VII – "I'll kill you"

"Hey, Misato, where are we going?" Asuka asked after spending several minutes crisscrossing a veritable maze of corridors in a part of NERV HQ she did not recall having ever visited. Not that the corridors were much different here – after all, the entire HQ was one huge maze where you could get lost not only of complexity but also because everything looked the same – but the markings on the walls and the amount of warning signs were telling her that even her pilot-grade access card would not let her access many doors here.

"Here", Major Katsuragi replied curtly after a few seconds – and before Asuka could press on for more information, slid her ID card through the door control. The lock indicator changed from red to green and the door slid open with a heavy hiss; it did not escape Asuka's attention that they were heavy and multi-layered, more befitting a bunker than a regular room that high in the NERV pyramid. That was the last thing she noticed, though, before the content of the room made her stop in her tracks.

The interior looked like it was made as a single plastic box with no seams; the door, a small panel next to it, and two small ventilation fixtures close to the ceiling were the only discontinuities in the entire structure. The dim white lighting was delivered from behind the milky walls, and the entire furniture – eight chairs and a table – was made of fully transparent plastic. She dimly recalled a description of such a place from–

"What is this place?" Shinji asked, breaking Asuka's train of thought and adding another pebble to the heap of her annoyances. "It looks like straight from a spaceship."

"Well, I guess sending you to Mars would solve some of the problems", Misato quipped bitterly. "Certainly, it would solve the problem of your scores. But no, this is–"

"It's a secure conference room!" Asuka snapped her fingers, her annoyance forgotten for a moment; the memory of the book she once read appeared in her mind and she could once more show her undisputed superiority. "They used those in intelligence stations, in embassies, when the highest secrecy was needed!"

"Correct", Misato confirmed with a nod, motioned them to get inside, and pressed a button on the panel, making the door slide close. She followed with two others – and a barely perceptible soft hum emanating from the walls filled the room. "This is an almost-perfect Faraday cage, plus the vibrations shield it from any attempts at listening in. Sit down."

"Why did you bring us here?" Shinji asked as he obliged her.

"Well, I guess no one will hear us scream inside when she murders us, and it's easy to mop up the blood from the plastic floor", Asuka quipped as she followed his example, doing her best to mask her nervousness – with the side effect of her jokes becoming a bit more morbid than usual.

Misato's palm met her face in response. "Asuka, could you please be serious? At least for a moment?"

Asuka shrugged with an annoyed expression. "All right, all right. No murder jokes. But if it's not murder we're here for, the idiot's question stands: why are we here?"

"I told you, we need to talk", Misato, still standing over them and leaning against one of the chairs, let out a sigh and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Okay, there's no good way of saying it, so, I'll be straight: you two have to make up. I'll do anything, within reason that is, to help", she demanded, her tone suddenly serious.

"Oh", Asuka chuckled, surprise obvious on her face. "Can I get a shooting silhouette with the idiot?" she pointed her thumb at Shinji.

"Maybe?" Misato semi-agreed, the pained expression not leaving her face. "If it's really necessary?"

"Can I get one with my father?" Shinji asked in turn as he raised his hand, his expression deadpan.

"No!" Misato shook her head. "Nobody's going to authorise something like that!"

"Not fair", Shinji said in a most disappointed tone and gave her an almost hurt look. Something in Misato's mind was telling her that all she was missing in his copy of Asuka's behaviour was a pout.

"For once I agree with the idiot, that's not fair", Asuka nodded solemnly, her hands crossed in front of her chest, her eyes closed.

Misato just glared at the two, her mind frantically calculating whether the additional money was worth the trouble. Her mind quickly corrected it to 'whether additional money, getting regular meals, having a clean apartment, no longer returning to a completely empty house, and living a semblance of family life were worth the trouble' – and replied with a quick and decisive 'yes'. And so, she shook the question off as closed and unproductive – and focused on the task at hand – namely, forcing the two teens to quit their… argument? Fight? Vendetta? War? Prelude to Armageddon?

Well, whatever it was, it was certainly making her day much harder than it already was.

"Guys, seriously", she started again with a heavy sigh. "This is getting ridiculous. I get it, you don't have to love each other. I don't expect miracles. But would you at least stop hating each other? It's playing havoc with your work! And mine! And this world's survival, too!"

"I don't hate him, Misato", Asuka shrugged, shooting a sideways look towards the boy. "I just think he's a total, complete, and utter idiot who doesn't have his priorities straight."

"And I don't hate her", Shinji shrugged, his expression ideally mirroring the one Asuka made. "I just think she forgot her heart in Germany, having left it in a castle made of ice."

"Nice reference, idiot", Asuka said, her tone a mix of appreciation and hostility. "Had to take you a while to think that out, right?"

"Thanks, I thought you might appreciate a truthful but poetic description", he replied off-handedly. "And not really, I just read the books you told me to."

Misato's palm met her face once more, this time with a loud sound. "For the love of all that is holy, at least try to act civilised!"

"Misato-san, this was quite civilised", Shinji remarked with a surprising deadpan in his voice; for some reason he could not entirely fathom, he was feeling quite confident. "We're just having a… difference of opinion."

"Exactly", Asuka agreed; she tried not to think how much she relied on Shinji allying with her against Misato right now – but it was clear to her that right now, it was them vs. Misato. "Intense one, but that's that. I didn't smack him even once and he didn't burn my food at any point. Not to mention, I am not plotting to eviscerate him, and, as far as I know, he's not planning to poison me."

"I can confirm, I am not planning that", Shinji confirmed with a solemn nod, mirroring Asuka's recent gesture.

"Thank you", Asuka replied in a cold but measured voice; Shinji was almost sure there was a hint of a smile in there – but he was far from betting his life on that.

Misato closed her eyes; she took a deep breath and released it. It failed to provide any relief, so she repeated that exercise several times, and finally opened her eyes again. Her nightmare, in the form of two impudent Pilots, was still in front of her, still facing her with a unity that was in direct contradiction to the hostility towards each other – hostility they were still openly expressing.

"I'm being serious here, and this whole matter is serious", she tried again and raised her hand before any of them could let out another quippy remark. "So, would you please listen to me, for once? I know you are angry with each other, so much would be obvious even to someone completely blind. I can guess why, and, frankly, you're both somewhat right", she raised her hand again, seeing that they both opened their mouths. "Listen first. But you're also both wrong, and in the end, it doesn't matter! If you don't work together, if you don't clear it up somehow, and if your sync rates don't stop dropping, your next fight might be your last. And this bodes poorly for humanity!"

"No pressure, eh?" Asuka scoffed; Shinji did not speak, but his expression soured.

"None. At. All", Misato replied in a mock sweet tone before returning to her usual serious business tone. "Listen. In a moment, I'm out of this room, and I'm leaving you here. It's completely safe from any monitoring, and once you turn this on", she pointed to the switches on the wall, "you'll reenable the sound jammers and other countermeasures. Nobody – not me, not even the Commander – nobody will be able to listen to what you say here. I shouldn't be doing this, since this room is for special purposes only… but if this is the only way to make you talk to each other and maybe resolve the issues, it is special enough in my book. Either you leave this room agreeing to at least work together, or…"

"Or what, Misato?" Asuka scoffed again. "You'll fire us?"

"Or the Commander will take this out of my hands and order someone else to find a solution", Misato corrected without losing a beat, her expression tight and determined. "He already expressed his worries about the lowering scores, and with Doctor Akagi absent, there aren't many hands with appropriate clearance… and so, it could be him that is going to be taking a look at this. And–"

"And with his performance on the last Angel battle, we don't want him to do anything near us or even involving us", Shinji finished for her, his voice bitter.

Asuka gave him a confused look, unsure whether it was a crude joke, a sincere concern, or a mix of the two; she made a mental note to ask later, once this was somewhat resolved – since now there was no doubt Misato was serious.

"Pretty much, but I wouldn't voice such opinions outside of this room if I were you", Misato replied.

"Don't worry, Misato-san. I get called idiot a lot but I'm sure Asuka means it affectionately, not as a fact", Shinji shrugged.

"I do mean it–" Asuka started but paused when Misato raised her hand yet again, a deeply pained expression on her face.

"Reactivate the jammers once I'm out. Once you're done, deactivate them and open the door with this", she indicated another button. "Remember the order, since the door won't open with active jammers, there is no user manual, and one of those buttons activates the sterilisation protocol", she explained, once more making them unsure whether she was joking or not. "And I expect results, or that bad scenario will happen sooner than later. If I'm not around to take you back, call me on the intercom; it's the only thing that'll accept your IDs here", she declared and pressed the button; the persistent hum of the machines ceased within seconds. "Good luck."

...

A few seconds after the door closed behind her, Asuka and Shinji took a long look at each other and their hands collided over the control panel. A few annoying moments later, they managed to activate the machinery – and ensure their privacy.

"What now?" Shinji asked as Asuka once more dropped onto one of the transparent chairs.

"Now we elect the Pope", Asuka replied with a shrug and in an annoyed tone. "Since we didn't get any food or water, we better be swift about that."

Shinji gave her a tired look – but could not hide a small smile. "I thought that's done in Rome."

"Times change", Asuka shrugged. "But since we can't make any smoke, let alone white one–"

"Asuka…" Shinji's look turned almost pleading.

"What do you think?!" Asuka burst out. "Now we die of hunger and dehydration, because I see no damned way we can work this one out. Or even see eye-to-eye on this", she continued in a bitter voice as she turned to look to the side and shrugged. "Unless one of us gives in. Obviously, it can't be me, and I gave you a proper spine insertion surgery not too long ago, so it's not going to be you either. So, we're doomed."

"I'd rather not watch you die, Asuka", Shinji replied, his deadpan still present.

"You'd go first. I've got more fat tissue to hold to", she shrugged, shooting a short glare down her own body. "Also, I'm more likely to kill you so I can eat you, so…"

"You never know what strength someone can have facing death", Shinji retorted, a small smirk appearing in the corner of his eye. "I could muster the level of puppy eyes that would stop you dead in your tracks."

Asuka did her best to stifle a giggle and maintain the hostile demeanour; it worked only partially. "Okay, you might be right. On that account only!" she corrected quickly. "And no amount of jokes is going to cover your–"

"I'm not covering anything, Asuka", Shinji shook his head, his voice suddenly serious again. "And I really don't want to watch you die… here, or in battle, when we get worse at piloting. Misato-san is right, the scores are worsening."

"Oh, come on, those are just numbers!" Asuka scoffed. "Meaningless numbers!"

"Asuka…" Shinji let out a sigh, "they're not meaningless. You… didn't you get really annoyed when I had a better score than you did that one time?"

Asuka shot him a death glare and crossed her hands on her chest again. "Don't change the subject."

"They're not meaningless", he repeated. "And… Misato-san is right. We… well. We have a problem."

"You have a problem, idiot", Asuka retorted. "I can fix that score. I can do better next time."

"You didn't so far, right? And you knew it was dropping before today" Shinji countered. "And…" he hesitated for a moment as if he was looking for the right word, "the Commander… we don't want him on this. He may send you back, or…" he paused, his expression suddenly almost haunted. "I think he could even just let you die, so he could replace you without raising any questions."

"That's crazy talk", Asuka shrugged with a growing hint of uncertainty in her voice. "Nobody throws lives away like this. We're irreplaceable."

"To my father, nobody is irreplaceable", Shinji remarked bitterly, his gaze suddenly averted, his tone bitter. "Maybe he'll not kill me, but even that's a serious maybe. Asuka… I don't know how, but we have to fix those scores. Somehow."

"Well, you can start by not giving me crap for actually doing my job", she replied, the bitterness in her tone matching his own. She tried to make her tone light-hearted, but it was clear that his words weighed on her more than she cared to admit; she always perceived Commander Ikari as stern and cold – and she worried that Shinji might just be right. "Okay, I get it – you didn't want me to save you, okay. Maybe you even didn't need it. Have it your way. But I did what I was supposed to do, based on what I knew, and I tried to both fight the bastard and save Suzuhara, and I–"

"You still failed", Shinji interrupted – and immediately regretted his words.

"And you did so much better, didn't you?" Asuka snapped back with a snarl on her face, her anger quickly rising and eroding her composition. "Teach me, Master Shinji, how was I supposed to fight that thing, within the limitations you set, without any backup in sight, and not knowing its abilities? Wait", she raised her hand, seeing him open his mouth, "I'll make it even easier for you: you know all its abilities now, use that, use the hindsight… and go ahead: tell me how was I supposed to defeat it?!"

Shinji's lips turned into a thin line. To that, he had no reply; he just kept looking at Asuka with a tense expression on his face.

"So I thought", she let out a heavy sigh; her anger did not subside, quite the opposite: it was growing. "There was no bloody chance in Hell I could defeat that thing without going all-out. I effectively disobeyed orders by holding back at all! And I did that all for no, because of you, because I knew you'd not fight! I knew you'd die! To Hell with gratitude!" her voice rose to almost yelling, echoing weirdly in the small room. "But try to at least see the truth of it! Some of it! Accept that I just wanted to protect you! The only person I care about in this damned, pointless, useless world!" she rattled out–

–and suddenly stopped, the realisation of what she had just said reaching her consciousness.

She could easily imagine how her face was looking right now; she could feel her ears burn, the heat slowly creeping down. The heavy silence that fell between them and Shinji's shocked stare were not helping.

"Scheisse", she spat out and turned her back to him to hide her rapidly reddening face; her fists balled and opened repeatedly. "Tell anyone, no, even try to remember that I said that, and I'll kill you, even if this means that humanity dies. Or that I get sent back to Germany in chains."

"Asuka…" he whispered just audibly enough to be heard above the humming machinery, his tone carrying undertones she could not decipher. "I–"

"I'll kill you", she repeated. "So you better shut up. And if you want to talk, then it's better about our score, and you better have a damn good idea for fixing that, since you insist so much on we have to do that", she added, trying her best to keep her voice firm.

"Asuka, I just–"

She abruptly turned to face him and pressed a finger against his lips. "An idea, or a reason to be murdered? Choose wisely."

He gave her a surprisingly annoyed look and pushed her hand aside, eliciting a surprised but somewhat appreciative look from her in response – but before she could comment on that, he spoke: "I have an idea: we can start by being civil to each other. I know it's not easy, and I know we can't exactly start doing our homework together again… but perhaps we can try at least keep out of each other's hair?"

"You can always move out if you want to keep out of my hair", she pointed out.

"Didn't we have this talk, like, a few days ago?" Shinji objected in a tired voice, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I was there first, and I'm not moving out. And even if I did move out, you'd both starve within a few weeks. Or die from food poisoning from takeout food and Misato's cooking. Or eat Pen Pen… no, definitely not; he would follow me; at least I bother to feed him fresh fish."

"I can cook, too", Asuka protested with an offended expression on her face; the remark about Pen Pen was just too absurd to address, so she decided to ignore it.

"I'll believe it when I see it", Shinji said with insistence in his voice, raised his hand, and shook his head as he saw Asuka open her mouth. "No matter, this is not bringing us anywhere. And I'm not moving out. You wanted a suggestion, an idea, okay, this is it: will 'stay quiet, no snappy remarks' work? It's not a high bar, is it?"

"Perhaps", Asuka shrugged. "But I can't promise I'll be quiet every time you open your stupid mouth."

A retort was on the tip of Shinji's tongue again – but squashed a desire to use it and shook his head. "I kept quiet most of my life. I won't talk unless it's necessary. Can you agree to the same?"

"So, you want to do a non-aggression pact? Of mutual silence?" Asuka probed with some confusion in her voice, her eyebrow raised.

"Something like that, yes. It can help, or at least stop things from getting worse."

Asuka hesitated for a moment, then extended her hand. "Deal. From the moment we leave this room, we talk only when absolutely necessary. Or through Misato. Or via notes."

"Deal. But make the notes in English, please", Shinji requested as he shook her hand, trying to ignore the emotions that came with that moment of contact.

"Sure, sure. You too", Asuka nodded. She wanted to protest, she wanted to object to his slanderous suggestion that her Japanese was still not good enough – but her mind refused to work. It was too busy trying to understand why the warmth of his hand burned so much.

Or, as much as she was going to deny it, defending itself from the obvious answer.