Harry fell asleep draped over the side of Iece's bed. The taste of Draco's kisses were still on his tongue, mingled with anxiety and dreams. He awoke only a few hours later to tiny fingers pinching him and apparently testing the elasticity of his face. He resisted the urge to grab her into a bear hug. Instead of startling her, he grinned and waited to see what she would do. He knew that she hadn't learned to tell when people were quite awake and when they were still sleeping. Even if he was up walking around, she'd wear a quizzical expression until he turned to her and said 'Good Morning!' Then she'd light up and climb over any obstacle to get to him.

She was often engrossed in details that were invisible to him and he thought he might have to look for signs of autism, but Dr. Rankar had said, 'No, she's still got one foot in the spirit world. Small children are not committed to life and waking reality the way adults are. She's in a place where sleeping people walk around in dreams and don't know it. They're less than fully conscious, reacting and foggy in their thinking. She's still learning to distinguish what we call 'awake' from what we call 'asleep.' Most children learn it earlier, but she's fine.'

He didn't have to open his eyes to know she was breathing an inch from his face. Her squeaky voice, "Daadeee..." splattered repetitively against his ear. When he peeked, her luminous dark eyes came into view. "Wak?" She poked him again. "Wak up?"

"Yes, I'm awake, sweetie. And so are you!" He pulled her to him, mindful that her IV had been removed.

Scooped into his arms, he crushed her to his chest. Draco was gone, so he indulged in the feel of her smallness, her heart against his, and her thin arms attempting to hug him back just as tightly, for a little longer. He realized he was trying to hug her in such a way that she would never forget his love for her if something were to happen. He willed it into her and to grow with her.

"And I'm going to be here for you." He realized he was reassuring himself that he was going to come back home from whatever trouble he'd face once he went after Snape, because he had this to come back home to. She and Draco were his touchstone, his home beacon.

Draco returned and found Iece spooning scrambled eggs into Harry's mouth. Even he couldn't suppress a relieved smile. Avi agreed that if she remained stable for another day, he'd let her complete her recovery at home.

"But if she has anymore trouble, contact me right away. Her magic seems to be behaving itself for now. It'll take at least a week of medication before she's at levels that suppress it effectively enough. If she does well for a month, we'll pull back gradually. The bracelet's been scanned for its magical properties, but we're still analyzing it. I've got her prescription worked out for a trial period, and that will keep the severest episodes away, but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about her body at the moment. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Keep an eye on her, make any notes of interest and report concerns to me, but other than that, she can rest and recover at home as long as her magic is no longer spontaneously active. I'm going to pop in on her and scan her myself over the next few weeks. You guys can schedule that with the nurse."

To make up for lost time, Harry shooed the nurses away and gave her a sponge bath himself. They spent the day with her toys, gently wrestling and playing on the floor. When he needed to stretch his legs, he carried her out into the hall and they slipped past the lobby and onto the hospital grounds. He purposely let her bare feet touch the grass and watched her delight in being chased by him. He gave her a good hour of walking on her own legs in the park-like setting across the hospital parking garage. There was a greenway with young trees, as tidy as a golf course, and he spent the lunch hour listening to peels of laughter as staff came and went around them.

Her eyes remained dark and he wondered if the Malfoys had told the truth about the bracelet, after all. The thought of them bothered him, so he immediately blocked it, rejecting also, the anticipation of a trial catching up with him.

That first morning at home with her, he made up his mind to be present for her every need. He sent Jipsy away, giving her the day off. "You go have fun. I want to take care of her as much as I can for the next few days."

Jipsy looked crestfallen, if he was interpreting her bag-like face correctly. Then he remembered that elves liked staying busy. Many had no sense of leisure time, but stayed in the practical frame of 'what needs to be done next,' mentality.

"Um, when all of this is over, Draco and I are going to need to retreat. How do you feel about visiting Grimauld place and giving it a thorough cleaning? You and Kreacher can work together."

She looked skeptical. She had met Kreacher upon running errands and reported her dislike of the rude bigoted, elf right away. "If Jipsy is to clean properly, she is to be put in charge."

"Of course, you're totally in charge."

"Then I will use magic to keep that nasty mouth shut. And he cannot undo my work!"

"I'll have a word with him. You're the boss and he's to follow your instructions to the letter. I want that place to shine and be cheerful the next time I walk in there. It's so dusty and gloomy, I want every corner bright and fit for my daughter. That's bound to be a huge job, so give Kreacher plenty to do. In fact, be ambitious and totally redecorate the place if you want."

Her face brightened and he decided to make it sound more official. "You know, I know you're not a decorator, but you're really clever, so I'm wanting to see what you'll come up with. If you want, draw me some designs. Really think about this and work out your ideas. Think of things that Draco already likes for us, that will make him comfortable. This is a new skillset, so don't be nervous. Just don't rush. And be willing to change ideas quickly, if I say I want something else. That's how professionals do it, so there's no hard feelings. Is that okay with you?"

She smiled, and he saw new ideas float into existence behind her luminous eyes. She actually looked upwards, finger to her lips, like a human momentarily caught in imagination. With any luck, she'd stay away all day. With her magic, the task he'd given her was nothing. But if he wanted something ambitious, the challenge might slow her down a little.

"Have fun with this, but always keep in mind, 'What would Draco like?' He has to feel at home there.

Once he'd tactfully gotten rid of her, he set about making breakfast for them all. Draco was in no hurry to get to the Ministry, and all the gossip that he knew would be whispered around him all day. Usually, he went in at night, but was needed for a special meeting. The smell of cooking, and Iece's laughter, made him look with envy at the breakfast table.

She sat in her high chair while Harry worked his way around the kitchen, wearing an apron over his undershirt and drawstring pajama bottoms. They had music from a muggle radio and animations played in the living room behind them. He wanted to stay home with them, but couldn't skip this particular meeting. He was going to talk to Banks and try to stall Harry's trial as long as possible. Guilt nagged at him to go check on his father, but he knew that was just his mother asserting her disappointment in him telepathically. He stayed away from any news of the incident on purpose. He knew what his father was made of, and as long as he was breathing, he'd recover. Draco really couldn't think about it anymore beyond this, lest he go running to his bedside, only to have Lucius open his eyes and with them, say, "Checkmate. I knew you'd come."

He could skip his meeting, but he deliberately stayed in pajamas a little longer and joined them at the table to watch her eat. Harry looked like a natural, as if he'd been with them the whole time and had only gotten better at being a dad. Draco sipped tea while Harry got creative as he coaxed Iece to try her eggs. She scrunched her face at them and refused until Harry found some wooden skewers and started using them like chop sticks to toss the eggs up and catch bite sizes into his mouth. Naturally, Iece wanted to try. Her hands were too small to hold the skewers, so she insisted with a pointing finger that jabbed, that Harry throw a bite into her mouth. After a few tries, he finally got one in and she chewed triumphantly. Her grunting giggle sounded throughout the apartment, inspiring Draco to the decision to wrap up some lose ends at work today, but take the next few days off.

He'd been fighting it, not really wanting to encourage Harry's trust in their circumstances. But he was unable to resist the atmosphere of gratitude that Harry brought back into their home. It was as if the fight that Harry had with his father, really had changed something, shifted some old blockage, and now things seemed to be flowing again. On the one hand, it felt eerily soothing. On another, it made him nervous. If he stayed home today, he knew that Iece would be put down for her nap in the afternoon, and they'd make love while she slept. Now was not the time to feed Harry's hopes of a lasting reunion.

Now was not the time to indulge in something that couldn't last. The trial was coming, and he had to get Iece away from it. As much as he loved Harry, it wasn't right to use his body to make him think they were all going to come out of this just fine. A trial meant hard losses, and he had to be prepared to take Iece to safety, no matter what awaited Harry, who had already survived one war. A third lifetime wasn't promised to him. If he wanted to use it chasing after a dead man, then he didn't know what else to do but let him. His love for Harry wasn't going anywhere, but his only redeeming value was to give Iece the best chance possible.

She'd come into the world with so much against her. Her blood, both of her reckless fathers, and now that fucking curse showed itself. If Harry was too messed up to put her first, he would just have to love him from a distance. A continent away.

He tried to say that last night with his body. He didn't mean to inspire hope in Harry. He only wanted to give him something good before… before the end.

Prime real estate had been located in America, having nothing to do with Malfoy assets.
It wasn't home, but it was a start. He'd be so busy working out the details of the chain of hotels his lawyers and advisors were currently researching, he wouldn't have time to worry about Harry. His time would only be divided between work and Iece. Nicee. [pronounced Neēceē] That was the perfect name for a chain of intercontinental luxury hotels that prioritized the privacy and safety of traveling witches and wizards. He thought it had a whimsical, female charm about it. He saw it atop black mirrored skyscrapers, like sparkling facets set into white gold. The logo was her name. Playful, but with a sculpted, austere gleam that overstated business and understated wealth and magic. That was the disguise. That was the Malfoy behind the renovation.

He could see that name outshining the skysrapers of all the major cities of the world, rising to become a beacon of trust. From O'Hair to Nicee. He'd write it in fucking diamonds that were elegant and lit up the night sky. Her life could rise out of the ashes of disgrace. She'd never be able to get rid of her dark start, but she'll shine so brightly and do such good things, that she'll never doubt her worth in this world, no matter who remembered her fathers or dared to look down on her. He'd make her proud to be who she was, and give her the gift of privacy at the same time.

He hadn't forgotten about his threats. He wouldn't fire anyone immediately. He'd give them time to see that he was the new owner and whether or not their service measured up.

He'd have to resign from the Ministry, of course. He was ready to do that, realizing that he'd only taken the job in an effort to cooperate with the legal system and patch his family's reputation. Now it was time to focus on learning to run his company. He didn't owe anyone else anything.

He enjoyed the idea that it would all be turned over to her when she was grown and capable of defending her name. He'd grow it into something reliable, strong, and full of prestige, and hand it all over to her. That's all he wanted to do, to make up for that shitty hand she'd been dealt. It's yours, honey. I can't make up for what my father did. But I can hold you up and let you walk anywhere you want to go in this world. Let them try to stop you.

So his timing with Harry last night, felt like betrayal, but it wasn't. He'd been so filled with the need for something to take the place of needing to hear news of his father. He couldn't go, he couldn't bear it. No matter how much he hated him, the pull to check on him wouldn't leave him alone. That's all it would take, for Lucius to see that bit of weakness and manipulate his way back into his heart.

Draco had cheated. He sent Jipsy to check on him, instead. When she reported that he was sedated and mending in a corner wing, a private room surrounded by security from the Ministry and also hired by Narcissa, he should've been able to let it go. She assured him that even though he had many broken bones and internal injuries, he would recover.

She tried to comfort him, "No need to fret, Sir. It's no use seeing him. He must lie like the dead until there is enough repair to make him awake."

He blinked at her. Her words actually had a soothing effect.

"That will take some days. In his darkness, he has time to think about why his body hurts and why he is at the mercy of others. Before this is over with, he will value the kindness of others."

He found strength in that, and threw himself into making sure Harry felt welcomed in their home. That involved capping off a good meal with both of them reading to Iece on her big-girl bed, with its new suppression tent, which they charmed to look like a yellow princess canopy. The fancier they made it, with sparkles and nightlight faeries that blinked and flew out from the fabric when she clapped her hands, the more she squealed. It took a while to get her settled. By then, they both lay on each side of her, sipping wine. They passed the Childcraft book full of short bedtime stories, from one to the other and took turns reading until she lay curled against Harry, sound asleep.

It was so relaxing that Draco thought he'd drift off too, but he heard the book close and opened his eyes to see Harry staring at him. His pupils brimmed with triumph. They were aceing their first night back in their home and something smoldering sparked in those depths. Draco didn't have to be asked. He simply left the bed, throwing a glance over his shoulder. After pulling the covers up around Iece, he kissed her and followed him.

In their room, Draco proved that he wasn't harboring any resentment against Harry. He offered his body in as many ways as he could think of. Hands, mouth, using his pre-curse body as well as the attributes that came after the curse, which they still couldn't talk about, but which Harry now seemed to accept. If Draco had proving to do, then Harry followed suit by being cooperative and demonstrating that his feelings went beyond what Draco's body looked like. Straddling the bed, Draco looked exactly like his old self. It was only when Harry sank into him, that the differences became obvious.

It wasn't about a pinch of skin, his thrusts seemed to say, it's about you. His kisses left bruised trails at Draco's neck and collar bone. They left his chest swollen at the nipples. As always, his was a flat, masculine chest, untouched in appearance by the curse. Something in Harry's stare always seemed appreciative of this. He took them, one by one into his mouth and gulped them, fastening his suction around them. They were no longer ribbon pink, but infused with expanded vessels that turned them a light shade of burgundy. His tongue, gliding over each peak beneath it, sent shocks to the center of Draco's body. It left him, mouth open, and staring down to watch that tissue expand exactly like erectile skin. It was a first. Their chests were not usually a large focal point in their foreplay, but for some reason, Harry zeroed in on it.

Having his chest kissed and touched had always felt good to Draco, but this was different. His body actually felt as though he were having a series of uncontrollable orgasms without coming to an end. He had never been interested in how nipples worked before, or how they were relevant to sex. That was female stuff, as far as he was concerned, but the more Harry lapped him like ice cream, the more he wanted to hold him there to see where it could possibly go. So all that extra skin really had a purpose? Those sensitive bumps were very much like the head of his dick, with all those bundles of nerves meeting at the tip of a microscopic wire, lighting up under coarse licking, and combed up by the bumpy papillae of Harry's tongue. With each burrowing swipe, Draco's dick twitched without being touched and his stomach bore down on a shiver. And even more complex than this, a magic spot between his balls and his ass, pierced him like something that wanted to get out. It rubbed and swelled, making it impossible for him not to squirm and want to close his legs against it. This was new.

"Oh my god!" he gasped. He didn't even believe in God. It was just a reflex. Something was happening that had never happened before. He had to grab Harry's hand and stop him from playing with it down there. He squeezed his whole body tight and waited out the spasms that wracked him.

By now, he was familiar with the intimate transformations his body went through. Not comfortable with it, but not hating it as much as he once did. He knew how to trigger it, just to please Harry. When they lay down together, he was all male down there. He could now wait and see what Harry wanted. Never mind that being able to change was what was causing his deepest crises right now. Never mind that this was the single most irresponsible thing he could do. He was making plans to leave and he needed to let Harry know that he'd give him anything. He'd be anything. It wasn't much to ask for just a few hours. He could be too proud to do it, or he could leave knowing he'd held nothing back for Harry.

He just assumed they'd reach a point in their kisses, when he'd ask, "Tell me what you want." But Harry's continuous munching and rolling across his nipples, like they were suddenly central to everything, kept him in a free-falling state. He actually zoned out, coming back into focus and realizing that he felt wetness like a woman, but his cock was still very much present and very happy that Harry had a new interest.

"What… why…" Breathless gasps were all that got passed Draco's lips. He was trying to ask Harry why obsess over his chest? Why now? But he also wanted to know what the hell his body was doing? As Harry kissed him, he struggled to inspect himself and stay conscious beneath the heat of Harry's mouth, at the same time. That meant pushing Harry's hands away, which didn't want to go.

He ended up pushing against Harry, harder than he wanted to. "Something's wrong."

"Nothing could be more right," Harry insisted.

Their eyes were well adjusted in the dark and they'd done enough grinding exploration to know that both were spilling over with readiness. Insecurity reared its head and Draco wanted to run to the bathroom to reassure himself. He couldn't traumatize himself or Harry with another terribly unsexy surprise. He tried to slip out of bed. Harry held onto him.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to look. This might be bad. Really bad."

"I'll look for you."

"You'll be scarred for life."

"Already am." He pulled Draco back into his embrace and crushed him against the pillows.

Draco didn't have enough fight in him to interrupt Harry a second time. Nobody did any looking.
Harry's hands determined everything they needed to know. While Draco burned beneath exposure, beneath touches and kisses, and sliding out of the last of his inhibition, Harry went from tender insistence to complete entry and engulfment that left Draco shuddering and bewildered. Penetration was at once, too sudden and too easy, but also too startling and too much. In the past, they'd been very cautious, but the true meaning of having an itch to scratch, kept them solidly connected and it was as if Draco's body took off without him.

He melted inside his pleasure, becoming something of a sponge as he absorbed Harry's powerful locomotion. All the while, he felt his own erection and knew that Harry's cock had miraculously pushed itself into a place behind his balls, that held it like a sleeve and supplied a lavish amount of tight slippage and elasticity, all feeling like it was vacuum packed around the entire length of Harry and gripped him with a suction that didn't let go. Pleasure turned Harry's pelvis into a motorized pump, letting him slow down at intervals that lifted Draco off the bed in longer, slower strokes. But for the most part, his hips were on automatic, rendering his brain speechless and his expression lost to it's own helpless reverie. Their lovemaking turned into pure fucking, and Draco could only hold on beneath the sweat that dripped onto him from Harry's neck.

Even though Harry's touch was gentle enough, the pressure of his grip tightened each time pleasure outran his thinking and took over his muscles. Draco didn't complain, and rode the momentum. His long fingers curled in the sheets and he bit his lip as Harry ground into him.

He had already lost himself a number of times and felt a little stunned that his body seemed to have reserves of endurance, when at any other time, he ran on anxiety and reached his physical limits earlier than he wanted. This was also new and he wondered if his and Harry's magic were somehow evolving to compensate for the curse. To compensate for everything.

After bearing down on a series of the hardest orgasms he's ever had, he almost begged Harry to stop. To give him time to recover, but Harry groaned into his ear and made such a show of his immersion in pleasure, that Draco let him go until Harry's gasps preceded the quaking of his chest and arms, and Draco felt the telltale splash of warmth heat the innermost wall of his body. Something rushed from Harry into him, compromising his awareness, like an invisible hand pushing him under dark water for a moment. He lost sight of Harry, of the room, of all thought. But he came back to it, to hear Harry saying his name and arranging his body, turning it over, to take another delightful path, another ride.

Draco's mouth hung open, displaying his unceasing shock in the dark, where Harry couldn't readily see it. He didn't know where this energy and stamina was coming from, let alone this appetite. And he didn't know how his body found new ways of pleasing Harry and rippling such a steady stream of opiate adrenaline through his veins at the same time. It went on for hours, leaving both of them unable to deny that something different had affected them.

A few hours before sunrise, they tried to work it out. Next to each other, they alternated in silence, amazement, and confusion. They wondered why they weren't sleepy. Draco took the opportunity to shower, joined by Harry. They vanished their sheets to the laundry, and replaced them, thinking they might sleep better now that all of that was out of their system. But Harry turned to him with a fresh smile and rekindled spirit. Draco shook his head and put a pillow between them.

"Absolutely not. This isn't normal."

Harry snuggled closer. "I like this better than our old normal."

"This can't be trusted. I think we're just glad to be together. It can't last."

"All the more reason to enjoy as much as we can." He wrapped his arm around Draco's waist.

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have the upkeep. This thing that you like so much, is high maintenance."

Harry squinted at him, leaving his glasses on the night stand. "It's not about that. I like the person attached to it."

"It's still there. I don't know what's happening." Was this something they'd have to reveal to Avi?

Harry appeared to hesitate before asking, "How do you do that so fast? Make your body show that? It used to be a longer process."

"It used to be miserable. I don't know how I do it, exactly. It's more like, I don't do anything to stop it. Once I know I'm in the mood for it, it happens. I have to want to please you. Then I let it happen. I don't have the fevers anymore. We're so comfortable with things getting bigger, not shrinking. I think I used to pass out to keep from seeing the actual transformation. Now, it's like a bunch of tissue expanding and tingling, even when my dick is becoming a clit. Only, that didn't happen this time. My dick didn't change at all. That place between my balls and my ass, it's like it just heated up. I was aroused so much when you went crazy on my chest, that part of me, I don't know, came forward. If blood vessels can change the feel and thickness of skin, then that part of me, got so tight and… don't laugh..."

"I'm far from laughing. Tell me."

"Well, it stretched, like fucking nipples. Like the skin got tighter until… It opened as if there'd been a seem there the whole time. I have everything right there, like a woman. It's still there, and I think it'll stay that way as long as I'm thinking of having sex with you. My body has gotten better at becoming whatever the moment calls for. It's like a weird kind of omniscient sexuality."

They could both remember a time when that conversation would've turned their stomachs. But experience had forced maturity upon them. When you have no other options, you deal with it, and it becomes your path. Most young men cringe at the thought of graphic childbirth, but change their minds when their own offspring are about to be born. Ironically, the same qualities that make something a miracle, are exactly the same qualities that people have trouble allowing in their normal observation. They've had over two years to let disgust move on to something else. Frankly, there was too much else to worry about than bodies that accommodated their every sexual whim.

To show that he was in agreement, Harry leaned over him and kissed his way down Draco's face, neck and chest. As Draco felt his lips dip across his ribs and down his stomach, he rolled his eyes.
As much as he appreciated Harry's zealousness, he had to grab him by the head to stop him from applying his mouth down there. Harry had sucked him off before, but never during a change. The thought of it being right in his face, and open to scrutiny, always turned Draco off, as if he couldn't survive the idea of the sight being too much for him. As long as he could make him feel good, then it had a use. But the minute it came into view, it still inspired a sense of wrongful attack and shame. Only, when Harry enjoyed his body, he didn't feel ashamed of it. When Harry was turned off, he felt inadequate all over again. He couldn't let Harry put it in his mouth. He wasn't ready for that, and he strongly suspected that Harry wasn't either.

Harry kept pulling his legs apart. He kept closing them and finding ways of turning the pleasure back on him. Finally, he caught on.

"Why won't you let me?" Harry asked, when his head was pushed out from Draco's thighs again.

"You're not ready for that, I don't care how much you think you want it."

"I've been told I'm great at it. What are you afraid of?"

As he spoke, his hands inched higher on Draco's thighs, gently insisting that they open.

Draco was honest. "When you're fucking me, you don't have to look at it. With it right in your face, I can't hide what it really is."

Even in the dark, Harry's eyes were bright as he smiled. "I thought we were past that. I feel like I've let go of so much weight. So much anger. All I want to do is make you feel good. I can't wait to lick you down there."

Draco was glad that his face couldn't reveal how hot it felt in the dark. His silence made Harry think that he had to try harder.

"I want it in my face. I want it in my mouth. I want to drink and swallow. I want it dripping down my face."

"Stop. You're going to make me vomit."

"Right now, I feel like our whole problem has been running away from this and fighting it. When life jumps a level, if we don't jump with it, we fall off, we lose our balance. But if we can look at all the bullshit and keep going, no matter what, we keep our balance. I hate what they did to us, but I love feeling like myself again. This is just a taste. That kid your father brutalized, was hiding inside of me this whole time. Now he knows it's safe for him to come back out. He knows he's strong enough to face it. He knows he's strong enough to take care of everyone he loves, or die trying. I'm finding my way back to myself. I just feel so much relief from real fucking problems, that a vagina is hardly worth getting stressed out about compared to being present right here and now."

Draco snickered, and knew that's how disassociated and fragmented his mind was. Harry had just mentioned his father's unforgivable role in all of this, and it didn't make him shrivel. He wasn't okay with it, but it wasn't the unbearable nightmare that used to keep him awake at night.

"Oh yeah? Then you try being the sleeve and let me try you on for size, if you're all that cozy with it."

Harry's posture changed and his hands loosened their hold, turning into long, rounding caresses down Draco's legs. He let Draco's barely visible leg hair tickle his palms.

"Believe it or not, I think I could."

"I don't."

"You keep showing me, and I keep ignoring what's right in front of me. In my bitterest moments, I ask why this happened to me, the good guy. I know I'm shit sometimes, but my heart is good. I want everyone to be safe, so shouldn't that take care of me? Shouldn't the whole universe be on my side, if good always wins? James Potter had a son, and this happened to him. Your asshole father had a son, and this happened to him. What if it doesn't matter who's good or not? What if it takes this to teach us that those words are irrelevant? Everybody loves their kids. Everybody fucks up. I still prefer girls just the way I left them. But all of that doesn't matter to me anymore. Not next to you. When it comes to you, all the rules have changed. Right, wrong, sex.

"Maybe that's why we couldn't get out of dealing with this curse. We've been so trapped by rules of good and bad, right and wrong, male and female. Everything is so mixed up, we had to rely on ourselves to get to this point. And maybe that's the whole point. We had to be denied power from all those labels and authority figures, in order to find our own. I actually have a family now that's really mine, that I can do something with, instead of bemoaning what a poor parentless orphan I am. You helped me wake up to that, curse and all. Not only am I going to come back from finding Snape, but I'm going to come back to focus purely on raising my daughter with you. No fucking minge is going to make me curl up in a fetal position again. Holy shit, have I been a twat."

Draco defended him, rubbing his arm. "At seventeen, neither one of us could see it like that."

"No one would, unless they've been through what we've been through. I'm not scared anymore. Yeah, it's wrong, what was done to us, but perfectly good people walk around with pussies all day everyday and never know the difference. They're called women, and I refuse to be terrorized by the idea of having similar body parts, any longer. I've cried enough. That's like grieving for a blind person, or any person with different abilities, when they're able to get around just fine and live happier than you do, just because you think your way of life is the better way. It's not compassion. It's not loss. It's 'Oh my God, I've sunk to this level.' Well, fuck it. The deck's been reshuffled, we're working with new cards. Either play the game or leave it. There is no giving this life back, so I'm playing it. You make me realize, I'd rather be happy with you, than too proud of my dick, to hold my head high. What's crying gonna do, but waste my life and my time with my daughter? Life is now. Our sex life isn't diminished. We thought it was, because we were so ashamed. That was the real weapon used against us, and we've nullified that. So yes, I want to go down on you."

Draco cringed, still smiling. He thought he'd gotten out of it.

"I want it in my face. I want to smell it. I want to make your eyeballs roll back into your brain."

"Gross. Please stop talking."

"Delicious." Harry lowered himself but Draco quickly tensed and locked his legs.

"If this keeps up, we're going to have to establish some rules." He tried to speak in a level tone, but his heart pounded against Harry's insistence. "I can't let you do that. Maybe you're ready, I don't know. But I'm not. I think that might kill me. Look what you did just by licking my chest. I don't know what would happen if you put your beautiful mouth to that thing."

Suddenly, he had a flashback of his father doing exactly that, and knew that was the real reason why he couldn't do that with Harry. "Oh shit!"

He shuddered and pushed his feelings deep down.

It came in a wave and crashed over him. "Shit, shit, shit!"

Harry sat up, alarmed. "What?"

Delirious laughter spilled out of Draco. "Spontaneous memory. My fucking father, I don't want to deal with it."

Harry didn't think it had anything to do with occlumency, conscious or subconscious, he simply understood Draco in their shared history and intimacy.

"Your father did that to you."

"Don't." Panic threatened in Draco's tone.

"Okay. It's okay, I won't. We got through it the best way we could. I'm not blaming you or anything."

"I'm not a fucking helpless victim. My father didn't hurt me, he got me to see that I wasn't a monster. He accepted my body. That was the only way he could prove it to me."

"I disagree. He could've proven it, by loving you. By not throwing you to Voldemort to save his ass, in the first place, but we can't change the past so don't think about it. I get it now, I'll stop asking. I won't ask you to let me do that until you're ready. It'll be your decision."

This brought relief to Draco, but he tested Harry. "And what about you, if you're so ready to play with the hand you've been dealt. Could you let me do it to you for a change?"

"What, fuck me? Of course. You can do it right now if you want." He didn't mean to sound so cavalier about it, but he was perfectly willing to give that up if Draco wanted it. It was less about ass and more about pride, anyway. He remembered times when he was so desperate to feel something, anything, that he let strangers do what they wanted and relied on the shock to make him feel human again. Then came the cycle of being appalled and disgusted with himself until he came home and buried his head in Draco's arms and found comfort. With Draco's body being what it was two years ago, with the distress he was already balancing, Harry couldn't ask him to fuck him senseless, but he could be there when Draco needed to feel the same thing. Take him out of his head, distract him with something that felt good. That's all either of them had wanted in those days.

Their tastes and habits had changed so much over the course of a year, that he took it for granted that Draco was always willing to be receptive. Now that Draco's body was closer to its normal state, with his dick very much present, what if he had never met the real sexual Draco until now? What if there was a real appetite beneath his resignation, and now that he had the right tools, payback was inevitable. But that wasn't what Draco was talking about.

"No, I mean with female parts. If your body could show that again, would you let me?"

He felt his brain put on the breaks before even one word against it formed. Resistance stunk the air like a fart and they both laughed at the obvious silence that followed Draco's question.

"Okay," Harry admitted, "I would find that… challenging. But only because of what happened. I would need your patience, but I would be willing to do that with you. Like that. If it were possible, I'd just need time."

"I think you can do it. I think the only reason your body doesn't express the curse like mine, is because you have more resistance to it. Your magic is fighting it daily, to keep you from seeing things you don't want to see, and dealing with them. Say what you want about my asshole father, but when I was falling into a pit, he got my attention when he proved his love for me. Nothing else could. All I knew, was that my dick was gone and in its place was this gross thing. I will never look at women, as sexual creatures, the same way again. If he could accept it, if he could make my body feel so safe in his arms, then I wasn't dead after all. I wasn't disgusting.

"He did everything wrong, but he saved me. I'm not saying it's okay, because it's not. I'm just saying, you didn't have anyone there to cast aside all the rules and make love to you. Even my mother was in on it. I was sinking and they didn't know how else to pull me out of it. You didn't have anyone to do that for you, at that critical moment. To show you that what you are is more than your body, certainly more than your sex, and that you deserve to be loved and treasured no matter what you look like on the outside. No matter how life alters you. No matter what anyone thinks."

This took them both to a dark place, and Harry glared, determined to find his way out of it. "It doesn't matter, that's not something I can do. I'd do that for you, if I could. You've shown me that it's okay."

"I could teach you. The curse is still in you."

"Um, no thank you."

"That's what I thought. Pussy's are wonderful, as long as you don't have one."

Harry rolled his eyes. "No, you're not going to get me that way. Tell you what, as soon as I get back, with Snape in tow, I'll let you try to teach me. How's that?"

"I don't believe you."

"I'll be the woman for a while. You fuck me all over this apartment, if it makes you feel better."

Draco thought about it. "If I could stop expressing as female for you, would you be okay with that?"

"Of course."

"Liar. You'd get a girlfriend."

Harry dropped his head and took his time answering. "No, I wouldn't. We're not kids anymore, I'm not playing around. Yes, I like sex that comes in a certain package, but I'm not giving you up for anything. You've spoiled me by letting your body do that. If you don't want to compromise yourself anymore, if you have the ability to never change again, then don't. Don't do it for me. You're lovely, no matter what the details are. I'll enjoy whatever you give me. The question is, do you enjoy it? Have you made so much peace with it, that it's okay now?"

"It'll never be okay. But it hasn't overcome me. It hasn't ruined me. Just threw me off course for a long time. When you're inside me, when you're happy and you're making it feel so good, I forget all about the pain and injustice. I let go of all that hate and resentment. Every time you make love to me, I get better at being myself. And that's how you got me through this. I used to run to other people, to keep from demanding that of you. You've convinced me that I'm worthy of your touch, in spite of what my family did to you. If all you want is a little pussy, that's not something that needs forgiving. I think I learned to be what you needed, because I need you."

He paused. "But I wonder, would you still want me if we found a cure for this?"

In their bedroom shadows, Harry's voice sounded displeased and firm. "There's no going back, no matter what the future holds. We've built a life together, I'm not dumping you over body parts. You get to keep your tastes, I get to keep mine, and we get to keep each other. Why are you so insecure about us all of a sudden?"

"I feel like I'm losing you. That threat is always there. It's hard to live with. Sometimes, I think I'll just end this and let you go, and be done with all the drama. But I don't want to."

Harry's anger backed down. He rerouted it and sat up, pulling Draco into his arms.
He had the perfect answer. "Then let's get married and stop this nonsense. I'm committed."
Draco shook his head.

Harry hugged him tighter. "That's your insurance. That's my contract to you."

"No. If you feel like you're marrying me to save me, then you'll never be free. And as long as such a proposal is coming from the basis of this curse, then it's not about what you really want. It's about what life has caused you to do. It's a bypass, and I don't want to be the reason for it. If you ever wanted a wife, I wouldn't stop you from having that."

"So goes the worst words anyone could ever regret saying. Back in school, I congratulated Cedrick and Cho on their relationship once, and got so sick with jealousy and regret that I couldn't stomach looking at them. Put your happiness first, for a change. You're still punishing yourself for what your father did. You deserve to have exactly what you want to. Iece is so used to you now, she isn't going to be happy unless you're happy raising her. That means it's my job to be there for you, and you alone. Don't try to marry me off just because you feel bad about how you got me. What if we're meant to be together, and this was the only way it could happen?"

A huge, inappropriate laugh erupted from Draco. "That would make my father a hero."

"… "

"Sorry."

"I'm gonna stop talking, since apparently, you can turn anything I say into a joke. But I'm telling you now, even if we were both cured and restored to normal, I've experienced enough of you to know who I want to have my back in life, to be a companion with me, to the end of my life. I want a husband, not a wife. And not just any husband. I want you."

He pushed Draco's hair away from his forehead and kissed him. They reclined on layers of pillows and if he noticed the other's shoulders stiffen a little, he said nothing. Draco had been pliant in his arms until then, and he waited as his tension dissolved again.

The longer they lay in silence, the more something stirred inside of them, and it wasn't sleep. Neither could remember feeling that awake and eager, at such an odd hour, since their nights at Hogwarts, before a big game or tournament. It felt like extra magic was in the room. They ended up doing it two more times.

Later, they could see that Draco's body really had done something new. As their aroused state faded, so did the parts that let Harry gain entry, until they appeared only as smooth skin. In private, Draco determined that this was a secret place of two inches of smooth skin, between his testicles and his rectum. He gleamed that his magic was involved. After two years, it had finally gained a foothold on the curse and caused a modification that allowed his full male appearance. He wanted to please Harry, and had made peace with his female parts. But he was still ashamed of them, so his body must've found a way to hide them.

Next to Harry, he remembered that Harry could occlument, and so tried to hold his mind still. Giving him great sex didn't change the fact that Harry was going away, and that, given Jipsy's help, he was certainly going to find something, if not Snape himself, then trouble. It would be great if Snape had actually survived, but there were other things to consider. His father and Snape had been very close at one time. He had observed behavior during meetings with Voldemort, that didn't add up to Snape's actions towards Harry. Orders to bring Harry to him, or to kill him, went botched every time. He knew, as everyone did by now, that Snape had been loyal to the school and kids, but when he wasn't looking, Draco had seen the way Snape looked at Harry.

Even he began to question why Snape appeared to hate Harry so much, when his mission was, after all, just another assignment. It had taken hushed meetings between Lucius and Voldemort, secret whispers with Snape and his father, before he began to read Snape's hatred as something else. Snape could insult Harry just to watch him back away, and then smolder once Harry turned from him. One day Draco realized that his dark eyes weren't shadowed with hatred, but with too much emotion. Particularly resentment, for Harry to be just another mission to him.

When he asked his father about it, Lucius had chuckled, "He's always been off his game where that boy is concerned. His weak spot. Never fall in love with your victims, I always say."

Draco always remembered the smirk that his father wore, as if knowing far more about his fellow Death Eater than anyone else. At the time, they were all caught up in the conspiracy to hand Harry over. Draco's body was normal back then and he was heartlessly blind to the full consequences of his family's actions. He just wanted to survive. Now, he considered himself messed up and the last thing he wanted was for anything to happen to Harry. Could a hard bastard like Snape really have had feelings for Harry all that time? When he saw Snape's memories at the trial, he saw love, but there was no evidence of anything to do with being in love. Just a great deal of obsession and commitment. Were those the same things?

From Lucius's remark, Draco's perspective met with a troublesome rationale. Snape couldn't kill Harry, because he loved him, not just because he was protecting him? He felt certain his father was wrong, or at least misunderstanding something. There was certainly too much illogical feelings behind their former teacher's hostility towards Harry. There were things glistening in his silence, that didn't add up. His eyes would burn into Harry's back whenever Harry wasn't looking.

What if Snape were still alive? What would it really mean for all of them if Harry found him and brought him back? It would mean having to deal with all those bitter secrets that had pushed Harry, abusively, out of every room and every encounter, to prove a point. To prove how much Snape supposedly didn't give a damn about him. Even if they survived the trial, Draco didn't know if he could handle having that vaporous toxic cloud in his home, around his baby sister. And most of all, he didn't think he could stomach watching Harry continue to chase after Snape's approval. He'd always admired Snape's courage among the ranks of the Death Eaters, and total self-control that came with his methodical silence. But he wanted the past to stay in the past, and Harry wanted to bring it home.

He shook his head and snuggled deeper into Harry's arms. Dawn peeked in, in a faint glow around their bedroom curtains.

At breakfast, watching Harry cook for Iece, Draco put on his 'getting on with business' face and tried not to think about what an usually exhilarating night they'd had. He'd come home, prepared to fend off depression and the exact opposite had happened. He didn't know what his bodily changes had to do with it, but he sensed that it came from Harry's reprieve. Confronting Lucius must've meant so much to him that it freed up something, just as he'd said. What if they could stay stable like this?

Draco hadn't really slept and didn't feel too eager to put on clothes and be off. Not with them playing. He realized, he was afraid of missing something. Some more unexpected wonderfulness, now that the apartment was filled with Harry's terrible singing and the baby's laughter. He had to drink his tea and remind himself that Harry would be leaving soon. And when he does, that's when he and Iece were going to America to see their new house.


A/N:

Just to be clear, Draco's body continues to change since the original curse. Without maintenance, the curse has weakened, but has not disappeared. Over time, Draco's own magic and will power, have affected it. Even Harry's magic has slightly altered the nature of it, because Draco is so close to Harry and they've formed a symbiotic relationship. Therefore, Draco has got some of his attributes back. He's male most of the time and has developed the ability to express female private parts – only genitals, not breasts – when he wants to give that to Harry. During this encounter, it's the first time that his body is expressing an almost seamless vagina, which is visually undetectable as it sits below the skin surface of his perineum, and is only seen and felt when the blood vessels expand and there is enough swelling to cause it to push out slightly from the surface, creating a "closed in appearance" vaginal opening that simply looks like flat skin until pried apart.

At peak arousal, the flat, smooth skin can then be pried apart to reveal female organs. This way, Draco can live his life as a male and only reveal the traces of the curse if and when he wants to. Since it happened, his magic has been trying to find a way to give him his body back. This is what it has arrived at so far. In Snape's chapters, I hinted that Draco has had several miscarriages without knowing it, so in his desire to please Harry, he may have prolonged the hardship of the curse and kept his body from recovering more fully. Certainly, his body tries to protect the pregnancy by staying female, but Draco's anxiety won't let it stay stable. Going from one extreme to the other over a long period of time, has given him the ability to "control" the curse a little.

Harry doesn't seem to have this ability, and only expresses as a male now, even though he still carries the curse. In reality, both their wills and psychology affect the curse. Harry can't face his body as compromised in that way, not even a little bit. So his powerful magic is causing him to resist the female changes. He's constantly fighting it, without realizing it. But now that Draco appears to be adapting, Harry's hysteria over the curse is calming down. And whether he knows it or not, his indulgence in Draco's body has been his own therapy in accepting what he can't change.