((Hi! I'm here with an update! Not just any update... literally the longest update I probably will ever write lol. I struggled with this one only because SO MANY IMPORTANT THINGS happen in this chapter pretty consecutively, and I wanted to make sure I got it right. After battling with the potential of splitting this update into two chapters or cutting things out, eventually, I decided that a long update is better than no update at all lol.
SO that being said, enjoy and... I'm sorry in advance?))
I felt a gentle push at my side. It was way too early for that shit; I had just laid down. Without opening my eyes, I rolled away from the touch and curled farther into the blanket.
A stronger push rocked my back, and I tried to repeat the motion, only to lose the support of the soft mattress below me. I was jolted awake as my shoulder slammed into the wood floor, my comforter not too far behind.
I pushed the blanket off of my face and looked up, noticing Ann standing on the other side of my bed, biting back a laugh.
"You up?" she grinned mischievously. "I have to get back to work, so…"
"Yeah," I forced out, sitting up straight on the ground to take in the world around me. It felt like I'd closed my eyes for two seconds, but the shadows in the room had shifted considerably. "What time is it?"
"Like… 4:50, almost 5," Ann said, moving her gaze from the windows. "You woke a lot easier than I thought you would, so congrats, you have five extra minutes." She waltzed to the door, giving me one last smile over her shoulder. "I guess I'll see ya in a little."
As the door shut behind her, I used the side of my bed to hoist myself up. While I didn't feel as tired as I had earlier, my muscles ached. Part of me regretted making any plans. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and stay there for the foreseeable future.
I went through the motions of getting ready, hoping I could trick myself into feeling mentally prepared too. It was no surprise when I didn't.
After settling on the first clean pair of jeans and t-shirt I could find, I stared at myself in the mirror. I wasn't sure what I was hoping to figure out by looking at my reflection, but the only result was confusion. Nothing made sense anymore.
I sighed and grabbed my hat off the floor, arranging the missing puzzle piece on my head. It made me feel just the slightest bit normal. When I noticed that about 20 minutes had passed since I'd gotten up, I headed downstairs to whatever fresh hell awaited me.
At the bottom of the stairs, I did a scan of the dining room. Harris and the mayor were seated near the exit, and Doug was leaning against the bar as Duke talked animatedly about the bottle of wine between them. A few randoms, probably travelers or local fishermen, were being greeted by Ann at a table not too far away. I felt weird standing in the nearly empty room, so I headed outside to wait for Claire there.
It was significantly cooler outside than it'd been all summer, but the air had warmed since that morning. The rain cleared, and a few light gray clouds hung in the sky, obscuring the sun as it descended towards Mother's Hill. Leaves rustled as a soft breeze blew through the trees outside the inn, and I took another opportunity to browse the area. No sign of Claire, though.
"Well, look at you, hot stuff!"
I instantly knew that tenor before I turned towards the beach. "Yo." I nodded my head at Kai as he approached my spot beside a potted plant.
Kai inspected me as he got closer. "What's all this?" He pointed up and down in my direction. "Were you just waiting for me to come home or what?"
I rolled my eyes and looked down the path in the opposite direction. "How'd you know?" I supplied with little to no enthusiasm. I hadn't talked to Kai much since the festival and didn't want to give him the chance to press me further, so I thought of a way to distract him. "What are you doing home so early?"
"Ah, shitty day," Kai sighed, his face relaxing into a wry smile as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "I barely have anybody when it rains anyway. The morning was slow as hell, so I thought I'd give myself the rest of the day off."
"Must be nice." Kai seemed to take the bait; I'd just have to keep him talking about himself.
"Yeah, I guess." He shrugged and looked around the empty street before settling back on me. "What about you? I haven't seen you much lately."
Shit.
The suspicion in Kai's tone grew. "I didn't see you on the beach for the fireworks, and you didn't come around after work yesterday or today… what've you been up to?"
I had no clue what to tell him, but it sure as hell couldn't be the truth. There was absolutely no way I could admit to Kai that Claire was pregnant… or that we thought Claire was pregnant. We didn't even know for sure, so why would I go blabbering about it to Kai? He was arguably one of the most loudmouth people in the entire town. Kai was hard to lie to, but I had to give it my best shot.
"I… uh, I don't know, man," I stammered, searching for any viable explanation for my, admittedly, strange behavior lately. "Gramps has been kicking up my training, so… I've been working more. That's all." It wasn't a complete lie, just an omission of the truth.
Kai pondered this for a second before appearing to accept my words. "Hmmm. Okay. Well, you're home now, what are you doing? Wanna get fucked up?"
That was an enticing offer, though my brain was preoccupied with finding a way to tell Kai that I would be hanging out with Claire without evoking too much commotion from him.
"Uh, maybe later tonight."
"Later tonight?" Kai laughed, punching my shoulder. "C'mon, Gray! There's no time like the present. My treat. How's that sound, sweetheart?" He shot me a flirtatious wink before taking an encouraging step towards the inn's front door.
I reached for my hat. "No, I just… I'm doing something. So maybe I can meet up with you after."
"You're… doing something tonight?" Kai stopped dead in his tracks, turning around to raise an eyebrow. "Yeah, right. What would you be doing?"
My shoulders stiffened at his tone. "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing!" Kai's hands shot up defensively. "Just… you don't really do a whole lot besides getting drunk, buddy, hate to break it to you." It was a bold statement considering Kai was usually the one I got shitfaced with during the summers. "The only person more boring than you is Cliff, and even he's out doing... something, I don't know. Haven't seen the dude much lately."
Kai was starting to piss me off, and I needed him gone anyway. I figured I'd just get to the fucking point.
"I'm getting dinner," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact. "With Claire."
Kai didn't respond immediately. He blinked a few times, watching me as I searched for something in the darkening sky to distract myself from his reaction.
"Ah. So the question should have been: who are you doing tonight? Not, what are you doing tonight."
I shook my head at his comment, partially making sure Claire or anyone else wasn't around to hear it. "You're fucking ridiculous. You know that?"
"I'm ridiculous?" Kai took a step toward me, amusement plastered on his smug face. "You spent an entire week—no, probably even longer, telling me how bad you felt about fucking her, and now here you are, trying for a second round that you swore you weren't gonna pursue." He shook his head, and I noticed the slightest eye roll. "And I'm the ridiculous one."
"It's not like that," I looked into beady brown eyes. "I'm not pursuing shit. She asked me to get dinner. We're eating food. That's it."
Kai scoffed, much to my surprise. "Yeah. Right. 'Eating food,' is that what the kids are calling it now?" He wandered towards the door, looking back over his shoulder slyly. "I'll believe that when I see it. Part of me feels like you're just lying so you don't have to hang with me."
I shook my head again, resisting the urge to huck my eyeballs into the back of my skull. "Don't flatter yourself. I always tell you straight to your face when I don't want to see you. Like right now." I adjusted my cap and took a deep breath, trying to restabilize.
"Yeah… well, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone in like a week," Kai muttered, just loud enough for me to ignore. "Buuut!" He spun around, standing directly between me and the inn's front door. "I still don't believe you're hanging out with Claire."
"Okay?" I tore my eyes from the path by Aja Winery and turned back to Kai. "Not sure why you think I'd lie, but whatever."
"I guess I just didn't expect her to ask you out." His expression shifted to mock exasperation. "She seems completely disinterested in me, so I'm not sure why she'd go for you of all people."
"Yeah," I mindlessly offered, not particularly listening to Kai as I glanced towards the winery. "That's Claire for you."
Speaking of, where is this girl? I looked down at my watch; it was nearly 5:45. She'd first presented "5:30-6", and I slowly realized it looked more like the latter of the two times.
Kai seemed peeved that I wasn't giving into whatever game he was trying to play, so he tried again. "So what, you actually like her now or something?"
It was a valid question. One that I wasn't quite sure how to answer yet, so I gave Kai a shrug. "Yeah, I guess. We're cool."
"If you're not lying, I'm so interested to see how this is gonna play out." He let out a noise that sounded like a mix of a laugh and a scoff, unfortunately returning to where I was standing. "Shit, maybe if we're both lucky, I can pull a Cliff later tonight and see for myself."
I shot Kai with a glare. "You're so fucking annoying, man. Don't you have anyone else you could terrorize?"
"Yeah, but you're my favorite," Kai feigned flirtation, tapping his index finger on my chest. I snatched his hand and pushed him away, only eliciting amused cackling.
I pressed my thumbs into my temples, and an unfazed Kai retreated to my side, taking a seat on the edge of the planter beside me. I was thankful when his loud mouth managed to stay shut for longer than two seconds. It was just enough time to close my eyes and reflect on why I was even his friend in the first place... until he broke my train of thought.
"Hmm. Wow. Guess you weren't lying." He nodded his head in the direction of the winery. "I owe you one."
Sure enough, at the end of the path, I saw the blonde farmer rounding the corner at record speed. She hastily slid to a stop beside the picket fences in front of the winery, bracing to catch her breath. The blonde looked down to dust off her jeans and then flipped her hair as she stood up, running a hand through her bangs as she inhaled.
Claire's eyes flashed up to mine, and she stopped like a deer in headlights. Her posture stiffened, and after a moment of blankly staring, Claire seemed to come to her senses and walk towards us. She placed her hands in her back pockets, eyes locking on mine as she got closer.
"Nice," I heard Kai whisper as his elbow met my rib. I'd almost forgotten he was there. "Somebody's not wearing a bra."
I felt my jaw clench and turned to tell Kai to fuck off, only to realize that the farmer was now standing directly in front of us. Though, to be honest, she looked nothing like a farmer at that moment. I was used to seeing her in t-shirts, flannels, overalls, maybe the occasional pair of shorts, and that one time in a swimsuit… So it was weird seeing her in jeans and a tank top, as simple as it seemed.
"Well, hi," Claire greeted me with a small smile. Her face was slightly flushed, shoulders rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath. "I… I'm really sorry that I'm late! I kinda lost track of time."
I held back an unintentional laugh. "It's fine. I figured."
Claire's lips tightened, though it looked like she was trying to fight a smile. Her eyes met Kai's and then narrowed.
"Also...hi, Kai? Didn't expect to see you here too." And how I wished he would have gone inside.
"Well, it wasn't like I was gonna miss the opportunity to see you two interact," Kai admitted with a laugh. "That's just free entertainment."
Claire looked down to her feet, and I couldn't tell if the pink in her cheeks was residual from her impromptu run or… embarrassment? I was just glad that she wasn't looking because my face felt warm too.
"And just look at you two," Kai continued, to my extreme displeasure. He pointed towards Claire and then back at me. "You're even matching!"
I looked down at my outfit: jeans and a black t-shirt. Then I glanced at Claire, sporting a black tank top and jeans. Fuck. Eventually, Claire came to the same realization and met my gaze with a laugh.
Before I could even think of something witty to say back, Claire turned to Kai with a confident smirk. "Great minds think alike."
I turned to Kai, trying to match Claire's expression. "Yeah. Great minds." I heard Claire let out a hiss of a laugh and held my ground.
Kai rolled his eyes and gave the two of us another look. I wasn't a stranger to the way he seemed to linger over Claire before he opened his mouth to speak again. "Yeah, I take it back. You're not quite matching. Claire looks way hotter than you." When I shot him a glare, all he did was shrug. "What? No offense."
"No offense doesn't automatically excuse you from being an asshole," I scoffed.
"Yeah, you're an asshole, you would know," Kai quipped back. It took everything in my power to not drop-kick him into a nearby bush.
"Hmm…" I heard Claire's voice pipe up. Kai and I both glanced down at the blonde as she held the thin strap of her shirt between her thumb and index finger. She looked back up at the two of us, her hand moving to the strip of lace along the neckline. "I think it's just a cute top. I bet Gray would look hotter if he were the one wearing it too."
...the fuck? I wasn't sure if it was some sort of clever joke or an actual attempt at flirting with me, though her and Kai's chorus of laughter didn't help.
"Shit. I would pay money to see that," Kai said between snickers.
Claire looked back at me as if imagining what such a dainty article of clothing would look like on me, and then back at Kai with a giggle. "Honestly, me too." The thought made me cringe. "I'd switch with him right now, but—"
"Ooh, now that I'd like to see," Kai interrupted Claire, leaning his head down to raise his eyebrows at her. "Why don't you two do that right now? I can supervise."
As it left his mouth, I couldn't believe he'd said the words out loud, let alone to Claire. Hearing Kai made me want to suplex him into the cobblestones; I couldn't imagine how she felt.
"Don't you have anywhere else you could fuck off to?" I turned to Kai, giving my best "get-the-fuck-out-of-here" glare. "Literally anywhere else?"
Kai let out a long, dramatic sigh. "Well, I told Popuri I was busy cuz I was gonna see if Claire here wanted to do something... but it looks like you two are too busy twinning." There was an air of sarcasm in his voice, but it was subtle enough to leave me wondering if he was serious. He tilted his head back down at Claire. "I mean… unless you wanted to ditch this joker—"
"Ugh, I'm hungry; I haven't eaten all day." Claire turned to me, completely ignoring Kai. "Wanna go sit down?" Something about that action made the blood rush to my face.
I reached up for my hat and was relieved when I was able to disappear under the bill. "Uh… yeah. Let's do it."
Claire turned back to Kai with a fake smile and patted him on the arm. "Tell Popuri hi for me, will ya?"
I went to shoot Kai a smug look but was surprised when I felt a cold hand wrap around the crook of my arm and tug me towards the front door. I didn't get a chance to see the look on Kai's face, so I threw him a discreet middle finger with my free hand.
Before I even had a chance to think about where I'd been yanked, the two of us were inside the inn, and the door was slamming behind. I looked back, finally coming to the realization that she was the one that opened the door for us.
Wasn't I supposed to be the one that did that? Even if it wasn't a date, I remembered Mary liking it when I opened the door for her.
Wait. Why am I even comparing the two?
Claire let out a sigh of relief as her hand dropped from my arm. It was such a simple touch, yet I found myself missing it when it was gone. I felt pathetic. It'd been way too long since another person had gotten close to me like that, and it was showing.
"Sorry about that." Claire looked up at me with a sheepish grin, her hand tracing the side of her neck. "I... I know you and Kai are good friends, and I like him and all, but... he can be a lot sometimes." She looked down and let out a soft chuckle, "And that's coming from me."
I shook my head as the air left my nose. "Don't apologize. You did me a favor." If I would have been the one to separate us from Kai, I'm not sure how well that would have played out. "Kai's…. Kai. He means well, usually. He's harmless, just sometimes he can be…"
"Frustrating? Annoying? Inappropriate?" Claire offered with a laugh, bumping her shoulder against my arm. I wanted to laugh, too, because I probably would have used the same words to describe her over a season ago. "Okay, kinda kidding, that felt mean. But yeah, you're right."
I opened my mouth to agree, but Claire cut me off with a light hand on my tricep.
Is she always this touchy? I remembered seeing similar behavior with Ann a few weeks back, so maybe it was just how she was with her friends.
Was that what we were? Friends?
"Do you mind if I pick where we sit?"
"Huh?"
Claire tilted her head with that doe-eyed look I hated to love. "Like to eat, silly. Unless you have a spot in mind that you like. You basically live here; you have to have a fave spot, right?"
"...I don't basically live here. I actually live here." I looked around the various empty tables and shrugged. "And I usually just sit at the bar, so I don't care."
"Perfect!" Her hand wrapped around my arm as she pointed to a table in the back corner by the stairs. I didn't even have a chance to protest before she was dragging me across the floor, though it wasn't like she had to pull very hard.
As we approached the table, Claire went on about noise-levels and getting distracted, which was ironic because I wasn't paying attention in the slightest. All I could think about was how nice it was to have someone's hand around my arm.
I was brought back to reality when her hand left to pull out the chair facing away from the rest of the dining room. Not wanting to appear any more pitiful than I was feeling, I took the seat across from her.
Claire beamed on the other side of the table, and I wondered why anyone would ever look so excited to see me or hang out with me. But maybe that's just how Claire was with everybody. She seemed so universally liked by the entire town; it wouldn't be surprising.
"I think it's interesting that you opted for the hat tonight." Claire rested her elbow on the table and propped her head against her hand, eyes unwavering from mine.
I didn't think she would notice, let alone say something about it. "Oh? Uh, yeah. I mean, leaving it this morning was an accident."
"Hmm. I see." She rested her index finger against pursed lips, and my eyes immediately followed. "If I'm being honest, I prefer you without it." As the words left her mouth, Claire's eyes widened as if she was surprised with what had come out.
And honestly, I was too. Claire acted like daring comments like that weren't the reason I needed it in the first place.
"Sorry, I think that came out wrong…" Claire started again when I didn't speak fast enough, as if I would have known what to say anyway. "You look good with it too! I'm just saying! I don't know. I like being able to see your face."
"Oh?" There she went again, saying things I had no idea how to respond to. I wasn't necessarily used to people saying that they liked seeing my face. Usually, it was the opposite.
"Yeah! You're always hiding behind that thing. It's nice to be able to read you." Claire laughed, leaning forward in her chair. "Plus, I didn't realize how easily you get flustered. It's cute."
As if on cue, the stinging sensation that'd be crawling up my neck spread to my entire face. "No, I don't," was all I could manage. I wasn't sure which accusation I was denying, but Claire didn't seem too convinced.
I'd never really thought about it before, but Claire was right. Hiding was just easier for me. It had always been that way.
And at that moment, I realized how hard it was to get a similar reaction out of Claire. So far, the only times she ever blushed or gave any indication of being embarrassed was when she was caught staring off into space. It was almost the complete opposite with Mary; she'd fluster if I breathed at her in the wrong way.
...Why do I keep comparing the two?
Claire's lips parted to speak, but in an instant, her entire face lit up when she noticed Ann approaching us. The blonde shot out of her seat and met Ann in front of the table, all but attacking her with a hug.
So she was just touchy with all her friends, it wasn't like I was special.
"Well, hiiiii!" Claire sang as she loosened her arms from Ann's shoulders. "Oh my gosh, I haven't seen you in forever !"
"Hey, hi, wow, look at you!" Ann returned Claire's energy, smiling as she released the blonde's tight hug. "And I know, right? I have so much to tell you."
It's like I wasn't even there.
I couldn't see Claire's face, but I heard a definite shift in her tone after she nervously laughed and ran her hand along the side of her neck. "Me too."
Ann's eyes flickered over to mine, finally acknowledging my existence, before returning to Claire. She put her free hand on her hip and raised her brow at the farmer. "Uh, yeah. That much is obvious."
Claire looked back at me awkwardly sitting at the table and quickly returned to her seat. "Come over tomorrow?" she asked in a way that didn't actually sound like a question. She seemed to do that often.
The waitress nodded with a smile before turning back to the table and setting down a pair of paper menus and two silverware rolls. "Welp, since I'm here, I might as well get some drinks going." Which was perfect because I needed a fucking drink to settle my nerves. She turned to me with a nod. "What are we feeling tonight? Beer, whiskey?"
"Beer's fine. Just the usual." We all knew where whiskey got me last time I was with Claire.
Ann swiveled to the blonde. "And what about you? You know our wine selection is..." her voice faltered as she caught herself. "Crap. Sorry, Claire. Force of habit." She shook her head and started again. "Uh, well, we also have a variety of fresh juices, we have root beer, milk, water…"
Claire pressed her lips tightly together as Ann rattled off non-alcoholic beverages, and I couldn't tell what emotion she was trying to hold back. The expression faded into a thin smile, though it seemed forced. "Water is fine."
With pink tinging her cheeks, Ann spun on her heels and rushed over to the bar. I did feel a little bad for her. There had been times over the past few days where I'd momentarily forgotten Claire was pregnant, or I guess, most likely pregnant, too. At least on my end, that was balanced with excruciating moments where it was all I could think about.
I looked over to an uncharacteristically quiet Claire. She'd returned her head to her hand and was staring past me at the stairs, the slightest frown on her lips. It was strange to me how suddenly she could go from boundless energy to completely deflated.
I just had to find something she liked talking about… that was usually a surefire way to get her going.
"So, uh, you and Ann are pretty good friends."
No response. I waved my hand in Claire's direction, and a few moments later, her eyes widened as she returned to this dimension. And there was that blush again, as faintly as it painted her cheeks.
"Shit, I'm so sorry." Claire shook her head with a sigh. "I didn't even hear what you said."
"It's fine." However, part of me was worried that she didn't hear me despite being less than four feet apart. "I was just saying that you and Ann seem close. Didn't know you two were that good of friends."
Claire seemed to perk up at the question, and a wide grin spread across her face. "Did she say that?"
"Well... no, I mean, not directly." I looked over to Ann as she prepared drinks at the bar, noticing that the dinner rush had picked up. My gaze moved back to Claire, who had me locked in her sight. "But I can tell she cares about you a lot."
My comment seemed to shoot Claire through the roof. "It makes me so happy to hear you say that! I worry about being a good friend a lot…" She mimicked my behavior, looking off towards the bar and then back at me with a huff. "Honestly, I thought Ann was gonna be mad at me. I haven't talked to her since the festival... but it seems like we're okay."
I was surprised. Watching Claire and Ann gave me no indication that there was tension between the two, but what the fuck did I know?
"Why would Ann be mad at you?"
Claire rubbed her lips together as she struggled for an answer. "I… uh, haha, we may have exchanged some words that I regret now. We kinda got into it about what I should do and I… uh, freaked out on her, so." Ann's behavior from that night only made more sense.
"I guess I could see how that could happen." Even based on the range of emotions I'd seen Claire exhibit lately, I couldn't imagine her being too awful, especially to Ann. Ann put up with my shit, though, so putting up with Claire was probably a cakewalk in comparison. "Ann's understanding, though. She gets it."
"Yeah. I appreciate that about her a lot." Claire was staring in Ann's direction across the room, the strap of her shirt idly squeezed between her fingers. "Other than Rick, Ann was one of the first friends I made here, so she's pretty important to me, y'know?"
I thought it was a little weird that Rick was one of Claire's first friends, but I guessed it made sense given their occupations and proximity to each other. I was more curious about her and Ann. "How'd you two even meet?"
"Ah!" Claire sat up straight in her chair with that familiar toothy grin. "It was when I was wandering around my first week, I stopped by here, actually, and Ann and Doug treated me to a meal. It was so sweet of them! Like, I was just absolutely astounded by their kindness."
That sounded like Doug and Ann. Their hospitality was unmatched in the city, so it was no wonder Claire was so surprised. I remembered feeling the same way. I opened my mouth to respond, but Claire's excited voice cut me off.
"But Ann and I really became friends when I ran into her at the hot springs later that week. It was my first time seeing butterflies in town, so I was just… mesmerized! And Ann surprisingly knows a lot about them too!" If the joy in Claire's voice wasn't enough, the sparkle in her wide blue eyes said it all. "We kind of bonded over that, and now she stops by my place sometimes on her way back to work in the morning."
"Huh. That's cool. I didn't even really know we had butterflies here." I also didn't know anybody could be so pumped about bugs, of all things. "Never really noticed them before."
Claire seemed appalled that I'd said the words out loud. "Are you serious?" Her hands slapped down on the table. "Ugh, Gray, that should be a crime. I'm taking you to my favorite butterfly watching spots, stat !"
Before I could even think of an appropriate reply to Claire's enthusiasm, Ann reappeared back at the table with glasses in each hand.
"So, did we have any thoughts about dinner?" Ann asked as she distributed our drinks. She looked down at the untouched menus in the middle of the table, sighed, and then back at me. "I take it you want literally the same thing you eat every day?"
I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms. "I don't eat the same thing every day."
Ann tilted her head down and looked me in the eyes. "Do you want the fried noodles or not?" When I reluctantly nodded, she turned to Claire with a fresh new smile. "What about you? Did you get a chance to look at the menu? It's been a while since you've eaten here last."
Claire paused for a few moments and then shook her head. "I…I didn't… but like, just order me something good? Please? I don't really care." I couldn't imagine trusting somebody else to pick my food for me.
"Something good ?" Ann repeated with a cocked eyebrow, taking a step back. "Um. Well… it's all good. Dad makes sure of that. But, uh..." She let out an exasperated sigh and turned to leave, "You're just getting the daily special. It's bamboo rice."
The blonde watched Ann saunter away and turned back to me with a shrug. "Anyway." She took a sip of her water, and I did the same with my beer.
"So butterflies," I started again, trying to fill the space between us before silence had a chance to creep in. "Is that what you were studying before you came here?"
"Oh." Claire's smile vanished as her eyes seemed to grow twice in size. "No, actually. That's just a personal interest. I mean, I took an entomology elective but otherwise, no." When I tilted my head in confusion, she continued in a softer voice, "I might have stayed in school if that were the case... Well, probably not, but still."
I was even more lost than I had been initially. "Okay… what were you studying then?"
A humorless chuckle escaped her lips as they settled into a sad smile. "Economics." It was like the word left a sour taste in her mouth. "The goal was for me to get into law school, I mean, not my goal but… my mom's a lawyer, so it was one of the… conditions of her paying for my school."
Just as I thought Claire had finished the thought, she discreetly rolled her eyes as she mumbled under her breath, "As if I had a choice, but..."
She didn't seem too thrilled to continue talking about whatever past she'd left behind, and honestly, I knew the feeling. Despite my growing interest in what Claire was up to pre-Mineral Town, I searched for what seemed like a safer topic of conversation.
I took a long sip of my beer and looked back at the farmer. "Your mom's a lawyer? That must have been intense growing up."
" Yeah ." Claire laughed, a sliver of light returning to her face. "You have no idea, but...I got pretty good at arguing that way."
"Mm. Yeah, I could tell." When she opened her mouth to protest, I raised my brow. "Like you say: it's funny cuz it's true."
Claire continued to glare at me, but I could see the hints of a smile in the corners of her mouth. "Using my own words against me, so unfair."
"Don't make it so easy then," I said with a shrug and another drink. Selfishly, I wanted to know more about Claire and her family. The way she talked about them ignited my curiosity. "What about your dad? What's he do?"
"I mean, my stepdad is a lawyer too, which just added to the fun of the household." She shrugged with a casualty that didn't match the statement that followed, "But I don't know what my bio dad does. I've never met him."
I wasn't sure what to say back. That last statement hit me like a sack of fucking bricks. Was that why she was so dismissive about me being involved? I was sure it'd be hard to understand why someone would want to stick around and be a parent when your own dad couldn't do the same.
Who was I kidding? I had the same train of thought more than once.
"Oh," was all my racing mind could think to offer.
Luckily, Claire didn't need much to go off of. "Yeah, honestly, it's this whole stupid thing with him and my mom. Like, basically, my mom got pregnant with me super young, and, shocker, he wanted no part of it."
She paused and took a sip of her water, and while I'm sure she was waiting for me to say something, I was speechless. The parallels to our current situation were uncanny.
"I mean, they were like 16,17, and my mom was giving the guy an ultimatum," Claire continued, every word she spoke just sucking me further into the story. "I don't blame him or anything, y'know? Especially with my mom—ugh, she's insane—but... she just made it my problem my whole life, so..."
While I drank my beer, I couldn't help but relate to whatever struggle Claire had with her mom. I was also surprised that somebody as vibrant and upbeat as her could have any issues with her family. She seemed pretty good at hiding it.
I'd spent too much time up in my head again because I heard Claire grumble across the table, "Shit. I'm sorry, you probably don't want to sit here and listen to me complain about my mom."
"Oh. No, you're okay," I reassured her, almost a little too quickly. "I get it."
"What about your parents, though?" Claire asked without missing a beat. "They used to live here, right?"
I wasn't too sure if I wanted to talk about my parents either. But at the same time, Claire had been so open with me about hers. I just felt like I should do the same… to an extent. Apparently, her past hadn't been perfect either; she didn't seem the type to judge me for mine.
"Uh, yeah. They did." I took a long drink, noting the few amber sips that remained. "My dad is Gramps's son, so he was training under him like I am now. And my mom… she was a farmhand under Barley, used to jockey his horses in the races every year and shit too. But they both moved away when they were like 19 or somethin', I dunno."
Claire leaned forward on the table, and I found my eyes tracing the sharp curve from her shoulders to her collarbone. "Why'd they move? I can't imagine wanting to leave this place."
"Uh… me," I admitted, adjusting the bill of my cap. "But… I guess my dad always hated it here anyway. He and Gramps fought more than we do, if you can believe that. They, uh, ran away after they found out my mom was pregnant, got hitched, and that was the end of that."
"Did you ever visit here when you were young?" Her question seemed to roll off the tongue as if she'd been waiting for the opportunity to ask.
"Yeah, once or twice. I only remember one time when I was maybe five or six, but uh… We didn't come back after that." It wasn't a day I liked to remember, so I left it at that.
Claire seemed to pick up on my tone and redirected her interest. "Oh, I see. Well, what do your parents do now? Do they like living in the city?"
"Uh, don't know for sure, but since I can remember, my mom's been a drill and riding coach. She always seemed to like it enough, but… I could tell she missed being here from the way she used to talk about it."
"And your dad?" She wasn't going to let this one go, was she?
I tried to resist the involuntary tightening in my face when I thought about Jet. "Who the fuck knows. He held down a few different jobs growing up, but I couldn't give two shits about what he's up to now."
"Oh. Interesting. So you don't really talk to your parents now?" I was shocked when the inflection of the question hinted towards genuine interest rather than judgment. She was really fucking curious, though, damn.
"No." I searched for the best way to explain my relationship with my parents without painting myself to be a total piece of shit. "Even before my mom dumped me here, things were… pretty shaky between us. We got in this big fight a year or so ago, and… uh, haven't talked since." I eagerly finished the rest of my beer before pushing it to the side. "And my dad… I haven't talked to him since high school, and I'd prefer to keep it that way."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I haven't talked to my mom since I've been here, and I don't really plan on it anytime soon." It didn't make me feel better, but maybe just a little less alone. "But, hey, I'm sorry for pressing so much; I can tell you don't like talking about them."
"You're fine… just, yeah. Not my favorite thing."
"I feel that. Well, if you don't ask me about my parents, I won't ask you about yours. Deal?" I wanted to laugh at how stupid of an agreement it seemed. But as always, Claire was sitting there so excited about it.
"Deal." It was nice to feel understood. Claire had her own shit going on, too; I didn't feel like I had to pretend to be someone else with her.
"Hi! It's me again!" I turned to Ann, who was leaning her forearms against the top of our table. "I'll be honest that dad is a little swamped right now, but food should be ready soon! How are things otherwise?"
"Hey, girly." Claire flashed me a lippy smile before she leaned towards Ann. "Things are good. Maybe more water, please?"
"Yeah, I'd have another drink." I looked down at the empty glass, noting how easy it would be to pound at least five more. Maybe something stronger was better, something I couldn't destroy. "I'll switch to whiskey."
Ann shot me a glare. "Do you have please in your vocabulary or not? Is that too advanced for you?"
"Whiskey. Rocks. Please ."
"Ugh, you are insufferable sometimes." Ann turned to Claire as she was about to leave and shook her head. "I don't know why you purposely choose to hang out with this guy sometimes, Claire, honestly." Before Claire could even respond, Ann was off in the direction of another table.
"Alrighty, so whiskey?" Claire laughed, completely changing the subject. "That's your favorite?" I wasn't sure if she was asking or accusing me.
"Yeah, I mean the well whiskey here is a rye, but it gets the job done," I answered with a shrug. "Honestly, I prefer bourbon, but there's this scotch that Duke distills in old wine barrels, and the flavor is unlike anything I've ever tasted. That's probably my favorite."
"Oh, dang," her brows raised with a grin, "so you really like whiskey."
I wasn't sure what that look meant. "Does that bother you?"
"No." Claire sat back in her seat, running her hand through her hair. "Everyone's got their vices. I know I have mine."
I was so curious what those vices were.
"Yeah, I mean, there's not a whole lot to do out here other than drink. Might as well find somethin' you like." Claire laughed harder than I imagined one would at my comment, so I shot her a look. "What?"
"Nothing, it's just…" she continued giggling, trying to stop herself enough to speak. "You just reminded me of something you said that night at Kai's."
The thought of my forgotten drunken actions made my stomach flutter. "Which was…?"
"You and I had been brainstorming trying to figure out something fun to do," Claire looked towards the ceiling as if replaying the scene from memory, "and you said something along the lines of: 'there's not a whole lot else to do here other than drink and fuck ."
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. So I swallowed and tried again. "I… I said that? To you?"
Claire nodded emphatically. "Yeah, it was actually hilarious, and," she paused and met me with a coy smile, "partially true."
What does she expect me to say back to that? My face was scorching, and I knew it wasn't the product of one single beer.
I was thankful when I heard the familiar clink of glass on the wooden table in front of me, and I anxiously seized the drink milliseconds after Ann set it down. She shot me a disapproving look as I brought the liquid to my lips before she could even fill Claire's water. I thought I was in the clear until Ann turned back to both of us.
"Well, I'm actually about to go get your food, so just hang tight!" Ann shifted her attention back at me, the annoyance returning to her face. "Don't get too jacked up on your date before then."
"Mind your own fucking business, Ann." It was harder to hide the frustration she was causing this time. "It's not a date, and I'm not sure why you're so bent about it."
Ann's eyes darted between Claire and me before shrugging and marching towards the kitchen.
The inn was lively with soft music and loud chattering, though neither of our voices contributed any sound. I was afraid that snapping on Ann freaked Claire out and was thinking of the best way to apologize when Claire broke the silence.
"Okay, wait a minute." Claire narrowed her eyes at me. "So... this isn't a date?"
That caught me off-guard; out of all the things I thought Claire would say, that wasn't it. "I mean... no? I-I dunno. You said dinner. You didn't say date."
"You're joking, right? I… didn't think I'd have to make it that clear to you." With every word, she seemed to lean closer. "Like, I definitely thought we were on the same page earlier."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Seriously?" Claire tilted her head with narrowed eyes. "The way you were flirting with me today, I could have sworn that you were going to ask me on a date." She pushed a chunk of hair from her shoulders as she clicked her tongue. "I just stepped up and asked because you chickened out."
No words came to mind. That was a loaded statement. For starters, I definitely didn't remember flirting with Claire. Yeah, I'd been checking her out, but it wasn't like I'd acted on any of those feelings… or so I thought? I guess that was the problem.
I was blessed with an extra minute to think about my response when Ann flew over and distributed our dishes across the table. Claire didn't even react when the plate of steaming rice was set down in front of her; her intense gaze remained on me. As Ann hastily slid my plate before me, I glared up at her.
"Thanks." I all but hissed, not referring to the foodservice.
Ann smiled facetiously, picking up on my tone. "You're welcome! You two enjoy your meal, okay?" She quickly spun around, disappearing into what seemed like a sea of people in comparison to earlier.
I looked back to Claire, who hadn't moved a single inch. "Well?" There was that familiar edge in her voice. "Do you deny it?"
Fuck. I needed to say something quickly.
"O-oh, uh, okay. Hold on. Back up." I closed my eyes, trying to craft a response worthy of such a remark. "What did I do that made you think I was flirting with you?"
That was probably not it, though. I took a bite followed by a long sip of whiskey, hoping the after-effects could help me come up with anything better to say.
"Uh? What? Are you serious? Tell me you're kidding right now. " Claire laughed and shook her head. "Gray, you offered to fix my sickle for free, asked if I wanted to watch you, which, like"—she leaned her head forward and lowered her eyebrows—"come on."
Come on? Didn't I give her the option to leave?
When she was met with my blank stare, the exasperation in her voice doubled. "Plus, you let me leave without paying for the upgrade!"
Fuck. I definitely don't remember doing that. Gramps is gonna fucking kill me.
"And then, you asked if I still had work to do for the day! I… I genuinely thought you were going to ask me on a date. Like, am I wrong for thinking that?"
I took another bite of noodles, taking advantage of the time to think about a response. There was that word again. So it was a date.
Which meant… Claire was pursuing me? Yeah, she was flirty, but I didn't think it was that deep. I guess given our situation, it wasn't all that surprising… but I still wasn't sure how to feel. Knowing it was a date provided some sense of relief while simultaneously flooring my heart rate.
"Listen…" I defensively reached up for my hat, "I didn't just do it because I was trying to flirt with you… I just, uh... thought it was the right thing to do."
I didn't necessarily want her thinking I was just doing it to get in her pants, but there was no denying that I'd done any of those things.
Claire's jaw clenched, and her hands followed suit. She looked away from me with a huff. " Well, you didn't have to agree to come if you didn't want to go on a date with me." Her voice was like a blade this time around.
Fuck. That was not the response I wanted. But… what response do I want? I don't hate the fact that I'm here with her right now… so... might as well try?
"No, uh, fuck." My dry mouth was tripping over words again. Why did I seem to lose all ability to communicate when I was talking to Claire? I took a sip of whiskey to regain any sense of moisture in my mouth. "That's not what I meant… I just… you, uh, you just surprised me. That's all."
Claire's expression softened, so I continued damage control, "I… want to be here. It's just, I've never had a girl ask me on a date before… so, uh, this is sorta new territory for me."
To my surprise, Claire laughed, and I felt my tensed shoulders relax. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get so defensive. I've just never asked anyone on a date… let alone been on a real date, so, yeah, this is all new for me too."
As I ate, I found it hard to believe that Claire had never been on a date before. I felt like that wasn't something I should share, though. Before I could find something better to reply, she added to the thought.
"I'm sorry if I seem forward, but...I don't know… just after everything your grandpa said, I thought I would make an effort to try and date you." She seemed to catch herself before I could even react, "Not the marriage part! I promise. I didn't really take that all too seriously, but… I felt like there was some truth to the idea that we should get to know each other better…"
"Yeah… I guess you're right."
"And I don't know… I kinda like you, Gray." She stopped for a second, softly biting her lip before breaking into a flirty smirk. "For a hothead, I think you're pretty cool."
I wasn't sure which was more attractive, that fucking look or her confidence, but I felt hot enough to heat the entire dining room. Though I couldn't believe she was actually interested in me, of all people. "You... you do?"
"...Yeah? I thought it was pretty obvious by now." She pushed the hair from her chest and rested her head in her hand. "Plus… I mean, it would be a lot easier to do all this if we were together, y'know?"
It did seem a lot easier to manage the situation together… though I wasn't sure if that was true or if Claire was just that convincing.
"Uh… well, I don't disagree."
"I feel like… our relationship kind of determines how long we conceal the information and how we move forward, y'know?" Her eyes remained glued to mine, her food all but forgotten on the table in front of her. "Sooo… maybe we see how things work out between us and go from there?"
She really was bold, but a piece of me appreciated the directness. It was nice not having to guess how somebody felt.
I finished my bite and nodded. "Yeah, I guess there's not much else we can do." I looked down at her food and then back at her. "Don't take this the wrong way, but your food's gonna get cold."
Realization seemed to settle in as Claire looked down at the plate in front of her. "Ugh. Thank you. Sorry. You can always tell me to shut up if I'm rambling like that."
I shrugged and swallowed another bite. "I don't mind listening… most of the time."
I wasn't sure if she was trying to glare or smile at me, but the expression seemed a mix of the two. Without another word, she grabbed her fork and dug in.
It was the longest Claire had been quiet all night, but it felt significantly more comfortable than our previous silence. Her behavior seemed to indicate that she could only focus on either eating or talking, and honestly, she'd been doing a lot of the latter. While I let the farmer catch up on her meal, I took the opportunity to survey the room.
And oh, how I wish I didn't.
I wasn't sure why I was surprised that Mary would be there, but locking with those big brown eyes was enough to make me choke.
"Are you okay over there?" Claire asked from behind her hand. She swallowed and the concern on her face only deepened. "Do you need the Heimlich?"
I rapidly shook my head and reached for the whiskey in front of me, effectively polishing the last third in one drink. I coughed to force it all down and shook my head in my worst attempt to seem casual. "I'm fine, just the wrong pipe."
Claire didn't seem too convinced, but she returned to her food nonetheless. I wasn't sure how I looked on her end, but I was losing my fucking shit. My heartbeat pulsed in my throat as I considered my new predicament.
My stomach dropped when I thought about how Mary might perceive Claire and me eating together. We'd established it was a date… but selfishly, I didn't want Mary to know that. I felt guilty that I hadn't talked to her yet, but a lot had happened since that weak promise. I just didn't understand why I cared so much and why her presence caused so much anxiety.
I just needed to calm down. There was no way Mary would come near me if I were with another girl. She'd never even approached me at the bar with my friends; why would it be different?
I glanced across the busy dining room to double-check my thought process, only to find that I was wrong. Very wrong. My eyes were bigger than my dinner plate when I saw Mary push up from her seat.
Blood rushed to every inch of my body, and my heart pounded against my ribs. As the adrenaline flooded my brain, I didn't even have time to think through my actions—I just needed to remove myself and fucking fast.
I shot up from my chair, returning my attention to the blonde in front of me. "I, uh, I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"Oh. Okay."
My feet hit the stairs before I could even hear what else Claire had to say. I wasn't sure what my plan was, but at least separating myself from the two girls would buy me just a little bit more time to think about how the fuck I was going to manage this one.
I rushed to grab the doorknob to my room when a soft, familiar voice called my name from behind. Fuck.
With a sigh, I turned on my heels to stand over the librarian. "Hi, Mare."
"Don't." She took a deep breath, and her mouth looked like it was battling with the words. "Don't do that to me."
When I was silent, she shook her head. "Gray… what are you doing?"
"Uh, bathroom?" was all that came to mind.
I could tell she wanted to roll her eyes. "That's not what I meant, and you know that. I mean tonight. Down there. What is going on between you two?"
"Nothing! Just dinner."
"Please, just stop lying to me. I wasn't born yesterday, so stop treating me like I was."
I narrowed my eyes at the librarian. "You know just as well as I do that two people hanging out doesn't mean they're together. You made damn sure of that."
Mary's mouth opened before quickly squeezing into a straight line. "You...you two just look awful close for 'just dinner.' You act like I don't even know you, Gray."
There was a sharpness in her voice that I'd never heard from Mary before. Was she… jealous? A season ago, I would have killed for Mary to be jealous over me. It was just frustrating now. "What's it to you anyway?"
Her eyes widened as she took a step away as if not expecting me to argue back. Mary closed her eyes and took a deep breath before locking on to mine. "Gray, did you end things with me so that you could date Claire?"
"Are you fucking serious, Mary?" I took a step closer. "Is that really why you think I did it?"
"Can you blame me?" Her voice cracked, and despite her glare, I could see the beginnings of tears welling in the corners of her eyes. "You were never like this before she moved here."
Seeing Mary so upset was like a punch to the gut. That was what I'd been trying to avoid; hurting her. But it frustrated me that she blamed Claire for everything, completely dismissing all of our previous issues.
"You and I had problems way before that. Stop pretending," I tried to make my voice sound assertive without scaring the woman in front of me. "And stop trying to blame Claire. This isn't about her."
"I... I just can't help but notice the timing of everything." She quickly lifted her glasses to wipe the corner of her eye. "You never come by to talk, and then I see you here with her? Do you see how I could think that it would be about her? Do you understand what it looks like to everyone down there?"
I felt my jaw clench. It was always about appearances and perceptions with Mary.
"Not sure why you're so concerned with what I'm up to anyway," I scoffed, reaching for my hat, "you sure as hell didn't want to be with me."
"Gray, that's not true, and you know it." Mary huffed and averted her eyes. "I... I couldn't. You know I couldn't. My mom would kill me; you know how important this kind of stuff is to her. Dating publicly is a big statement."
"Damn Mary, would it kill you to defy your mom for once in your life?" I groaned as I rolled my eyes. "You act like walking up those stairs after me is some sorta life-shattering accomplishment. Anna's a fucking bitch. Why do you let her control your life like that?"
Mary closed her eyes and sighed. "I hate when you talk like this. Don't speak about my mother that way. I know she can be a bit overbearing, but she just wants what's best for me." She paused, her face softening as she took a step closer and took my hand in hers. "Gray, I know you could be that too one day, what's best for me."
I'd wanted to be so bad. But I knew I couldn't be. And even if I could, how long would I have to wait around before I was deemed worthy of being with Mary?
I snatched my hand away. "I'm never gonna be good enough for you or Anna, and I'm not trying to waste any more time trying to prove that I am."
"You know that's not true." I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself or me, but I sure as hell wasn't.
"If it's not true, why didn't you just defy your mom? Say fuck it and date me anyway? Cuz you're scared of what people would think?"
Silence. Out of all the times I wanted Mary to respond, that was the one. But the fact that she couldn't, that told me everything I needed to know.
"This is what I'm talking about," I started after a sigh. "This is why I said we shouldn't see each other anymore. I care a lot about you, Mary, but we're just not meant to be. At least right now." There were multiple reasons why we couldn't be together now, but I knew I couldn't tell her the truth. At least not yet.
Rhythmic creaking filled the space between us as somebody ascended the old staircase. "Oh hi, Cl—wait, what are you..?" I heard Cliff's voice trail off in the stairwell before the steps picked back up.
Fuck. I had forgotten entirely about Claire downstairs.
Cliff appeared at the end of the hallway, his eyes wide when they met mine as if trying to send a warning. His attention darted between Mary and me as he assessed the situation. As the scene clicked, he gave an obligatory wave in our direction and bolted to our room.
As I looked down at Mary, she tried to calm her hitching breaths. It pained me to see her like that, especially knowing I was the reason why. One part of me wanted to hold her close. But the other knew I had to let go and figure out what the hell I was going to tell Claire.
"I'm sorry Mary, I just... I think it's for the best." I waited for her to say something… anything, but when she didn't, I had to end it. "I'll see you around."
I booked it down the stairs before Mary could even respond. The past didn't matter anymore; I knew I needed to focus on Claire moving forward.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was shocked to see our table completely empty and Claire nowhere in sight. I rushed to the table, as if it would give me any indication, and noted the gold on the table paying for the meal and tip in full.
"You're a special kind of idiot. You know that?" Ann surprised me from behind.
I shot around, not wasting a single second. "Where is she?"
The waitress rolled her eyes. "I doubt she wants to talk to you right now."
"Where?"
After a deep breath, Ann nodded her head towards the exit as she cleared the table. "You just missed her, but—"
I didn't wait for Ann to finish before I flew across the room and was out the door.
It was darker than earlier, but there was a subtle golden glow hanging over the ridge of Mother's Hill, just light enough for me to get a glimpse of blonde hair rounding the corner in front of the winery. With the fastest feet I could manage, I raced after her before I had a chance to think about it.
By the time I caught up with Claire, she had almost reached the smithy.
"Claire…just... can you just… wait?" I called from behind.
I thought she'd at least stop and turn around, but if anything, she picked up the pace. So I followed suit.
"Seriously, Claire." I pressed again when I reached her side. "Just stop."
No response. Claire's face remained forward and emotionless, but I could see the muscles in her jaw were tensed and quivering up close. Why was she so determined to ignore me?
Feeling frustrated, I grabbed her wrist to stop her. I just wanted to get any kind of reaction out of her at that point. "Stop! Why are you—"
"DON'T TOUCH ME." Claire jerked her hand back and took a step back from me, my feet unintentionally doing the same. "Don't ever touch me."
I thought I'd seen Claire mad in the past, but nothing compared to the scowl she gave me, the way her body seemed to shake as her hands tightened into fists. But even in the street lamps' dim light, I could see the tears threatening to break her waterline.
"Please, Claire, just listen—"
"Oh, you want me to listen now?" A bone-chilling laugh was forced out of her mouth, and instantly, I knew I was fucked. "Why? So you can make me feel even more stupid than I already do?"
"No, of course no—"
"You made me feel like a fucking idiot, Gray!" As she got closer, I could see the tears streaming down her cheeks. She hastily wiped across her eyes with her arm and turned to walk away. "I… I can't believe I actually thought this could work. I'm so fucking stupid."
"Stop, you're not stupid. Please. I'm sorry—"
"STOP IT!" Claire snapped around, somehow multiplying the rage in her voice. "I know you're not sorry! If you were, you wouldn't have gone up there with her in the first place!"
I swallowed the lump in my throat, thinking about hearing Cliff in the stairwell. "Were you listening?"
"That's what you're worried about?" Claire closed her eyes as she shook her head, a heavy exhale escaping her lips. "Of course I was! You were so sketchy anyway, and then she followed you up there! How could I not?"
She had a point. I wanted to be mad at her for eavesdropping, but if it were the other way around, I probably would have done the same thing.
"Claire…" I tried softening my tone as I took a hesitant step toward her. "I'm sorry that I lied to you about what I was doing… I… I just freaked out."
"That's not what I want you to apologize for." Before I could even ask what, she spoke again like a razor. "Did you cheat on Mary with me?"
"The fuck? No! I ended things before you and I hooked up."
"When?"
I stopped to think, realizing how badly it would look if Claire knew it was the same day we'd had sex.
"WHEN, GRAY?" She was relentless.
"Why does it matter when?" I felt the tension building in my own chest. "It was before you and I got together, so why does it matter?"
Claire paused for the first time since she had started yelling at me and hung her head. "It matters because I trusted you, and you can't just be fucking honest with me. Like… with everything going on, that's the one thing I ask," her voice shook, fighting the urge to start sobbing, "and you can't even do that."
She was the second person I'd made cry today. I just wanted it all to be done. "I wasn't trying to, just… I'm sorry for making you cry."
Her head snapped up, and despite the rivers flowing down her cheeks, there was a fire in her eyes. "I'm not crying because I'm sad! I'm just, you make me so—UGH ."
Claire's eyes squeezed shut as she tilted her head towards the night sky. "Forget it. Fuck you, Gray. Forget everything I said earlier." While she wasn't yelling anymore, I knew from her dismissive tone that I was in trouble. "I'm not doing this love-triangle bullshit. I hope you and your girlfriend are happy together." She turned again and then actually started walking.
I followed after her, not wanting to leave on that. There had to be something I could say to fix everything.
"Claire, please. Mary and I are done. You're the—"
The blonde let out an exasperated groan as she spun around. "Do you not get it? I knew you were dense, but I didn't think you were this dumb. I don't want to be anywhere near you! Looking at you just makes me…UGH. Just… leave me the fuck alone!"
I opened my mouth as I tried to close the distance between us, but her angry voice cut me off as her hands flew up to stop me from getting any closer.
"This isn't a fucking joke, Gray! LEAVE ME ALONE!" She took a deep breath, and it looked like she was struggling to remain still. "I… I just need time to think. Away from you." For the final time, she headed down the path to her farm without a second glance.
As she disappeared into the distance, so did any glimmer of hope that our situation might actually work out.
I was paralyzed and amazed. My body was numb, and I couldn't move a muscle even if I wanted to follow Claire. Which I did, but I knew I couldn't. I was just in awe of how quickly I'd managed to ruin everything with two of the only people I cared about.
But that was what I did, right? Fuck everything up? If the day's events and the rest of my sad fucking life had been any indication, I was a pro. At that point, it felt like the only thing I knew how to do right anymore.
Well, there was one other thing.
I turned on my heels and headed east down the path towards the smithy with a purpose. With the shop behind me, I stopped in front of the poultry farm, searching for Popuri's window on the second level of the farmhouse. I wasn't sure if my memory served me right, but at that point, I didn't fucking care anymore. After grabbing a handful of rocks from the dirt path leading to the coops, I hucked one at the glass pane.
Tink.
The stone fell back to the ground, and I was about to chuck another when I noticed familiar pink curls between the curtains. Popuri disappeared almost as quickly, and a few moments later, the person I was really looking for pushed open the window and peered out.
"Well, look who came crawling back!" Kai called down to me.
"You said you owe me one, right?"
"I take it your date went well." I never wanted to hear that fucking word again.
"I know you have booze in the shack; we're getting fucked up."
"Now you're speaking my language," I heard Kai laugh from the window. He turned his head away for a few moments, then returned with a smirk. "I'll be right down."
At least there were some things I could do right.
