- Part 1 -


Arrhythmia


I don't want to be a soldier
Who the captain of some sinking ship would stow,
Far below.
So, if you love me, why'd you let me go?
- Coldplay


Chloe lowers a shot glass down on the kitchen table and scrunches her face at whatever she just poured down her throat as Aubrey enters the kitchen. She nudges the glass back toward an unmarked bottle with two of her fingers and leans back against the chair she's sitting on. "That's strong," she rasps and continues making an unpleasant face.

"Chloe!" Aubrey's long strides turn into a march as she closes the distance between herself and the kitchen table. "What are you doing?" She rests her hands flat on the table and turns to face Nikki, who is leaning against her ebony counter, a glass of something amber colored in hand. "She has to walk back to the inn, Nikki."

Nikki sniffles and places her glass on the countertop. "She wanted to try the local whiskey," she explains. "She'll be okay to walk back."

Aubrey leans forward against her palms, pressing down on the table. "Aca-scuse me?" Nikki is out of line, assuming that she knows Chloe will be fine to walk all the way back. "You don't know her." Whether or not Chloe will be fine walking back to the inn, Aubrey wants to get that point across the Nikki, and to Beca. They don't know Chloe.

"Aubrey," Chloe finally speaks up, her voice raw in a way that Aubrey can't tell if it's from the alcohol or from crying. She reaches forward and rests a hand on Aubrey's wrist. "It was just one sh-"

Aubrey tugs her arm away and stands up straight. She checks to make sure her phone is tucked securely in her pocket then glances around, locating the flashlight Nikki is lending to them on the end of the counter. She walks over to it and picks it up then flicks it on and off to make sure the batteries work. "Let's go, Chloe," she demands.

Chloe glances down at the table then slowly pushes herself to her feet. She wobbles, grips the back of the chair, then straightens herself up and steps forward. She tentatively meets Aubrey's gaze. "Aubrey, I'm fine," she assures her in a soft tone.

Aubrey looks at the flashlight again then at Nikki. "I'll get this back to you." She nods at her without actually looking at her face then walks back toward the hall leading to the front entrance. She turns back after a few steps to face Chloe - who is still standing in the same spot. "I said let's go, Chloe," she repeats.

Chloe presses her lips together and glances back at Nikki. She swallows and offers a closed-lipped smile then trails after Aubrey - far too slowly for Aubrey's liking. "Bree…" she starts once they get closer to the door.

"Not now." Aubrey opens the door and steps outside. The sudden breeze sends a chill through her and causes strands of her cold, damp hair to stick to her face. Once they're alone, she frowns and turns to face Chloe. "I don't understand what's going through your head, Chloe." She thrusts her hand out to the side then folds her arms tightly across her chest in a useless attempt to shield herself from another gust of wind.

Chloe presses her lips together tightly for a moment then parts them and exhales a slow breath. She looks off to the side, sniffles and rubs her face, then slowly walks past Aubrey - giving her arm a light squeeze on the way. "Nothing." The word is a barely audible murmur that Aubrey just manages to catch.

Aubrey spins to face her. "Chloe!" How many times has she said her name now, trying to get and hold her attention?

The stairs are, unfortunately, the only visible way down to the ground level and Chloe begins stepping down them one by one. After a few steps, she turns sideways and grips the stairs above her to help with her balance. "I just want to go back to the beach."

The beach? Aubrey follows her. "We're going back to the inn." She turns the flashlight on and points it at the ground as she climbs down the stairs - making sure there is light for Chloe too. She bites at her thumbnail for a second then wraps her arm around her torso. "I can't believe you were doing shots in there."

"I'm sorry." Chloe's words are barely audible. She reaches the last step then brushes her hands off on her sweatshirt. She doesn't offer the explanation or excuses that Aubrey thought, maybe even hoped, that she would. There is no insight to what she's thinking.

"Sorry doesn't cut it." Aubrey stops on the last step and waits for Chloe to move.

Chloe's face contorts and Aubrey realizes that she's going to start crying again. She screws her eyes shut for a second then opens them again and sniffles loudly before turning to face Aubrey. She opens her mouth to speak then closes it again and licks her lips before actually saying anything. "Do you like her?" She shuffles from one foot to the other, actively avoiding Aubrey's gaze.

Aubrey blinks and tries to understand her question. "Like who?" she asks, sounding as clueless as she feels. "Beca?" She doesn't like Beca one bit. And right now she likes her even less than usual. But the expression on Chloe's face tells her that she guessed the wrong person. She still doesn't understand Chloe's question.

The tears welling up in Chloe's eyes threaten to start leaking down her face again. She presses a hand to her forehead and takes two miniature steps toward Aubrey - almost like she's on autopilot, like gravitating toward her is instinctual.

"Chloe, talk to me." Aubrey can't just stand there and watch her cry. She's seen Chloe's tears far too many times today. She glances behind her and lowers herself onto one of the steps then leans forward and grabs Chloe by the wrist, drawing her in closer. Chloe doesn't need much convincing. Her features crumble and she lowers herself onto Aubrey's lap, pressing her face into the crook of Aubrey's neck and entangling her fingers too tightly in the fabric of her shirt.

Another breeze rushes past, rustling the leaves and causing Chloe to shiver. Aubrey lowers the flashlight onto the step beside her and rubs Chloe's arms in an effort to warm her up. It doesn't seem to have any effect. She wraps her arms around Chloe's small frame and, if possible, Chloe's fingers tighten on her shirt. Her shoulders continue to vibrate. It takes a moment, but Aubrey eventually realizes that it's because she's sobbing. Hard. "What's wrong?" Aubrey's voice is strained now. It's not like Chloe to keep things from her. Not like this.

Chloe mumbles something. Her lips tickle Aubrey's neck as she tries to speak. It's impossible to make out a word of what she's saying.

Aubrey keeps her arms around Chloe's back. She lifts one hand, brushing Chloe's hair away from her face, and rests it on the side of Chloe's head. "What?" She tries to see Chloe's face enough that she can watch her lips move and make out what she's trying to say.

"Au-brey." Chloe's voice is high-pitched and shakes as violently as her body. "I sc- I sc- I…"

"Breathe," Aubrey reminds her calmly. She wishes Chloe wasn't so unpredictable when she drinks. Sometimes she's so bubbly and energetic that it's like she downed fifty Redbulls. Other times, she's like this. "Breathe."

"I screwed up." Chloe presses herself into Aubrey, knocking Aubrey back against the step behind her. "Oh my god," she mumbles. She tries to curl further onto Aubrey's lap, but the step that Aubrey's sitting on makes the position uncomfortable for both of them.

Aubrey grabs her by the shoulders and eases her back so that she can look at her. She sits up straighter so that the step behind her is no longer digging against her spine. Her hands find Chloe's cheeks and the space between her thumbs and pointer fingers catch the warm tears. "Screwed up what, Chloe?" She tries to catch Chloe's gaze, but Chloe just screws her eyes shut.

"Oh my god." The words are like some sort of revelation that Chloe can see but Aubrey can't. She tries to lower her head back down to Aubrey's shoulder. "Oh my god."

They have to get back to the inn, but Aubrey realizes that Chloe has no intention of moving. She sighs and wraps her arms back around her, looking up at the trees. Chloe's head rests against Aubrey's shoulder again and she sandwiches her hands between their chests, rubbing the fabric of Aubrey's shirt between her fingers. Her shoulders continue to quiver with silent sobs, and all Aubrey can do is rub her back and wait for her to tire herself out.

xxxxx

Their chests rise and fall at the same rate for what simultaneously feels like forever and not long enough. Aubrey absently traces circles on Chloe's lower back and stares across the driveway at nothing in particular. Chloe's hair tickles her face as she breathes in and out, but she can't will herself to brush it away. It's strange to think, with Chloe crying and all, that she feels warm for the first time since arriving on this island - even with the wind chilling her to the bone. Chloe's breaths against her neck and the way she somehow seems to just fit against Aubrey like they're puzzle pieces warms Aubrey from the inside out. She stills her hand against Chloe's back, feeling her muscles expand as she inhales and then relax as she slowly lets the air back out. She wishes they were back at the inn so they could sit like this for the rest of the night.

Chloe sniffles quietly then slowly loosens her one of her hands from Aubrey's shirt to wipe her nose with the palm of her hand.

They can't stay here much longer. Aubrey glances down at Chloe then eases her upright. She expects resistance, but Chloe sits up willingly. Her fingers aren't so quick to untangle from Aubrey's shirt though. Aubrey doesn't force her to let go. She lifts her hands to Chloe's face and gently wipes away the remainder of her tears with her palms.

Chloe sniffles again then finally lifts her head and meets Aubrey's gaze. She purses her lips together tightly and her chin still wobbles threateningly. She looks like she wants to say something, but she just stares in silence - looking at Aubrey like she might never see her again once she looks away. Aubrey knows that look. That feeling. The same one she gets every time Chloe mentions Beca. She just doesn't understand why Chloe is looking at her like that. But Chloe is drunk and tired, and that's enough reason Aubrey needs to put it on the backburner until she can get Chloe back to the inn and have some time alone to dwell on it.

Somewhere in the distance a dog howls and they both practically leap out of their skin. Chloe stiffens and tightens her grip on Aubrey's shirt again.

"It's okay," Aubrey assures her and looks around. Her heart pounds in her chest. She grabs Chloe by the arm and hoists her into a standing position as she gets to her feet. There is a sharp pain in her chest that feels like panic is stabbing her with a knife. It was just a dog. She reminds herself to breathe and looks at Chloe. Chloe stares at her feet as though she's already forgotten about being startled and has drifted into another world.

Chloe will be okay in the morning. Aubrey just wishes she could say the same for herself.

The flashlight remains discarded on the stairs beside them and Aubrey keeps a firm grip on Chloe's arm as she leans down and picks it up. She hesitates then points the light in the direction they need to walk. She's not sure what she expects to see, but the only thing that lies ahead is an empty road. It doesn't calm her nerves. She swallows thickly and allows her gaze to flit in different directions as she starts to walk then wraps her arm around Chloe's shoulders.

Chloe tugs her sleeves down over her hands then wraps her arms around her stomach and presses into Aubrey's side. Their close proximity makes walking difficult, but Aubrey feels safer with her there. She lightly traces her fingers up and down Chloe's arm, wondering if she's able to provide any sort of reassurance - for herself or for Chloe.

The road looks like it goes on for miles, and Aubrey briefly wonders if she could call someone to pick them up. But, chances are, everyone is drunk. And it's not like any of them have cars. She sighs and pulls Chloe toward the middle of the road so no low-lying tree branches smack them in the face. The road at least seems wider now that she's not driving on it. She can't say it seems any smoother though. She keeps her eyes partially on the ground so neither of them trip over any potholes. Chloe drags her feet and occasionally kicks a loose rock off to the side of the road.

A lone cricket hiding somewhere in the woods chirps at the pace of their heavy footsteps. Aubrey attempts to change pace. She tries to listen to the beat of the cricket's music, almost expecting it to turn into a song. It's hard to pay attention over the sound of her own breaths. Her heart is still beating in her ears from being startled by the dog. Chloe kicks another rock with her toes and it crashes through some leaves on the side of the road. The cricket is silent for a moment then resumes its tune.

Aubrey draws in a slow breath through her mouth and scans the area. What if they run into the injured deer? Or the music? The light from Nikki's porch is becoming barely visible in the distance behind them, leaving them with just the light from flashlight. She loosens her grip on Chloe's shoulder. "Chloe, we should walk faster." She picks up her pace and expects Chloe to match it.

If anything, Chloe just walks slower. She slips out from under Aubrey's arm and walks at half of Aubrey's pace.

Aubrey stops walking and turns to face her. She presses her lips together and tries to swallow her nerves - literally, if bile counts as nerves. Chloe stops moving as well. She keeps her arms securely around herself and tugs at the stomach area of her sweatshirt.

"You know I've never seen anyone dead before?" Chloe whispers out of nowhere. "I mean, I saw my grandpa at his wake, but that was different." She shakes her head.

The cricket fills the silence. Aubrey doesn't know what to say. She walks back toward Chloe and stops a few inches away from her.

Chloe looks up at her and swallows thickly. "Why would somebody do that, Aubrey?" She sniffles. "Just tie a rope around their neck and…" Her voice trails off.

If there is an answer to that question, Aubrey doesn't know it. There have been plenty of times when she wished she just never existed, but to think about killing herself would have been cowardly. She briefly tries to imagine it - tying a rope around her neck, climbing up onto a chair, knowing that she might not have to deal with life anymore but she'd also never see Chloe's face again. She thinks of Nikki walking into the ice cream parlor to find her brother dead. She doesn't understand why after being offered an in to New York City, he would suddenly just decide the fight wasn't worth it. Anger swells in her gut. It doesn't make sense. But people's choices rarely make sense to Aubrey. "I don't know."

Chloe digs her fingertips into the fabric of her sweatshirt. "Maybe we should have been nicer to him…"

"You mean maybe I should have been nicer?" Aubrey snaps and takes a step back. She doesn't know where the guilt suddenly came from. She presses her nails into her palm. Would it have made a difference if she had been nicer?

"No, that's not what I said, Aubrey," Chloe replies and shakes her head. "Why do you always only hear what you want to hear?"

Aubrey presses her lips together and stares at her. That's not true. She hears what is said.

Chloe's frustration fades immediately and her features soften. "I keep seeing him hanging there." Her brows furrow and her forehead creases in discomfort. She keeps tightening her grip on the middle of her sweatshirt. She swallows and seems oddly focused on the pace of her breaths.

Aubrey places a hand on Chloe's arm and studies her face. It's turning a sickly shade of white. "The image will go away." Will it? She still sees Tyler in her mind as clear as day. She looks down the road then back at Chloe and wonders if she can convince her to start walking again. She takes half of a step, keeping her hand on Chloe's arm, but Chloe doesn't follow.

Chloe lifts one hand to her forehead and sprawls the other across her stomach. She swallows again and looks at the ground, her eyes glassy and distant. She quivers, just enough for Aubrey to notice her shaking, and shoots Aubrey a panicked look. "Bree." She lowers her hand from her forehead to cover her mouth, pressing against her lips with her fingers as she gags.

Shit. Trying out the 'local whiskey' is never a good decision to make when one is a tourist – and already drunk. Aubrey grabs Chloe by under her arm and tries to haul her off to the side of the road. She only manages to get about two steps before Chloe gags again and a mixture of whiskey and beer foam ends up running down the front of her sweatshirt.

Aubrey drops her arm and circles around behind her, gathering her hair back and helping her bend over at the waist as she starts heaving. "It's okay." She tries to keep and eye on Chloe and an eye out for cars at the same time. "You're okay."

It would be nice if Chloe didn't try to power through things and would have given Aubrey some sort of warning that the whiskey wasn't agreeing with her. Or maybe it isn't the whiskey. Maybe it's just the thought of Tyler hanging himself.

Chloe keeps retching and empties her stomach of the alcohol onto the road, and Aubrey just hopes she gets it all out of her system now so they don't have to stop again. Chloe's shoulders start to vibrate once she's just dry heaving, and Aubrey spills out all the calming words she can think of in an effort to calm her down. Aubrey vomits when she's stressed; Chloe stresses when she vomits. They just need to go back to the inn where Aubrey can put her in bed and they can draw this day to an end. She rubs Chloe's back, feeling a lot more patient than earlier.

"Better?" Aubrey asks when she's done.

Chloe just offers a small nod.

Chloe's nose is running worse than before and Aubrey lets go of her hair and pats her pockets to see if she has any tissues. Nothing. She curses herself for letting her bag at the beach. "You're going to have to use your sleeve, Chloe," she tells her then quickly adds, "I'll wash your sweatshirt as soon as we get back." She's going to have to clean the vomit off of the front of it away anyway.

Chloe's hand shakes as she slowly lifts it to her nose and mouth and wipes them off. She glances down at the front of her sweatshirt then looks away in revulsion.

"Turn around." Aubrey takes her arm again and slowly spins her around to assess the damage. She'll be able to take the stain out. If she's a pro at anything, it's washing vomit out of clothing. Chloe can't wear that back to the inn though. Even if it's cold outside. She grips the sleeves and pulls Chloe's arms through them, ignoring Chloe's weak reluctance to take the sweatshirt off. It takes Aubrey a second to figure out how to pull it up over her head without getting vomit in her hair. She takes the bottom of the sweatshirt and rolls it upward until the soiled areas are covered then pulls it over Chloe's head and ties it into a knot so it won't come undone. She tucks the sweatshirt under her arm.

Another breeze rushes past and Chloe rubs her hands up and down her arms. The dog howls again. Chloe's gaze flashes in the direction of the noise then she looks forward again, staying silent as she starts dragging herself toward the inn again.

Aubrey is still for a moment. It will take over an hour to get back to the inn at the pace Chloe is set at. She's not willing to walk for that long - partially because Chloe is exhausted and partially because their location is creeping her out. "Chloe," she calls her back, "Let's me carry you." She sighs and squats down. She places the flashlight under her arm with the sweatshirt, taking a second to balance herself by placing her fingertips on the gravel before taking the items out from under her arm and just holding them.

Chloe turns her head and looks down at her. She sniffs and hesitates then walks back and circles around Aubrey, climbing onto her back and wrapping her arms tightly around Aubrey's neck.

It's a good thing Chloe is tiny. Aubrey stands up and hoists Chloe into a more comfortable position on her back. So much for thinking earlier that she wasn't going to willingly carry Chloe back to the inn. She starts walking and tries to focus on the rise and fall of Chloe's chest against her back rather than on their location.

Chloe buries her face against Aubrey's neck, her breaths warm against Aubrey's skin. She's silent for nearly ten minutes before mumbling against Aubrey's shoulder. "I didn't get to ask you my question."

Aubrey blinks and has to think. Right. The question Chloe wanted to ask her at the bonfire. "You can ask it now," she replies and braces herself.

"I can't ask it now," Chloe argues.

Then why bring it up? Aubrey rolls her eyes.

A few more crickets keep the evening from falling into absolute silence. Chloe's arms loosen around Aubrey's neck and her breaths begin to even out. Aubrey thinks she must have fallen asleep. She's slipping and Aubrey hoists her up further on her back. She points the flashlight at a better angle in front of her.

"Aubrey…" Chloe mumbles again.

"I love you, Chloe, but no more talking," Aubrey responds. "We can talk tomorrow."

Chloe nods and relaxes, becoming dead weight for Aubrey to carry. She nuzzles her face into Aubrey's shoulder, murmuring words into the fabric of her shirt that Aubrey can just barely make out. "I wish you said you loved me more."

Aubrey stops. Stop walking. Stop breathing. She stares at the barely lit road in front of her and tries to decipher the heavy feeling that weighs on her chest from Chloe's words. Guilt, maybe? No. It's something worse than that. She cranes her neck to look at Chloe, wondering if maybe she can help put her feelings into words, but Chloe has already drifted off to sleep.