The world felt grey. It felt like the color had been drained out of everything. Josh's hand graced the doorknob as he turned it slowly, pushing open the door to their Brooklyn home. With his other hand stretched out behind him, Maya clutched it tight as her blonde hair that normally looked shiny, now looked dull and lifeless. She walked slowly behind him, allowing him to pull her gently in through the door frame. They'd gone to the doctor early that morning, confirming their devastating news. They were no longer going to be parents.

The switch between feeling at odds with each other to now needing to lean on each other was quite big. They were on opposing sides to an argument that seemed like it had no end and now one of the biggest changes to come in their lives, was no more. Closing the door behind Maya as she stepped inside, Josh pulled his hat off his head and ran his fingers through his messy hair. The bags under his eyes began to stand out as he was going on hours with no sleep. He stayed up all night watching Maya, making sure he was there at the drop of a hat.

Silence sat between them outside of polite pleasantries. "I'm going to get you some water," Josh said, breaking the silence. Maya nodded quietly as she walked over to the kitchen table, pulled out a chair, and sat down.

Josh sat the glass down in front of her. It was half-full or half-empty, however you decided to look at it. "Thanks," Maya whispered. She wrapped her hand around the glass and brought it to her lips as she felt the water flow down her throat. "Um," she began. Josh looked up at her, his blue eyes sad. "Should we talk about it? The um-"

"Not if you're not ready."

"But are you ready?"

Josh took a deep breath. "Honestly no. No, I'm not."

Maya reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "Then we're not going to talk about it."

They shared a sad smile and each sighed deeply. This couldn't be happening to them right now. They just sat with each other, not needing to say a word, just needing each other's company. Josh opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a knock at the door. He looked to Maya and frowned. "Were you expecting someone?" Maya shook her head and watched as Josh trailed out of the room to see who was at the door.

Whomever it was knocked at the door again as Josh turned the knob to open it. As the mahogany door swung open Josh's jaw tensed. "Andrew," he greeted coldly.

Andrew looked up at him, his brown eyes apologetic. "Hey man, I'm sorry to come by so early. I just really needed to talk to you. I owe you a lot."

Josh shook his head and sighed. "Look man, now is honestly not a good-"

Maya came up behind Josh and squeezed his arm, interrupting him. "Uh Josh," she whispered. "I think you should talk to him."

Josh shook his head. "No Maya, he can wait this is an awful time for this, don't you think?"

Maya held her breath for a moment before pushing. "I know. I just really think you should talk to him. Not just about yesterday when you came home, but yesterday."

Josh frowned, not understanding why Maya would push him to talk to Andrew about this. "Maya why are you-" then it hit him. Andrew knew. Josh quickly grew annoyed. "You told him you were pregnant?"

Maya could sense the fight coming on and tried to quell it before it surfaced. "I didn't mean to! It slipped when we were talking the night you came home. I promise." Josh still looked upset. "Josh I mean it. It slipped and that was it but I do really think you should talk to him. I don't understand the full extent as to which everything goes with you two, but you're going to need more than just me right now."

Andrew, who still stood there on their stoop, looked between the married couple not fully understanding their cryptic language. He came here to apologize, to make things right. But it looks like he stumbled upon something much bigger than the mess he caused. "Um," he stuttered, reminding them of his presence. "I can go if now's a bad time. I understand how important privacy can be so-"

"No," Josh said, cutting him off. "I mean yes but we should go for a walk. Talk about a few things." Maya looked up at Josh and smiled softly, happy that he'd decided to go on and talk to Andrew. That didn't mean things between them were one hundred percent but it was a start right? As for their marriage? It had taken quite a few hits and there were some more things that they needed to sort out but there were obviously more pressing matters at hand.

Maya watched as Josh and Andrew left the stoop, walking away to hopefully make things the slightest bit better.

.:.

The morning was oddly quiet in the city, very fitting considering Josh's mood. He and Andrew walked side by side in silence as nervousness settled within the latter. He had obviously walked into a very tense moment, one even more tense than the one he had caused the day prior. "Maya really didn't mean to tell me that she was-"

"Don't."

Andrew immediately shut his mouth and continued to walk on in silence. That probably wasn't the best line to open with. He took a deep breath and tried again. "I shouldn't have started with that. I'm sorry," he apologized. No response. "Josh." Again no response. This time, Andrew grabbed Josh's arm and stopped him walking. "Josh I'm trying to apologize here."

Without a second thought, Josh's fist connected with Andrew's nose as the impact could be heard from any bystanders on the street. Andrew stumbled backwards as he held his nose and winced. "Fuck," he whispered under his breath.

Josh looked over at him as he shook his hand out, the impact making it sore. "That felt fantastic! I think I'm ready to talk now, how about you?"

A smirk graced Josh's lips as Andrew looked up at him, cupping his nose. He wasn't bleeding, but it sure did hurt. Nodding he took a deep breath. "Yup," he choked out. "I totally had that one coming."

"There's a coffee shop a few blocks down. We can talk there."

Without a word, Andrew followed Josh down the street before they sat down in a near empty coffee shop. Pressing some ice against his nose the he got from the barista, Andrew winced as the coldness hit his skin. "I guess I'll start." He set the ice down on the table and took a deep breath. Feeling the weight of what he caused, he allowed himself to speak from the heart. "Look man, I'm sorry. For everything. I overstepped. I shouldn't have been hanging around your wife. It was inappropriate for me to be there and not even tell you anything I-"

Josh gripped the cup of black coffee in his hand that he ordered when they first arrived. "Why are you in New York? You live in Philly. So what I couldn't wrap my mind around was the fact that you live in a whole other state yet you were here in New York, hanging around my wife. It doesn't make sense."

Andrew sighed and pressed the bag of ice against his nose again. His nose was throbbing slightly and still a bit red from the earlier hit. He'd have to admit that he'd uprooted his entire life due to a spur of the moment crisis. "I left Philly."

Josh frowned. "What do you mean left Philly? You moved and didn't tell me?"

Andrew let out a frustrated groan. "I left a few days after your wedding." Josh locked eyes with him, waiting for him to continue. "I just saw you and how happy you were and I wanted that for myself, but it didn't seem like that would ever happen for me in Philly. I mean, I know that out of the two of us I made the textbook definition of a 'smart choice' and gave up everything I loved for stability. Then I look at you and I see that you quite literally have it all. The career, the wife, the family. And I feel like I missed out on that by playing it safe."

Silence fell between the two as Andrew placed his ice back on his nose. "So you left," Josh concluded. "I'm obviously assuming that you moved into the city. Where?"

"Brooklyn. Not too far from your place actually but don't worry I won't be hanging around anymore. I don't want to cause anymore damage than I have already."

Josh nodded, thinking to himself quietly before he spoke. "It actually wasn't entirely your fault. Maya knew I was uncomfortable with it and she did it anyways. That's something her and I will deal with privately later."

Andrew nodded and fiddled with his bag of ice that was starting to sweat. Trying to lighten the mood he smiled at Josh. "Congratulations by the way. I already know you're going to be an amazing dad."

There it was. This is why that hadn't told anyone else. They never wanted to deal with this. "Actually, I'm not going to be a dad anymore. Maya had a miscarriage last night," Josh whispered.

This time a somber silence fell among the pair. Andrew truly didn't know what to say. He had just found out yesterday that the couple were going to become parents and now today, they weren't. "I know I've been saying this a lot today but I want you to know that I genuinely mean this. I am incredibly sorry for your loss."

Josh's lip began to quiver as he tried to stop the tears from coming out. "Yeah," he whispered as he fought against the tears brimming around his eyes. He lost that fight very quickly as he began to break down. His chest heaved as he sobbed, Andrew coming around to his side to comfort him. Maya was right. Josh would need more than just her to get through this.

.:.

Maya sat in the empty house staring at the staircase. She sat in the bay window, as still as a statue not daring to move an inch. She couldn't figure out her feelings. Anger? Sadness? Relief? She wasn't sure what exactly she was feeling in that moment but she knew it was different than whatever Josh might be feeling. As the thoughts piled up in her head, Josh came inside, locking the door behind him. He walked up the stairs, and locked eyes with Maya as he saw her sitting there quietly with her hands folded together. Josh stood there for a moment. Tired and drained he could feel everything start to weigh down on him. "We need to talk," he said quietly.

Maya looked at him with big blue eyes and scooted over, leaving a space for him in the window. "I take it you want to start the conversation off."

Josh sighed and rubbed his eyes. He wasn't sure that he even had the energy for this but they needed to talk. "Maya I don't want to fight. I don't want things to be this way between us."

"And they don't have to be. We just have to put all of this behind us." Maya reached a hand up and started to rub Josh's back in slow circles. He shrugged her off.

"Maya stop." He took his head out of his hands and looked at her. "You're ignoring my feelings about the situation because you feel that you've done nothing wrong. When that is not the case. You did things that you knew made me uncomfortable. You've failed to communicate to me the most basic things since I've been gone and you don't care that I am upset that you tried to prove your point by throwing our past in my face." Josh sighed and placed his head back in his hands, the exhaustion starting to overwhelm him. "Maybe this wasn't the right time to have a baby."

Maya's breath hitched in her throat. "What?" she whispered.

Josh sat up and groaned. "This is not how our lives should be if we're going to bring a child into this world. We've barely been married even half a year and look at how things are. Can you honestly tell me that you're happy with our relationship right now?"

Timidness grew over Maya. The feisty nature that she once held when they fought before had dissipated. "Josh," she whispered. "I never realized you felt so strongly about things. I-"

"You don't seem to take my feelings seriously. I'd take yours seriously. I have before actually." Josh ran his fingers through his hair before continuing. "Look Maya. I love you and I need you to know that I love you but you're obviously not tied to me in more ways than one right now so I'll let you choose what you want. If you want the freedom to go explore and be with whoever you want, I'll give that to you. No questions asked. But if you want to work on this? Work on us, then you have to try. You have to at least attempt to meet me halfway. Because right now you're not and I can't live with that."

In that moment as the word's left Josh's mouth. Maya's heart sank to the bottom of her stomach. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. This wasn't supposed to be the kind of conversation they were having. She wanted Josh, she knew that. She just needed to communicate that. She needed to try and be more present and listen to him. She needed to do so much more than what she was already doing. Before she could speak, Josh's phone rang. She glanced over at the screen and noticed it was his agent. Josh took the call next to her as she timidly waited for him to finish. As Josh brought the phone down from his ear, Maya took a deep breath. "I love you and I want to do better. I'm sorry that I haven't been a good partner lately. You didn't deserve that. You also didn't deserve me throwing our past in your face and for that I am incredibly sorry."

Maya carefully took Josh's hands into hers, waiting to see if he pulled away. He didn't. She continued on, "I want to do more than just meet you halfway. I want to support you and respect you and love you and do everything I can for you and I am so sorry that I haven't." Tears brimmed her eyes but she didn't dare let them fall. "And I'm sorry for not talking to you about how I was feeling about the baby. But most of all I am sorry about Andrew. I won't reach out or hang around him or anything like that. The boundary is set and it's not moving. I love you too much to put myself in a position to lose you, not again."

Maya pressed her forehead against Josh's as she let a few tears slip. "Honey I am so sorry," she cried softly.

They each took a deep breath as Josh allowed her words to resonate within himself. He kissed her forehead tenderly and leaned back. "That was my agent," he breathed. "I haven't lost my job. They understood it was a family emergency." Maya wiped a tear from her face, not understanding where Josh was going with this. "The first episode did so well that um, we got picked up for a second season. They want me back in Atlanta in a month to start filming season two."

"Oh," she breathed. "Are you going to go?"

Josh shrugged his shoulders. "I want to, but I don't know if now is the best time for me to leave."

"I'll go with you!" The words left Maya's so fast that she didn't even realize what she was committing herself to. "I'm going to need time off anyways. You know with everything that just happened. My body is-" she sighed. "I want to be there with you. I want to work on us. I want to start over if that's what we have to do. I want to be better. I want us to have a healthy relationship that we could start a family with one day. I want this Josh."

Blue eyes met blue eyes and Josh took a moment to grasp Maya's words. He slowly nodded and pulled her closer to him. "Okay," he whispered. "We'll try." Maya looked up at him in his arms and smiled worriedly. "We'll make it through this. We'll make it through all of this. I promise."

Josh lifted up her chin and held it with his hand. Planting a soft kiss on her lips, they each melted into the other's touch. He missed those lips. It felt like the first step towards something better and he was nervous but also relieved that it wasn't all over. They had a few hoops to jump through but it wasn't anything they couldn't handle. They were the Matthews', they could make it through just about anything.


A/N: This was a long one! I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think of this chapter! Take Care!