B-POV
I blinked, licked my lips, and swallowed.
One moment, I was fully enveloped by everything Edward.
The next, I was alone in a booth.
My skin still tingled where Edward's hands had touched my waist and lower back. I reached up and felt my lower lip. It was swollen, and still a bit cold from the coolness of Edward's mouth. He tasted like cold—if cold could be a flavor. Not peppermint or spearmint, but like the space between pine trees in a winter forest.
Our kiss was real. I hadn't gone insane and hallucinated in the middle of my date. Though, I didn't feel completely stable. I glanced around the room and spotted Edward across the dance floor, walking towards the table. My mind reeled, struggling to understand how he could have been in my arms one moment, then on the opposite side of the room in another. The strangeness persisted when he slid into the booth from the opposite side, keeping the space of the table between us.
"You're soaking wet!"
He pushed his wet hair from his forehead, "I know. The rain picked up the second I stepped outside. That's Seattle for you."
"How did you even get outside? You were…" I looked to where he had just been sitting, so close to me, "we were…" Again, my fingers fluttered up to my lip, like I could hold the remnants of his kiss there with a bit of pressure.
"I'm so sorry about that. Truly, could not have come at a worse time."
He spoke like we were on the same page, but I felt like we weren't even reading the same book. "What did?"
"Vivi's plea for help. Someone tried to stuff a delivery through the front entrance—it was stuck. I needed to move it."
"When?"
"Just moments ago." His perfect brow furrowed. "Did you not hear Vivi call my name?"
All I remembered was the flicking glow of the chandeliers and the smell of Edward. Like butterscotch—sweet, buttery, old-fashioned. And of course, the feeling of his hard muscles pressed up against me…
I shook my head before I actually started to hallucinate. "No, I—I didn't hear that…"
He lowered his eyes to the table, coyly. Innocently. Though, a haunting feeling at the pit of my stomach warned me he was anything but. "Well, you were a bit… distracted."
When he lifted his gaze back up to meet mine, a serine smile was plastered across his face. It wasn't a smile of true pleasure. Nor was it his usual strained smile when he was overwhelmed but still wanted to be polite. It was so close to one of his natural expressions, I automatically smiled back. Had I not studied his smiles more thoroughly than my coursework, it wouldn't have stuck out to me at all.
This was a different smile. A smile of deceit.
But Edward wouldn't lie to me. There wasn't a malicious bone in his lean, muscular body.
"You're wet," I said again, miserably lost and confused.
His smile softened into something shier, sweeter—one I knew. "I know. Trust me, I am…" he laughed once. The sound was breathless and humorless, "…absolutely mortified. I realize I ruined our evening."
The hopeless regret in his voice tugged at my heartstrings. "You didn't," I said, reaching for his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze, despite the chill from the rain. "We're together. Nothing can be ruined."
He lifted our intertwined hands and placed a light kiss on my thumb before he released me. "Thank you. Why don't you enjoy some more of these appetizers while I get dry? Then, we can pick up where we left off."
Pleased with the promise of more, I settled back in my seat as Edward refilled my plate with each appetizer. The contentment lasted through a single fried green tomato until confusion crept back into my mind.
I reminded myself that Edward had lied to me. His story seemed plausible enough, but there were still too many holes for my liking. Surely, I would have heard another woman call his name, no matter how dazzling the kiss was. Why would he lie? Better yet, why would he run off during a kiss at all? I ran my tongue across my teeth—nothing was stuck between my teeth. I avoided the appetizers with blue cheese and garlic, so I knew my breath didn't reek. I checked my breath by blowing into my hand, just in case. It was perfectly fine.
I thought through the kiss. Combed over each detail to find what I missed.
As it always was, my attention was glued to Edward, no matter what else was going on around me. The music was nice, yes, but didn't sound nearly as enchanting as Edward looked. Especially when he was roused from his private enjoyment of the concert and met my hungry stare with one of his own. I kissed other boys before, but nothing could prepare me for how Edward's lips felt on mine. It might as well have been a first kiss. His lips, cool and unyielding. His hands, strong and confident as they slipped under my leather jacket and slid to my lower back. Slowly, carefully. As if they were savoring the touch…
With a gasp, I realized what happened. It was the first time Edward touched me, truly touched me. Not an arm around the shoulder or a brush of the fingers. Where he expected to find a smooth back and a trim waist, he found my doughy middle. A shock so repulsive, it had him running.
My lower lip trembled; I tucked it between my teeth.
I smoothed down the fabric of my shirt. It was one of my favorites. Deep blue, wrapped tight around my waist, but flowed loosely to my hips. It looked nice, yes, but all the flattering cuts in the world could not disguise what Edward would feel when he touched me. I never expected Edward to worship my body, to fawn over me, and find any small excuse to touch me. But I hoped that my appearance wouldn't matter to him.
Evidentially, it did. Enough to make him run after contact with a single roll.
I peeked at Edward. He felt my eyes on him and met them with a smile and a smolder that left me as breathless as his kiss. Without breaking eye contact, he reached across the table and entwined his pinky with mine. The gesture that would have once been adorably innocent was now a hideous insult, for I knew that small touch was all he could stomach.
I slipped my hand out from his under the guise of taking a sip of water.
With that revelation, I wondered what we were doing now. If Edward wasn't attracted to me, fine. We could make it through the rest of the date maintaining safe distances and sharing awkward smiles until he regretfully informed me that he does not see a romantic future between us. It stung—painfully so—but I would take the rejection well. But what was the point of the smolders and the smiles if we both knew they would never amount to anything?
What was the point of asking me out at all if he was so opposed to my body?
Jessica's request replayed in my mind: think about why he only wants to spend time alone with you. At the time, I had the answer. An answer too impossible to explain to my friends. A reason I deduced when Edward asked a similar question, on the third floor of the gallery: can't you think of any reason I would prefer to spend my time alone with you?
Slowly, logic settled. Like sand drifting to the ocean floor.
Perhaps Jessica's intuition wasn't far off.
For there was another reason someone as glorious as Edward would want to spend time with me. A reason why my appearance would repulse him even after his endless compliments and praises. A reason why he would express his desire for me, with no intention to follow through. A reason that didn't involve a secret supernatural ability.
This date was a joke. This entire relationship was a joke.
It wouldn't be the first time someone toyed with my heart for their amusement.
It made much more sense than a beautiful boy with a mind-reading ability who sought my company because he couldn't read my mind. Somewhere, a group of his friends waited eagerly for Edward to recount the date so they could mock the tragic fat girl who would believe anything spoken to her by a beautiful boy.
There was never any mind-reading superpower. Of course, there wasn't. It made no sense if I thought about it for more than thirty seconds. I gave him an excuse and he jumped on it. Then, taunted my ridiculous theory with more sweet lies. I should have realized he was nothing but a liar right there on that bench outside of the antique fair. All people did was judge and mock—no one's full focus was only on themselves. If I looked up, I was sure I would meet a dozen judgmental stares from people looking at the fat girl with a table of food before her.
At the thought of the food, I looked down at the table in front of me in horror. Stuffed with appetizers. Prosciutto and fig toast, blue cheese bacon dates, fried green tomatoes, garlic black pepper wings, ahi tuna bites, and skillet cornbread. An exorbitant amount of food—far too much for just two people.
My gaze flickered to Edward's plate, still completely untouched. Then, back to mine, brimming with food. What was the purpose of buying all this food if he wasn't going to take a bite? To see how much he could get the fat girl to eat?
"I can't believe this," I whispered to myself. I cursed Edward. Cursed his perfect lips for whispering lies I wanted to hear. Cursed his golden gaze for coaxing desire he would never reciprocate. Cursed his strong, solid hands for holding something he intended to break.
At the sound of my voice, Edward turned his attention from the performance back to me, "What's wrong?"
I ignored him completely. Under the table, I texted Jessica to meet me in the parking lot. She responded immediately.
"Bella?"
I chastised my heart for its reaction to him. Even after my revelation, the sound of my name on his lips was a siren's call. I did my best to keep the warring emotions out of my voice to keep it detached and level, "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm not feeling well."
"Alright," he nodded, suddenly anxious. "Let me pay for the food. Meet me up front so I can take you home, okay?"
I agreed under my breath, though I had no intention to do so. I bit my tongue as he helped me into my rain jacket; a million insults centered around his inability to touch me, for the careful distance he kept between us was more obvious than ever.
As Edward went to the bar to find our waiter, I rushed towards the exit. On my way, I couldn't help but notice the empty tables. Fury rippled through me as I recalled Jessica's warnings. When we first arrived at the venue, I saw the remote location and few audience members as favorable—Edward could enjoy himself more with such few people around. Now, I knew better. There was no mind-reading gift to accommodate. I had been lured underground in the dangerous outskirts of town so Edward wouldn't be seen with his hideous date, lest someone mistake his lies as truth. I sneered at the dingy lighting, the yellowed table clothes. Nothing but scum, painted over with a pretty façade.
Much like Edward himself.
I barely made it to the steps before Edward appeared behind me, calling my name in a loud whisper, so as to not interrupt the performance on stage. He had been faster than I expected, like he just threw a bunch of cash at the waiter's face and left. If he even paid at all.
"Bella! I asked you to wait for me."
Every cell of my body felt his presence behind me, begging me to turn around and fall into his embrace. Shaking, I held my ground. "I drove myself, remember? You don't need to take me home."
"Sweetheart, it's pouring. You don't feel well. You shouldn't drive in these conditions."
The unmitigated audacity to call me by a pet name was too much—I almost snapped. Instead, I sucked a deep breath through my nose and asked in that same, detached voice, "What about your car?"
"It doesn't matter—I'll figure it out." At some point, pulled his gloves back on; his fingers brushed against mine. I snatched my hand away before he could lace them through mine. "The only thing that matters is that you get home safe."
His 'noble, romantic' act was so obvious to me now, it was almost funny. No one talked to each other like that. How I fell for any of his ridiculous lines was beyond me.
"I'll be fine, Edward. I want to take myself home. Please."
Either he figured out the game was over, or he didn't care enough to keep fighting, because he stepped back. "Alright." There was something woven into his voice—strange and distant—that I didn't care to unravel. "Stay safe—I'll see you later."
I didn't return the sentiment. Half-baked plans to never see him again were already in the oven. I stomped up the stairs into the rain. Cursing myself and my forgotten umbrella, I tugged my hood further up my head. Jessica and Mike stood in the center of the parking lot. Through the haze and gloom, I could see Jessica's dainty nose bunched up with distaste. Mike's arm was thrown across her shoulder, protecting her from the rain and whatever unseen dangers were hidden in this seedy part of town.
"Thank you," I called over to them.
All it took was one, single sympathetic smile from Jess for the tears to start. She left the safety of the umbrella and the integrity of her hair behind to pull me into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Bella. You didn't deserve this."
I sniffed. As much as I wanted to agree with Jessica—and scream and cry and shout—I couldn't help but think I had done this to myself. From the start, I knew there was no chance for Edward and me to be anything significant. Even with all the common sense in the world stacked up, I still fell for the first impossible, ridiculous excuse I conjured. I deserved to be tricked.
"Can you drive me home?"
She rubbed my arms. "Of course." Then, to Mike. "Follow us."
"Can you drive stick?" I didn't think to ask until we were both settled in our seats, with our soaked rain jackets draped over the back of the center seat.
"Please, Bella." She adjusted the rearview mirror, throwing herself a wink and a kiss. "I can do anything."
Much to my surprise, she handled my large, old truck with ease and confidence. Soon we were barreling down the highway, with Mike's sedan behind us.
"So, do we need to call the police? Podcasts never really go into detail about this part."
"He's not a murderer, Jess." Taking a deep breath, a leaned my head against the lumpy headrest and squeezed my eyes shut. "He was only dating me as a joke."
Jess didn't need an explanation. I wasn't sure whether I found that insulting or supportive. "What an ass."
"I know."
"Don't worry. We won't let him get away with this. We'll spread his lie around campus. Slander his name. Let everyone know what a manipulative jerk he really is."
I really didn't want to be known as that girl in college—I had just escaped the pitied looks and merciless jokes from my high school classmates. "That's okay. Honestly, I never want to think of him again. Can we please forget any of this ever happened?"
Keeping her lips sealed was going to be a larger favor than asking her to drive forty minutes both ways, but Jessica eventually agreed, with one stipulation. "But, if we see him around with another…" she searched for a proper adjective for a bit, then decided to forgo one, "…girl, we should warn her, right?"
The thought of Edward with another girl was more painful than it should have been. His golden gaze dazzling someone else into a stupor. His long, elegant fingers curled around theirs. With effort, I could manipulate that pain into pity for that future, unfortunate girl. But in its natural form, it was jealousy. Plain and simple.
I wiped away a tear. "Sure," I finally said.
We lapsed back into silence.
"We should start working out together!" Jessica offered after a few quiet moments, trying to muster something out of me other than silent tears. "Get you a revenge body. Wouldn't that be fun?"
"Erm," I shifted in my seat. "That's okay, Jess. I don't want to think about him. Really."
Earning Edward's desire with a new body wasn't going to change anything. I didn't want affection from him or anyone else if it was only given to a size six.
I hated myself for thinking I earned Edward's desire just as I was. Earlier that night, right before we kissed, I toyed with the idea of love. When Edward leaned back against the booth, a serine smile spread across his face, lost in the music. His lips quivered, as he sang along to the music, like he already knew the song.
In that quiet moment, he was the most beautiful I had ever seen him. Unencumbered. Unashamed. Ushered me into the impossible world of a dazzling creature.
I loved him.
And because that love was nothing more than a game for him, I had no choice but to hate Edward Mason, with every fiber of my being.
E-POV
The rain eased into a persistent mist during the drive home. After Bella left the club, I found our waiter to apologize for shoving a handful of cash into his hand and running off. He waved off the rude behavior with a laugh and I let him keep the exorbitant tip he received from my recklessness. Then, I discussed a prime spot the following week with Vivi, who was pleased to know I wanted to play, but displeased to learn the reason. Still, I would be up on stage, performing for Bella. I could only hope that she would feel well by then.
Once inside, Esme lowered the embroidery she was working on. From what I could hear, she was the only one home. "You're home earlier than I expected."
"Bella fell ill." I recalled the last, few moments of our date with a twist in my gut. Poor Bella must have been in terrible distress. The glassy sheen in her eyes, her desperation to escape. It troubled me to be away from her while she was out there, hurting. If our relationship were further along, I could be there with her. Bringing her soup. Rubbing her back. Holding her in her bed…
My mother's voice broke the enticing fantasy of cradling Bella's body against my own, "Oh poor thing!" Her hand flew to her heart. "There's something going around the school—I had three absences today. I bet she caught it from her father."
Discovering that Bella's father worked at Esme's elementary school was a pleasant surprise with which no one knew what to do. In the public eye, Esme and I were strangers. There was no way to bring it up to Bella without raising too many unanswerable questions.
"Probably."
As I put away my coat and shoes, Esme attached a second embroidery hoop to a different part of the fabric and handed me the proper materials when I joined her on the couch. I wasn't sure what it was going to be—a pillow or article of clothing or piece of art—but it didn't matter. Esme had already sketched out the floral pattern she wanted, and it was simple enough to copy the style of her previous work.
"I'm sorry, honey. Humans get sick all the time. Especially in this weather."
"I know," I sighed, "It's probably for the best, anyway."
"What makes you say that?"
Grateful for the activity, I kept my eyes on the needle and thread. "I lost a bit of control when we kissed…"
"Uh oh."
"It's fine," I took in a shaky breath, still reeling over such a close call. "She's fine. I was able to stop myself before I could hurt her." I hadn't experienced bloodlust to that extent in decades. I could still taste her on my lips. She had been so soft. So warm and delicious in all the best and worst ways. And dangerously close. For the second time that night, I swallowed a mouthful of venom and hated myself for it.
If it were any other member of the family—except maybe Emmett—a million red flags would have been raised. Instead, Esme ripped a piece of thread with her teeth and said, "That doesn't sound like a lapse of control, pet. It sounds like you were perfectly in control."
"I had to run out of the club."
"I'm sure you were fast enough that no one saw you."
It was true, but that wasn't the point. "Esme, I ran away from my date at supernatural speed because I wanted to drink her blood."
"I'm following along just fine, Edward. You read my mind—you know I'm not slow."
"It's not the best way to break a kiss."
"No, it isn't ideal. But I trust you smoothed things over."
Again, it was true, but not the point. The whole family was made up of accomplished liars. We could convince humans to believe anything if spoken with unwavering confidence. The trick was to tether the lie to genuine emotion, and I was truly embarrassed to return to Bella in such a wretched state. As easy as it was to lie to Bella, the foul taste of deceit lingered on my tongue. The rest of our night would have been tainted with it. Reasons to keep her out of my reach, excuses for why I wouldn't kiss her goodbye. Bella was better off sick than she was with me.
"I can't do that to her again, Esme."
"Do what, dear?"
"Lie to her," I croaked. "Hurt her."
"You didn't hurt her."
"I could have. So easily, I could have."
"You are no more a danger to her than the rest of us are to the humans we interact with. I spend my days with accident-prone children. Any one of your siblings is just as likely to be exposed to blood when out with their human friends. Carlisle works at a hospital for goodness' sake."
"Yes, but none of you are letting your teeth get as close to the blood in their veins."
"Then it's a good thing you're better and brighter than the rest of us." It was such a motherly thing to say. I rolled my eyes. "Don't give me that—I'm serious. Not many vampires can say they resisted the urge to kill once venom gets involved."
The needle snapped in my hand. Without comment, Esme handed me another.
"You need to give yourself credit, honey. If there were one thing I would change about my perfect life, it would be for Carlisle to have trusted himself and his place in my heart more than he did."
Esme and I embroidered a few flowers in silence while she reminisced to herself about her early days with Carlisle. A messy whirlwind of a romance that made tornados look tame. Without shame, I listened in. I enjoyed the tale no matter how many times I heard it. As it always did, the story ended with Carlisle's lips at her throat, bringing her into his world after years of pushing her out. He acted out of fear and selflessness for so long, but it was him Esme wanted all along, no matter the cost.
Esme was determined to keep Bella from her fate.
"Next time you see her, tell Bella the truth. Expose her to the risks involved. Let her choose to take those risks."
I sighed with indignation. I hoped for a bit more time to play human with Bella. I planned out a few dates that wouldn't involve food and I could cover my cold hands. Ice skating, another outdoor fair, and a hike to one of my favorite places. It was a shame none of my plans would come to fruition. I had been especially excited to take Bella ice skating. Where I could snake my arm around her waist and keep her close, under the noble guise of keeping her upright. But I would not lie to her anymore. And I certainly would not expose her to life-threatening danger without her consent. "I don't think I have any other choice."
Esme was possibly the only person who knew my voice well enough to hear the fear churning deep within. And knew my heart well enough to know what inspired it.
"She's going to want you back, Edward. I still remember the human boy who turned every head as he walked down the street. I don't know where you think all that charm went."
"It died when I did."
She snorted. "You're going to have to send Bella to me once she learns the truth. Someone must warn her what a miserable grouch you can be."
"What happened to all my charm?" I chuckled.
"It died when you did."
Esme was only able to hold her bluff for a few seconds before her teasing grin broke through.
I laughed with her, but the lingering fear hollowed out the sound. As selfish as it was, my greatest fear in all of this was Bella's rejection. I knew I should have had my priorities in a more practical order. The integrity of my family's secret and Bella's safety were obviously much more important than the state of my heart.
Esme harbored no such feelings. In her mind, Bella's acceptance of me was as sure as the rising sun.
"You talk about all this like it's so easy."
"That's because it is."
The needle and thread fell onto the couch as I regarded my mother with blatant disbelief. Easy was the last word I would use to describe any of this. Every small step I took with Bella with riddled with complications.
She sighed and looked back at me. "You're in love with her, Edward. That's what makes this so easy. You are going to tell her the truth. She is not going to sell out our secrets and endanger the family because you would not love her if she wasn't a kind, sensible person. She is going to take on whatever challenges the truth presents because you would not love her if she did not have a brave, noble heart. She is going to accept you for what you are because you would not love her if she wasn't as hopelessly romantic as you are. Trust yourself. Trust your heart. After you do that, you'll realize how easy it is."
I ran my finger over the grouping of flowers I completed. Esme did as well and praised my work.
"I expected it to feel different," I whispered.
"What?" Esme asked absentmindedly, deciding between two shades of pink before she offered me the lighter one.
I rethreaded the needle with the new shade and began the highlights on the flowers.
"Falling in love. I thought it would burst like a firework or engulf me like a flood. It settled, peacefully. Like a snowfall overnight. One moment, everything was as it always was. The next, no part of me was left untouched." A new tune played in my head. One to accompany the soft, white flakes as they drifted through the sky and landed on the pale palm of a beautiful girl.
"Isn't it wonderful? How everyone feels it a little bit different?"
"It feels like my world has been set right."
With that confession, Esme was decided. "We'll talk to Carlisle when he gets back from work and let him know the next time you see Bella, you are telling her the truth."
Knowing my father, he wouldn't be pleased. Though he claimed it was up to me whether and when I reveal the truth to Bella, I knew he preferred to have every piece of information before making a decision. The last time we spoke on the matter, he had researched whatever family history of Bella's he could find for any hint of hunters or werewolves. The man was thorough. I said as much to Esme.
"He'll live," Esme said, easily. "Carlisle learned once that love never follows his carefully constructed plans. He can learn it again."
I leaned my head on her shoulder. "Thank you, Esme."
"Of course," she patted my hair. "I am ready and willing to do whatever it takes. Already, this girl has been so good for you. I mean, usually, I have to drag information out of you. When was the last time you opened up to me like this, willingly?"
I tucked my chin. "Never."
"Never," she agreed. "Now that I have you here, tell me about the rest of your date. Before the kiss."
"It was perfect," I sighed, wistfully. "I took her to that old club where we used to go dancing. From the moment she stepped out of her truck, I knew it was going to be an amazing evening. She has this effortless, elegant beauty that is utterly irresistible. One of these days, I'm going to fall to my knees and bow before her…"
Wow. I used a lot of ellipses in that chapter.
I wrote this damn thing through one of the worst work weeks I ever had. Y'all better be grateful that writing this story brings me such great joy, otherwise this chapter would have been late.
