It was almost ten o'clock several hours later. I was still lying across my bed, playing back the events that had transpired today. As the alcohol and anger wore off, all that remained was a sinking feeling in my gut.
I flipped between regretting snapping at Mary and exhilaration, wishing I would have done it sooner. Though I felt awful for making a scene and hastily disregarding her feelings, I had to remind myself that she wasn't completely innocent in the situation either. Everything had led up to this point, years of pining after Mary, trying to become somebody worthy of her... just to be held an arm's length away. And while I realized that I could have handled the situation with more care, I couldn't change the past now; I had to accept it and move forward.
I had gone a few hours without talking to anyone, including my roommates. But that quickly changed when Cliff gingerly eased his way through the door. He did a double-take and took a few steps towards my bed. I sat up from the mattress and met his hesitant gaze as he scanned my body language.
"I, uh, just came up here to see if you were—"
"I'm good now," I said, answering his unspoken worry. "Just needed a sec to, well, you know."
Cliff visibly relaxed, his eyes flashing to the patch on the wall behind me before returning with a smile. "T-that's good," he said with a light chuckle, "I thought you disappeared."
I replied with a slight smile. Even though I'd only known Cliff since the end of winter, sometimes it felt like he understood me as well, sometimes even better, than Kai did. It made me think that having him here year-round wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Cliff made his way over to his dresser on the far side of the room and then looked back at me. "Do you still want to go to Kai's tonight? We don't have to if you're not up for it..."
"Oh, we're going." I swung my feet around to the side of the bed and stood up. "If anything, I want to go more now." Cliff was relacing the brown leather vest around his body as a laugh escaped his lips in response. "I'm not going to let that bullshit get in the way of me having fun."
Truth be told, I just wanted to go because I knew there would be copious amounts of free alcohol at Kai's. That was what I needed tonight; enough booze to forget about everything that I was feeling. I wanted to be numb, even if just for the night. Cliff didn't need to know that, though.
"Good, I'm happy for you," Cliff replied absent-mindedly, tightening his knot in the reflection of the mirror that sat above his dresser.
"It's on to the next one," I joked as I rummaged through the drawers underneath my bed for a clean shirt. After settling on a white graphic tee, I stepped into a pair of jeans and snatched my hat off my bedside table.
"Okay, Kai," Cliff said sarcastically, turning away from his reflection. "Ready to go then?" I just laughed and followed him out of the inn.
We walked the cobblestone streets in silence, following the path illuminated by the hazy streetlamps above. Thick, muggy air filled my lungs as we approached the ocean. The beach itself was empty, but we could hear the music in the shack echoing from Rose Square. I was sure that Kai's neighbor, Zack, loved the summer shenanigans.
When we pushed open the door to Kai's, the atmosphere was reasonably calm despite how loud it had seemed outside. A funky bass riff reverberated in the background while groups of people chatted in various locations around the small shop. Only the young adults, or most of them, were here from town. Notably, Trent, Ellie, and Mary were nowhere in sight. I was incredibly thankful for the latter. There were quite a few people I had never seen before, though it wasn't surprising knowing how social Kai was outside of Mineral Town. In total, there couldn't have been more than 15 people there, including Cliff and I, which was plenty enough considering the space of the shack.
Cliff and I stayed together as we shuffled our way to the table Kai was leaning on, a group of women surrounding him. A typical scene. Of course, there was Popuri, fawning over Kai as usual. Her right arm was intertwined around his left as her other hand gently traced his forearm. Standing to Kai's right were two girls I had never seen before.
I was immediately drawn to the blonde standing directly next to my friend. Her piercing emerald eyes seemed to glow in comparison to her pale skin as she smiled at her friend. Long curls rested on her shoulders, just grazing the neckline of a... very revealing pink cocktail dress. I mean, it looked good, so it wasn't like I was mad at the view; it just happened to be one of the first things I noticed. The girl beside her was casually dressed in comparison, sporting some frilly shirt and jeans. She played with her long brunette ponytail as soft amethyst eyes glanced around the party.
Both of the women were easily attractive, enough to make me wonder where Kai continued to find all these girls. They both were laughing a little too hard at everything the beach boy had to say, while Popuri seemed to supervise.
After a few minutes of awkwardly standing in front of the group, Kai finally noticed us.
"There are my boys!" Kai greeted us with a slight slur in his voice. "Nice of ya to show up!"
Popuri snapped her head in our direction, her cotton-candy waves cascading over her shoulders. She gave Cliff and me a welcoming smile as she squeezed Kai's arm, "Oh, hi guys! I'm glad you two are here!" I gave the couple a nod in response, and Cliff followed suit.
Kai leaned towards the two random girls standing next to him and gestured towards Cliff and me. "So these are my roommates I was telling you about, Cliff and Gray," a mischievous smile grew on his face, "both very single." The girls next to Kai looked at each other and let out a series of giggles in response. It suddenly made sense why Popuri was so excited by Cliff and my arrival.
Cliff's face immediately flushed at Kai's boldness, and I just rolled my eyes. Kai was too predictable, and I was too sober for this shit. It's not like I wasn't interested in either of the girls; I was just more so interested in getting fucked up. The least Kai could do is allow me to socially lubricate first.
"Cliff, Gray, this is Muffy and Jill," Kai continued as he motioned towards the blonde and brunette, respectively. "I met them in Forget-Me-Not-Valley on my way back to Mineral Town this year."
"Yo," I tipped my hat towards the girls. When I glanced towards Cliff, his eyes were fixated on his boots. He gave a slight wave and polite smile in the direction of the girls, only garnering more amused tittering from them.
"It's a pleasure," Muffy said with what I assumed was a flirtatious smile. Her voice was low and smooth, yet confident. Out of the two girls, Muffy definitely seemed the more charismatic of the pair. She extended her right hand towards me, the top of her hand facing me as she raised it in my direction.
I stared at her hand for a moment, confused as to what she was expected me to do with it. Did she want me to kiss her hand or something? I felt my brows furrow as I looked up at the blonde and then back down at her hand. While I wasn't trying to give her a dirty look, I'm sure that's what it looked like from her perspective.
"Ah, yeah," I mumbled as I met her fingers with a chaste shake before dropping the hand as fast as I had picked it up. Muffy looked back at Jill with a smirk and then returned to Cliff and me.
"Cute," Muffy teased me as she retracted her hand, using it to push a clump of blonde curls off of her shoulder, "you must be from the city." With the same coquettish smile on display, she looked over to Cliff, eyeing him up and down. "And what about you, handsome?"
Cliff's eyes became wide as his cheeks heated to an even deeper shade of red. He swallowed the lump in his throat and opened his mouth slightly to speak, but the only sound he managed to fumble out was a barely audible "N-no." This reaction only seemed to excite Muffy even more.
I looked over to my roommate beside me. He didn't have to say anything else; his body language signaled that he was clearly uncomfortable with all the attention. Selfishly, I wanted to leave the conversation so I could finally drink again, but I knew I could also save my friend in doing so.
"Kai," I said after clearing my throat. He had been whispering something to Popuri but froze when he heard his name. "You promised alcohol?"
"Oh, yeah, how could I forget!" Kai threw his free arm in the direction of the counter behind him. "There're drinks behind the counter. Check the liquor cabinet or the mini-fridge. There's shit over there. Just help yourself, boys," he instructed half-heartedly before turning back to the girl on his arm. A smile formed on Popuri's face as Kai resumed whispering in her ear, and I took that as my cue to get the hell out of there.
"Thanks," I nodded before turning to Cliff, placing a light hand on his shoulder. "Wanna go get something to drink?" I asked him, already knowing the answer. I could tell he would have taken any opportunity to remove himself from the situation Kai had created for him.
Cliff looked over to me with rapid yet shallow nods. I wasn't sure if he was scared of offending the girls in front of us or if he was just paralyzed in fear. Either way, it was enough for me. I used the hand on Cliff's shoulder to usher him away and gave the harem an obligatory wave before heading in the direction of promised alcohol.
When we reached the counter, I headed straight for the cabinet directly behind the register. I heard Cliff audibly sigh in relief behind me. "Thanks," he said softly.
"Don't sweat it," I assured him, not looking up from rummaging through Kai's liquor cabinet. "When a friend's in need, you help 'em."
The various half-empty bottles clinked together as I shuffled them in search of literally anything other than tequila. Why Kai liked tequila so much in the first place was beyond me, but why the hell did somebody need so many different types of the same liquor anyway? Finally, on the back of the shelf, I saw a familiar black label.
I pulled the bottle of whiskey from the back and held it triumphantly as I turned to Cliff. "Plus, I was way too sober for that shit anyway."
This elicited an amused smile from Cliff. It made me happy knowing that my friend wasn't uncomfortable anymore, but it felt even better knowing that I could finally drink in peace.
After locating an empty shot glass, I eagerly poured myself a hefty shot of whiskey. To no surprise, Cliff declined when I offered one to him. He grabbed a can of beer from the mini-fridge and returned to my side. Cliff lifted his beer to cheers me, and I met his can with the shot glass. I tapped the glass on the countertop, threw the liquid back into my throat, and then clinked it back down. For a moment, I relished in the familiar warmth as it hit my stomach and reached for round two.
I continued to shoot shots one after the other, making a sizable dent in the bottle sitting on the counter in front of me. Cliff stood beside me, sipping his beer in comfortable silence, which I appreciated. I sure as hell didn't feel like talking, and Cliff clearly didn't either. It seemed like he completely understood where my head was at after witnessing my scene with Mary earlier in the evening. No words were necessary.
As I set down the freshly empty shot glass, I looked over to Cliff. He was scanning the room for what felt like the millionth time. While Cliff hadn't said anything, I could tell he was searching for Ann just by his troubled expression. While I wanted to think about how pathetic he looked, I couldn't help but wonder how often I had worn the same exact face.
Fuck. I'm just as pathetic… probably even more so...
The warm comfort I'd managed to build up became darker as I thought about earlier. I had been so pathetic then... I couldn't imagine how pitiful I must have seemed over the last two years. It made me feel sick, knowing how stupid I must have looked, longing after somebody who didn't want me the same way. At least back then, I'd had her company... now I was just alone. I didn't know which was more lonely, though I had to admit that I felt pretty fucking empty.
I let out a sigh and reached for the bottle again. Thoughts like those were why I needed to drink in the first place, so obviously, I hadn't had enough yet. The shot burned on its way down this time around, but I was eager for the distraction. I looked back over to Cliff, who hadn't moved an inch. He was still gripping the same beer, and while I couldn't see inside the can, knowing Cliff, I figured less than half of it was gone. We obviously had different approaches to dealing with our problems.
"No sign of Ann?" I asked in Cliff's direction, already knowing the answer. Now, did I really care about Cliff's problems? Not particularly, but again, I just wanted anything to help me get my mind off Mary.
He sighed and shook his head, eyes fixed on the dining room in front of him. "Karen and Claire got here a while ago, and Ann wasn't with them...I wonder if it's because I'm here." Cliff frowned as he leaned against the counter and took a sip of his drink.
"Probably not," I offered with a shrug. Cliff didn't seem very convinced, but I didn't really care anymore. Cliff's problems were just going to make me sad again. I needed to find something else to occupy my thoughts, so I reached for the bottle and downed another shot. Then I poured one more for good measure.
As I settled into the comfortable numbness I'd created, I scanned the room for a new distraction. I figured I'd try to find either of the girls Kai had introduced me to... that seemed like a safe option. My eyes caught a glimpse of blonde hair, but I slowly realized it wasn't who I'd been looking for. In the far corner near the shack's entrance sat the blonde farmer I had run into today. Her legs were hanging over the edge of one of the shop's tables as a very intoxicated Karen and her watch-dog, Rick, stood in front of her.
I kept my eyes glued to the scene as the group talked. Karen kept swaying side to side with her drink sloshing around in one hand, the other around Rick's shoulder. I ended up catching the end of their conversation, partially due to the shack's size, but mainly because Karen was always so damn loud.
"But Claireeeeee," Karen whined, leaning into Rick, "if we leave, you'll be all alone... and by yourself…we could just go together?" Claire simply smiled as she watched her friend rock back and forth.
Karen, already shit-faced that early into the night? I could have predicted that one. Knowing Karen, she had likely pre-gamed beforehand and had shown up to the party already trashed. I couldn't lie, though; part of me was jealous I hadn't thought of doing the same thing.
"It's fine, Karen! I'm not ready to go home yet. There's still a bunch of people here," Claire said with a slight edge to her voice, despite the smile on her face. "If you two want to go home, go! I'll be fine. I can even walk part of the way with Ann if you're that worried…" She did a quick sweep of the room before looking back at Karen, "I think she should be here soon."
"Hmmph. Kay, if you say so," Karen replied blandly, resting her head on Rick's shoulder. She turned as if she were going to whisper in Rick's ear, but I could clearly hear the question from the other side of the shack. "Can we go, pleeeease?"
"Really, Claire," Rick butted in, completely ignoring his girlfriend's question. "I don't want you walking home alone tonight, especially since you've been drinking. There are wild animals out there, and you never know who else is out lurking in the night!" He placed his free hand on his hip as if he were lecturing a child, "I don't know if I feel comfortable leaving you—"
"Rick! I'm a big girl, y'know," Claire interrupted with a forced laugh. "I can handle myself! So stop freaking out. I'm not the one you should be worried about." She motioned towards Karen, "Now, take that one home before she passes out."
Rick wearily nodded and glanced towards Kai and his sister before hauling Karen towards the exit. If there were any other words exchanged between the group, I couldn't hear them from where I was standing.
Claire watched her friends leave and then looked into her drink with a frown. As I watched her, I was surprised that I wasn't met with the typical frustration I usually associated with her. Instead, it was replaced with… curiosity? I hadn't thought much about it until now, but I did wonder why she had run off in such a hurry earlier. I also wanted to know why she looked so damn sad. It was probably just the liquor, but I was having trouble making sense of how I felt. Did I feel sorry for Claire? She did look pretty fucking lonely sitting there by herself. I didn't understand how somebody who appeared to be so liked by everyone in town could seem just as miserable as me. It was enough to pique my interest.
Claire seemed much safer than my earlier thoughts. Maybe it was just a last-ditch effort to get my mind off Mary, but... I wanted to go over there. Claire was nothing like Mary, which I figured could be a useful distraction.
I grabbed the bottle from the counter in front of me, this time skipping the shot glass entirely, and took a long swig. I winced as it burned down my throat, coughing in an attempt to push the liquid down faster. Cliff eyed me carefully as I did this. He seemed to notice where my eyes had been.
"I'm gonna go talk to Claire," I said to Cliff as I placed what little remained of the whiskey back on the counter. He didn't ask, but he didn't have to.
He was silent for a moment, taken back by the fact that I had actually said the words out loud. "The one you actively try and avoid, right?" he questioned disapprovingly. "That Claire?" I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't want to look. I knew he would try to talk me out of whatever I was planning on doing, and I didn't want to hear it.
"I think we're talking about the same person," I retorted, swinging my legs over the countertop. My vision was growing increasingly hazy, but I ignored the sensation as much as I could. I hopped over the counter and stuck the landing, barely.
"Okay, you're drunk. Let's go home," Cliff protested once again. "Or at least, let's drink some water?"
"No, Cliff, don't be a buzzkill," I said over my shoulder. "I'm fine." I wasn't fine, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. I turned away from Cliff and stumbled over to the blonde farmer, using the furniture in my path as support.
When I reached Claire's table, she didn't even notice me. She was seemingly wrapped in thought, staring off in Ann's direction, who was now making a b-line for Cliff.
"Hey," I said as I found myself seated on the table beside her.
Claire snapped back into reality, her eyes widening when she realized it was me. She froze for a few seconds, rapidly blinking at me like I would disappear.
"Hi, Gray," she said slowly. "Do you need something?" Her dark blue eyes investigated me as if she would find an answer to her question on my person.
"Just wanted to talk to you," I said, fiddling with the brim of my cap. Any inhibition I'd felt earlier was gone, and I could feel myself giving in to the sensation. "Something wrong with that?"
As she paused to think about her response, I couldn't help but notice that this was the first time I had stopped to look at Claire this closely. Usually, she made me so upset that I avoided looking at her altogether. But now that I was drunk, and that feeling had subsided, my eyes were lingering longer than they had been allowed previously.
Claire looked different than she had earlier; she wasn't covered head to toe in dirt, her hair had actually been brushed, and she wasn't sporting her signature baggy overalls. She wore a simple black t-shirt underneath an unzipped teal hoodie, paired with a pair of jean shorts that looked like they had been crudely cut from pants. It was simple but still seemed so different from the Claire that I ran into that morning. I wasn't sure if this was a new Claire or just a Claire that I had been too stubborn to notice before.
"I mean… nothing's wrong with it, I guess. I'm just a little surprised since you don't talk to me, like ever," Claire said accusingly, breaking my train of thought. She maintained eye contact with me, and I willingly let her eyes hold me captive. "I was pretty sure that you hated me."
"What? Yeah, right," I scoffed as if I were offended, conveniently forgetting my feelings from the past season or so. " We just never talk." I paused and looked away from the farmer, speaking a little more quietly this time, "You clearly hate me. You ran off before I could even apologize earlier."
"I don't hate you, Gray," she said with a laugh, catching me off-guard. I turned my gaze back to Claire. "I just don't know you. I haven't really gotten the opportunity to." Claire paused to think, pressing her lips together. She rubbed them back and forth until her mouth curved into a sad smile. "It's… hard, being new in town, y'know? Especially when all of you have known each other for so long, I feel like I'm at a disadvantage." She must have been drunk, too, because she just kept talking without my prompt, looking into the sea of people in the shack. "I like it here, but... I don't wanna force myself into anyone's life. I want people to want to be my friend, and I want the people in town to want me around."
It was quiet between the two of us for a moment. Although slightly vague, I related to Claire's words in some sense. I knew the feeling all too well, wanting to be wanted. At the same time, I started to feel somewhat guilty for the way I had been treating her since she came to town. I couldn't even remember a good reason for not liking her…
"We can be friends," I suggested without thinking. I didn't know if I would have said these words sober, let alone to Claire, but it was too late now.
She seemed surprised, but all I could focus on were those ultramarine eyes as they grew in response to my offer. I couldn't believe I had never noticed how pretty Claire was before. She didn't at all seem like the gruff farm girl she made herself out to be. It felt like there was a lot about the girl that was a mystery to me. The fact that I knew nothing about her… it just made me all the more curious.
"Really?" Claire asked, flashing me a toothy grin that usually would have annoyed me. I was surprised when it seemed to have the opposite effect. "I'd love that!" She crossed one leg over the other and turned her torso towards me, still beaming over our moment.
The way she smiled at me… it made me feel strangely good. I could have sworn I was smiling too. In fairness, it was probably just the whiskey, but I wanted to bask in the feeling as long as I could. I had no clue what this would mean when I was sober, but I felt too high to care.
"So what should we do as our first act of friendship?"
I was caught off guard by her question, unsure if she just wasn't making sense because I was sloshed or she was. "Huh?"
"This is a big deal!" Claire laughed, "I didn't think we'd ever become friends. It's only fair that we celebrate our new friendship, right?" Is that what friends did? I couldn't remember the last time I had commemorated any of my friendships.
"Uh, yeah, I guess," I supplied with a chuckle, still not really following. Claire seemed closer than she had been, though… was that real or just in my head?
"Got any ideas?" Claire asked before finishing off the last of her drink and raising the red cup in the air. "Something fun!"
I wasn't sure if she wanted to know what my honest idea of fun would be at that moment, so I shrugged. "Not a whole lot of fun to be had out here in the boonies, but I guess that's good for some people."
"Well, what about you?" she asked without missing a beat.
"What about me?"
"Do you not like to have fun?" Claire giggled, tilting her head to the side. "Or are you just too busy being angry all the time?" Usually, talk of my temper was enough to rile me up, but all I could think about was how close her face was to mine. She was definitely closer than she had been. How had I not noticed? Did she move closer to me, or had I moved closer to her?
"That's not what I meant," I defended, now feeling self-conscious about my ability to have a good time. "I have fun."
I could have sworn that the smile she was sporting curled into a slight smirk. "Well then, surely we can come up with something if we put our heads together," she suggested, a surprising coyness to her voice. Was she flirting with me, or was that just in my head too?
Claire looked at my hands and then seemed to investigate the area around me. "Where's your drink?"
I didn't really want to admit that I had smashed almost an entire fifth of whiskey to myself, so I offered another shrug and a half-lie. "I finished it."
Before I knew it, Claire was off the table and standing in front of me. She held her palm out as if she wanted me to take it. "Well, come on!" she encouraged, eagerly shaking her hand at me. "I need to get a new one too. We'll refresh our beverages, and then we can think while we drink!"
I couldn't help it, I had to laugh. Another drink was the last thing I needed; the whiskey had more than caught up with me at that point. But at the same time... Claire seemed so convincing… so I took her hand and followed her off the table. I wasn't sure where we were headed, but again, I didn't care. The way she talked about having fun made it sound so enticing… how could I have said no to that?
The rest of the night felt surreal to me, just a blurry, dizzy dream. All I could remember involved Claire's presence, but eventually, my mind went black. The only thing I did know was that I would have one killer hangover the next morning.
