FromTumblr: There will be much more of Noah when he gets back from Florida.
96itadakimasu96: I love bratty Aubrey. I feel like most first portray Beca as the only bratty one.
OrthoGoddess07: They're going to have a million more things to squabble over once they're in New York.
Pixie1913: I pictured Beca showing up in of those giant blowup T-rex costumes. Also, hospitals suck.
SunDanceQT: Those dinosaurs didn't stand a chance.
G: Gotta fight reptile with reptile.
Jo: You're welcome. I always try to respond to people.
IShipChaubrey: You'll just have to wait and see.
Ash: Thank you!
Dysrhythmia
I'm awake, at least I think I am.
Are you trying to break my heart again?
Because I'm made of something different now;
I'm made of everything you couldn't take with you.
So, stop telling me it's over now;
I can take anything except the truth.
Please lie to me one last time,
And tell me we'll get through all of this.
- Snow Patrol
The days that pass look all the same.
6:00: Wake up hungry. Text Conrad for breakfast.
6:05: Struggle to get dressed.
6:30: Wake up Beca.
6:35: Force Beca to wake up.
6:40: For serious, Beca, get the hell up.
7:00: Pretend to listen while Conrad and Beca talk about whatever.
7:30: Let the nurse finally complete her morning rounds. Her attitude is not necessary.
7:45-12:00: Sit in bed, and try not to lose grip on sanity.
12:00: Force down lunch.
12:30-6:00: Try to focus on something other than feeling like throwing up.
6:00-6:30: Sing goodnight to Chloe.
6:30: Skip dinner.
7:00-8:30: Try not to think at all.
8:30: Screw Beca in the shower.
9:15: Forget how to breathe.
9:16: Listen to Julia talk until sleep becomes unavoidable and anything seems better than crying.
It isn't ideal, but it becomes routine.
And then, once again, the moment Aubrey becomes used to the way things are – it's all about to change again.
xxxxx
"Are you ladies going to be okay?" Noah asks, standing just inside Aubrey's room with his suitcase.
"Yeah," Julia answers. She's on the floor, packing all of her own things up. "I think we're good."
Aubrey is not good. Aubrey is far from good knowing that Chloe is in her room alone. She folds all of her clothes neatly on the bed with one hand, preparing to pack them in the duffle bag bought for the few things that she and Beca have to take home with them.
"This is stupid," Beca mutters, also folding her clothes, because Aubrey won't let her put them in the bag unless they're folded correctly. Beca folds like Chloe does – sloppily throwing the edges together and calling it a day. Things still get wrinkled the way they fold. And, sure, maybe they are moving in with two gay men, so there's bound to be an iron, but why iron when one could just fold neatly to begin with?
"Aubrey," Noah calls her.
Aubrey looks up. "Yes, Sir?"
Noah looks around, prompting Aubrey to look around too. "Were you talking to that old guy?" he asks, pointing at some man in the hallway.
Aubrey looks out into the hallway, confused.
"He's telling you not to call him Sir, Sweetheart," Julia says.
"I'm sorry."
"I have something for you to keep safe on the flight," Noah tells her.
Aubrey stops folding, and rests her hand on her lap.
Noah unzips the front pocket of his suitcase. He pulls out Chloe's bear – looking scraggly as ever, but still not quite to the point of falling apart completely.
Aubrey sits up straight. She can't believe she forgot about Sam.
"You know your mom stole this," Noah says, and walks over to the bed to hand it to Aubrey, "She's a criminal."
Aubrey looks over at her. She had assumed the police had let her have it.
"What?" Julia asks, unabashed, "Do you want it in evidence or do you want it with us?"
"The Law only applies when it's a law she agrees with," Noah comments.
Julia apparently has nothing to say about that. She rubs the back of her neck, then stands up. "How far is your Uber?"
Noah looks at his phone. "About ten minutes."
"I'll walk you out," Julia says.
"I'll see you in a few days, Champ."
Aubrey nods, hugging the bear protectively against her chest. She doesn't like the thought of this – of him going off by himself. Anything could happen…
Noah reaches over and ruffles her hair. "Do you want anything from our house?"
"Bring her the big blanket," Julia answers for her, before Aubrey can say no, "The one they use for forts."
Maybe someone could pack their stuff for them and mail it…
"See you in a few days, Beca," Noah says goodbye to her too.
"Yeah, uh, you too."
"I'll be right back, Girls," Julia tells them.
Aubrey doesn't like that either. She lowers the bear to her lap, and tries to smooth out its matted fur. It needs to be restuffed. She wonders how Chloe would feel about that.
"Do either of you want anything while I'm out of the room?" Julia asks.
"For you to take Aubrey with you?" Beca tries.
"Maybe you should go," Aubrey suggests, "My dad probably needs help packing in Florida."
"Dude, yeah, Disney World."
Aubrey rolls her eyes.
"Alright then." Julia looks at Aubrey. "I'll be right back, Baby, okay?"
Aubrey gives her a faint expression of acknowledgement. Julia should be going to Chloe's room after she walks her husband out. Chloe needs someone there. She glances up as the two of them walk out – considering maybe she should walk out with them.
"This time tomorrow, we'll be on a plane to New York," Beca points out, "I can't wait to sleep in a bed – with real pillows and blankets."
Aubrey can't wait to go home – to her home. She misses how it looks, how it smells. She misses her bed, and her kitchen, and the flowers on her deck (which are probably dead now). So much for hibiscus trees right now.
"Stop doing that," Beca says.
Aubrey looks over at her.
"You're spacing out like Chloe was, before…"
Aubrey is definitely not spacing out like that. She sighs and leans back against the bed, using the alligator as a pillow.
"You're going home," Beca tries to get her excited.
"Chloe isn't."
"She'll be close by," Beca says, softer.
Close by and unconscious isn't enough. It's not enough.
xxxxx
"Are you finished packing?"
Maybe Aubrey is spacing out. Not like Chloe was, but in a way that's still a little frightening. Because when Julia walks back in, Beca is finished packing, and Aubrey is staring at the rest of her unpacked things.
"Yeah." Beca places her things in the bag at the bottom of Aubrey's bed, then looks at Aubrey.
Aubrey sits up straight and starts folding her last pair of leggings.
"Here." Julia picks up her things that are ready and places them inside the bag. "Do you need help with anything?" she asks, and pulls her sleeves down over her hands to wipe her eyes.
"No." Aubrey places her leggings in the bag. "Are you okay?"
Julia sniffles and nods.
"Mom…"
"I'm alright," Julia assures her calmly, "I just can't remember the last time we've been states apart."
"Well, for what it's worth," Beca says, like what she's saying isn't worth much, "You have us."
Aubrey looks her way, a little shocked by the outward kindness of her words.
"That's so sweet, Peanut," Julia says, and reaches over the bed to mess with Beca's hair.
"If you could just…" Beca closes her eyes and tenses her shoulders. "Not… My hair…" She leans her head to the side away from where Julia's hand is.
Julia ruffles her hair even more before lowering her hand. "I think that's worth a lot."
"That was really nice of you, Beca," Aubrey agrees, maneuvering herself up onto her knees.
"Yeah, okay, we don't have to get all sappy about it," Beca says.
Aubrey reaches over and takes over tousling Beca's hair.
"Oh my – Dude, Aubrey, stop."
Aubrey nearly topples off the bed, leaning forward to keep her hand on Beca's head as Beca walks away.
"Go away."
"This is my room," Aubrey reminds her.
"I'm going to go spend our last night here in your friends' hotel room before I have to live in an apartment with you for an indefinite amount of time," Beca threatens.
"Go right ahead." Aubrey sits back on her heels. "You know when we get to New York, we're staying with my friends, so the bedroom there will technically by my room too, right?"
"Yeah, I don't think it works like that, so…" Beca flops down in her cot.
"It does."
"No, it doesn't," Julia interrupts them.
Beca arches her eyebrows at Aubrey.
"It does," Aubrey mouths silently.
"Aubrey." Julia puts herself in Aubrey's line of vision.
Aubrey shrinks back down toward the back of the bed, finding Chloe's bear and the blanket highly interesting to examine. So many details she's never seen before – like the string coming loose near one of the blanket's corners. She glances up to see if Julia is still looking at her. Yep. She looks back down.
"I'm glad I have the two of you to keep me busy," Julia says.
"Okay, I was being nice," Beca says, "And Aubrey decided to start something. She causes trouble on purpose."
Aubrey shakes her head in denial.
"You do."
"So busy…"
xxxxx
Noah is on his way back to Florida. Aubrey, Beca, and Julia are all ready to take off for New York the next day. And what should be relief is actually a deep sinking feeling that Aubrey can't seem to shake no matter how hard she tries. They're going home. Maybe not to her actual home right away, but she's leaving this hospital, this awful city that she never wants to return to, and she's finally going to get what she's wanted for two weeks – what she has stooped so low as to beg for.
This should put her closer to being able to breathe again.
But it doesn't.
The moment Julia goes to check on Chloe, and Beca gets up to use the bathroom, Aubrey buzzes the nurse for something to quell her nausea again.
xxxxx
"Do you think he knows where we are?" Aubrey asks the very second the bathroom door opens.
Beca freezes then walks forward again, clearly not expecting to walk out of the bathroom and into that question. "I don't know," she answers, "Probably. If he's still alive. He could be dead, Aubrey. You shot him."
"Then why can't they find his body?"
"You said we were never talking about this again."
"I just-"
"Well, just don't." Beca sits back down. "Talk about something else."
Aubrey just wonders how safe they are – how safe Chloe's parents are. Honestly, she can't imagine now that they'd be any safer away from Aubrey and Beca. If Jesse wants to completely rip away the rest of what Aubrey has, he'll kill them regardless to their proximity to his real targets. She just… Who is going to keep any of them safe in Queens? How long can they keep a police cruiser parked outside before it's decided the police have better things to do than keep a look out for a man that might very well be dead? Before whispers start going around the station that they might have a better chance catching him if they pull back and use Aubrey and Beca as bait? They have big, glowing targets on their backs and no real protection.
Not even changing her entire identity and going somewhere far, far away would make Aubrey feel safe.
Nothing but knowing for sure that Jesse is dead is going to convince Aubrey that he's not going to kill her the second he gets a chance.
xxxxx
"You have to eat lunch," Julia says when she comes back, "Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Do you want something else? I can call your friend."
Nothing sounds appealing; not anything made by the hospital, and not anything made by Conrad. Nothing. Aubrey did, however, drink most of the water offered to her. She picks at her food though, still caught up in thinking about their safety. She's already afraid to sleep at night.
"Aubrey," Julia calls her name to get her attention.
Aubrey looks up.
"Do you want something different to eat?"
Right. Aubrey shakes her head.
"Well, then you have to eat some of that, okay?"
It should be easy to stomach – white rice, a banana, and some crackers. Things that aren't going to make her feel sick before they leave. But Aubrey feels full – like she ate too much for breakfast, when, in reality, all she had was a waffle. She takes a bite of her banana, and forces herself to chew.
"What are you thinking about right now?" Julia asks.
How are the police going to make sure Jesse doesn't come after us? Aubrey taps her spoon against her plate. She told Beca she wasn't going to say anything else, and she isn't. Not while Beca is in the room anyway. "Just…pre-travel nerves." She reluctantly eats a spoonful of rice.
"Ah." Julia sits down on the other side of the table and steals a pack of crackers from her. "Those usually don't sink in for me until I hit airport security."
"That 'shit, what if I accidentally have a pipe bomb in my pocket' feeling?" Beca asks.
Julia breathes a laugh. "Exactly that." She takes a bite of cracker, then makes a face and looks at the wrappers as she chews. "Wheat crackers with no salt…"
"How do you eat that shit?" Beca asks.
"I put it in my mouth and chew," Aubrey answers. She takes the other cracker when Julia pushes the pack back toward her with one finger and demonstrates.
"Saltines." Beca waves her own pack of crackers in Aubrey's direction, then crushes them up to put them in her soup.
"Enjoy your hypertension."
"I will."
"You could probably benefit from some sodium raising your blood pressure right now," Julia points out.
Beca slurps her soup. "Delicious. I can really taste the cardiovascular disease."
"Do you have more of those?" Julia catches a pack that Beca tosses to her, then rips it open. She places one near Aubrey, then steals some of Aubrey's rice to eat on top the other one.
Aubrey definitely can't eat it now after she was harassing Beca about it. She grabs her banana to eat the rest of that instead. "My arteries are grateful."
"Your arteries are bored," Beca retorts, "My heart is building strength."
"Girls…"
Aubrey's cheeks flush a rosy shade of pink as her mind almost wanders away from the thoughts previously plaguing it, and she decides to eat the rest of her rice as well to hide the expression on her face. They'll see just how strong Beca's heart is later, in the shower.
xxxxx
"Do you want to listen to the radio?" Beca asks, when Julia leaves again, and all Aubrey's fears come rushing back.
"We packed it," Aubrey reminds her.
"That doesn't mean we can't temporarily unpack it." Beca stands up and walks over to their bag.
Aubrey rests her elbow on the table and pinches the bridge of her nose. She can't watch as Beca digs through the folded clothes to pull out the radio. "Don't wrinkle my clothes."
"The radio is on top."
Aubrey opens her eyes again as she hears the bag zip back up.
"You look tired again." Beca places the radio on the table, and climbs into bed next to her.
Aubrey rolls onto her side and up against Beca. The position is becoming all too familiar. Her face buried slightly in the crook of Beca's neck, one of her legs draped over Beca's thigh. It's weird. It's nothing like cuddling up with Chloe, where Chloe's entire body is draped over Aubrey's like a second blanket. Their positions are more calculated – the same every time. There is no risk of rogue limbs crushing Aubrey's internal organs. She misses Chloe's elbows digging into her ribcage and how she always somehow manages to knee Aubrey right in the stomach when she's trying to crawl over her. But this is okay too. Her body feels like it can rest. "It feels like days are double the length they used to be," she says.
Beca rubs her hand up and down Aubrey's side, each movement to deliberate. She turns the dial on the radio with her other hand, searching for a station, then pauses on static.
Aubrey looks up at her, confused.
Beca stills her hand on Aubrey's side and stares at the radio.
"What are you doing?" Aubrey asks.
"I know I already said I was sorry," Beca says out of nowhere, "But I keep thinking about it, and I feel like shit for hitting you."
Aubrey isn't sure what to say to that. She would do anything to just erase that entire night from her memory – Tyler, Beca, that fucking deer… She can taste her lunch in her throat.
"You know that even though I don't want to talk about it, we're on the same side now, right?" Beca asks.
Aubrey blew its brains out. She could see its literal brains splattered across the asphalt.
"I didn't know what was going on, but I do now, and-" Beca's voice fades into the background.
It had locked eyes with her in the moment before she had pulled the trigger, and she had never seen such pain or such fear – not until Chloe. It looked at her like she was there to help it. And she put a bullet in its head. She interrupts Beca's apology by sitting up, cradling her own head with her arm on the table. If she gets sick, they might not let her go home. She squeezes her own hair, and puts more focus on breathing. One of Beca's hands finds her back, but whatever she's saying makes no sense. Aubrey might as well be trapped in a bubble. Everything around her becomes distorted.
"Where are you going?" she asks the moment she feels Beca move closer to the edge of the bed.
"I'm not - I'm not going anywhere," Beca answers, and it's a struggle to concentrate on what she's saying, "I'm just sitting up." She turns the radio from static to a song. "Should I…go get Mrs. Beale?"
They no longer have two phones now that Noah left, so in order to get her mom, Beca really would have to leave. Aubrey shakes her head. She's not going to be sick. "I'm fine." It's just a little difficult to breathe. She leans back again, and tries to adjust them back into their original position.
"Are you?" Beca asks, "Because it looks like you're having a panic attack."
It feels more like a heart attack with the pain that already stabs her in the lungs with every inhale. Get a grip, Aubrey. She slowly rubs across her eyes with the back of her hand. It happened; it's over. There's no way she, or anyone for that matter, could have saved it. She did the right thing. It's just hard to bear. She was such a fool, believing that Nikki was unable to shoot it herself. Aubrey had been lured right into it. It had been planted there specifically for her, because her fucking brother had probably told Jesse about how her father loved deer hunting – and how Aubrey was no longer allowed to go, because she was too weak to kill something.
Get a grip.
"I'm fine." Her chest is just constricting and adding to the pain. But she's okay. She slows herself down, taking one breath at a time until it's just the nausea that feels too much to handle – but she can handle it. She can.
Beca's hand is rubbing her side again with slow, evenly paced movements – and it probably has been for a few moments now. "Do you want to take a nap?"
A few weeks ago, Aubrey would have scoffed at such a suggestion, and continued powering through on fumes. Now, it feels like she only wakes up to go back to sleep – and she doesn't even want to sleep. Because there is an impossibly high chance that something is going happen, and she isn't going to wake up.
"Or we could just listen to the music."
That sounds okay. The radio is back on the alternative/soft rock channel, and the sweet sounds of Goo Goo Dolls' Iris is drifting through the speakers. As much as Aubrey would rather a channel that plays Country or 70s/80s music, she could get used to this. "You could play something I want for once," she comments with a sniff, because God forbid Beca know she could get used to this, "Especially when you can see I'm upset."
"You said you were fine," Beca retorts, "I'm surprised you're not telling me I owe you for the emotional damage I caused by slapping you."
"Your full of yourself," Aubrey tells her, still feeling out of breath, "You hurt my face, not my feelings."
"I've never seen Chloe so pissed," Beca muses out loud, "She was ready to rip me apart."
It was there, in the dining room, before someone started shooting at them, that Aubrey's feelings were hurt. The moment Beca announced to the entire room that no one but Chloe wanted her around. That hurt. She would have rather been slapped again. Realizing now that Chloe had been ready and willing to tear someone to shreds, even Beca, for laying a hand on her eases some of that pain. As a matter of fact, all of The Bellas had taken Aubrey's side. "I'm sorry I pushed you." What Aubrey had done to provoke her wasn't okay either. She had used physical force on someone out of anger. She had used something that was meant only for self-defense.
"I was being a dick," Beca says.
Aubrey nods in agreement. "You were."
"Okay, you know what, in my defense, there was a lot going on, and I was freaking out."
"What's your excuse the rest of the time?"
"I think it's just your presence," Beca answers, "Your presence brings out my dick."
Aubrey is going to vomit now.
Beca laughs at the expression on her face.
"Well, keep it in from now on," Aubrey sputters.
"That's not what you said in the shower last night." Beca wiggles her eyebrows.
"You just ruined any opportunity to ever have sex with me again. Now, remove yourself from my bed."
xxxxx
"She fell asleep?"
Aubrey stirs a little at the sound of Julia's voice, burying her face deeper into Beca's neck. She's not quite asleep, but she's not exactly awake enough to be considered fully conscious and aware either. She gets comfortable again, and resumes drifting in and out.
"Yeah," Beca whispers, moving to accommodate the new position.
The blanket is pulled up around Aubrey's shoulders, followed by warm hands checking her temperature and a gentle kiss to the hair, bringing her to a state of almost-awake again.
"I think she had a panic attack," Beca calls her out to her mom.
"Was she sick?"
"No."
"Good."
"She just…it looked like she couldn't breathe for a second."
Julia sits down on the edge of the bed, and runs her fingers through Aubrey's hair. "At least she's keeping things down. How are you, Beca?"
"I'm fine," Beca answers, casually, "Just…ready to leave."
"Mm," Julia hums, "No trouble breathing for you?"
Beca exhales loudly as if to say 'no'.
"No bouts of intense fear? Bad dreams?"
Beca shrugs, waking Aubrey up fully.
"How are you feeling about going to New York?" Julia asks.
"Honestly?" Beca asks.
"Completely," Julia answers.
"I don't know."
"I know all your things are in LA, and we don't know how getting them to you is going to work yet," Julia says, "And, I also know that, despite the position you're in right now, Aubrey isn't exactly your best friend. I can imagine this is really hard. If there are people you want us to call for you, that's understandable. I would love knowing you're safe here with us, but if you have family-"
"They're dead. And my fiancé's a killer, so…" Beca's laugh holds no humor.
"I'm so sorry."
"You know, Aubrey's, uh…"
Aubrey steels her feelings.
"She's not what I thought," Beca lowers the volume of her whisper to barely audible.
"How so?"
"I'm actually…enjoying being around her, and not just because I'm sure she could take out any potential threats," Beca answers, "She's really fucking soft, and she's funny. She's more fragile than I thought."
Aubrey isn't sure if that makes her feel good or if she's insulted… She is sure, however, that she is not 'soft'. Or 'fragile'.
"You know, I think Aubrey is fragile, but in a beautiful stained glass sort of way," Julia says, "And if you throw rocks at her, she's probably going to break, but it's going to be in a way that requires a lot of stitches on your part. Do you want to get up and move around? I'll lay here."
"Yeah, my arm is falling asleep."
It isn't hard to pretend she was still sleeping when Julia pulls her upright; she's still tired, and she's dizzy from not being able to breathe earlier.
Much like Chloe, Julia is more of a second blanket type cuddler – only with more spacial awareness. Unlike Chloe, she doesn't accidentally (or purposely) crush Aubrey. She knows where all of her limbs are in relation to Aubrey's spleen.
Aubrey groggily opens her eyes, and watches Beca stretch then grab the TV remote. Confident she's not leaving the room, she gets comfortable and closes her eyes again, and lets herself be soothed back into nothing.
xxxxx
"We're going home tomorrow," Aubrey says, holding Chloe's hand. She slept longer than she expected, a few hours longer, waking up just in time to say goodnight one last time before everything changes, "But I'm still going to come see you every night." She'll take the subway if no one wants to give her a ride; she'll walk if she has too. "I love you."
She plays with Chloe's fingers, her hope slowly dwindling. But she can't give up. She clings to every last thread of it. She will never give up on Chloe.
Chloe has never given up on her.
She doesn't have much else to say.
Not with her anxiety over leaving Chloe alone in the hospital running rampant.
"I'll wait for you," is all she has to tell her, before music says it better than she can anyway.
Tell my heart to stop beating;
Tell my mind not to think.
Thrown a stone in the ocean,
And tell that stone not to sink.
Tell the world to stop turnin'; around;
Tell the sky not to be so blue.
Tell the rain to stop fallin'; down like tears,
But don't tell me to stop loving you.
Don't tell me to stop loving you.
xxxxx
"Are you okay?" Julia asks at dinner as Aubrey organizes her food.
"I'm fine." How many times does she have to say it?
"You're fine in the morning," Julia partially agrees, "And then we get to this point in the day, and you're worn out and you don't want to eat. You slept all day, and you still look tired. I just want to know if you feel okay."
Aubrey is feeling more grief-stricken than she is tired right now. She misses Chloe. She drops her fork on her plate with a clatter, then gives the plate a push away from her. "I said I'm fine."
xxxxx
"So, what exactly is your definition of fine?"
They're in the shower, and Beca has decided to make a show of how short she is by standing on the bench to wash Aubrey's hair – not because Aubrey needs help, but because Aubrey told her to do it. "Shut up and scrub."
"I'm just asking, because you keep using that word whenever it seems like you're the exact opposite of fine."
"Focus. You're getting shampoo in my eyes, Beca." Aubrey wipes the suds away from her face with the back of her hand.
"Then tilt your head back."
"Don't tell me what to do." Aubrey has her head tilted forward, her forehead resting against the uppermost part of Beca's stomach, and she's too comfortable to move.
Chloe used to do Aubrey's hair before performances – and, sometimes, before practice as well. Before Chloe, the only person who fussed with Aubrey's hair was her mother – always brushing too hard and yanking out the tangles, before roughly pulling it into some updo where not a strand was out of place. Even that was only on special occasions – photos, holidays, parties. Aubrey learned to do her own hair just so no one would ever touch it again. And then Chloe came along and turned it into a source of comfort, always playing with it at random and stroking it on nights when Aubrey couldn't sleep.
"Or else what?" Beca massages her head, and she has to be aware that Aubrey is practically melting like ice in her hands – or, she was melting, at least, until Beca actually started washing her hair. Now Aubrey is more or less just enjoying the hot water cascading down over her back.
"Go ahead, test me," Aubrey dares her.
"I think I'll pass." Beca's hands still. "Seriously though, tilt your head back."
Aubrey sighs and reluctantly leans her head back so Beca can rinse out the shampoo, then condition her hair. "Beca." She groans and covers her eyes with her hand, as she spits soapy water out of her mouth.
"I'm sorry. I've never washed someone else's hair before. And you got water in your own mouth by yelling at me."
"I can tell, because you suck at it."
"I'm doing my best."
"I can tell that too." This is nowhere near as relaxing as when Chloe's washes her hair.
"I think all the shampoo is out."
"What do you mean you think? This should be easier than washing your own hair. You can literally see if it's out or not."
"The shampoo is all out," Beca retracts her previous statement.
"If I get dandruff because of you…" Aubrey remains under the water with her head tilted back, and continues rinsing it out herself.
"I'm a DJ, not a hair stylist."
"This is not complicated, Beca. I know you know how to wash hair; you wash your own."
"And that's easier for me."
"I hope you never have children," Aubrey says, "You couldn't even bathe them."
"Well, unless I'm pregnant right now, which I better fucking not be, I don't think that's ever happening now," Beca informs her, "And if I did have a kid, you and Chloe would be the godparents, and it looks like I'm going to be living with you, so…"
"So, what, you're just going to pawn your kid off on me?"
"I don't even want kids, so, yeah, you can have it."
"What makes you think I want it?" Aubrey asks.
"Wow," Beca answers, "You're a shit parent."
"You're the one trying to dump your child off on me! It's not even my kid."
"I still assumed you'd be better. That's why I'm giving it to you, as opposed to, like, the orphanage or some shit."
"I would be, but what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you plan on naming it Annie too?"
"You do know there is no kid, right?" Beca asks, "It's not even a real kid."
"I will be damned if I am the mother of your child – even imaginary."
"Do you wanna be the father? Because we can do it right now."
"I think you're a little confused about how anatomy works, seeing as you keep claiming to be concealing some sorcery in your pants."
"…sorcery in my pants. Is that what you and Howie called it? Because now I'm just picturing Sigma Beta Theta having sex with you as some sort of Devil worship, and they were all just paying homage. Did they call out 'Aubrey' or 'Hail Satan' when you made them orgasm?"
"Who said I let them orgasm?"
"Hold on, say 'orgasm' again," Beca requests, "I need to make sure that word just actually came out of your mouth."
"They deified me," Aubrey says, "Their sole purpose was to pleasure me."
"So, then what's my purpose in all this?" Beca asks, "Because I know you're not in it for my gratification."
"The same thing," Aubrey answers.
"But you won't let me touch you 'down there', so…"
"Well, then you better start getting creative."
"First, just say 'orgasm' again."
"You can make me come or you can get out of the shower," Aubrey replies, "You have five seconds to decide. Five. Four. Thr-"
Beca climbs down from the bench and crashes their lips together. Her thigh finds the space between Aubrey's legs, not quite touching her where she needs to be touched – and, dear god, it takes all of Aubrey's self-control not to grind down on her. There is a low humming in the back of Beca's throat that increases in intensity as she peppers kisses from Aubrey's mouth across her face, and then she's singing against Aubrey's ear. "If I'm a pagan of the good times, my lover's the sunlight. To keep the Goddess on my side, she demands a sacrifice."
She's being creative, Aubrey will give her that. She closes her eyes, and slides her hand down beneath her legs, uttering a small gasp when Beca lifts her leg against Aubrey's hand. She's not touching her, but she's still touching her – and Aubrey's hand suddenly serves more as a frustrating barrier than anything else. She's not sure how can get herself off like this, when it feels like she's just going to be trying to relieve the tension to no avail forever, and she's about to torture Beca relentlessly back – that is until Beca's hands find her hair, and she shows no reservations against tangling it around her fingers and pulling.
xxxxx
Sex is supposed to calm her down. But all of Aubrey's nerves still feel frayed, possibly even more so, afterwards. This is the last time they'll be having sex in this hospital bathroom, which should come as a relief – but she's suddenly left wondering what Brian's bathroom looks like, and it freaks her out. She's never even see their house, and she's going to be temporarily living in it. She barely knows anything about their home or their lifestyle. She didn't even know they were married.
"Honey, please lay down."
"I'll sleep on the plane." Aubrey really shouldn't have slept all day. Because now she's just staring into the darkness, tossing all her worries around in her head.
"That's not what I'm asking you to do."
Aubrey looks at Julia's outline in the darkness. "I want to go home tomorrow, to my home."
"And we've discussed the problem with that already," Julia replies.
Aubrey glances in Beca's direction. Friends or not, she still doesn't want her in the space she shares with Chloe. And, she gets it; it's not right to leave her alone. But she still wants to go home.
"We can problem solve some more once we're in New York, okay? For right now, let's just focus on getting through tonight and tomorrow. I think-"
"I don't care what you think," Aubrey blurts out, knowing it's not going to be something she wants to hear.
"Okay. Well, if you change your mind, let me know. But you do need to get some rest tonight; that's not what I think, that's what I know. So, lay down."
Aubrey stubbornly sits.
"Do you want to put your head on the table, and I'll rub your back?"
If it means not being awake alone…
Aubrey doesn't say anything as Julia sits up, and pulls the table over the bed. Instead of one of the hospital pillows, she places the alligator on the table for Aubrey to rest her head on – then slides her hand under the back of Aubrey's shirt and rubs the length of her back. It doesn't put her to sleep. Even if she is tired, she did sleep all day.
xxxxx
They sit like that for a solid thirty minutes before Julia pauses her hand and plants a kiss on Aubrey's head. "I'm going to try to get some sleep," she murmurs against Aubrey's hair, then lowers the back of the bed and pulls the blanket up around her, "We need to be awake tomorrow."
Aubrey listens until the sound of her breaths evens out before she gets up.
If she's going to sit somewhere and feel alone while everyone sleeps, it should be with Chloe.
