(Hi another potential Trigger Warning (TW!). A miscarriage is discussed in conversation later on in the chapter.
It's a long one (sorry), literally the longest thing I've written but oh well? There's A LOT going on. And even still I had to leave so much out lol. Anyway. Hope you enjoy :-) )
After my grandpa deserted me at Claire's house, all the feelings I'd been holding in the past two days started to hit me all at once. As I looked at Claire across the dining room table, all I wanted to do was blame her. She was the reason all this had happened. She'd told me not to worry, yet here I was, beyond the point of worry. I was losing my fucking shit.
Confusion, anger, fear, and everything in between, rushed to my head, and before I knew it, I was breaking our prolonged silence.
"What the hell, Claire?" I started, feeling the frustration build in my chest. "How did this even happen? You told me—"
"I know what I told you," Claire interrupted me, a clear edge in her voice. She inhaled slowly and looked back at me, softening her tone, "And I'm sorry... I really am. It's not like I planned for this to happen. I was just... caught up in the moment...I don't know. It'd worked before, so I thought it would be fine this time too…"
I couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. "So what, unprotected sex is just the norm for you or something?" I scoffed. "And you got mad at me for asking if it was mine? Are you fucking serious?"
"That's not what I meant!" Claire snapped, slamming her hand on the table. "You're the only person I've had sex with since I've been here!" Our glares met, and I could tell that her clenched jaw was fighting the urge to say something else.
She closed her eyes, took a series of deep breaths, and retracted her hand before relaxing her shoulders. Though her posture had softened, the look she shot me was stern. "I know that I could have done a better job at remembering the pill every day, and I shouldn't have lied and pretended like everything was fine. But it's not like you made an effort to use any protection either. I don't know why you're trying to put this all on me."
I sat back in my seat. Claire did have a point, even if I hated to admit it. I had no idea what I'd done in the situation, yet here I was reprimanding her. Yeah, she'd fucked up, but apparently, so had I. If anything, we were both at fault.
"I didn't?"
She narrowed her eyes. "You're asking me? You were there, don't you remember?"
My heart was racing in my chest. Would it be better to admit that I didn't remember anything or to continue playing along as if I did?
"I… I don't, actually."
"Like… you don't remember thinking about protection, or...?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I don't really remember any of it, to be honest."
"Oh… " Claire's voice faltered. "So... you don't remember hooking up?"
"Uh, no… not really."
"What about before that? Do you remember jumping off the dock?"
"We jumped off the dock?" I asked incredulously, narrowing my eyes in confusion. "No, I don't even remember leaving Kai's that night."
Claire took a few moments to process. She sat back in her chair, her posture slowly deflating. It seemed like Claire was upset that I didn't have any memories of that night, and I was starting to regret telling her the truth.
"I see," she said quietly, her fingers tapping the sides of her glass. "But… I guess that does make a lot of sense, y'know, that you don't remember."
I wasn't sure what to say to that. Claire seemed to accept the truth, but I couldn't help noticing the sadness in her voice. The two of us seemed to be on entirely different pages in this whole situation. Scratch that; we weren't even reading the same damn book. How the hell were we supposed to raise a child together?
I paused for a second and looked down at my drink. Before I could even think of the words, they left my mouth, "Do you really think we can do this?"
"I... like to think so," Claire replied slowly, fidgeting with her shirt's collar. "Why, are you having second thoughts?"
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I'm just… definitely not ready to be a parent."
"I'm not either, but... I don't think anyone ever really is. And I mean, there's a chance that it won't happen," she offered thoughtfully, placing her head in her hand. "Kids weren't even on my radar… if it wasn't for this, I don't think I would have slowed down enough to even think about having one for at least like another ten years."
"Yeah. Same."
"Well, it's not too late to decide you want out," Claire said harshly as her hands moved back to the table, forming tight fists. I was surprised how suddenly her mood had shifted again. "I get if you were just putting up a front for your grandpa. But… If I'm pregnant, I'm doing this. With or without you. I have to prove that I can." I wasn't sure what she meant by that, but she spoke it so confidently.
I wanted so badly to take the out, just to be done with this nightmare.
If only it were that simple.
How could I ever move on with my life knowing that I'd left somebody without a father? I'd sworn to be nothing like my own dad. Leaving Claire to raise our kid on her own would just put me in the same boat as him, and I couldn't live with that.
"You really think I can do that?" I retorted. "Just leave you by yourself to raise our kid on your own? Are you fucking serious, Claire?"
Claire paused for a few seconds before she let out a heavy sigh and apologetically looked across the table at me. "I'm sorry that I keep saying the wrong thing. I don't mean to be rude… I'm just still… freaking out a little bit, y'know? It's been a lot the past two days."
I let out a deep exhale. Claire definitely got that one right.
"No, you're fine," I reluctantly replied as my shoulders slouched. "I guess I'm sorry too. It's… you're right, it's a lot. I think I'm still processing it all." It felt good to say out loud to somebody other than my grandpa.
"Yeah, me too," Claire admitted. She looked at my glass and picked up the pitcher again, offering me more of the tea. I nodded, and she filled my cup. "I know Saibara means well, but he didn't really help either."
I unintentionally let out a laugh at how true her statement was, garnering a small smile from Claire in response.
"That's for sure," I agreed, fiddling with the brim of my cap. "He was spouting a lot of nonsense today, but there was some truth to what he was saying, even if I didn't like hearing it."
"What, you think we should get married?" Claire asked in disbelief, a small smirk forming on her lips. I felt the skin on my neck and face grow hot at her response.
"Ah, Fuck. No, absolutely not," I protested, putting my hands in front of my face to dismiss her comment. "That's not what I meant at all ." She stifled a giggle, and I shot her a solemn look. "I meant the rest of the town. Them finding out."
The expression on Claire's face faded to match my own. "Oh… yeah, you're right about that," she responded, thoughtfully tracing her fingers along her chin. "I mean… we can always revisit the marriage piece, but we should probably figure out the whole... y'know, telling people part."
I let out a snort and rolled my eyes. "We'll revisit 'revisiting the whole marriage piece,'" I quipped before taking a sip of my tea. "But when it comes to telling people... we should, uh, probably wait as long as we can." Claire still had water in her mouth when I spoke, but she nodded enthusiastically in response before swallowing.
It felt like I was talking to a completely different person than the polite, scared, people-pleaser who was in the room with my grandfather and me beforehand. And she definitely wasn't the silent, emotionless girl that had been sitting in the clinic exam room earlier that day. She seemed considerably more relaxed and natural than she had been previously, despite her fleeting moments of rage. It felt like the latter of the three Claire's was the real one, but part of me wanted to find out for myself.
"Absolutely. I don't think we should say anything to anyone else until we know for sure," Claire agreed. "We know Trent and Ellie won't say anything because of the law, and I don't think we have to worry about your grandpa either." As she took another sip of her water, her eyes widened in realization as she swallowed. "Oh, shit, wait."
"What?"
"I forgot that I told Ann too," Claire confessed, looking past me towards the couch I had found her buried on the night before. "I was having a little bit of a…uh, mental breakdown when she came to get me for the festival. I wasn't thinking clearly and told her everything."
I nodded, finally understanding Ann's attitude the day before. "I knew that much," I said, leaning back in my chair. "She ripped me a new one when Cliff and I met up with her at the beach. She wouldn't tell me what was going on, so she sent me here."
The smile returned to Claire's lips once again, probably envisioning Ann's performance that night. If I hadn't been the one getting reamed, I would have enjoyed the sight as well.
"She's a good friend," Claire said with a laugh, "I don't think we have to worry about her telling anyone."
I nodded my head in agreement; I knew Ann was one of the more trustworthy of our friends. How she managed to keep so many secrets while chatting up the entire town every day was beyond me, but she had earned my trust over the years.
"Cliff was with me that night too," I said, remembering the scene as Cliff sat and watched Ann and I face off in a screaming match. "She probably told him what was up after I stormed off the beach." She seemed to ponder this idea for a few moments before responding. I didn't want to admit it to Claire, but if Ann didn't tell Cliff, I definitely would.
"I think we can trust Cliff," Claire said confidently. A small feeling of relief rushed over me. "I would consider him a friend. You and Ann seem to trust him a lot, so I will too." She stared thoughtfully at the liquid in her cup. "But, I think that's it for now, though. We'll reevaluate as things... develop, y'know?"
I nodded in approval. The weight of one of my worries had finally been lifted, for now. Once we knew if Claire was actually pregnant or not, we'd have to figure out what we'd even tell people. There were so many layers to this situation; just thinking about it only made my head throb.
"Sounds good to me," I said, rolling my stiff neck from side to side. Claire watched me with curious eyes.
"Want to move to the couch?" she asked sweetly. "We've been sitting here for a while. I'm kinda getting uncomfortable too."
Before I could respond, Claire had already pushed up from her seat and was walking to the other side of the table with water in hand.
"Yeah. Fine," I said as I sat up from the chair and grabbed my drink. It wasn't really like I had a choice otherwise.
After a deep breath, I spun on my feet and slowly walked to the living room area. It wasn't much of a scenery change, but I was thankful for a more comfortable seat. By the time I had reached the green couch, Claire was already seated on the far side. She patted the spot next to her as I placed my drink on the coffee table.
"I promise that I won't cry this time," she joked, noting my hesitancy.
I let out a small huff and reluctantly plopped down next to her. The couch wasn't huge, but I managed to get settled without getting too close.
Being in such close quarters with Claire made me a little uncomfortable, but her relaxed, confident demeanor was beginning to ease the feeling. She talked to me as if I was somebody she had known for years, despite our minuscule, and admittedly, unfavorable interactions beforehand. Previously I had never paid much attention to what she said or how she carried herself, but as she sat in front of me beaming with energy, it was all I could think about.
Claire brought me to my senses, the couch moving as she repositioned herself, seemingly waiting for me to speak.
"Alright," I said, lazily stretching my arms over my head. "Now that we got all that taken care of, I need to learn some shit about you so Gramps gets off my back." I reached for my glass and took a quick sip of the drink before looking back at Claire. "So, uh… what should I know about you?"
"Ah, well, that's a loaded question," she replied with a genuine laugh. "Maybe you could be a little bit more specific."
I half smiled at her sarcastic response. "Fine. What brings you to the boonies, then?" I asked. "Everyone here's got a story."
"Now that's an interesting one," Claire mused, leaning her head on the back of the couch. "A complicated one too. But I'll try and give you the skinny version."
I wanted to laugh at her vocabulary choice, but I found myself too interested in how she would respond.
"It was honestly an impulse decision to come here," Claire started thoughtfully, "to change up my entire life and take a chance on a dream. I was in a pretty bad place, but when I saw the ad in the paper, I knew."
"What do you mean?" I knew there had to be more to this story solely based on her words. "What were you doing before you were here?"
The joy on Claire's face faded as she processed my question. She looked back at her drink before speaking.
"I... was at school in the city," she answered hesitantly, looking up at my expression periodically as she spoke. "It wasn't my choice… I just did it to make my mom happy, but… it was exhausting living a life that wasn't mine."
I sat back and thought about Claire's words. I couldn't help but empathize with her desire to change her life, despite her parents.
"So that still doesn't answer my question," I said, stretching my neck. "If you have a degree, what are you doing here runnin' a farm? You'd probably make a hell of a lot more money doing something else in the city." This comment didn't seem to improve Claire's mood at all.
"Well," she started with a fake laugh, "I... didn't graduate. I would have started my senior year this year."
Claire noticed my confused expression and continued without needing my prompt this time, "I wanted to prove to my mom that I was smart enough to do it, but… " She moved her gaze towards the window before she finished the thought. "But I hated it. I hated school, hated what I was studying, hated failing; I just felt trapped. After struggling and compromising myself over a degree that I didn't even want, I decided it was time to consciously put myself in an environment that wasn't actively working against me—that's why I'm here."
My heart ached as she spoke the last sentence. I knew the feeling she was describing all too well. Her eyes stayed glued to the window, and I regretted bringing up the topic. It seemed fresh, and I didn't want to risk making her cry again.
"Uh… hey," I started softly, leaning my head down. "Sorry for bringing it up." My hand instinctively tugged down the brim of my hat. "I know the feeling, though."
"Oh! I'm fine," Claire said enthusiastically, snapping her attention back at me. "It's all worked out so far! I'm much happier here." An assured grin grew on her face as she smacked a balled-up fist into her open palm. "I just need to keep working hard and prove to my mom that this was worth it!"
While I was confused by Claire's sudden change in mood, I couldn't help but admire her spirit despite the challenges she had faced.
"But wait, you said you know the feeling though, is that why you're here too?" Claire added after a few moments of silence.
"Well, kinda." I wished that I hadn't even brought it up. "Not quite. It's a little more complicated than that."
Claire let out a laugh despite my serious tone. "Well, everyone has a story, as you would say," she teased, pushing me to continue. "I told you mine. It's only fair to tell me yours." I noticed that familiar coy smile appear on her face as she winked in my direction.
Is she flirting with me right now? That was a curveball. I shook the notion from my head and attempted to gather my thoughts.
"Well… growing up, I wasn't a very good kid," I started, avoiding Claire's intent gaze. "I didn't just fail classes, though; I was usually in trouble for... much worse." I paused and thought about whether I should embellish on that but eventually decided against it. "It's a miracle I even graduated high school." I heard Claire exhale out of her nose in response and looked over to her.
"Boy, do I know that feeling," she said with a small chuckle. "So is that why you decided to move here? A fresh start?"
"Moved here is the nice way of putting it," I admitted, instinctively reaching for the bill of my hat. "Sent here would be a better way to describe it. I didn't have much say."
"Sent here?" she asked, leaning closer.
I felt my pulse rapidly increase as I realized how deeply Claire was interested in the topic. Rarely did I talk to anyone about my parents or the factors that led me to Mineral Town. There wasn't much of a need when I first came to town; unfortunately, my reputation had preceded me. I was just relieved that Claire heard it from me rather than someone else, though.
"Ah, yeah… by my mom a few years back," I said as I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "She tried her best to help me find some direction in my life, but I still managed to find a way to fuck that all up too. Badly." I wasn't really up for unloading all that today, so I left it at that.
I looked over to Claire, who was eagerly listening and nodding her head for me to continue. "My mom was just… at her limit with me. So she shipped me off to Gramps, hoping he could whip me into shape or whatever."
It was a lot more complicated than that, but I didn't have it in me to elaborate on those memories. I had tried so hard to repress those feelings over the years, and it was just easier for me not to go into detail.
"Oh," she said, her eyes glued to mine. "So if it were up to you, you wouldn't be here?"
"No, probably not," I admitted. "But like you said, it's worked out so far. My life was fucking chaos before I moved here. Who knows where I would have ended up otherwise." I looked over to my dwindling refreshment as I stretched out my legs. Jail, maybe?
"Well, now that you're here, do you like what you do? Y'know, being a blacksmith, blacksmithing, or however you would say it," Claire asked without missing a beat.
I had to think about that for a second or two. "Umm… I'm only an apprentice, but yeah, I guess," I said with a deep breath. "I've always enjoyed working with my hands, but sometimes I don't know if I enjoy being a blacksmith here ."
"Why would you do something that you don't enjoy?"
"I didn't say that I didn't enjoy it."
"Well… you kinda did," Claire bantered with a smirk.
"Just... shut up and let me explain myself, okay?" I snapped back.
She nodded in response, unfazed by the irritated tone in my voice.
"I like what I do. What I don't enjoy is my grandpa's unrealistic fucking expectations. He makes working with him unbearable sometimes." That was putting it nicely, considering we fought on a near-daily basis.
"I think that he's just pushing you because he knows that you're capable of great things!" Claire said as she raised a clenched fist.
I let out a sarcastic laugh at her enthusiasm. "Yeah, maybe that's it," I said, not very convinced of the idea. "I just wish he wasn't such an asshole about it sometimes."
"That must run in the family, huh?" Claire laughed. When she noticed me glaring at her, she clicked her tongue and tilted her head. "What? It's funny because it's true."
I rolled my eyes. If only Claire knew how true her joke was. "You'd be an asshole too if you had to spend all day with that fucker."
"Saibara?" she asked, shifting in her seat. "But he seems so nice!"
" To you," I scoffed, leaning back into the couch. "You don't even know the half of it."
"Well, I think one day you'll be a great blacksmith just like him," Claire said optimistically, meeting my gaze with bright eyes. "It may not be for awhile… but I know you can do it!"
"Uh… thanks, I think?" I responded, feeling my face grow warmer. "You... sure know how to give a compliment."
Claire laughed as she repositioned herself, criss-cross on the couch, fully facing me. "Thanks. I try," she said sarcastically, flipping a chunk of golden hair over her shoulder playfully.
"Enough about me," I said as I tugged at my hat, eager for the spotlight to move away from me. "What about you? Do you enjoy farming?"
She placed a finger to her lips in thought. My eyes followed, lingering on the outline of her lips longer than I cared to admit.
"Definitely!" Claire eagerly replied as she pressed her palms together and leaned the side of her face against them. "I was nervous at the beginning of spring, but reaping the literal fruits of my labor has been one of the most satisfying experiences yet. It feels amazing to finally have something to show for my hard work! I mean, y'know, you saw all those crops out there. It can be tough sometimes, but it's an engaging challenge!"
An embarrassed smile grew on her face as she finished the thought, "Ah, uh, sorry, I'm definitely rambling, but I'm just excited to finally be doing something with my life that doesn't make me feel like my strengths are a weakness."
I was curious about what Claire was referring to in her last sentence, but I let it be. If anything, Claire had shown me that she would let me know if she was ready to talk about something.
As I looked up, I realized that Claire was staring at me once again, probably expecting a reply. She was sitting on the edge of her seat, seemingly waiting for me to say something so that she could talk again. It reminded me of an excited little kid.
"That's cool," was all I could think to respond. My brain evidently was occupied with something else. "I-I mean just that you found something that does that for you."
"I have a long way to go to reach my goal, but I know I can do it!" I could almost feel the warmth from the fire in her eyes as she spoke. "I know that if both of us keep working hard, we'll get where we want to be!"
Claire's excitement as she spoke was contagious. I wasn't sure why she was so fired up, but I couldn't help admiring her drive. The corners of my lips unconsciously curled up as I entertained the thought of running the smithy one day. That day was impossibly far, and a lot of hard work away, but Claire's determination made it feel like anything was possible.
I was finally starting to understand why my friends enjoyed spending so much time with her…
"It's just like you said when we first met," I recalled, a smile still intact. Claire had also accused me of having anger issues that day, but I chose to focus on the more encouraging words she'd spoken.
She nodded and clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "Exactly!" Claire was grinning ear to ear, somehow doubling her enthusiasm.
I had to hold back a laugh at how ridiculous she looked gushing about work, of all things.
"We're in a pretty shitty situation now, but I know we'll be okay because I could tell you had that drive too from the first day I met you!" She gave me a playful smile before jokingly finishing the thought, "It's a little misdirected sometimes, but it's there!"
I felt a warm glow rise over my cheeks at the attention. Gramps was stingy with compliments, and nobody else ever really praised me, so it was nice to hear for a change.
That warm feeling disappeared almost as quickly as it had arrived once I thought about how poorly I'd treated Claire since she'd moved to town. I hadn't been much nicer to her earlier today either. It felt like I didn't deserve her kindness.
I took a deep breath and glanced over to Claire. "Hey, listen, I'm really sorry about before."
"What do you mean? Like earlier today? You're fine—"
"No, well that too. But I mean before we, uh, hooked up," I said hesitantly, squeezing the back of my neck. "When we first met, and after that. I… I really am sorry. I was just so frustrated at the time, and I took it out on you."
"Gray, really, it's okay," Claire assured me, her voice surprisingly comforting. She looked away to the wall, her voice softening as she continued, "Sometimes... I have trouble managing my emotions, too, especially when I'm frustrated. I get it. That's why I said what I said when we first met."
At least she was aware of her own behavior. That's more than I could say about myself.
"Oh. Uh, thanks…" I started, shocking myself with how open I felt while sober. "I appreciate that. I'm not too good with new people, but… I think I'm starting to feel comfortable around you."
Claire's eyes slightly widened as she registered the words. A wide, toothy grin appeared on her face as her free hand reached for the collar of her shirt. "Me too. Like, I mean I'm not always the best with new people either and, um, I feel comfortable around you too." She paused and squeezed the fabric in her hands, her eyes avoiding mine. "I... think it's important that we can communicate honestly with each other moving forward, y'know?"
"Oh. Yeah, I guess that's a good poin—"
"Oh, shit," Claire cut me off, abruptly standing up from her spot on the couch. Her eyes were glued to the small clock above her tv. "Is it actually that late?"
I looked over to the clock, noticing that it was almost 8 pm. Had I been at Claire's for nearly... four hours? After my grandpa left, it almost felt like time stood still while Claire and I talked. I had to hand it to her; she was pretty captivating after all. Still a little annoying but ultimately entertaining enough to put up with.
"I'm so sorry Gray, I don't mean to kick you out or anything," Claire continued, scratching the sides of her neck as she stood beside the couch, "but I have a lot I have to do tomorrow, and I still need to get some things done tonight."
I pondered what in the world a farmer would need to be doing at 8 pm on a Friday but figured it was none of my business.
"No, you're right," I grumbled as I pushed up from my sunken spot on the couch. I felt like I should be relieved that I could finally return home, but for some reason, I didn't. "I should head out anyway. Thanks for having me."
Claire waited for me to walk to the other side of the couch and then escorted me along the short walk to her front door.
"Thanks for staying," Claire said as we arrived at her front door, "I... actually really enjoyed talking to you. We should do it again sometime."
She looked up at me with those big, ultramarine eyes once again. If there was one thing Claire knew, it was eye contact. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat.
"Uh, yeah," I replied as my hand reached for the doorknob. "I guess it wouldn't hurt."
I didn't want to admit it, but spending time alone with Claire wasn't as awful as I initially thought it would be. I wasn't sure how to verbalize this to Claire without seeming rude, so I just opted to get the hell out of there before things got weird.
"Oh! Wait!" I heard Claire call from behind.
I looked over my shoulder and gave her a nod.
"The second."
"What are you going on about?" I asked, cocking my head around to see if her face would give me any indication.
"Of next season," Claire continued, still not making much sense. "That's when the next appointment is."
"Oh. Right." Truthfully, I had momentarily forgotten about the whole situation. So that was the fateful day.
Claire shifted the weight between her feet. "So… I'll see ya there?"
"Uh, yeah. Definitely," I said, pushing open the door. "And, um, I'll see you around."
Claire followed me, waving and calling goodbye from the doorway as I left the property.
I waited until I was almost to the smithy to stop and let out a deep breath. The day's events had been confusing as fuck, to say the least, and I was left with a loss of words to describe the emotional rollercoaster I'd experienced. There was the dread of having a kid of my own, the fear of people in town finding out my secret, the annoyance caused by my grandfather, and now the uncertainty of my feelings towards Claire. It felt like I should hate her. And I wanted to hate her… but I didn't.
If anything, there was a need for a drink, possibly many, to work through this.
I made my way to the inn, ready to finally have some time to debrief. Since the Fireworks Festival last night, I hadn't had the chance to sit down and talk to anyone, let alone have a drink, and I was ready to relish in it.
The room was relatively empty as the dinner rush had ended a while ago, but a few regulars remained. I caught sight of Ann dropping off drinks at Duke and Basil's table, the pair continuing their intense conversation as she did so.
Our eyes locked from across the room, and I tried to assess Ann's mood. She seemed significantly more relaxed than she was yesterday, so I was feeling optimistic. Ann cocked her head towards the bar and then made her way behind it. I walked through the dining room to meet her there, taking the first seat at the end. She had her back to me, filling a glass at the tap behind her. Without a word, she set the glass on the bar and slid it towards me.
"What's this?" I asked, taking a sip of the amber liquid. It was so much better than tea.
"An apology," Ann said with a half-smile. "I know it wasn't my business, but I couldn't help getting so worked up over it. Gray, I'm sorry—"
"The beer is good enough for me," I interrupted after a second swig. "You don't need to keep talking. I get it. We're good." Ann watched me with careful eyes as I pounded the rest of the beverage and then set it back on the counter. "I mean, we're good as long as you keep 'em coming." She rolled her eyes and snatched the glass to refill.
"It feels like I haven't seen you in forever. You haven't left without breakfast in a really long time," Ann said as she set the full glass back in front of me. It had only been a day, but I didn't remind her of this. It felt longer than that to me too. "Are things… okay?"
I looked around the room, taking inventory as to who all was there. Basil and Duke were the closest residents to us, but they were out of earshot. The two appeared to be in a heated debate, but I couldn't make out any of the words. It was safe to talk.
"They're as okay as they can be, I guess," I replied, taking a long sip of my drink. "I think it's too early to tell, though."
Ann's eyes did a similar scan, accounting for any potential eavesdroppers. She placed her forearms on the bar and leaned closer to me.
"So did you two, like, figure out what you're going to do?" she asked, her voice closer to a whisper now.
I gave her a shrug as I set down my drink.
Ann didn't seem pleased by my response. "What does this"—she shrugged her shoulder mockingly—"mean?" I fought back the urge to roll my eyes at the redhead.
"I don't know what you want from me," I said, fiddling with the brim of my hat. "We don't know if Claire's pregnant for sure, but if she is, sh- I mean, we're keeping it, if that's what you're asking."
Ann blinked a few times as if processing the information. I could tell by her wide eyes that she wanted to make a scene but knew she couldn't. I was thankful for that.
"So wait, when I came over before the festival, Claire told me she was pregnant and was losing her mind," Ann recounted, looking up as if to watch the memory in her mind. "Now you're telling me she might not be? I'm confused."
I sighed. "Me too."
Ann wasn't thrilled with my response. "Okay?" The sass was clear in her voice. "What did the doctor say?"
"It didn't make a whole lotta sense," I began, trying to remember how Trent had explained it. "Something about a chemical pregnancy? All her tests came back positive, I guess, but apparently, it's too early to know if it… stuck or not." I paused, thinking about what else the doctor had said. "There's still a chance that she might, uh… miscarry."
"Oh." Ann inhaled deeply, thinking carefully about how to respond. "I see. Okay, well, when will you know for sure?"
"We're going back at the beginning of fall." I took another drink. "I guess we should be able to see something by then."
Ann was silent for a moment until she let out a long sigh. "How the heck did this even happen, Gray?" She pushed up from the bar top and looked me in the eyes. "You're telling me that in a room with three guys, one of them being Kai, you couldn't manage to scrounge up one condom?"
I rolled my eyes. "I have them, we just… I don't know, forgot to use them?" I said half-defensively. "She's your friend. Didn't she tell you any of this?"
"I mean, she told me you two hooked up after it happened, but she conveniently left out the part where you didn't use protection."
"Yeah, well, clearly we didn't." Ann raised her eyebrow in disapproval, so I continued. "What? We were both fucked up. It's not like the plan was to just go at it raw—"
"EW! Gray!" Ann brought her hand up to her mouth as she gagged. "DON'T say that! Please. I'm not Kai."
I laughed. "Sorry. Wrong crowd."
Ann shook her head, dismissing the tangent. "Okay, so you two did it without protection, and then what? You just let it be and hoped for the best?"
"No stupid, Claire told me she was on birth control… so honestly, I kind of forgot about it. She told me not to worry."
Ann scoffed. "And you trusted Claire to do that? Mr. 'I-don't-know-her-that-well.' Do you even know how birth control works?"
"Honestly… not really."
"Clearly," Ann quipped, rolling her eyes. "You have to take it every day, at the same time each day. And don't get me wrong, I love Claire, but honestly, she's a bit of a space cadet sometimes."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that if you took the time to get to know the girls you were sleeping with, you'd know that Claire can be forgetful sometimes. She remembers things, just forgets to do them, and then tries to overcompensate for forgetting."
I scoffed and looked back at my drink. "Yeah, that would have been nice to know like three weeks ago, so thanks."
"It's not my fault that you're so stubborn," Ann said with a shrug. "You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes."
"Well, fuck, sorry I couldn't follow your perfect little protocol, Ann," I chided with an eye roll. "It's been a while, so excuse me if I'm a little out of practice with all that shit." I didn't want to think about just how long it had been since I'd had sex before Claire, so I pushed it to the back of my mind. Frustration took its place in my head. "If it were up to me, I'd go back to Kai's that night and tell myself to get the fuck out of there. I wish it would have never even happened."
Ann reached into her back pocket and threw a damp rag at me. I watched it hit my arm and then flop onto the bar top.
"What was that for? I thought you weren't mad anymore?"
"I'm not," she said, placing her hands on her hips.
Here we go again.
"You just need to stop being such an... ass. It's not going to make the situation any better. You made the decision, and now you need to stick to it."
" I didn't make the choice," I said, finally giving in to the urge to roll my eyes. "Claire did."
"You didn't, like, talk about it at all?" Ann asked quietly, leaning herself against the bar.
" Like, no," I said sarcastically. "I couldn't talk to her last night because she was hysterical, and we didn't have a chance to talk before she dragged me to the clinic today." Ann nodded understandingly as I spoke, "She kinda just… decided. I couldn't do anything about it. I guess it wasn't really my choice to make."
"How noble of you," Ann mocked.
I narrowed my eyes at her, chugging the rest of my drink in response. Ann raised her eyebrows at me as I set the glass down on the table and pushed it towards her, hinting that I was ready for a refill.
"The first two were on me. This one's going on your tab."
"Whatever." I looked back at the empty glass. "Whiskey on the rocks then." Ann looked at me for a second, shook her head, then disappeared to the other end of the bar.
"So, does this mean you and Claire aren't on the best of terms right now?" Ann asked as she returned with a new glass and set it in front of me. "I know you didn't particularly care for her to begin with, so I can't imagine what it's like now."
I awkwardly chuckled at the irony of the situation now. "Well, uh, no, actually," I admitted, scratching the back of my neck, "it's kind of the opposite... I think. We were at her house talking most of the evening."
Ann's brows furrowed as her eyes narrowed on me. One hand rested on her hip while the other gripped the bar between us. "Wait. What?"
"Yeah, I mean, I'm just as surprised as you are," I said, casually sipping the whiskey. "She's not that bad. I'm still a little annoyed with her, but I guess it really was both of our faults the whole thing happened."
The waitress took a step back. "Are you… owning up to your mistakes?" Confusion painted her face. "Plus, willingly hanging out with Claire? Who are you, and what have you done with Gray?"
"Whatever," I groaned. "Don't look too much into it. I'm just trying to survive this shit in one piece."
Ann seemed to ponder something for a few moments. The light on her face slowly faded and was replaced with what seemed like concern. She placed both her hands down on the bartop and looked directly into my eyes. "Gray, you know I love you, but honestly… I'm worried. Just, please don't mess this up."
I broke away from her intense stare to drink. It sounded like Ann was trying to be sincere, but all I could think about was how much she sounded like my mom.
"No shit," I said softly, looking down into the glass below me.
Ann looked at the drunken pair of men waving her over and then back at me. She rounded the bar and then stopped next to my seat.
"Everything will be fine," Ann attempted to reassure me, though I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself or me. "I'm rooting for you two; you know that, right?" She gave my arm a quick squeeze before sauntering off to Basil and Duke's table.
I sighed and looked back at my drink, finally feeling the warm after-effect I had longed for earlier.
Me too.
