He hadn't wanted to believe it. He'd even kicked them all out of the room rather than talk about it. His mother had left last, leaving behind Simon's cell phone. At least she said it was his. Simon had never seen the device before in his life, but he knew it had to be his when his thumb print unlocked it.

It only took a few minutes of scrolling through the photos on his phone to know everything they'd told him was a hundred percent true. Even so, Simon spent the next few hours combing through every inch of that phone, crying off and on as he tried to make sense of his new reality.

The pictures of him and Clary that he'd thought he'd treasure forever had either been archived or simply deleted. Instead, Simon found hundreds of pictures of Izzy. Simon was in a few of them, but mostly it seemed he liked to photograph her. She was very beautiful. She had long, thick, slightly wavy dark brown hair and a pale oval face. Her body was curvy in all the right places and Simon felt sure any man would be lucky to have her… that is if they weren't already in love with someone else.

Simon couldn't help but think about Clary, even as he was literally holding the proof in his hands that she wasn't part of his life anymore. This just wasn't fair. Even if everything they'd said was true, it didn't feel true to him. Simon just couldn't understand how he and Clary had fallen apart. High school sweethearts together forever had always been the plan, not broken up before the end of university. Why had she left him? Had Simon done something wrong?

Then there was everything else. Simon couldn't find any recent photos of his father in the cell phone. It hurt that he never got to say goodbye, even if he knew that he probably had and just couldn't remember.

Simon was trying not to think about his father and instead trying to focus on the one plus in this situation. At least he didn't have to take those exams or finish that paper. He had to admit it was a very small plus, but when he thought about all the things he'd lost, Simon wanted to cry. He'd have much rather just done the homework.

First things first. Simon needed some closure. He just had to understand what went wrong with him and Clarry. He couldn't find her number anywhere in his cell phone. Luckily he'd memorized that long ago. He just hoped she hadn't changed it.

'It's a long story, but this is Simon.' he texted her, 'I really wanna talk if that's okay.'

His hopes weren't high that she'd answer, but he knew he had to try. It felt like someone had just picked him up out of his life and put him in someone else's.

Simon could remember perfectly the little apartment he'd had, just yesterday as far as he was concerned. One twin bed with a little makeshift kitchen and a small bathroom. He recalled the times Clary had slept over and they'd had to snuggle up together on the tiny bed. The thought made him smile, but then he thought that the apartment was almost certainly gone. He hadn't planned to keep it after school ended. Simon had always assumed once he started working he'd be able to afford a better place. Did that mean he had a better apartment now? He didn't even know where he lived. A part of him just wanted to wait in this hospital bed until Clary came for him or he could go home with his mom. Even if he knew it to be impossible the Clary option felt better, as going home with his mother would just make it more obvious that his father wasn't there.

And Clary… Well, Clary was unlikely to answer his text message, and he knew it. Simon felt like he wanted to cry again.

Sharon, his nurse, came in then. She told him they were hoping to release him later today. Simon knew he should be happy about this but he really didn't know where home was, and he told her as much.

"Don't worry," Sharon told him kindly. "I'm sure someone can come pick you up." She smiled kindly and Simon tried to look reassured, but he wasn't. Then she left. Simon felt sure she had lots of other patients to attend to.

Simon laid down and tried to sleep. It wasn't exactly easy. His mind kept going around and around thinking all sorts of useless things. Eventually simple exhaustion took over and he entered blissful sleep.

When he woke his head felt better but his body was stiff. He pushed the button for the nurse and asked if he could walk around. She agreed it was a good idea and unhooked him from the machines. Simon still had an IV in his hand, but at least he wasn't attached to anything.

"Someone will bring some food up shortly," Sharon said. "Once you start eating we can take out the IV."

It was then Simon realized what two weeks in bed meant. He'd been living off IV nutrition. Realizing this suddenly made his stomach feel empty, though he knew that had to be all in his head since it must have been empty before now.

By the time dinner arrived Simon had moved around and stretched and was feeling much better. He ate ravenously and the nurse was very happy. She took out his IV and said he could take a shower.

The hot water felt amazing on his skin and Simon was so ready to get out of here once he realized he only had hospital clothes to change into. He wanted his own clothes. He wanted his own apartment even if he felt sure it didn't exist anymore. He'd find out soon enough as his mother was due to come and pick him up any minute.

Simon had messaged her about an hour ago to bring him some clothes. She hadn't replied so he was just hoping she'd gotten the message and he wouldn't have to leave here in his hospital gown. His gaze shifted at once when he heard footsteps and there was his mom carrying a bag he recognized as his own.

"Thank goodness," Simon exclaimed. He reached out and took the bag.

"I had to swing by your place to get it," Elaine explained as Simon walked into the bathroom to change.

This got Simon's hopes up. So he didn't live with his mother. Maybe he had his own cozy little place he could curl up in tonight. The idea seemed to calm him down a little. That didn't sound so bad. Just one thing at a time, and maybe the overwhelming notion of his new life wouldn't be so hard.

Opening the bag, he recognized one of his favourite pairs of jeans and a t-shirt he'd bought many years earlier at a concert. It was so nice to see something familiar. Simon put them on eagerly and left the hospital gown in the bathroom.

"Great choice,mom," Simon told his mother once he was changed and ready to leave. "Love this shirt."

"Actually Izzy packed the bag," Elaine corrected him. "I just brought it over."

"Oh," Simon said, feeling rather deflated. Suddenly he wasn't so keen on the clothes anymore, but it wasn't like he had another option. It just felt so wrong to him that a total stranger knew exactly what he'd want to wear leaving the hospital. Okay, so she wasn't technically a stranger according to everyone he knew, but she sure felt like one.

Simon followed his mom out of the building and to her car. He at least recognized his mom's beat up old SUV. He knew it had to be the same car when he saw the white scrape near the back left tire. He'd done that when she'd taught him to drive.

"This old thing is still kicking then," Simon smiled at the car.

"On its last legs, but for now it still goes," Elaine smiled.

Simon got in and noticed the little things. The stains in his mothers car were all just how he remembered them. All the marks and scuffs he could recall from his childhood were all still there. Even the very badly drawn words his sister had made with permanent markers when she was a kid were still there on the back of the leather seats. It made him feel better.

What did not make him feel better was when his mom missed the turn to his old apartment.

"I take it I don't live on 3rd ave anymore?" Simon said rhetorically.

"You moved in with Izzy last year," Elaine told him.

"Oh no," Simon recoiled. "Too soon. Can I just come home?"

"That's where I'm taking you," she seemed confused.

"No I mean home to your house," Simon answered. "The one I can remember."

"Of course you can come home, honey," Elaine said kindly. "But you might not be comfortable."

"Did you turn my room into a gym or something?" Simon whined.

"No," Elaine said. "But you took your bed with you. I'm afraid if you come home with me all I can offer you is the couch."

"Fine," Simon sighed. "Couch it is."

"We should at least pick up more clothes for you if you do want to come home with me," Elaine continued. "You can't wear that forever."

"Sure I can," Simon shrugged. "I literally just wore an open in the back blue sheet for two weeks. What's a couple days in the same t-shirt after that?"

He couldn't see her face but Simon could guess by her tone the look she was giving him now, and he knew she was right. Simon knew he was being silly. This woman, Izzy, clearly cared about him and knew exactly which clothes he found most comfortable. Simon knew he shouldn't just ignore her, but he couldn't help it. The idea of living with her made his insides squirm. She would expect him to know things and be things that he just wasn't. Simon couldn't take the pressure and he was still hoping Clary would answer him and explain what went wrong with them.

Despite clearly disagreeing with him, Elaine did as he asked and they went straight to her house. Simon decided he'd worry about his stuff later. Right now he just wanted to be somewhere familiar.

Unfortunately, going home with his mother wasn't as relaxing as he'd hoped, and was actually more painful than anything. As soon as he walked in the door all he could see was his dad. That mark on the floor from where dad had tried to move the piano when Simon was little and the wallpaper dad had insisted looked like poop but mom had left up anyway. Moving into the living room, Simon saw dad's favourite armchair and wasn't sure if he wanted to sit on it or run away from it.

Elaine offered to cook him something. Though he'd eaten at the hospital Simon realized he was actually getting hungry again and accepted her offer. While he waited, Simon thought he'd make a cup of tea and found himself face to face with dad's mug. He decided he didn't want tea and went to sit at the table. His mother tried to engage him in conversation again and this time Simon responded.

"How did dad die?" Simon asked.

"We don't have to talk about this," Elaine said kindly. "It's your first night home."

"Please," Simon said gently. "Understanding helps."

"Heart attack," Elaine answered. There was a pain in her voice that Simon more than understood. He could feel it in his own as well.

"When?" he asked next.

"Last year," Elaine said softly. "I haven't been able to bring myself to get rid of all his stuff yet."

"Was there a funeral?"

"A wake," Elaine replied. "Your father wanted to be cremated so there was no body for a casket, but we celebrated his life." She paused for a moment then added. "Izzy was there. I was so grateful to her that day. I know her presence helped you through it."

"You like her," Simon said. It wasn't a question; the answer was plain as day in her voice. "What about Clary?"

"I really don't know if I should be the one to tell you this," Elaine continued. "You should talk to Izzy."

"I should talk to Clary," Simon counted.

"You haven't spoken to Clarrisa in over two years," Elaine sighed. "Can't you just take my word for it?"

"No," Simon replied. "I know you all keep telling me what my life is but I don't remember the things you say. I don't feel them. As far as I am concerned I talked to dad just yesterday about applying for jobs after graduation and Clary and I had a date night planned for as soon as I stepped out of that last exam."

"I don't know what to say," Elaine continued. She sounded hopeless. "Except to tell you to talk to Isabelle."

"I will, okay," Simon caved. "Just give me some time." His mother nodded and left it at that.

They didn't speak again until she put his second dinner in front of him, and even then it was just 'thank you' and 'your welcome'. She said if he needed anything she'd be in her office and left him to eat.

When Simon was finished he decided to brave the mugs and make himself that cup of tea. Choosing the most generic mug he could from the cupboard, he filled the kettle and set it to boil then went looking for tea bags. Despite the kettle being totally new the tea was at least in the right place.

Holding his mug, Simon walked into the living room and sat on the couch beside his father's chair.

"Hey dad," Simon said, raising his mug. "Here's to you. I miss you already." And he took a huge gulp of his tea before picking up the remote and turning on the television.

Simon stayed up late watching nothing in particular. It was nice to have the noise of people talking without having to engage with anyone. He must have fallen asleep because he woke up moments later curled up on the couch with the tv still running. Blinking sleepily Simon reached forward to turn off the tv and go back to sleep when he heard voices and stopped.

"I know," his mother was saying. Simon had to guess she was on the phone. Maybe with his sister? "I've tried. He says he needs time." There was a pause. "I know it hurts. Please try and be patient with him."

Simon had no idea what they were talking about and found as his eyelids got heavier and heavier that he didn't care enough to stay awake and find out.

When he woke again his mother must have turned off the tv. She also appeared to have tucked him in. Simon pulled the blanket in closer and turned to look out the window. The sun was rising which meant he'd slept through the night. Fumbling around Simon found his phone and realized he'd forgotten to charge it. He'd also gotten a text message.

'Oh wow Simon,' Clary's reply read. 'It's been a while. I hope everythings okay.'

Quickly without missing a beat Simon replied.

'Not sure okay is the word, but physically I'm fine. I wanna talk. Can we meet?'

And then he stared at his phone, hoping she wouldn't take an entire day to answer this time. To his delight he didn't have to wait long.


I think this might be a record... I uploaded the 1st chapter of this story in July 2022 and it is now December 2022. This is probably the LONGEST I've ever went between updates. Damn. Not good. But not to fear because suddenly I am writing this story quite efficiently. No clue why. But the next chapter is already finished and the one after that is almost done. I'm not planning to make this a super long or dramatic story and I promise lots of Sizzy fluff.
As always I love to hear from readers. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think. Cheers! And Happy Holidays.


Sneak Peek Chapter 3

He heard the door chime again and couldn't resist looking up. Some bald guy with two kids running around his ankles. Simon turned back down to look at his tea. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous. As far as he could remember he'd seen Clary just days ago, but he knew his memory here was wrong. No matter what he didn't want to believe Simon had to admit some things. The Clary he remembered would have been at his bedside in the hospital. The Clary he was hoping to meet today felt like an entirely new person. It was like they were separated by time or rather his lack of remembering their time.

The door chimed again and Simon glanced up to see a young happy couple walking into the cafe. They were holding hands and smiling in that way you did when you are young and madly in love. Simon thought maybe the bald guy with the kids had felt that one once too, probably before the kids. Simon had once imagined what his and Clary's kids would have looked like. He remembered always hoping they'd have her beautiful red hair.

Simon took another sip of his tea. When the door opened once again he looked up but didn't bother registering who was there as so far as they weren't his ex-girlfriend

Ex-friend. What a strange thing for her to be, but there really wasn't any other word for it. They had been together and now they weren't. It was the word that applied best, but Simon couldn't help thinking about how they'd been friends before they'd dated. Really good friends so why had their breakup resulted in this total and complete separation. At the very least he'd have hoped they'd exchanged Christmas cards or something.