Interlude: A Day in the City of Water
I didn't waste any time getting out of the Crimson Demon village.
Yunyun was sure to tell her father what went down over the last couple days, and no father worth the name would hesitate to vaporize the monster who drove his little girl to tears.
So I charged a teleport ticket back to Arcanretia against my quest earnings after asking directions from the first Villager I saw. Shifting my pack nervously to look over my shoulder the whole time for the burst of Cursed Lightning that would end my pathetic existence.
Once I appeared on the other platform, I breathed a sigh of relief. Now all I had to do was vanish into the crowd, and I could quit worrying about angry fathers or a mob of torch wielding Villagers avenging their future leader. And I could finally forget all about douchebag swordmasters and their cheer squads.
And nervous, lonely Archwizards.
Or loud, high strung, explosive Gremlins.
Plus a steady, kindly Crusader. Or a horny, flirty Archer. Or a sharp tongued, part raccoon Wizard.
And…the list went on.
I'd met, and been befriended by, more people in the time I'd been in this world than in years back in Japan. I'd even had some of the adventures I dreamed of since I was building race cars with Legos, dreaming little brat dreams about what it would be like to go fast.
I could even do some of the crazy stuff I used to punch in combos for on my Playstation. Not that that was anything special by Belzerg standards, but becoming a discounted, knockoff Jet Li by spending points on my adventurer card was still pretty cool.
And somehow that hadn't been enough for me.
It was like the old days all over again. I had to chase the next thrill, plan the next big thing that would prove I still mattered and had what it took to fill the old man's shoes.
Well I'd gotten what I wanted, had the kind of adventure that would be a Final Fantasy level highlight. And all it cost me was enough nightmares to last me the rest of my life, and the first friends I made that weren't over an internet connection in ages.
I sat there, nursing a mug of Neroid Swish and waiting for the next carriage to Axel, when a strange looking man approached me. That was nothing new, I'd shooed away two people addressing me as 'your holiness' already. Of course it was too much to ask that Lady Eris fixing my cheat ability fixed my crazy attractor too.
Feeling vaguely like I should apologize for that thought, the latest weirdo sized me up in a glance as I returned the favor.
He was tall, at least 190cm, and dressed in a black tux. Which I haven't seen anyone else wear before or since in Belzerg. I couldn't tell you much else about him, except he wore a black and white mask over the upper half of his face, and had the most disturbing grin since I last saw Megumin on her way to Explosion practice.
"What ho! Do mine eyes deceive me, or has moi discovered a diamond among the pebbles! What a delectable bouquet of flavors!" the definite nutcase exclaimed from opposite me.
I leaned back involuntarily, and wondered if I needed to be looking for a guardsman, when the masked man pulled out the chair opposite me and sat.
"I wasn't looking for company," I snapped.
"Au contraire, but you most certainly are," he replied breezily. "From the red eyed chief of loneliness who's extended hand you slapped away. To the silver haired rogue who's gaze you ever seek to ensnare without hope. To the companions who took pity on your plight, and slipped you handouts from their plates so they might call you with a whistle if their preferred companion faltered once more. Dear boy, thy day has hardly a waking moment in it without seeking company to drown out the abyss thy thoughts would sink into should you cease your search!"
He leaned forward, hands tented in front of his face, and still that smile remained. Head tilted inquiringly, daring me to refute a single point.
"H-how…what are…" I stuttered. He shouldn't know. Couldn't know. Nobody could, it had been only hours since it all went wrong. And the rest of it… "Are you from the Village?" I asked, mouth almost too dry to get the words out.
"Pshaw! That den of overwrought drama, wastefulness, and thirst for validation? If thou wish to insult moi to compensate for an inability to refute moi then thou hast only to say so!" the stranger proclaimed grandly, sweeping one hand to his brow as though he was mourning the loss of a lover on stage.
I was getting over my shock, and making a good start on anger at this costumed freak saying whatever he pleased about me. Like he had ANY idea what I'd been through or done the last few days, weeks, even months in this acid trip of a world! What I'd lost just getting here!
I leaned in myself to give him both barrels, maybe I'd even feel better if I unloaded on somebody, but he beat me to the punch.
"Ah, please. I thank you for the offering, but wrath is not to my taste," he waved a hand in bland dismissal. "Do know that while I might subsist on any negative emotion, vexation and despair are my repast of choice."
And the unasked question was finally answered.
"You're a demon, and a high rolling one at that if you can survive stepping foot here," I breathed. "Here as in the holy city of Aqua. Are you completely stupid? One shout could…"
"Ah, ah," he waved a chiding finger. Returning to a more neutral posture, he went on. "The fingerprints of the useless goddesses adorn thy very essence to those with eyes to see. Hast thou hast not seen it, felt it? The seething frustration? The mass of thwarted ambitions and desire for relaxation denied? How could any denizen of hell, no matter their tastes, forgo such a banquet? And so I have dared this place, and won its fruits. More sustenance have I acquired in a week than I could gather in months roaming the so called safer cities of Belzerg. Enough to maintain myself for ages yet. But that is hardly what amuses moi at this moment," He put a hand to his mask as if adjusting it.
"I couldn't care less what passes for your humor, I…"
"Child not yet a man, thou must surely realize the exquisite trap in which thyself has been caught. That the task thy debatably divine Lady would set you is beyond thy paltry reach? That thou art merely a bit of flotsam carried along in a stream vast beyond your ken?" He gave that same eerie smile as he spread his hands in a 'what can you do' gesture. "Thy recent plight is the end result of their bumbling meddling as surely as a river's headwaters seek the lowlands and the sea."
I'd been furious before. I was far past it now, into that uncharted wilderness where lunging across a table to wring the neck of a perfect stranger sounds like a totally reasonable thing to do. Their fault? Lady Eris' fault? Maybe for picking someone like me in the first place, but I walked every step of the road to get where I sat now. The idea that I'd just blame everything on someone who'd helped me more than anyone made my blood go icy cold as it drained from my face.
"For do not the minions of this very city's goddess proclaim that it is no sin or shame to flee from failure? That it is meet and just to choose the less thorny path if one will have regrets regardless of thy choice?" The demon rose from the table, and bowed mockingly. "Thou has become a less entertaining diversion than expected. Be off with you in peace. What little you might find for yourself, young pebble" he chuckled. With that, he took out an honest to Eris newspaper and dismissed me as thoroughly as if the earth swallowed me up.
I, for one wild moment, thought about ripping that mask off his face and trying my luck with whatever it was hiding. But the memory of how much being stupid and impulsive cost me already held me back just enough that I was able to storm off after grabbing the pack at my feet.
The worst part of that whole conversation was I couldn't say a word against him. I'd gotten way in over my head, and had nothing to show for it but pain. Nothing has gone right, I made stupid choices, and my isekai adventure has been a total disaster from the word 'go'. I was nothing special, and lost too much trying to prove differently.
I was far enough gone that I didn't even see or hear what was around me until I was in the central square outside the Axis cathedral. Or realize I'd just dine and dashed, but letting that asshole cover the tab seemed only fair.
I slowed to a halt, looking up at the great double doors that led inside. The last time I'd stepped foot in there I got chased halfway across the city.
But there was a demon loose in the city, and for all I knew he'd been making the state of the city's visitors even worse just to get his jollies. And I was, and am, a Monk of the Eris church and a devout believer in her.
The Axis cult is guilty of many, many sins. But even we admit that they're the largest and most dangerous group of monster fighters in Belzerg.
"One pebble is nothing by itself, but in the right place it can start an avalanche," I muttered. Bracing myself, I pushed through the doors into the brightly lit interior.
Inside there seemed to be a service of some sort in progress. For a moment, nothing happened as the same priest as before continued reading the liturgy. Then, he stopped.
One by one, starting from those nearest to me and rippling out like waves in a pond, heads turned towards me. In seconds all several hundred eyes were on me, in what is still one of the creepiest displays I've ever borne witness to.
I cleared my throat in the echoing silence. "Greetings? I'm sorry for interrupting, please don't mind me…" I trailed off uncertainly.
"Not at all, your holiness. Your presence at this humble service does us honor," the head priest shook his head, descending from the raised platform and walking down the aisle towards me. "I can see your business is urgent, pray tell us what it is?"
"I…" I wet my lips and spoke up, casting my voice from the diaphragm like my drama class and far too many fantasies taught me. Drawing further on those dark days, I raised my gaze towards the stained glass window over the stage. "I fear I must interrupt your devotion with grave news! Moments ago, I encountered a demon in this lovely city!" Rumblings of shock and outrage began, but I spoke over them. "It is so! It claims to have resided her for over a week! I fear I do not know its name, but its mere ability to survive in this most holy place speaks to its power. I beheld it as a tall man in outlandish garb, with a black and white mask over its…"
"VANIR!" the priest, Zesta I now remembered, roared and rushed forward, clutching me by the shoulders. "Do you mean to tell me that one of the Demon King's generals is here! In the very center of our Lady's power?!"
Recovering myself, I tried to brush his hands off but couldn't. Guy had a grip like a crocodile's jaws. "I do! And while he did twist and bandy words with me, I remain the master of my fate, and Captain of my soul! Thus did I deny him, and seek the aid of Lady Aqua's true sword of righteousness!"
While all this had been going on, assistant priests had been opening supply closets off the main temple and began handing out torches, spears, soap bars, and glazed clay flasks of something. Either oil or holy water, I assumed. Somehow it didn't surprise me they were stocked for a witchhunt at a moment's notice.
"TO ARMS!" Zesta bellowed, leading me to one of the closets. "Our path is clear! Purge the demons! Destroy the Demon King!"
The congregation returned the chant with gusto, finishing arming up. They then formed into a series of battlegroups each containing several spear wielders, and several more wearing bandoliers of holy water jugs and soap led by one of the assistant priests.
He handed me a bandolier of my own, and gave a chopping motion with one arm towards the front doors, still standing open. "We march! Your holiness, lead us to the place this demon fouled with his presence!"
Stepping forward, I waved one hand over my head in a 'come along' gesture, and did just that, my own personal lynch mob following at my heels.
The true power of friendship is having people to bring along when it's time to deliver a beatdown after all.
The first question was whether this Vanir was even still where I'd left him. It hadn't been that long, less than half an hour, but by the time we got there he could've easily finished his paper and coffee or whatever and been long gone.
Above us, a long, bright trumpet blast came from what I'd taken to be the belfry.
"A signal to close the gates, and place the Watch on alert," Zesta informed me. "It might not be helpful against a General, but there's no harm in trying."
Beside him were two of his assistant priests, one the blonde I'd seen last time 'fishing' for me, the other one new to me.
"Forward! Forward! To die is only to wake from the Dream! Japan and our Lady Aqua await us!" They called, leading the crowd in a chant as we marched.
"If General Vanir has moved, do you have a way to track him inside the city?" I asked, avoiding thinking too hard about what I was listening to. Japan is these people's Holy Land? For Eris sake why!?
"He evaded us this long only because we weren't searching for him," Zesta assured me. "We won't have a hellspawn escape us after last time one fled our judgment." He'd had a hand on my shoulder this entire time, and now the blonde sidled up on my other side.
"Your holiness, on your last visit you left without giving us your name," she said breathily into my ear, while pressing close to wrap herself around my other arm. "Now that we have a moment, won't you share it with us?" she gave me a winning smile when I jumped at the contact. Which showed a bit of dedication on her part, since I'd learn later she's much more into Megumin than me normally.
"S..subaru," I answered reflexively. "Cecily...was that yours?"
"Oh! I should have guessed our Lady would bless you with knowledge of her most devoted followers!" she preened and showed no signs of letting go. "I am Priestess Cecily, at your service."
"Me...too," the other replied while tugging subtly on my arm. She had a grip as tight as her superior's, so that got me nowhere either.
Archpriest Zesta either had someone running point for us, or somehow the Cult just knows these things, but the streets were deserted as we passed at a near trot towards the café.
We rounded the last corner to find, amazingly enough, our target was right where I left him. He had to have heard us coming, because he looked up at the approaching throng bearing down on him like an executive miffed at having his weekend paper interrupted by the neighborhood kids. Torches lit and in hand, jars of holy water at the ready, spears brandished high, he took us all in for a moment and then threw back his head in laughter.
"Moi commends thy most excellent seal! If the refreshments thy deliver to me were less exemplary, moi would be most miffed!" He called to us as he folded his paper and set it aside, where it disappeared. "So! Zealous ones! Come to commend moi back home to trouble the lands above no more are you?" He turned to regard me and smirked even wider. "And moi seems to owe the young pebble a most sincere apology! I grant thee a boon in return for the rare gift of proving the Demon of Foresight false. Thou shalt soon come to a place on thy path where temptation and freedom beckon thee to a place where fortune and fellowship can never follow," he said with a seated bow and flourish.
"SACRED EXORCISM!" barked Zesta in return, causing a column of holy light several meters across to erupt from the ground under Vanir's seat, followed by a chorus of the standard version and a barrage of holy hand grenades bursting over the sound of General Vanir's final peal of laughter.
When the light show and dousing were over, only a faded, washed out mask remained laying atop the chair, before slipping off the wet wood and cracking as it hit the stones.
"VICTORY!" Zesta cheered, throwing his hands in the air like celebrating a home run. "The Axis Cult knows how to get things done!"
"So it's not your fault if things don't work out!" the crowd and assorted clerics replied to what was apparently a standard chant.
"And we owe the warning of the foul demon's presence to Our Lady's Chosen, Subaru!," he continued. "Her voice unerringly led him to the hellspawn's lair, proving her favor anew without a shadow of doubt! Therefore, I hereby appoint him as a new Archbishop of our Lady Aqua!"
More cheering, and my stomach took a dive straight into my boots.
NO. NO, no way. I refuse, they can't make me!
"WAIT!" I called back frantically, trying to pull away from the two crazed clerics who had me by either arm. "I'm not even in the Priest Class! I'm Seventeen! I'm Level 10! Don't we need a ceremony…" I shouted back frantically, trying to think of absolutely anything that might get these maniacs to change their minds as I looked to and fro in the still gathered crowd around us for help. All I saw was cheering faces and even a few tears.
Aqua. Fingerprints. Your Holiness.
NOW I understood why Vanir had been laughing. Demon of Foresight my ass, he set me up!
"You're the most favored of our Lady Aqua anyone has seen in living memory! Anyone here can smell her divine grace on you! What use are such temporal trappings as ceremony and position in the face of divine will! The fact you carry such a blessing at such a young, tender age only makes your worthiness more obvious!" Zesta proclaimed over me, and sadly he had a much better speaking voice. "And the Axis Cult is a fighting order, a frontline class is no barrier to seeking her divine grace!"
"I need to get back to Axel! I can't stay and…"
That stopped him, his eyes widened in shock. "You seek to return to our Lady! Of course, I should have guessed! She will have another task for you now that this one is finished…"
Finally! "Yes! Yes I seek to return to Lady Aqua's side as soon as I may! Therefore I simply can't stay in our beautiful city any longer than I must, for I have been too long away from her presence already," I said sorrowfully, which wasn't hard. Becoming the head honcho of Crazytown would make a stronger man than I weep. "So I must decline your heartfelt offer, and continue my good work in Axel until Lady Aqua has another task for me among the unbelievers," I said, apologizing to Lady Eris all the while and praying her sense of humor was as good as I hoped.
Archpriest Zesta nodded gravely. "So be it then. Your service to our lady without need for recompense or recognition warms these old bones. Brother Maynard! Go to the merchant's pavilion and cancel his holiness' caravan ticket to Axel!" I was about to start protesting again, but he went on "Rebook him and Sister Cecily on the express carriage! I won't have our Lady's champion rattle his bones on the road any longer than he must," he informed me firmly. "Sister, you will return to Axel and assist our Lady and his holiness in any ways they might require. And may She watch over you both."
He raised his hands in benediction, and intoned "Blessing!"
That seemed to be the signal for everyone to disperse. We hadn't moved a step from out in the middle of the street, even while the head of the church tried to foist his job on me. I wouldn't suggest finding out for yourselves, but any of you that spend time with them will learn the Axis Cult does not stand on ceremony.
Zesta and Cecily remained, while the other nearby priest from earlier, Brother Maynard apparently, hustled off.
I bowed to the archpriest. "Thanks for the upgrade. That's not a cheap ticket you're buying me." And the faster I got away from this city the better.
"Think nothing of it. The reward for dispatching a General will more than cover the costs for both of you," he waved me off, before pocketing the bits of Vanir's mask with a frown of distaste.
Oh. Right. I turned to my new fellow traveler to find her beaming at her boss bouncing slightly on her toes. She didn't seem obviously crazy now, but…
"Lady Aqua's message to all her faithful asking for donations is still in effect, right? So I can raid the alms box…I mean I can withdraw some funds to assist Lady Aqua in her time of need?" she suggested hopefully.
"Our lady seems to have found employment to satisfy her needs for now," Zesta reminded her. "Her willingness to labor as we mortals do for her survival should be an inspiration to us, nor should we interfere." He clapped a hand on both our shoulders. "Let her be an example to you both to serve her with the same dedication she shows in sharing the hardships of her beloved children as they battle the forces of evil."
Assuming we were talking about the same hot, blue haired, incredibly powerful girl that showed up recently, I was pretty sure she and her boytoy had quit their adventuring jobs and were working construction now. But that wasn't a battle I wanted to fight at the moment.
"I will, sir," I agreed, straightening to stand tall and hoping nothing showed on my face as I accepted his 'mission'.
Beside me, Cecily quit frowning in disappointment at her funding cut but quickly recovered. "I'll make Lady Aqua proud, you watch! Come on, I call dibs on the front facing seat, the backwards one makes me motion sick!" she demanded as we took our leave and headed for the gates.
At least I wouldn't have time to be depressed on the trip.
