mum scolded me. I thought it was because of my behaviour. But because it was you… She never forgot about you…" She whispered the last part.
It was Len who was surprised this time. He felt something sharp. It was his chest stabbed with Rin's words.
Rin had her eyebrows scrunched that highlighted the look of confusion.
Until her face shifted, and she finally remembered. "Of course… I hid you. Because every time I saw you online it made me want to cry. I never knew you messaged me."
Rin lowered her gaze this time at the confession.
Len shakingly sighed. He knew it was the case when Rin never saw his messages, even when she was active online.
But there was still a sharp ache on his chest when she admitted it. He was as good as being blocked on her accounts.
Rin opened her phone.
The familiar banner from a long time ago welcomed her again. She pressed the button that she used to restrained herself from; the once temptation to trap herself on the good days.
To her shock, Rin saw multiple messages from Len. The timestamps had varied intervals, different dates. The very first message was as early as the summer before tenth grade. The one-sided conversation ended early this year.
Rin was horrified at herself. She looked at Len with all the guilt she had.
But Len quickly assured her. "Don't blame yourself, please. You were not ready to talk to me. I could never take that against you."
"I'm so sorry, Len." Rin clutched her phone, her hands shook from the overwhelming emotions.
"I still messaged you even when we left because I assumed you were alright with me during graduation. When you talked to me with Kai and didn't back off from being in a photo with us…"
Rin's shocked gaze still focused on Len, desperate to absorb everything she missed from her stupidity.
Len smiled shyly and avoided Rin's gaze. "I was really thankful for it even when it wasn't obvious. You didn't avoid me, even talked to me without trying to get out. I was so relieved, you know?
"After that, I realised that was my chance to tell you what I've always wanted to say. Before we had to leave…."
"But that never happened…?" Rin questionably replied.
"Because I was too late, again." Len sighed. "I approached Kai after I couldn't find you myself. It was right after you told him you were leaving. We ran all the way to the car park because I was desperate to talk to you."
He smiled embarrassingly. "I knew it was my last chance before we stopped meeting for good. And I was right…"
Lightbulbs were raised from their hidden audience.
Luka, Miku, Gakupo, and Oliver all knew that story thanks to Kaito who provided the details on the first day they all learnt about Rin and Len.
Gumi, Neru and Lily vividly recalled their own reactions to the event.
Tonight they all witnessed Rin's reaction.
Rin sighed and pleaded with herself to gather more energy for this extended conversation.
Why did no one mention this to her? She could have approached Len herself if she knew he wanted to say something important to her.
But Rin felt oddly relieved. Finally, she felt so content.
The truth actually set her free, and she rejoiced at the fact.
"Thank you so much for tonight, Len." Rin tried her best to let out a smile. "This meant everything to me back then. I taught myself to live with all of these through the years so it didn't harm me for too long. But I've always needed this one moment. Thank you…"
Len felt blessed to witness Rin's smile, and he returned it.
It was a long time ago since he saw her eyes lit up in that distinct way when she felt overjoyed; the one he loved the most.
"I should be thanking you Rin… For staying until now…" Len whispered.
"Of course I would…" Rin breathed. She brought a gloved fist on her chest.
"We've both needed this, Len. It's safe to say it's been due for a long time…" She encouraged with the same smile he strived to be the cause for.
He took a leap of faith. Once and for all.
"I need to tell you something else… It's important."
The friends behind the bushes held themselves.
Miku, Luka, and Gakupo covered their mouths to contain their excitement.
Lily and Neru clutched each other's hands in support as they gazed at the pair. Gumi clasped her hands together and rested it behind her lips, as if in prayer.
Oliver smiled at the hope they all waited for.
Kaito had a huge smile he could not restrain himself. This was the moment he had always dreamed of.
Two of his best friends were about to reunite, and their group would be together again after years of uncertainty.
"Okay… So what's that something else? I didn't expect I would get more than this closure." Rin gently teased with the smile that left a pleasant ache on Len's heart. Her hands were in her pockets as she slightly wobbled on her spot.
Len nodded. With another leap of faith for himself, he confessed.
"That day at the local festival three years ago. I was by myself, thinking about the past and what happened. I had a few realisations. The part you needed to know is that…"
Len paused, his face contorted in focus and gazed at the ground below.
He brought his head upwards to face Rin.
This was now everything, all at once.
"I want to spend every day with you, Rin. I love you. I finally learnt from my mistakes. And it's always been you. I need you now. I want us to try our relationship again."
Rin was speechless.
She felt mortified at herself for some unspeakable reason. Here she was who stupidly assumed Len meant something else.
But not this.
And the part when he said to 'bring them back', she assumed only as friends.
But it was actually much more than that.
If Rin was still her fourteen year old self who wanted to wake up from the nightmare that was the break-up, she would be over the clouds tonight with Len's words.
But Rin was not that girl anymore.
She accepted it all as she grew older. And how was she able to tell Len the idea that she finally embraced long ago; that both her mind and heart agreed upon?
Rin still has not spoken a word after.
At that point Len bravely maintained his eye contact with her. There was the occasional side-glance, but most of the time his gaze lingered back to her.
He appreciated the maturity of Rin's facial structure, together with the consistency of her features he knew from their teenagehood.
Her long lustrous locks, sharper jawline and cheekbones complimented with the white ribbon on her head, and her big blue eyes emphasised by the blush on her cheeks.
"... You're joking…" Rin carefully uttered.
She whispered, her body froze out of shock and the bone chilling cold did not help with her dilemma. "Right? This is a messed up joke if it is…"
"... No, none of this is a joke, Rin." Len whispered, the fatigue from his sobbing episode a while ago caught up on him.
"It's the only truth I can give you now. I've yearned for you for the past three years. No matter what I did to convince myself it would fade away, it never did. It did not help that I'd see you randomly in public and it all comes back to me." Len awkwardly chuckled, scratched the back of his nape at the embarrassing confession.
"Then you performed with your electric at your school festival. I couldn't take my eyes off you the whole time."
"So you were at the festival…!" Rin finally pointed out. "You were Oliver's 'cousin'! It wasn't my fatigue playing tricks on me when I saw you left the gates!"
Len still had his awkward smile as he was caught red-handed, the deed already happened weeks ago.
"Yeah… Your friends helped me get inside and avoid you from seeing me and get me through your performance. One of your friends pointed out how deep I was into you. But I couldn't deny it, it was true."
Rin still remained wide-eyed. Everything still seemed unbelievable.
She was still on the stage of denial. With all of Len's heartfelt confession, it only made her worries profound.
All Rin could do was control her face and hide her inner turmoil.
"If we have to start all over again with getting to know each other, I will do it." Len suddenly began. "I don't mind waiting for how long, but I will wait. No matter what it takes, I already know my feelings for you. I will do anything to make us work, Rin. I love you."
Len's voice rasped at the very end. The howl from the wind's breeze was the only sound heard right after.
The hidden audience all held their breaths for what Rin would say next. It was the pivotal moment.
With the confession, Rin could not hide her discomfort any longer.
She could never live in a lie. She would only hurt Len if she pretended to herself first and foremost.
She was finally set free because of the truth. And Len should never be bound by the chains of her lies.
And so it must be said.
"I'm sorry, Len. I can't give you what you're asking me tonight." Rin whispered that was perfectly heard by her former love.
"I don't love you; not anymore."
His astonishment was evident. Len was stunned at Rin's heart-shattering confession.
Len stuttered. He found his world to be at a standstill that he had to face now.
His lips shook as he forced himself to utter words. "W-Wait… Sorry, I didn't get that. C-Can you say that again?"
"Len, I don't love you anymore. I can't love you now. There's no changing it." Rin admitted with a disheartened tone.
His vision began to blur as his eyes produced warm tears.
A sharp pain on his chest pierced into him. If Len had not known anything better, he thought he was stabbed.
"Please, Rin. Give me another chance." Len pleaded, his voice shook with the incoming sobs.
His voice became louder the longer he pleaded. "I messed up, I ruined us. But I'll do anything to prove it won't happen again. No matter how long or whatever it takes, I'll do everything, give my everything, to make this, us, work this time! Please!"
"It's not going to work, Len. I'm sorry." Rin apologised.
"Through the years, I realised that I'm content with just myself. And I have my own personal issues to resolve that won't be good in a relationship. I don't want to harm you with my insecurities. I do appreciate the closure, it's very heartwarming to me…" Rin smiled.
Her smile dropped, and the frown on her face only pierced another sharp burst of pain on Len's chest.
"Yet it only assured me that I'm not ready for a new relationship. I can't imagine it, whether it's with you or someone else. I'm never prepared to take that step yet… I'm too busy trying to fix myself first."
Len already felt another stab on his chest slowly pierce his heart.
"I'll help you fix yourself, Rin! You did that to me! I can do it for you too! We can help each other! Just… please! Stay with me!"
"I'm leaving in two days, Len." Rin stopped him. "We ran out of time… It would only hurt the both of us with the long distance."
"There's a way! We can make it work, I will make it work! I swear, Rin!" He cried. Screams reverberated inside his head that made him hysterical.
He reached out to Rin's hands and held them out of desperation.
She was taken aback when her hands were held in the most gentle way despite the hard grip he had.
"Len, it's impossible. It's too difficult for both of us. It would be unfair for you." Rin gently chided him. "This is the end. No matter what I do, I just can't love you."
Rin felt hopeless. They lived on the cruel fate they shared: One of them was always meant to be hurt.
"Maybe as friends, yes. But I've already made peace with my bittersweet memories with you, Len. I hope it only stays that way. I want to be in control of myself. I want to decide for my future alone. And I'm sorry that I don't see you included in it."
"... Even after a year? I can wait." Len muttered his plea. "Even if it's ten years; I'll wait however long it takes for you to be ready. All that time I will prove to you I'll make everything work out for you, for us."
"Len, you can't do that to yourself. That's ridiculous!" Rin scolded him worriedly.
She fought her way out of Len's grasps on her hands with a few gentle pulls.
"You need to live your life on your own terms. You can't do that if you restrict yourself only to me. I can't give you hope for the next ten years and only hurt you for another ten by still saying no. It's too cruel. I never want you to endure something similar to that. You don't deserve it!"
Warm tears left wet trails on Len's face as they fell down to the snow on the ground. They came out alongside the sobs he could not hold anymore.
Len gripped himself by the shoulders and held himself from the onset of his emotional breakdown. His microphone disconnected briefly until it was restored after a few minutes.
Even in the few minutes of no feedback from Len, the people behind the bushes knew what happened.
Without the microphones, his heart wrenching sobs resonated.
Neru had a shocked and pained expression on her face. She clutched her elbows, looked down and leaned her body to Lily's side for comfort. She suppressed the tears to fall down her face.
Lily leaned back to Neru. She sighed miserably and looked ahead at the painful scene of Rin and Len's conversation.
Gumi had a deep frown on her face. She sympathised with Len and also felt heartbroken on his behalf. And so she silently kept to her thoughts.
Oliver was shocked, his eyebrows scrunched that made his confusion evident.
"I can't believe this is actually happening…" He whispered.
Gakupo wordlessly agreed with his friend. He had a serious frown on his face.
Compared to his friend, he was convinced that this was how things would have unfolded. He himself was hopeful of the prospect of the two ending up together.
Yet when Rin looked afraid right after Len said he loved her, at that very moment Gakupo already knew her answer.
It was still painful to watch, nonetheless.
Luka let out a heavy, dejected sigh as her shoulders slumped. "Poor Len. I feel guilty we hyped him that he has a chance. It looks like they're breaking up all over again. This time, Rin is telling him they should just be friends."
Miku had a conflicted look on her face as she focused on the scene. She felt tears in her eyes.
"I-I can't believe this…" She stuttered as she suppressed her emotions. "I thought he-he had a chance…"
Kaito simply stood motionless and watched everything unfold with Len's loud sobs of hopelessness.
He had not noticed his own tears fell down and left trails on his cheeks. Then his shoulders shook with his sobs.
"They finally made up… But one of them is still hurting again…"
Luka and Miku noticed their friend. And so the latter wrapped one arm behind his shoulder in comfort.
Kaito began to cry softly alongside Len's loud sobs.
Miku muttered under her breath. "So this is when the first love ends…"
She wanted the thought to be carried by the wind as she brought it out to the world.
In the world where Rin and Len finally gave a conclusion to their story.
All of their efforts to prepare for tonight came to an end at that very moment. They accomplished the very goal to reunite them.
Yet with the risk Len took to confess and now with his emotional meltdown, Miku felt guilty the most.
She was the cause for everything that happened in front of them.
The sight of Len's breakdown affected Rin.
How cruel the fates were to flip their circumstances, she kept those thoughts to herself.
Just when she finally gave up on a far-fetched dream, Len sought after it all this time.
But it was too late for the both of them.
"Len… Are you alright…?" At that very second, Rin realised how stupid and tone deaf her question was. She was about to apologise when she was interrupted.
"I-I'll be okay, Rin… I'll be fine…" Len stuttered in the middle of his sobs, and despite it all tried his best to smile.
The red swollen eyes and the ceaseless fall of tears on his eyes did not defer him. He was bleeding inside, if he was honest with himself.
But he had to be stronger, just to prove Rin one last time. "J-Just let me cry here…"
He could not handle all this pain by himself.
Len's sobs still came out, next to another, and seemingly would not stop. He was so distraught he had not noticed he spoke his thoughts out loud for Rin and everyone to hear.
"Was I too late? Is it all too fast for her? Did I rush her so now she's afraid?"
Len covered his eyes with his palms. "I scared her into being in love. Now here I am with the consequences."
Rin slowly approached Len. Every step she took, she shook from the nerves and the forgotten cold they were exposed in.
Everything Len said was right. But Rin did not have the heart to confirm it, and not add anymore of his suffering.
"It's not your fault, Len. You shouldn't blame yourself. I already forgave you for what happened. It was the both of us who made mistakes and we can't take those back. That's all that there is to it."
Suddenly, Len felt his wrists were gently handled by someone.
Rin moved his hands away from his head that tightly gripped his head in his frustrated cries.
He saw Rin right in front of him, nearer than ever. It was at that point he realised Rin had closed the distance that separated them apart.
It only worsened the ache on his chest.
Their close distance could have meant something different in an alternate reality.
But here he was, living in the reality that she never loved him anymore. This was the closest Len would ever get to Rin.
He cursed the cruelty of his fate.
Rin gathered all her courage to raise her gloved hand to Len's face, and she wiped his tear stains with her thumb.
The two stood still after Rin dropped her hand and returned it to her side. She looked down to avoid the heartbroken expression on Len's face.
His sobs eased down but there were faint ones that escaped.
They let the silent, bitter winter night fill their empty space with the howls of the breeze and the rustling of the naked trees.
"I know you're leaving soon. And this might be the last time we see each other… So I want to ask you something…" Len's hoarse voice whispered once he and Rin made eye contact.
"... Can you hold me closer? Just this once?"
Rin had not expected that kind of request from Len.
But it should have been no surprise. It was something she could give to him after all, when she could not give him what he wanted the most—her love.
And so Rin closed the few distance they had, and let the awkwardness enveloped her when she wrapped her arms around him.
Len was so surprised that he remained motionless for a few seconds.
Until he slowly moved his own arms and wrapped them around her. When Rin had not flinched, he took it as a sign that his gesture was reciprocated.
The hug allowed for their combined warmth to be shared to one another in the middle of the winter night. They remained still, basked in the intimate moment.
For Rin, the hug was as platonic as she thought. Nothing else nor nothing more was on her mind about it. Her contemplation halted when she felt movement within their hug.
She leaned her head away for a bit to see and hear Len sobbed once again. His chest heaved and his torso shook as his harsh cries began.
Len could not control it even if he wanted to. The agony on his heart was desperate to come out no matter how much he forced himself to hold it in until Rin left.
But it only hurted him no matter, even if he chose to hide it or let it all out right now.
One thing was on his mind. He needed to hold Rin tighter. Len never wanted to let go.
If he did, it meant he had to face the best thing to happen to him, in his arms, leave and his only love to end.
Hold tight… Hold tight!
Before she leaves at sunrise.
Just for tonight I hold her in my arms… Please!
Rin allowed Len to take his time, waited for every sob to get through his system and be carried by the wind until it reached a state of oblivion.
Even when she felt the hug tightened and trapped her, she endured it until the end.
She convinced herself to make the most of her last time with Len, until the time came it would be a distant memory in her mind.
Rin looked up to gaze upon the ever consistent snow that fell from the sky. The lampposts on the park still provided the romantic illumination she admired and brought the comfort of light in the dark sky.
She finally felt him reluctantly let her go out of the embrace.
Rin took a few steps back to give herself space from Len as they remained on their feet in the middle of the park.
"... Could you take my hand?" Len whispered, his gaze remained on the ground.
He slowly raised his hand that shook in the air (whether from the cold or his emotions, Rin would never know) to reach out; as he stubbornly hoped for the last time.
Rin nodded wordlessly. "Uh, yeah," She whispered and reminded herself to speak out, as he would have never noticed her nod with his gaze on the ground.
She raised her hand and stretched her arm to reach his hand.
They held hands.
She looked at their interlocked hands. Even with a glove, Rin felt her hand was slightly stiff from the cold.
But with the added warmth from Len's palm, her's warmed. Every miniscule joint that was once frozen became alive.
What her fourteen year old self from four years ago would have done to get this moment, she sadly thought to herself with a regretful smile. It was truly a shame.
They ended up in parallel lines. They were bound to be separated. Never to meet at one point, doomed to miss each other's paths. He came back to where she waited all those times, just when she finally left.
If only Len gathered his courage earlier.
If only Rin had not left early but stayed longer that night.
She still loved Len that time. Rin would have said yes then.
They would have reciprocated their feelings at the right place, at the right time.
Rin sighed for all the missed chances, and the misery of it all.
When she was distracted by her thoughts, it was at the last minute Len closed their distance and tightened his hold on her, as if his life depended on it.
He approached her, and then she felt something on her head.
Len kissed her in the forehead.
His lips lingered on her skin. He silently pleaded for a few more seconds, to let him live through this moment longer.
Another tear fell as he closed his eyes. Len kissed Rin with everything he had to give, all the hope he invested for the possibility of their future together that just shattered.
Their friends saw Len's silent plea.
"That's so painful to watch…" Gakupo whispered under his breath.
Lily put the palm of her hand on her forehead to lean onto it. "Why did he have to kiss her like that? It's only more heartbreaking for him." She sighed miserably.
Kaito sobbed with another wave of tears. His mouth quivered with the cries he desperately suppressed.
Miku and Luka continued to hold him in support.
Len slowly withdrew his lips from Rin's forehead, every inch he moved away from her felt heavy.
He lowered his head slightly to see her startled face who looked up at him. The little blush on her cheeks amused Len despite the agony he was in.
Len still smiled. He knew he looked disarrayed in front of his love. He was a mess, with the red swollen eyes, runny nose, and the tear tracks on his cheeks.
But he had to be strong until the nearing end. He needed to if he had to survive tonight.
"Thank you... I will miss you…" He whispered with a sob.
"I'll miss you too…" Rin replied. She hoped it sounded sincere because it was the truth.
Rin decided it was time to go.
She noticed Len felt more settled now, and they must have been here for far too long.
So she let go of his hand and tugged it back. But to no avail as Len still held on.
"Len… You need to let go of my hand." Rin looked up, a worried look on her face while she anticipated his reaction.
He heard her plea to let go. It struck a painful jab on Len's chest.
Once again he let out a heart wrenching sob, as tears fell from his eyes.
"I-I'm sorry for everything, Rin."
"Don't apologise, Len." Rin convinced him. "I'm really glad I've met you. I'm content with what happened to us. I'd do it all over again if I could relive through the good memories we had." She smiled in hopes to cheer him up.
Yet the opposite happened when Len cried harder.
Rin once again felt compelled to wipe his tears on with her other unoccupied hand.
"E-Even if you don't remember me from now on, I hope you'll always be happy and smiling wherever you are." Len admitted in between sobs. He wished for all the good things for Rin.
He also wished if there was a possibility his love for her lessened if it meant he could finally handle this pain.
"Thank you, Len. I also hope the same with you." Rin had a sad smile for Len.
"You know I can't do that!" Len shouted in between sobs, his head bowed down to the ground when the sobs weakened him.
"I love you… It hurts me when you say goodbye… I-I can't let you go… I'm already struggling now. I don't want to think I'll lose you for good!"
"You'll find someone else. Much better than me. It's not the end, Len. We have our lives ahead of us now. It's never too late…" Rin convinced him.
"Maybe you're right. But I can't do it now, Rin. I've loved you for the past three years. I don't want you to go!" Len's tears fell down to the ground, his head still lowered and he supported himself on Rin's hold.
Rin allowed him another moment once again. She could only avert her gaze away from Len.
And with a heavy heart, Len released Rin's hand.
Rin slowly retracted her hand. Len's arm became lifeless and swung back to his side. He felt so weak, felt so hopeless to get through tonight.
"I loved you, Len. Thank you for loving me until now, even when I never expected for you to do that. Thank you for everything, from the day we met until tonight. I'll never forget it." Rin sighed, the cold was about to penetrate into her energy.
"But I have to go now. Please take care of yourself. Until we meet again. Goodbye, Len." Rin carved the sight of Len in her mind for the final time.
With a heavy sigh, she quickly turned around and ran away.
She made her phase faster with hopes this deterred Len from chasing her.
"Rin! Wait!" Len called out, his arm reached out and his feet were about to move. But she was too fast.
He was far too away to reach her at that point.
Rin felt her heartbeat while she ran. Her legs ached from the cold and the strain she put on it. She could never turn around.
Everything was final. She could not change her mind on it, even if it hurted the both of them.
Len's arm still stretched out to the direction Rin left him.
It finally dawned on him.
This was it.
They got the closure they have always needed.
But there was never going to be a second chance for both of them.
Len felt his legs weaken, until he collapsed on his knees and cried out.
With every teardrop and whimper, all the heavy emotions poured out as he gave up carrying it.
He had not noticed the commotion amongst his friends behind the bushes.
"Rin!" Miku called the moment her friend turned her back and ran away. She quickly stood up and was about to chase her when a hand immediately gripped her wrist.
Luka rose on her feet and held Miku back. "Miku, no. We can't. We have to give her space."
Lily called the two ladies from the other bush. "Miku, you should go. In fact, all you girls should check on Rin."
She made eye contact with Neru and Gumi and went back to the two ladies from the distant bush. "I'll stay behind with the guys here. Quick! Before she takes the train."
The ladies argued no further and ran to catch up on Rin. Gumi quickly brought out her phone and dialled her best friend's phone.
They left Lily, Oliver, and Gakupo to comfort an emotional Len.
Kaito rushed out of the bush and helped Len stand up on his feet even when both of them cried.
Len stomped his fist multiple times on the ground as he cried. He cursed himself and swore in the middle of his weeping.
The boundless tears from his eyes blurred his vision; made it worse with the droplets of liquid that landed on his glasses and the white snow on the ground.
The three approached the sobbing pair and huddled together to support them.
Len wept with a broken heart smashed in pieces, impossible to be put back for repair. His throat scratched with all the hoarse, loud cries he could not hold it in.
He had convoluted gasps and it was understood by his friends that he could not stop anytime soon. Gakupo, Oliver, and Lily hovered over the two and held them.
Gakupo and Lily spoke words of comfort to Len who only hid on Kaito's chest and cried his shattered soul out.
Oliver brought out water bottles for the two to drink. The last thing he wanted was for either of them to pass out from the cold due to dehydration.
All of them accepted what just happened, especially since they respected Rin's wishes. They all knew where she came from.
The best form of help they could give was to Len who needed to get through the night.
Gumi, Neru, Miku, and Luka made it to Rin in the centre of the train station.
All of them apologised, especially Miku who felt most guilty and put her on the spot with the confession.
But Rin shrugged them all off, and actually thanked them for their effort to plan tonight.
"I should be thanking each and every one of you for making tonight happen. I really am grateful, and I owe all of you this night. Had this not happened, I would have never approached Len because I still don't have the courage." Rin held everyone's hands and made eye contact with Miku, who had her head bowed until she raised it to see the smiling face in front of her.
"Even if I feel awful about how things turned around. Just when I finally accepted my past with Len, he now wants to include me in his future. It's such a shame…"
It was such a pitiful situation they were in, Rin sighed to herself. In a blink of an eye, she was trapped on a bear hug by her friends.
"All of you hoped I accepted Len's feelings and we became together again." Rin awkwardly admitted. "I'm sorry I ruined all of your expectations. I never expected he would have done that after all these years…"
"No, Rin. Never say that." Luka halted Rin. "You did what your heart said, and that's the most commendable thing you did for you and him."
Neru nodded. "She's right. It would be more painful and unfair if you gave him false hope. He'll get around it, Rin. Len is a lot stronger now than before. You have to trust him to heal himself, just as you did last time."
"But that's the thing I'm worried about. I don't think he would be able to handle it. I feel bad causing it. Especially when he said he regretted breaking up with me, it felt so wrong rejecting him." Rin admitted, a worried frown on her face
Miku had a sad smile, clutched her hands in return with Rin who still held on to it. "That's his business now, Rin. You can't blame yourself for what happened. You did the right thing by telling him the truth. That's it, full stop."
"I agree. You only wanted to get closure from him. And you finally got it." Gumi crossed her arms and contributed to the conversation. "You didn't expect to be given a confession worth three years. These guys had to investigate that throughout their entire thing. You weren't the only one shocked, to say the least."
She pointed her thumb towards Miku and Luka to refer to their current group with Kaito, Oliver, and Gakupo.
"Speaking of that," Rin spoke. "So you all planned this because…?"
"Because you're leaving soon." Luka answered. "We thought you needed to get your shit together with Len before this year ends. And mainly because you were indeed leaving soon. We all thought there was a chance you would migrate during or after this year so we assumed it would be the case throughout our whole planning. Guess we were right in the end."
Luka explained further. "I mean, it was mostly Miku. I was actually against the idea at first until we met Lily and then I officially joined."
"... You are…?" Rin looked at Miku and smiled. "Thank you. I can't believe you read me into something I couldn't say straight."
Miku smiled with a blush. "Ehh… Kai filled in the major details. And then the three lovely friends of yours helped us so there's that…"
"So I'm assuming you three didn't bring me here for the lights after all." Rin smirked and looked at Gumi and Neru.
Even if Lily was not around, it was understood Rin referred to all her older friends.
Gumi explained as best as she could with an awkward smile. "Technically we did, because we chose this in case it would have worked out for Len. I mean, it didn't but you know what I mean?
"And yeah, sorry we already appreciated the lights without you. Your friend Miku made us go here early because we had to do our own closure too with Len and Kaito."
"Closure between you, Kaito, and Len…?" Rin raised her eyebrow. "What would that be about?"
And so Gumi, once again, reiterated the events of that day with her and Len in eighth grade. Followed by was the emotional moment they had together before they were reminded that Rin was to arrive soon.
"GUMI, WHAT!?" Rin's shock caught the attention of passer-bys in their small congregated space.
"Why did you do that!? No wonder Len is so frightened whenever he approaches us! Oh I feel worse about everything now. He's been crying longer than when we met." Rin put her hands on her cheeks in guilt.
Neru gently disagreed. "But I think it's for the better, than him having all those feelings pent up in a bottle. We all apologised to him hours before you did.
"He seemed happy after. He said it finally reassured him. So don't feel guilty for what happened to him tonight, Rin. He also appreciated you for telling the truth."
"Thank you, all of you…" Rin sincerely added. "This is all still a surprise for me. I-I just can't believe it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for doing this."
All smiles were on her friends' faces.
With the sad approach of her departure from the country, Rin was reminded of how fortunate she was to have reliable, trustworthy friends who went up and above for her sake.
She gave a tight hug to each and everyone of them. She wished Lily and the guys were with them at the moment.
Rin understood their absence at the moment, given the current circumstances.
Len needed more support than her.
Rin checked the overhead monitor with the train schedule, and her train back home was to leave within three minutes.
"I have to go now. Are you all joining me?" She asked.
To her surprise, they all shook their heads.
Miku answered on their behalf. "We have to go back to Kai and the others there and check on them."
"Alright. Tell Len to take care of himself for me." Rin had a sad smile on her face at the mention of her former love. "I really have to go now. Have a good night, all of you, and get home safe!"
With one final embrace to her by all the special people in her life, Rin waved goodbye and turned to get onto her platform and board the next train home.
It was quarter to nine in the evening. The train was about to arrive in a minute.
Rin sat on the well-lit area of the platform and waited.
A few people lingered nearby under the light. There were more passengers than when she arrived hours ago. So the light foot traffic surprised her despite it being night time.
Rin sighed.
She was in no mood to listen to music. So Rin opted to simply admire the falling snow and the chilling breeze of the silent night.
Yet for some reason, there was still a certain weight carried on her chest. Feelings of shame and pity on the new reality she was in.
Why did this have to happen…? Only on the stream of her thoughts could she curse the trick of fate for the two of them.
She gazed upwards to the dark sky with scrunched eyebrows and a miserable frown.
Hands on her lap as she remained seated, Rin contemplated every bit of detail on what just happened. She became more in tune with her emotions since the break-up.
It was nothing new when Rin cried, especially around other people. Yet she struggled to shed a single tear when she faced Len. Her heart yearned to cry at that moment.
Rin felt her tears that threatened to fall down on her face, despite the dry winter breeze. The wind was so strong that her hair moved along. She clutched her aching heart and held back an impending sob.
An automated voice spoke on the speakers for the arriving train. Others remained seated or seemed to not notice the announcement. Some people stood up or organised themselves in their seats to prepare for the train's arrival.
When the train applied the brakes and slowed down to the platform, Rin stood up. She waited behind the barrier and positioned in front of the nearest door.
"In a year from now, I wonder who I will be?" Rin muttered the question to herself as she pressed the button to open the automatic doors.
She took a step forward to enter the carriage. "In a year from now, I wonder what kind of person you will be?"
The train's doors closed shut after the short alarm went off. Rin relaxed in her seat and sent a text message to her sister that she was on the way home.
"I wonder what the future will hold for both of us?"
If the future would be more merciful to her, Rin would very much appreciate it.
It was a long journey to healing. And she managed to overcome it.
Rin felt better about herself after the realisation. That was why she knew she would be able to recover from the hurt and the shame she felt tonight.
No more what-ifs, no more regrets.
Rin heaved another sigh, one of the lasts for tonight. She looked at the window and watched the night lights flashed before her eyes with the train's speed.
After a few stops, the train arrived at Rin's station. More people disembarked alongside her.
After a quick text to her father, Rin had a one-track mind towards the exit as the roof of the platform protected her from the falling snow.
She finally felt settled and at peace with herself.
In her heart, she wished that Len also felt the same.
Luka, Miku, Gumi, and Neru were still within the vicinity of the train station when they had to stop.
Lily called them to not return to the park. She informed the girls that Kaito brought an inconsolable Len to his home.
So Gakupo guided the two friends to their bus stop, and then accompanied Oliver and Lily to the train station even when he lived nearby the area.
And so the three of them met their friends halfway.
There was only silence in their small group. Miku, Oliver, Lily sat down while Luka, Neru, Gakupo, and Gumi were on their feet nearby.
Miku and Lily asked each other questions about what they had witnessed on both sides of Rin and Len afterwards.
"It was so awful watching Len after Rin left…" Lily frowned, her voice was soft with a hint of misery. "All of us struggled to comfort him. He couldn't calm down. Kai had a hard time making him stand up on his feet, so we all had to help them."
Oliver sat in silence with a heavy frown. Miku glanced at him from her side. His eyes gathered tears and his jaw tightened with emotion.
Gakupo heaved a heavy sigh, the emotional stress from a few hours ago finally caught up on him.
The sight of her friends only confirmed things to Miku.
Lily told every ounce of the truth.
Gakupo sighed again. "He only cried, hiding his face on Kai's shoulder. I felt so helpless, just watching him cling onto Kai. He almost lost balance more than once, his legs were shaking too much.
"If it weren't for us holding him, he would have been on his knees punching the ground and cursing himself again."
Oliver's voice was hoarse, whether it was from the suppressed emotions or the upcoming fatigue as the night stretched, there was no certainty. "It was worse just hearing him,"
He brought out his trusty tissue box and blew his nose. "I've never heard anyone cry so miserably. It was so heart-wrenching…"
Miku shared. "Oh poor Len… I feel so guilty now."
Her forehead had creases from the scrunched eyebrows and the guilt shone on her eyes. "I'm the one who convinced him and made all of this happen. I feel responsible for him."
"Don't, Miks." Gakupo quickly contradicted his friend. "Lily tried calming Len down for another time. He still cried, and he was easing from hyperventilating as he sobbed. But he managed to say he was thankful to us for tonight.
"I know it must be a weird experience for him—thanking your friends for being involved in the reason for your emotional breakdown." Gakupo attempted to joke about it, a dry tone in his voice as he recalled the memory.
"But he did it. He finally faced Rin, told her everything she needed to know, and had the courage to admit his feelings. Obviously the last part didn't work in the end. Len knew the consequences but he still went through it. He owned up to it and made the best of it. That's why you shouldn't feel bad about yourself." Gakupo finished.
Neru softly agreed with a sad smile towards her. "Gakupo's right, Miku."
Gumi nodded beside her friend wordlessly.
"Miku," Luka called her attention. "Don't you remember what Rin just told us? She thanked all of us for making tonight happen. You didn't have the intention to make Len upset, as much as Rin herself did."
"I know! But I can't help it." Miku reasoned out. "Didn't you hear him sobbing the moment Rin ran? That was too depressing for me to hear. We all watched before we had to chase her."
Oliver nodded to Miku's statement.
Gumi sighed and rubbed the sides of her temple with one hand.
Neru looked ahead at the different platforms in the train station, still all ears to listen to the conversation.
"Gakupo and Luka are right, Miku." Lily answered. "Gumi, Neru, and I owe you all here for tonight, and all the months you've invested to make this night happen. You did something we could never have done in our time; helping Rin and Len get the closure they needed."
Most of the heads turned to Lily. The woman thought it was her cue to elaborate.
"It was one thing I mentioned to Len that I regretted—not being able to do anything to help them. But you guys did it, and we sincerely thank all of you for this." Gumi and Neru nodded with all the sincerity they had.
Miku had a sad smile in gratitude. So she said slowly. "Now it's over. The plan is finished. We're graduating a day from now."
The idea of the upcoming days sunk into her consciousness.
Gumi asked rhetorically. "Is it really over?"
Yet her friends around her took it as an answerable question.
Neru curiously asked. "What are you implying there?"
"When Rin said it was a shame Len likes her now, just when she doesn't love him anymore. They kept going on a different page, crossing each other's paths without meeting one another. They were fated to meet but were not meant for each other. But imagine when they finally get on the same page…"
Lily's eyes had a certain sparkle, hope , on the abandoned chance. "So you're saying, Gumi…?"
"... There could be. But that's up to Rin to think about it." Gumi simply answered.
Their train arrived. Gakupo sent his friends off with a quick farewell and heartfelt good night before he began his short walk home.
The rest of them all got settled into the last leg of the journey home. Soon, one of them departed the carriage, until two of them were left who lived in the farthest station.
Miku recalled everything that happened.
The falling snow was still present even as she and Luka were the last ones in their group to remain on the train and waited for their stop.
She knew she must not feel guilty for either side of what happened, when they both were grateful for it.
But if Gumi was right, then there was still hope for Rin, and especially for Len.
But when would that hope become a reality?
It was indeed a tragic series of events, Miku thought while she watched the lights from outside flash through the train's window. The best option was to check on both Rin and Len tomorrow.
Both Miku and Luka wished for everything to go well from this point on.
For the sake of their friends who deserved a second chance, if fate would just let them.
Kaito carried a sobbing Len on the doorstep of his home.
His cries calmed down throughout their journey. Yet it still remained.
It was an improvement when Len left Kaito's shoulder and maintained his balance.
Though the look of Len's misery alerted his own parents and quickly dragged the pair out of the snow.
"Kaito! It's a pleasant surprise to see you here—What happened to him!?" Len's mother, Ann, quickly dragged them inside, closed the door, ran upstairs, and put thick and warm blankets on the boys' shoulders.
Len's father, Alan, focused the electric heater towards the couch where the young men sat. His son still sobbed. He had a faraway look on his eyes, in a daze while tears fell on his face.
Kaito was worried Len might get worse once he reiterated the events of tonight before his parents.
And so he had to make the decision. "I think Len needs to get settled first? He badly needs it."
Ann and Alan trusted their son's best friend. So they went to work and assisted their grief-stricken son to his room.
While the family of three went upstairs, Kaito sighed and rested against the couch.
He felt pressured. What was the best way possible to explain the situation to Len's parents without the risk of their disapproval?
Kaito wondered if he should begin by asking if they were aware of Len's interest with Rin? He nodded to himself, it seemed to be a good idea.
At upstairs, Ann needed to know whether her son needed more help, or just space for tonight. "Do you want us to help you get in bed? Or can you do it on your own?"
It was a struggle to communicate when Len would not speak a single word or even hum.
He simply stared ahead with empty eyes, devoid of any emotion that was sucked out from his sobs.
Alan and his wife stood still when Len unclasped their hands and sluggishly walked to his room. When he opened the door, he gently closed it.
They heard a thud on the bed, and they knew he was on bed.
Al spoke after he knocked on the door. "Hey, Lenkins. We're here if you need anything."
Ann also spoke behind the door. "Don't hesitate to call us, kiddo. We're here whenever you're ready."
Their voices were muffled for Len who laid down on his bed, face covered.
He gathered all the last bit of strength he had, mentally and physically, as he reached for his phone and sent a text to his mother.
[CHAT SCENE] Ann (sender) and Len (receiver)
Mama
Len: Dont wait. I'll manage. Thanks.
Len turned his body so he stared at the empty ceiling. His mind was empty and desolate.
He paid no attention when he heard his mother's phone pinged with his own message. The words his parents said from the other side of the door were incomprehensible in his head.
He isolated himself in the silent night and his spiral of thoughts.
He found no energy to begin his night routine. Was it because of the cold that made him fatigued, or the emotional turmoil he currently endured?
Back downstairs, with a mug of hot chocolate and a warm blanket on his shoulders, Kaito explained everything.
From the first day of the plan, to the events that led to tonight, the whole picture was presented.
Alan and Ann were surprised and then felt bad for their son.
The married couple were aware of their son's feelings after they connected the dots, and an awkward dinner conversation later.
After all, Len was such an open book. He was never good at hiding.
They hoped Rin would return his feelings, and for them to get back together as a couple. But Ann and Alan could only respect her decision, even if it meant they lost a lovely lady for their son.
Right before Kaito passed through the doorframe and into the dark winter night, he turned his head behind to the staircase. Upstairs, he knew Len began to express his grief. With a solidary frown, he opted to give his friend the privacy he needed for this sensitive moment.
Kaito took up the duty to guide Len away from the darkness and into a brighter tomorrow.
Len felt he was lost in time. There was no clear indication if it went too slow or too fast.
The things he would do to make time stand still, he thought to himself.
He felt his eyes begin to droop. It felt numb at the same time, after all the crying he did. His nose was still clogged, his airways were blocked so he had to breathe from his mouth. Yet it felt so dry, and breathing made his dehydration more evident.
Len needed to drink a glass of water. But he was too exhausted to get up from bed.
He still stared at the ceiling as his body pleaded him to rest.
There was a knock on the door, and a muffled noise from the other side.
"Len, I'm dropping off Kai at his home. I won't be long. Your dad is here to help if you need anything. Love you sweetie, see you soon."
And the soft footsteps walked away.
Len never had the strength to reply once again. He felt so weak that he never bothered to check the time.
He only heard his breathing, felt the slow rise and fall of his chest with every laboured breath he took.
Like a dam that released water, the tears never stopped alongside the snow that fell from the sky. But it was the only thing his heart wanted to do.
There were no more heart wrenching sobs from Len's system. Only teardrops left a wet trail on his face while he aimlessly gazed at the ceiling. He drowned in a wave of sadness that plagued his mind.
He was conscious enough to assume it must have been the dead of the night. There were no sounds of activity downstairs anymore. Len raised his hand to the ceiling.
There was no light source so his room was shrouded in darkness. So the palm of his hand was never to be found by his tired eyes.
Len turned on his bed again. He clutched a pillow and embraced it after he buried his face on it to hide himself and the tears.
His snivels created a wet mess on the pillows. It was the least of his worries.
So distracted he was that Len had not noticed he forgot to take off his glasses and charge his phone; essential parts of his nightly routines.
I hope this is all just a nightmare… Will all of this be over when I wake up?
Len pleaded to someone who could wake him up from this horrible dream.
He felt his eyes were about to close; could not fight off the embrace of sweet bliss of sleep.
He allowed the deep slumber to trap him if it meant he was exempted to face this new reality.
With one last tear that fell on his face, Len succumbed to the much needed sleep to flee this cruel winter night.
.
.
.
.
Once again I am pleading you to move to the AO3 version. Perks include downloading the whole fic in epub/pdf and other formats, and the embed art wink wink
