"Rough day at the office?" Amanda slid a beer into Carisi's hands and rubbed his shoulders. Carisi closed the brief he was reading and leaned back into her embrace, closing his eyes.
He sighed in content. "Can you just, like, do that forever? That'd be great." The two of them sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying just the two of them. Carisi smiled faintly as a burst of giggles exploded from Jesse and Billie's room. "Y'know, we're gonna have to find you a bigger place at some point," he said. "Girls are gonna outgrow that room in a helluva hurry."
"Oh, don't say that," Amanda groaned, flopping backward against the couch. Carisi set his drink down and reached backwards for her hands, pulling her arms around his neck. "I'm not ready for the 'they grow up so fast' spiel."
"Yeah tell me about it. Jesse told me yesterday she's got a boyfriend in first grade."
"The hell she does," Amanda objected. "That girl's not going on a date until she's thirty." Her fingers tensed, and Carisi frowned. He craned his neck to look behind him. Amanda had tears in her eyes.
"Hey, whoa," he frowned, moving onto the couch so he could pull her into his arms. "Amanda, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," she told him, using her thumbs to wipe the tears out of the corner of her eyes.
"That ain't nothing." Carisi leaned her against his chest. "Talk to me."
"It's stupid."
"I doubt it, not if it's makin' you feel like this." He kissed the top of her head. "Now talk to me."
She snuggled back against him. "It's stupid," she said again. "I just…when you said Jesse had a boyfriend, it made me think about how young she is and….and then I started thinking of all my stupid mistakes with men, and I don't want Jesse or Billie to ever-"
Oh, hell. Carisi wished he could take his words back. "Amanda, listen. Okay, what's done is done. The past is the past."
"I just don't know why you're stickin' around," Amanda said. "I'm a mess. I don't des-"
"Amanda Hope Rollins, so help me, if you say 'I don't deserve you' I'm gonna walk out that door," Carisi interrupted. He sat up, adjusted them both so that he could take her hands and look her in the eye. He gently tilted her chin so that she was looking at him. "This- this self-doubt and pity act has gotta stop. Now I know," he continued, as she opened her mouth to object, "I know that's easier said than done, all right?"
Another burst of giggles came from the girls' room. He pointed in that direction. "That should be proof enough right there. Those girls are beautiful. They are healthy. They love their mom." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Nobody ever said you had to be perfect, Amanda, and whoever did, you tell me so I can throw the damn book at 'em. You are a great mom. You are a great partner."
"We're not partners anymore," Amanda replied softly.
"The hell we're not," Carisi shot back. "Badge or no, 'Manda, I've got your back. You should know that by now."
She nodded, still tearing up. "I know," she replied. "I know."
He smiled. "You're darn right." He pulled her back against him again, running his hands down her back, smiled when she sighed and leaned into it.
Carisi's phone lit up, and he frowned when he reached down to grab it. "That's Lola Rodriguez's number," he noted. Amanda slid so he could sit up straight. "Lola?" he questioned. He waited.
Then, he stood up so fast he almost knocked over the beer bottle on the table. "Hey. Okay. It's okay, buddy. Can you call 911 for me?...Yeah, okay, you call them and then stay on the phone with whoever is talking to you. I will be right there."
He was reaching for his coat. "Yeah, no, I'm comin'. Hang up, kiddo, and call." He tossed his cell phone into his coat pocket. Amanda looked at him worriedly. "That was Jacob," Carisi said. "He said Grandma Lola fell down and she's hurt."
"Go!" Amanda told him. He nodded, and disappeared out the door. She got up from the couch, taking a deep breath, and then went to go put a pot of coffee on. It was going to be a long night.
