A/N: Behold the field in which I grow my copyrights, and observe that it lies fallow. I did add a new cover image to show off a couple of pretty feathers I found against the backdrop of my inherited copy of Paradise Lost, but the finely tooled and dusty cover is hard to make out at this scale. The concept of Aziraphale and Crowley's first godsons came to me by way of Sarcasm For Free's "Tomayto, Tomahto," a very sweet take on the subject, considering how it inevitably ends. It just happens to dovetail quite nicely with Lucifer canon... (Luci missed the charter meeting of Disaster Bi Club because he caused Disaster Bi Club, but one could see a lot in common between the first demon tempter and his first human target. ) While I left this bad boy marked as complete the last time I updated, there's at least one more in this same arc coming.


When they met again, it was under a tree. This tree wasn't as majestic as the Tree of Knowledge; it was more of a tall twig with a few spindly branches ending in precious few curling, brown-tinged leaves and beetle-bored knots developing on its trunk like acne. The lower limbs were barely strong enough to support the serpent's weight. Eve had never been more glad to see it.

"Is he here?" she asked, eyes darting around the tree, back to the field, and all the way to the horizons when no other hellish envoy presented itself. Crawly just shook his head. "Is he coming? Ever?"

"Sssorry. I'm here becaussse of that one, not Lucccifer," the snake hissed, head turning to the angel attempting to help Adam and Cain in the fields. "Heaven sssendsss 'inssspiration' to follow His mandatesss, and we remind you that you have choiccesss."

"I used to, anyway," Eve replied, dropping her gaze to the little boy in her arms. "I shouldn't complain. It is good to see you again, Crawly, but I… I thought Luci and I had something special."

"It'sss becaussse of that that he'sss run away. Look at Azzziraphale with that boy." Eve didn't think that Crawly meant to make the command come out so softheartedly, but the serpent brought up a point.

"Cain! Don't pull at the poor angel's wings!" she admonished her eldest. Really, could Adam not notice the strained grimace their helpful guest was wearing? Aziraphale hadn't had to come, just like he hadn't had to give Adam the sword or bring seeds or dowse for water. He shouldn't be forced to act as a playground for their blue-eyed son as well.

"Sorry, Mom."

"Tell it to Lord Aziraphale," Eve prompted him.

"Just Aziraphale is fine, no need to stand on ceremony; I'm sure there was no harm meant," the angel sounded closer to a meaningful apology than her son.

Eve cleared her throat. "Sorry, Lord Aziraphale," Cain repeated dutifully. The angel awkwardly patted his head, forgave him, and tried to go back to tilling the soil. Cain had gotten ahold of the sword and was dragging it through the top layer of dirt.

"Imagine twicce that uncomfortable around kidsss and convinccced that he will hurt you," Crawly explained.

"It hurt when he never came back." Eve tried again to collect herself, not wanting to cry in front of her children. Adam displayed enough heartbreak for the both of them. "He offered Lilith a place, so I always hoped…"

Crawly waited for her to finish the sentence, but when words failed her, the serpent slid out of the tree, across her shoulders, and looped his lower half gently around the babe in her arms. "Harken to the hard-won wisssdom of your elderss, young Abel." Serious yellow eyes locked on her little one's face. "Boysss are ssstupid. Esspeccially onesss with expresssive eyess, clever handss, ssoft curly hair, and pretty white wingsss. They offer you a sshoulder when you're lossst, a lissstening ear, but don't underssstand what to do about their own feelingsss and it jusst makess thingsss worssse." The tip of that long black tail booped Abel's nose, making him giggle. "No wonder Lilith didn't want anything to do with them."

"What's that make us?" Eve asked, not quite ready to let Crawly distract her with a ticklish baby when she knew that the snake had more than one angel on his mind.

"I sssaid, boysss are ssstupid. But ssstupid animals need love, too." If a serpent could blush, it might resemble Crawly's widened pupils, half-open jaw, and attempt to simultaneously slither his head under Eve's armpit and keep his eyes on Aziraphale. "And you and I are professssional enough to ssstill do our jobsss."

"You know, Adam and I worry about the kids, too. We were scared, especially after we were driven from the garden. About the only one who never seems to fear them and consistently gets what they need has been you." Crawly ducked his head back behind her, an incoherent hiss on his forked tongue. "Aziraphale is game enough to try, though. Adam and I have asked him to help instruct Cain on his path, to be a godly parent to our first son. And, since you're willing to share wisdom with Abel, I would ask if you might be an ungodly parent for my second born."

There were further ruffled noises from the sun-warm ball of muscled scales behind her back, a slight squeeze about her shoulder in a pleased burst of pride and camaraderie that the snake would never admit to, and then the demon shifted to a more humanoid form, his golden eyes covered by loose hair and his black wings spread between the three of them and the field. "Well, if Adam agreesss," Crawly said, still unconsciously hissing as he lifted the giggling baby and nuzzled Abel's belly. "Ssomeone hass to teach one of them to make girlss happy, and you and I have at least ssseen it done."

"It'll be good practice for you and Aziraphale," Eve said. She and Adam might have had to settle, but like Crawly, she had to hope that at least one would end up happy.

"Wot? I couldn't - We're not-"

"I know you're not always stupid, Crawly," she cut off the serpent's sputtering.

"It'sss not worth making an effort, not when it goess completely unnoticed." Without the black scales, the serpentine face rapidly went from pale to beet red, visible despite the hair in Crawly's blown pit viper eyes. Very carefully, almost guiltily, if a demon were capable of such, he handed Abel back to Eve.

"How do you know it's unnoticed? Don't you think he's worried about professionalism, too?"

"Look, you," Crawly shoved a finger in her face, still blushing furiously despite the aggressive snap of his wings, "my Boss sssent me here to break things off with you on his account like the coward he is, and you are trying to tempt me? Don't try to do my job for me." The demon mostly had the sibilance under control, but had dropped another pretense in his discomfort.

"He sent you because you know how much this can hurt. And maybe eventually, it will hurt less when we know that someone else understands and wishes to help. It gives me and Adam a chance to bond, at least." Eve took pity on Crawly and redirected her attention past the shining black wings. "Now, you said you came up here to see about an angel?"

Golden eyes slid shut long enough to absorb the finger Eve had reached up past the demanding clawed pointer to playfully bounce off the long demonic nose. "Right," Crawly said, shook down his wings, and turned to the fields. "Time you had a few choicccces…" The last word trailed off into a hiss as the demon dropped back into serpent form, incomprehensibly cursing the brittle, woody scrub around him in lieu of Eve. The plants that Crawly slithered through trembled, and grew taller as if to escape the snake's displeasure.

She had missed what the demon muttered about blessed blue-eyed babies as he snaked into the field, starting up a noisy game of chase with Cain that gave Adam and Aziraphale room to work, if either could pull their attention away from the boy and the serpent rolling into a lush berry bush that Eve could have sworn was nothing but briars before the impromptu wrestling match. "Oh look, snacks," Crawly deadpanned, as if he were trying to appear as surprised about the sudden appearance of some of Eve's favorite food as the humans and Aziraphale, with Cain tucked safely away from any remaining thorns in the black coils. "Time for a break, angel?"

"Foul demon! You came this far just to inspire sloth and pandemonium?" Aziraphale brandished his shovel, but there wasn't a great deal of menace or righteous fury to it. "They do look awfully juicy…"

"We can't have the humans fainting from exhaustion in the middle of their work, now, can we?"

"I suppose not. A season to all things, after all, and those definitely are in season…" The angel inched toward the bush, pulling Cain out and brushing the twigs and juice off the boy's head. Aziraphale might or might not have claimed a few of his godson's overflowing double handful of treats as the angel cleaned him up. There were more where that came from.

This time, Adam brought the fruit to his wife.

Lucifer might be afraid to make a place for Eve and her children, but that did not mean that there was nowhere for them. She would make things work with Adam. She wouldn't waste this second chance, not when she finally understood why her husband clung so hard to one he couldn't have. At least the two of them were allowed to have someone.

The serpent rose from the briars with his own offering, which Aziraphale graciously refused, though the angel didn't deny Cain the present that the thorn-scratched demon had been holding for the boy all along, certainly for not his natural enemy.

Eventually, maybe Eve's heart would stop jealously insisting that Crawly was still better off.