"Keep your mind clear and focused."
"As if that were so easy."
The Master chuckled. "When a thought pops up just swipe it away. Like on a device."
I took a deep breath and tried again. I sat in his room, on a pillow on the floor, with crossed legs and my hands resting on my knees. Clear my mind, alright. I did what he had said and floated deeper into my own self, trying to keep my breathing steady.
"Good. Not perfect, but it should do."
Ignoring his comments was hard. Even swiping away those intruding thoughts was. I had kept Kira out of the room on purpose, even though he had protested. The little one was rather cheeky, but he had learned when to back down. Most of the time.
Stop thinking.
Away and away and away. Deeper into the ocean of thoughts and memories, deeper into the abyss of emotions and half broken wishes. Something else was there with me. A light, a spark, a glowing bug in a dark forest. I felt warmth, soothingly wrapping around my back, gently splaying on my middle and resting on my shoulder.
A part of me knew that the Master had sat behind me, the other parts didn't care. My mind shifted in a direction I couldn't name, carefully led by a soft current.
Good. Now take a deep breath and imagine your chest filling with golden light.
I did. The air flowing into my lungs was glittering like bright sand, like embers. Producing images within my mind was always easy.
Hold for some seconds.
The flow stopped. The embers rested inside my chest, floating there without any weight. Were they really just an image in my head?
When you breathe out, let the light fill your whole body. Let it envelop you in a sphere. Let it be everywhere inside that sphere and in yourself.
I held my breath for another second, then let it out slowly, seeing the light being pushed through my whole self until it poured out of my skin where it formed a golden glowing bubble around me. It was beautiful. I felt warm and calm.
If only I could tell him.
The image faded, the light drowned in a shower of rain. The Master nuzzled against my neck.
Forget about him.
If only that were so easy. Since the day we came back from earth I felt as lonely as… maybe never before. He was the only person who ever loved me just as I am. My father had never judged me, had never tried to twist and break everything I was. Whatever it was, I could always talk to him.
The Master tightened his grip a little and drew me against his chest. My head fell back. I looked up into his eyes, where I found the usual mockery glinting. But there was also warmth. He didn't entirely understand my grief. The first day he had completely ignored everything that had happened on earth. The second day he had mocked me for still being in a sad mood. By the third day he had started to train me.
You can talk to me now. His thought slipped into my awareness.
I hummed, smiling. It's not the same. You don't really understand me.
Says who?
You laugh at me for… everything. You tease me for every little mistake I make and hate me for being human. What I feel is just a burden to you, just a hindrance to get what you want.
He didn't answer at first. His mind was silent. Only his hands moved, gripped me a tiny bit more firmly. A warmth washed over me, a sensation of comfort, of feeling… safe.
You think I'd bother with spending my precious time with such a petty useless animal?
You just do.
He chuckled. See?
The warmth seeped deeper into me and I understood. It was a surprise, in a way. And it wasn't. I felt everything through our connection, but some things… some of them were too improbable, too foreign to me to accept.
I hate that I care. His voice in my head was barely there. I wasn't even sure if that had been meant to be heard. Try again. The Master moved his hands to mine, stroking his thumbs over my skin. Build a shield around yourself that is strong enough to keep all those feelings away from you. Make yourself a fortress against misery.
My breath evened, he helped me sink deeper into myself, to search for the centre of my being. And there I filled the emptiness with light. Breath. Light. Embers. Exhale, fill myself with energy, let it seep through my skin to form a shield around me.
I watched in awe how the shield manifested. In my mind it looked like a delicate web of filigrane lightning strokes, dancing across the surface of a golden soap bubble.
It shattered.
"What's bothering you so much?" The Master used his voice again, still stroking my hands. "This isn't just grief."
I let out an exasperated breath and sunk together, not wanting to tell.
"I won't laugh. Promise."
I looked up at him, finding honesty in his eyes. He was willing to at least try. And maybe… maybe he really was the right person to address.
"The Doctor refuses to travel back in time to let me meet my dad again."
"Mhm… it's dangerous. You could very easily create a paradox. And one that can't resolve itself at that."
"I know."
"Go on, little light."
The warmth he emanated was still steading me. "If I help you to get control over the TARDIS… would you help me?"
Amusement shot through me, accompanied by a vibrating laugh in my back. Ever since the beginning he hadn't brought it up again, that I might be a key in setting him free from here. For a long while I had been convinced that it was for the better to keep him here, supervised by the Doctor. To a certain extent at least. But…
"It's no use. The Doctor changed the lock and now he has the only key to it. No idea what it even is. I haven't found anything useful." He nudged the back of my head with his nose. "However…" I shifted in his arms, sensing that he had another plan. "Yes, I have. There is a broken Vortex Manipulator in here. I haven't been able to fix it. A few things are missing and they aren't easy to… get." He trailed off by the end of the sentence.
"The one you had when you came to me on earth." Had it been in a dream or had he told me? I couldn't remember.
"You'd… help me get away from here." It felt as if he was unsure whether or not it should be a statement or a question.
"I… I don't know if that's a good idea."
"In return I bring you to the past."
My heart skipped a beat. Was it possible? Could I still… "I don't only want to visit my Dad," I whispered. "I know it's against any laws of time and all that, but if we get to a point where I'm not even in the picture then…"
"Then what?" Suddenly there was uneasiness washing over me from his mind. When it came to time, even the Master had a lot of limits.
I hesitated. Images rushed through my head, blossoming before my eyes. There, in a wardrobe, in my tiny flat, somewhere far away, lay a gun.
"Maybe I can save him."
The Master squeezed me tighter and huffed. "Humans. You always want to break everything."
"Says the right person."
He chuckled. "But if you break the wrong thing, there will be nothing left to break ever again, little one."
"I… I know. It's just…"
"Just what?"
I sighed and sunk deeper into his embrace. There was the double heartbeat, so soothing. There were his hands, still holding mine. There was his mind, still lingering within my own. I had trouble speaking, all of a sudden, although I knew he, of all people, would understand.
And he did.
"Who was it?" he asked softly. "Who did you want to kill?"
I huffed. "I thought it was obvious."
"Mhm… I want you to say it." His voice was low, almost excited.
Yeah, he wouldn't only understand, he would even like it. Twisted bastard. I smiled and took a breath.
"It's my mom."
.
A Vortex Manipulator was a curious thing, as I learned quickly. It needed four-dimensional coordinates, for starters. Getting those required a complex mathematical formula that I didn't even begin to understand. Still not food with maths. It was also possible to upgrade the device with a psychic connection, so one only needed to think of a place - and time of course. It still required a combination of button presses to activate the teleport.
"Depending on the type you also have a digital storage and some even support a language processor."
"You mean, something like the TARDIS does? Translating everything I hear into English?"
"Yes, that one. A TARDIS, of course, supports a vastly larger library, though."
"Mhm… makes sense." I nodded.
He had asked me how it came that I harboured so much hatred against my own mother, but I had managed to distract him from it by probing him about the functions of the Manipulator that now lay in front of us.
The device had worked a few times, but the parts he had used were not meant for this kind of strain. The range was extremely limited and error prone. It all would also break down pretty soon. This wasn't something for long term usage.
He explained the basic technical details to me, trying his best to confuse me with too many terms. I didn't understand half of it, but what I kept and what I grasped seemed to satisfy him. Now we needed to get the remaining parts.
And that would be my job.
"The Calchar-fuse is my own addition. They are more stable than the others I tested. And with a little luck we can get them at the same market as the fuho-cells and the high voltage spring capacitor."
"So… I just need to get the Doctor to land us there and then distract him so you can sneak out."
The Master grinned. He was giddy and excited, but at the same time also tense and cautious. He didn't trust me. Not like that anyway.
"Speaking of…" I glanced up, meeting his gaze. "How's it going with him?"
He winced and grimaced. And for a second it seemed as if he would just evade the question, but then he spoke. "He's not forgiven me for shooting the clone girl."
"Can you blame him?" I shook my head and picked up a small component with blue glowing lines.
The Master shrugged. "Don't care. It's just annoying that he avoids me."
"Maybe ask him out on a date." I eyed him over the rim of my glasses and poked my tongue out. I only got a dark scowl as a reward. "On the other hand… If you vanish soon anyway, there's not much use in trying to get him on good terms again."
"As if we ever were." He folded his arms and pursed his lips. "Our goals and morals are just too different."
"Yeah." I picked up another piece to inspect the intricate lines on its board, wishing I would actually understand how this all worked. "I'm sure you'll run into each other again. Seems to happen a lot from what you tell."
"Mhm…"
I put the thing down and stepped in front of the Master, looking up at his sulking face. Since that moment in the cell he had never really denied his feelings towards the other Time Lord. He also hadn't outright confirmed them, but he didn't need to. I tapped against his chest to get his attention. The Master looked at me, the dark frown fading. He sighed and leaned down, grabbing my collar to drag me closer.
"Enough of that. Let's get those parts."
