A New Place, A New Love
Author's Note: Time for a long awaited update. Hope you like it and I'm sorry it's taken me so long. Enjoy :)
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.
Chapter 12
As the day progressed, Minerva was reminded of darker times. The funerals of James and Lilly…Albus…Severus…they never got easier. Even though Minerva did not know him as well as some, a funeral was still a funeral. The loss of a life that had succumb to the horror of a war. As she followed the pallbearers through the city, she feels Gandalf's hand in hers. In a way, it helps. She doesn't have to be the strong one with him around. He is giving her the ability to just grieve for once. No responsibility to maintain a strong front for the benefit for others.
The proceeding are soon over and the silence that is left is familiar to her. No one speaks as they decide their respects have been paid and the remainder of the time is better suited for those closer to the deceased. The number dwindles until it is just Gandalf, Théoden and herself. She keeps to the back of the area and allows Gandalf a moment with the king, but silently letting him know he is not alone.
"This is not the way it should be, and yet these times of war ensure that I should live to see the last days of my house," the kings says, glancing down at the white flower on his son's grave.
"His death was not of your making," Gandalf responds solemnly.
"No parent should have to bury their child."
Minerva watches as the recently reinvigorated king falls to his knees in crippling sorrow. Gandalf tries to comfort him as best as he can, but soon realizes he is not stronger than the grief surrounding the man. As he pulls away and heads to the person he considers to be his rock, he sees a horse riding towards the city. Knowing that Éowyn will probably aid in the welcoming and care of the new arrivals, Gandalf continues his way into the embrace of the woman he loves.
"I'm here," she whispers to him, "If you are tired of being strong for others."
"I do appreciate it, my dear," he smiled slightly, "but I fear my strength will have to last a fair bit longer."
"That doesn't mean you have to be strong the entirety of the war," she warned, "The only thing you will accomplish is exhausting yourself…and that will break even the most resilient of people."
Gandalf pulled her into a hug, "It sounds as if you are speaking from more than just wisdom."
"I found my breaking point," she said darkly, "I was strong for everyone and told myself the minute I stopped being strong was the minute the war was lost, but that was not the case."
Minerva pulled Gandalf along as she looked for a secluded spot to talk to him. She needed to share with him her experiences with war. Maybe she could spare him from some of the turmoil she herself had to endure several times over the years. When they came to a spot that was quiet and relatively private, she had him take a seat next to her.
"I know what it is like to feel as though you are the only thing standing between chaos and order. You think that the moment your strength is gone, those around you will crumble and may lose the battle with despair, but that is not your responsibility," she said gently but with a firm tone, "You may be the person they look up to and follow, but that does to mean you are above being affected by what is around you."
"Minerva, they need me. Saruman will not stop and I am the one that must stop him as Frodo must be the one to destroy the ring."
The way he said that made Minerva's heart hurt. Here was another man letting the weight of an entire world rest on his shoulders because he felt he was at fault.
"Just because you knew and trusted him does not mean you need to be the one to stop him," she countered.
"Does it not?" He said sadly, averting his gaze from hers.
She waited until he was coaxed back into looking at her before she continued, "You knew the monster…you didn't help create it."
"But I should have seen it coming, Minerva!" He stood up suddenly and began to pace, "There were signs and events that told of what was to come and I let oblivion take e as a fool!"
"Wanting to believe someone is good is not foolish," Minerva took him by the hands to still his frantic pacing, "Assuming you are to blame for someone else's actions, however, is extremely foolish."
"I could have stopped him," he said, "Without his help-"
"Without his help, Sauron would have found someone else," she watched part of the fight leave his eyes, "They always find someone else."
"How did you come upon all of this wisdom?" Gandalf said as an attempt to inject some levity into the conversation.
"Cause I've been in your position twice before," she smiled sadly, "And I've also been in Saruman's place."
"What?" She could see the surprise in his eyes before he spoke.
"Similar to you, I knew the monster before they were just that," she gestured for his to sit down again, "Before he was Lord Voldemort, he was Tom Riddle. A handsome and cunning young man that could charm a snake out of its own skin. He was young when he started, only a few years younger than myself actually. We went to the same school, but our paths did not cross much while we were there. I knew him to be a bright student that had charmed his way into the graces of a lot of the professors' and fellow student's hearts.
"A couple of years after he graduated and I was working as an auror," she paused seeing the confusion on his face and decided to clarify, "someone who helps defend our world against dark magic…Our paths crossed several times and each time he tried to seduce me into joining him, and I did…briefly. I had just lost my husband and was looking for something else that would give my life meaning. Of course I did not know what his plans were in the beginning, but as things across the country got darker and his tendencies became more questionable, I started to connect some of the dots.
"I did not want to accept it at first. As I said, he was charming and there was a large part of me that denied it all. It took him telling me that my power was being wasted on generic magic for me to realize that he was truly evil and dark. Had I been a weaker person or someone that genuinely felt lost, there is a possibility I could have been just like Saruman. I walked away right after that. Started teaching and I thought I had put it all behind me.
"I blamed myself almost everyday for decades as I realized the dark wizard known as Lord Voldemort was that boy I was close enough to stop…even kill before things got worse. Every student, friend, and loved one he killed I took personally. It ripped me apart and I honestly believed I was to blame for the carnage and death that he spread throughout Britain. I told myself the only way to repay those that he had tortured, killed, and forever damaged was to be strong for all of them.
"I did that for a majority of my life until I couldn't stand it anymore and I broke. I shattered and could do nothing more than breath as I let the sorrow and depression engulf me. I had lost hope and anything even slightly resembling happiness as his followers took over the school. You know you are broken when you wish for their torture to begin so you can know if you are still capable of feeling anything but numb."
"On one particular occasion, I had been taken to the dungeons to be tortured for one of my student's mistakes in a class. I'm not sure how many hours I was down there, but I can say without any kind of hesitation that I did not feel much of what she did to me. Alecto got bored after I stopped responding to the torture and left me to get myself down and back to my room. I eventually made my way out of the dungeons and I was ready to throw everything away and just submit to what was around me.
"A door appeared suddenly," she smiled at the thought of the door and how it had saved her twice now, "I didn't pay it any attention, but as I was walking away, one of my students came out of the room. I ended up collapsing in front of him and when I woke up, I was surrounded by students. I tried to tell them I was fine, but they wouldn't hear it. They took care of me, healed my wounds, fed me, and made sure I was well rested. I was embarrassed first by the thought of the pity they must feel for their frail, old professor," Gandalf scoffed at that description of the formidable woman in front of him, but she shook her head, "It was an accurate description at that time."
"One of my students, Mr. Longbottom, the same one that had picked me up in the corridor and brought me to safety shared a small piece of wisdom. He said that it was their turn to watch over me for a while. I had spent my entire career as a teacher protecting my students, past, present, and future, from the atrocities around them, and it was time someone afforded me the same. They took care of me not out of pity, but because it was my turn to seek strength in someone else. Much like it is your turn to do the same."
Gandalf was silent for quite a long time after she finished her story, and she thought she may have shared too much. I've scared him off. Great job, Minerva. She looked down at her hands that were worrying the fabric of her robes between them. She should have just trusted that he was fine. Her thoughts were stopped as his hands entered her field of vision and reached for her own.
"Minerva," her name on his lips sent shivers down her spine, "Please look at me," and she did.
There was sadness in his eyes as he looked at her. She hated seeing him like this.
"As long as I am here, you do not need to worry about feeling numb ever again," he gently stroked her face, "I will be here when you need to borrow strength…and I will gladly surrender mine to you."
She was surprised that he gave in that easy, but then again, she was willing to do so too after only knowing him for a relatively short period of time. As they embraced and held each other for a few minutes, Minerva's animagus senses picked up the sound of someone waiting around the corner, but she wasn't sure how long they had been there.
"I think someone is waiting for us," she whispered into his neck, reluctantly pulling away.
Aragorn came around the corner and apologized for the interruption, but everyone was in the dining hall and they were waiting for the pair to join them. They both got up and followed the man into the hall in a comfortable silence. Once they enter the hall, Gandalf is beckoned to sit next to the king while Minerva joins Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli. Soon Gandalf is broaching the inevitable subject of what to do next.
"This is but a taste of the terror that Saruman will unleash. All the more potent for he is driven by fear if Sauron. You must ride out and meet him," Gandalf gestured to the people in front of them, "Draw him away from your women and children. You need to fight."
Aragorn joined in, "You have 2000 men in Éomer's care riding north. He is loyal to yo. His men will return and fight for their king."
Minerva could see that the king was doubtful.
"They will be 300 leagues from here by now. They are of no use," he stops Gandalf before he can interrupt him, "I know what you expect of me, but I cannot bring more death to my people. I will not risk open war."
"Open war is upon your doorstep, whether you choose to risk it or not," Aragorn warned.
"When I last looked, Théoden, not Aragorn was king of Rohan," he fired back.
"What is the king's decision then?" Minerva asked, no longer wanting to stay silent, "I know a thing or two about war and you have two choices. If you wait for war to come to you, death is guaranteed. If you choose to fight it, you have a chance of living. The path you choose will either separate you from your enemy or prove them right."
TBC…
