"Riley are you sure you'll be able to make it to my appointment today? I know you're busy and all but I'm already nervous and the fact that Josh can't be here makes it even worse and I'm so new to all of this baby shit and I'm only twenty years old and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and-"
Riley's big brown eyes blinked as she watched her friend ramble on and on as she stood directly in front of her. Maya's hair was messily tossed up in a pony tail as she paced back and forth on the floor in the kitchen. Approaching her slowly, Riley grasped her shoulders and stopped her movements. "Maya," she began wearily. Maya looked up at her with these sad blue eyes and threw her head into Riley's shoulder. Rubbing her friend's back in small circles she took a deep breath and wracked her brain, trying to figure out what to say in this situation. She honestly had no words. She'd never been through this and she didn't know how to help. She knew that this couldn't be easy. Especially with her husband being over a thousand miles away. So she did the only thing her parents taught her to do in these situations, let your true feelings show.
Picking Maya's head off of her shoulder, she guided her to the kitchen table and sat her down in front of her. Holding both of her hands with a light touch, Riley took a deep breath. "Look at me Maya." Maya looked up at her, with tears welling up in her eyes. Riley's eyes softened as she saw her emotions shine through. "Oh honey." She took the pad of her thumb and wiped a tear that fell from her friend's eyes. She didn't realize she was feeling this way. So she decided to ask a tough question. "Do you want this baby Maya?"
Maya's breath hitched in her throat. "I don't know," she whispered. She gasped. "Oh my god does this mean I'm a terrible person?" She held her head in her hands as she rested her elbows on her knees. "Shit. Riley this is bad."
"No. Don't say that Maya. You're allowed to feel how you're feeling. This is a crazy world to bring a child into. I know that this isn't easy for you." Riley got quiet. "Have you talked to Josh about this? About possibly exploring your options? And I know that's a big thing to suggest but I can't help but remind you of that if now is not the right time for you two. You guys have plenty of time to have another baby. I just want you to remember that."
Maya shook her head. "I don't know if I could handle doing that."
"But you can handle having a baby you're not even sure you want?"
Maya sighed. Riley had a point. She had to talk to Josh, but he was hundreds of miles away, working and probably didn't even have his phone on him. She just needed to talk to him. She looked up. "What time is it?"
"Um, it's almost one. Why?"
"Fuck," Maya muttered under her breath. "Josh is in the middle of an interview right now. I won't be able to reach him."
"What are you going to say to him?"
"I don't even know. Maybe I'll just have mouth diarrhea and everything will just come out and he'll understand that I'm unsure about everything and he'll just come home and we can figure everything out! But that's not going to happen. He has to be out there working. It's just that-"
Riley frowned. "It's what?"
"When we got engaged I thought we'd be in the same city. That we'd be here in New York or Los Angeles or Toronto or Atlanta or wherever the fuck and we'd be together pursuing our dreams. I didn't think we'd be working in different cities."
"What are you saying Maya?"
Maya sighed and took her hair down. "This just isn't how I thought everything would be when we got married." Standing up, she moved past Riley and picked up her bag off of the counter. "Let's just go to this appointment. I'm probably overthinking things."
Riley watched as Maya walked towards the door and grew worried. "I'm right behind you!" she called out. She swiftly took her phone out of her pocket and called her Uncle. She held the phone up to her ear and watched to see if Maya was coming back. It rang and rang but no answer. Shit. Maya was right. He's probably working right now.
"Hey this is Josh, leave a message and I'll get back to you."
The voicemail greeting played and Riley whispered into her phone in a hushed tone. "Look, I'm not the one to tell you how to be married and all but you need to get down here. Your wife needs you but she supports you way too much to let you know that she's struggling right now. She's freaking out and isn't even sure about this baby. Get here now."
.:.
The studio lights shined brightly as Josh laughed and smiled with his cast mates as he looked over at the interviewer. "And again a big thank you to the cast of Redemption, which airs next week at eight o'clock eastern standard time only on ABC!"
A producer in the background yelled cut as the cast got up from the couch on set and walked off to craft to grab something to eat, but before Josh could even leave the set, his assistant ran over with his phone. "Hey Josh, sorry I know you're probably starving right now, but your phone was ringing a lot during the interview. There were a bunch of texts and missed calls from your niece."
His assistant handed him his phone and Josh frowned, quickly thanking them and walking outside. He held his phone up to his ear and listened to Riley's voicemail. "Look, I'm not the one to tell you how to be married and all but you need to get down here. Your wife needs you but she supports you way too much to let you know that she's struggling right now. She's freaking out and isn't even sure about this baby. Get here now."
Shit. Josh quickly made a few calls and called texted Riley. On my way now. Thank you for calling me.
Josh never moved this fast in his life. He disappeared from the talkshow set and was on the next flight to New York. As he sat on the plane his leg bounced up and down anxiously. He knew deep down that he shouldn't have left, but Maya was encouraging him to go. She wanted him to go and do this. It was his dream. How could he have known that she was feeling this way? She never mentioned any of this to him or even gave way that she might have been feeling this way. Had she always been feeling like this or was it because he was gone? Or did she truly not feel ready for this? What if they rushed into things? Getting married, the baby, although the latter wasn't exactly planned. None of it felt wrong to him.
Did it feel wrong to her?
.:.
Riley closed the door behind her and Maya as they returned home from the ultrasound appointment. "Maya?" Riley asked as she followed her inside. "Are you okay? You've barely said two words since we left earlier."
Maya sighed and sat down on the couch, throwing her bag on the ground. "I've just got a lot on my mind Riley. That's all."
"Well if you need anything I can-"
Maya cut her off and stared at the ground. "I actually just want to be alone right now."
"Maya are you sure? I-"
Maya closed her eyes. "Riley please."
Riley relented and left the home quietly, understanding that she needed time to herself. The appointment went well earlier, the baby's heart beat was strong. Everything checked out fine. She was just about twelve weeks along. Yet Maya didn't bat an eye.
Once Maya heard the door close, she leaned forward and held her head in her hands and just let the tears flow. It wasn't even that she didn't want the baby. She wanted the baby, but she didn't want to have the baby like this. She wanted more for her baby. She wanted more for their lives as a family and right now, this simply wasn't what she wanted. She dug deep into her bag and pulled out the ultrasound picture. She traced a finger over it and just stared at it for what felt like days. She needed to call Josh. Just before she got a chance to pick up her phone, there was a knock at the door.
Expecting it to be Riley, Maya sighed and opened the door. "Riley I told you I needed some space. I-" Maya stopped talking as she realized who was at the door. It was Andrew. "Oh," she breathed. "Hi Andrew. What are you doing here?"
Andrew looked up at his best friend's wife and swallowed hard. Her eyes were pink and puffy and he could see that had been crying. "Are you okay?" he asked, completely ignoring her question.
Maya quickly swiped a hand over her cheek and sniffled. "I'm fine. Why are you here?" she asked again.
Andrew held up a brown paper bag. "Takeout. I remember you telling me the other day that Tuesday nights are for takeout. I thought I'd give you company instead of leaving you in this house by yourself. But if you're going through something and need to be alone I can totally just drop this off and go."
"No, it's fine. I could use the company of someone who doesn't exactly know what my problem is for once." Maya stepped aside. "Come on in."
.:.
An hour passed and the pair sat in the kitchen laughing and talking over their food. Maya truly was grateful for the distraction. It was nice talking to someone who understood her need to just forget things and not deal for a moment. "I left the house last week just trying to go to the grocery store cause I really wanted some peanut butter and of course when I rounded the corner, there were photographers standing there, ready to bombard me with invasive questions about my every move. It was surely the highlight of my day," Maya said sarcastically.
"Wow," Andrew breathed as he dug around his takeout box. "I couldn't imagine dealing with that."
Maya sighed. "Yeah I know. I'm just lucky they haven't found my studio yet. Now that I really wouldn't be able to handle. That place is like my safe haven." Maya sighed and set down her box of food. "I just want to dance you know? Without all of this strings attached notoriety that comes alongs with it. Sometimes I regret pursuing it professionally. Just for a moment though, not too long. The extra stuff has made me not love it as much at times."
Andrew frowned and set down his box. "Well we can't have that can we?" He scooted out of his chair and pulled Maya up from the table and into the living room. He pushed all the furniture to the walls and started to play music.
"What are you doing? I have fried rice waiting for me in the other room."
Andrew slipped off his socks and tucked them in his shoes. "We are dancing. You are going to remember exactly why you loved it so much."
"Andrew I don't know. I've just had a long day and I honestly should probably go to sleep. I-"
"In your words, all I'm hearing are excuses." He pulled her into the center of the room and hit play as music started to rattle through the home. "We both started out with jazz and contemporary. Let's just start there and have fun."
Maya was tense but the music started to soothe her as she moved. As she let it overtake her and direct her movements. It wasn't long that they danced, but the music was loud enough that they didn't hear Josh come home. Josh walked in the front door and clenched his jaw as he saw them dance. Walking over to their speaker, he paused it and watched them look towards the speaker and then up at him. As soon as Maya's eyes graced across Josh's face she burst into a huge smile and ran up to him. "Oh my god Josh what are you doing here?" She looked up at him in awe. "I thought you weren't going to be home for another month."
Josh's jaw remained tight as he locked eyes with Andrew, from across the room. Breaking his stare he looked down at his wife and smiled softly. "I just felt like I needed to come home. I needed to be here with you." He let Maya slip from his arms and walked over to Andrew and held out a hand for a stiff handshake. "Andrew," he greeted. "Not that I needed or asked you to look after my wife," he paused, deciding to not make a scene. "Thank you. I see you put a smile on her face and that's all I could ever ask for."
Totally expecting Josh to yell at him, Andrew just nodded his head. "Um, You're welcome man." He looked over Josh's shoulder at Maya who was oblivious to the tension between the two men. "I'll give you guys your space."
After Andrew left, Josh turned to Maya and pulled her into his arms and kissed her head. "I love you Maya."
Maya looked up at him and kissed his lips. "I love you too. But seriously. What are you doing here? I thought you absolutely had to be at work now."
Josh sighed. "I should be and I'm not but I need to be here more."
Maya was confused. She didn't understand any of this. "But Josh this is your dream you've worked so hard for this," she protested.
Josh held Maya's face by her cheeks. "Maya you're my dream. You mean more to me than any of this."
And it was true. Maya was his dream. And that would hold true until the very end.
